Third Birthday

L-- celebrated her first birthday surrounded by her family. Nearly every one of her aunts and uncles, and both sets of grandparents watched her blow out the candle on her first cupcake. This is how it should be.

S-- celebrated her first birthday in Shanghai, in our new home, before we really had friends. We invited a family to dinner. These are people we liked. Friends. But they didn't know S-- well enough to make her the center of attention. S-- sat at an adult dinner party on her first birthday.

Because of S--'s sad fate, and because it would be fun, L-- had a lovely birthday week.

It began on Thursday, her true birthday. Her teachers helped her to bake a cake, and L-- got to decorate it with a few friends in the morning. Everyone shared the cake and then had a dance party at the end of school. Although we thought it very sweet, we wondered how our rather shy 3-year-old would feel about being the center of attention. As everyone sang to her, she closed herself off. She focused on a small point in front of her and withdrew. When they asked her to blow out the candles, she tried very hard not to cry. And blessedly, Daddy was right behind her and saved the day. He offered to help, and got another little girl to help as well. Pretty soon, Daddy had the whole class helping to blow out the candles and no one else paid anymore attention to our little girl. Daddy as her hero, she danced every song of the dance party with him. Her teachers gave her a gift, which became her prized possession for the rest of the day.

It continued on Friday, with her family birthday. Dave had to work late on Thursday, having spent the day with the social worker. Nana had dropped L-- off at school in the morning on Thursday, anyway. It was no perfect birthday, so Friday became one. Daddy took her to school. Mommy picked her up. L-- planned dinner: macaroni and cheese, apples and cucumbers. Daddy brought home smoothies for the girls - an amazing surprise to both. We sang to her over another cake - baked by Daddy, frosted by Nana and decorated by Mommy. This time she smiled as we sang, but still asked for help with the candles. And then came the presents. And oh, the presents! Her family all sent cards or gifts, and we talked about each person as we opened their gift. We pulled out pictures and remembered how each member of our family loves her, and was thinking about her on her birthday. The girls stayed up too late, but had a lovely pile of presents.

Today capped off the birthday with a real birthday party. We returned to the BBQ grills above the sand playground at our old complex. We invited our closest friends - not coincidentally, the parents of L--'s closest friends - to a BBQ and playtime at the playground. A lovely party of 6 little girls, 1 big brother, and 2 little babies joined ten adults for burgers and potato salad, beer and birthday cake. By this time, L-- had birthday presents figured out and thoroughly enjoyed opening her presents - a task she graciously shared with the gifters.

This time, our friends knew L-- well enough to make her the center of attention, but also to make her feel comfortable. She looked visibly relaxed all evening - possibly the most relaxed she has felt for the past 2 weeks. She felt at home. She felt amongst friends. She felt loved and comfortable. And forget the gifts - what better present for a child? For anyone?

It should have been family surrounding her today. But these summer camp style friends, we all miss our family. We all want our child to be the center of attention on their birthday. And we all love each other's kids like our nieces and nephews. Now that they're not our neighbors, I hope that our kids'll still play like cousins - the kids you don't see all the time, but who've been around long enough that you're totally comfortable together.

We are blessed with good friends here.

And for the past 3 years, we have been blessed with an amazing little girl. School came at the right time, because L-- is no longer a baby. She makes her own friends, and she values their opinions over mine. She sleeps straight in her big girl bed - never with her butt up in the air, or her covers over her face. She helps fix her oatmeal in the morning, and fills her own water bottle. She counts, she identifies letters, she can spell her last name, and she tells the best stories. She is smart and sweet, active and playful, funny and loving. We enjoy her so much, and I get so much joy out of watching her grow.