Decisive Moments

Every life is full of Decisive Moments - that moment when everything changed. It may have changed because of a decision we made, making the name that much more apt. But it may have changed because of circumstance, another person's choice, or a sudden shift in the wind. Sometimes we recognize them in the present, but generally only in retrospect.

I thought for sure I had one last week.

Dave called in to Human Resources at the State Department in D.C. We waited up to make this call, because business hours fall during our sleeping hours. Further, Ms. H.R. Professional rarely answers her phone in her first hour or two at work. Dave called. She answered. He asked for the results of his Mandarin test. She put him in hold.

I idly tapped at the computer, trying to keep myself occupied, but fully aware that I was sitting inside a Decisive Moment. Ms. Professional would come back to the phone at any moment, telling us whether or not our fates were tied to China. Providing more clear direction for our lives.

I idly tapped for a ridiculously long time - clearly she did not realize we were calling from China. I refreshed email, stalked people on Facebook, refilled my water, and eventually sat by Dave on the couch. She came back to the line. The results were not yet in.

No decisive moment.

She had suggested calling back at the end of the week. We spent Friday night in Hong Kong, sharing a hotel room with our 3 children. Dave took the phone into the bathroom, and I fell asleep before he returned. He did not wake me with the results. He told me in the morning that he had failed the Mandarin test.

No moment there, either.

A week ago, I hoped for failure. I have no hatred for China, but no real desire to spend the majority of our time here, either. I'm eager to go somewhere closer to home, with a language closer to English. A week ago, word that Dave had failed his test would only have bolstered my resolve, that Dave will get into the Foreign Service and we will learn Spanish or French.

But the news this week doesn't look so good. Incoming lawmakers pledging to cut the budget of the state department, or to freeze federal hiring, making promises which they will hope to carry out within their first 100 days in office. It is possible that this dream won't happen.

Dave sits for another test on January 3rd. I'm expecting a Decisive Moment on this one - hoping he will walk out the door with a 6.0, the top score. And expecting the next Decisive Moment to follow shortly after, when he receives a call to the March class. But then, no offer is real until you step foot in the classrooms in D.C. on the first day of training. Hiring freezes could renig all offers, both tentative and firm.