Rich People

Rich people make me nervous.

My parents' days of living the moneyed high life ended in the mid-80s (true of so many people, I understand). After a year of job searching, our family packed up the dream home and moved a few hundred miles, following a job to Kansas City. We were hardly destitute, but by income we were certainly lower middle class. And living with 3 children through a year of unemployment, the family savings were low.

We moved to Johnson County, Kansas before 3rd grade. At the time, I doubt I noticed how the other kids dressed or that they primped for school. But by 6th grade, when our family again faced unemployment, I knew quite keenly that the other kids were spending much more money on their clothes than I. A conversation with a girl so insignificant that her name escapes me still rings in my head. We sat in 7th grade art class, neither of us interested in art or surrounded by friends. Making snide conversation, she asked: Where did you buy your clothes?

Lynne: This? I think at K-Mart.

I knew this was the wrong answer, but how does a 7th grader deflect such a straight-forward question?

Snotty Girl: K-Mart?!? I've never bought anything from K-Mart. Oh my gosh!

Lynne: -

There's no response to a statement like that.

Snotty Girl: Okay, but you must not buy all of your clothes at K-Mart. Where else do you shop?

Lynne: Um, we head over to Venture sometimes.

Snotty Girl: (clearly not impressed) What about The Gap or Banana Republic. You must have at least clearance rack clothes from there, right?

Lynne: Nothing.

Snotty Girl: Why wouldn't you buy something there?

Lynne: My mom thinks it too expensive.

Snotty Girl: You're kidding. The Gap is not expensive. Do you even know how much their clothes cost?

Lynne: No. I've never been inside.

Snotty Girl then starts laughing loudly, and explaining the absurdness of the situation to her not-friends sitting within voice range. Lynne sat quietly humiliated, and looked forward to the day that art class would end.

The Gap can thank Snotty Girl from 7th grade for my rarely entering their store until they released some really worthwhile maternity clothes at some really worthwhile prices and just the right time.

Unfortunately, Snotty Girl carried a very Johnson County attitude. Too large a proportion of my graduating class received a new car for either their 16th birthday or their graduation - and far too many received one for both. Brand names mattered as early as 5th grade, and my friends and I skipped the actual prom because the cost plus the accoutrements brought the entire fiasco way out of our league financially.

Moving into an expat community made me nervous. I feared it would be like a return to Johnson County, where everyone expects you to show your worth.

As it turns out, the opposite seems to be true in most circles. How I dress, where I live and how often I eat out are not seen as platforms for judgment. In fact, the expat community seems to be very decidedly middle class. Admittedly, we do all have hired help and primarily function as one-income families. This fact, coupled with our spending power within our present circumstances, pulls each family I know into the upper middle class.

Most expatriates earn more money in wages than they did in the states.
Most expatriates have their cost of housing in Shanghai paid for entirely.
Most expatriates have their children's education costs in Shanghai paid for entirely.
Most expatriates have at least 1 annual trip to their home country for the entire family paid for entirely.
Many expatriates have their car and driver covered.
Many expatriates receive a per diem to cover incidentals like food and taxis.

With many or all necessary expenses covered, most expatriates receive almost their entire salary as disposable income.

Interestingly, very few people I have met carry around a rich person attitude.

Many people are saving up to 75% of their monthly income.
Many people are traveling regularly.
Many people are investing in tailored clothes and handmade furniture - heirloom pieces which will last for years, and come at a bargain.
Many people are starting new business, as writers, jewelry importers, or second hand dealers.

These kind of rich people can be really fun. Spending is not a pre-requisite for casual or close friendship. But trips together or evenings with the girls can be planned without concern to anyone's budget.

We recently planned a trip with a group of friend to a retreat center in the hills outside of Shanghai. Most of the families look forward to spending this weekend away in the beginning of November. One family chose not to go. Not because they couldn't afford the trip, but simple because they didn't see the value of the destination as meeting the cost.

In Johnson County, when I entered a store with a baggy t-shirt and old jeans, I was looked down upon as lower class.

In St. Louis city, if I cared about my identity, I threw a wool coat over my baggy t-shirt and old jeans.

In Shanghai, if i enter a store wearing a baggy t-shirt and old jeans, I may be the worst dressed person there. But rather than studying the depth of my pockets, staff employees assume me to be a rich eccentric... if they notice at all.

Certainly I've grown in self-confidence since those Johnson County days.

But the rich expatriates surrounding me in China have no princess delusions, either. We're all missing Target.