A Sad Week

I looked up Culture Shock on wikipedia, and it seems that I am right on schedule.

The first stage of culture shock is the Honeymoon stage, where everything is new and exciting.  The people are all friendly and warm, the food is all good, the crime is much easier to manage than I expected.  Our house is great, our neighborhood feels safe, we've received all of our stuff and we've got a great housekeeper.  The school is good.  This new place is fabulous.

The second stage is the Negotiation stage, where everything is still new but has become frustratingly strange.  Right on cue, this stage typically hits around 3 months in.

"The most important change in the period is communication: People adjusting to a new culture often feel lonely and homesick because they are not yet used to the new environment and meet people with whom they are not familiar every day. The language barrier may become a major obstacle in creating new relationships: special attention must be paid to one's and others' culture-specific body language signs, linguistic faux pas, conversation tone, linguistic nuances and customs, and false friends."

This has been a hard week.  Right on cue, I'm feeling homesick and lonely.  It is certainly exciting, but also exhausting to meet new people every day.  There's very little comfort in visiting most places which have become familiar, because very few of those places are likely yet to bring forward a friendly face.  The girls' school is a perfect example.  I think the school is fabulous, and especially Lilly is thriving there.  I enjoy going there, because it has a warm environment and parents are welcome.  But 3 months in, I'm beginning to notice that when I go, most people still don't know my name or connect me with my children.  I've joined a parenting class, and I sit alone.  I introduce myself to everyone I meet.  Many of them don't speak English.  Many more of them don't speak English conversationally.

This week, I miss Arlington.  I miss walking to school every afternoon, and chatting with the other moms while the kids blew off steam on the playground.  I miss running to the gym a few days a week, and how the ladies in the nursery would braid Annika's hair.  I miss the teaching in church and the ladies in Bible Study.  I miss being able to gripe to my neighbors, and not have them worry that I'm either depressed or a downer.  Its not the culture part that makes moving difficult - at least not this time.  Its just the new-ness.

I keep reminding myself that this will get better.  That 3 months into life in Arlington, I certainly did not feel at home.  That my feelings are textbook.  These don't provide any comfort - they only make me question our lifestyle.  If being lonely is typical for 3-9 months after moving to a new home, then why do we move every year or two?  I feel like I was just getting things figured out in Arlington, finally feeling fully at home, when we left.

I know I should wrap this up neatly, and on a positive looking-ahead note.  I could do that - my mind knows that this is a normal bump.  But my gut feels crummy this week, and I don't want to pretend otherwise.  I feel lonely and bored.  I'm worried for Annika, who needs friends her age, too.  I was pro-active this week, inviting people to the park, to my house, to coffee shops.  No one.  One gal and her kids called us after we had already reached the playground to say she wasn't coming.  My vision is disintegrating.  I miss Arlington.