Bahasa Indonesia, part dua

I wrote yesterday's post about my lagging language skills with the intention of a follow up today.  But within the past 12 hours, circumstances have changed.

I planned to write about a dilemma and a fear.  You see, I've gotten a part-time job with the embassy.  I'm excited about this job, not only as an interesting position in an interesting office.  But also as a perfect entree back into the working world.  It smooths out my resume beautifully. But I also have an exciting volunteer opportunity.   Kampung Kids is a yayasan in my neighborhood.  It is a non-profit that teaches kids from the kampung, literally the village but colloquially the little village style neighborhoods within the city, with very small and simple homes, often prone to flooding.

The teachers are volunteers and build their own curriculum, but they focus on school readiness.  In Indonesia, kids begin school at 7 years old.  Kampung Kids essentially teaches preschool - colors and letters and numbers.  Many of the teachers are expats and the students and families are excited to participate. 

I volunteered to bring my music classes to Kampung Kids on a weekly basis, and felt so excited at the prospect.  This is my dream life - maintain a schedule flexible enough to be at home whenever my children need me, to study the local language and to volunteer in a significant way.  Teaching at Kampung Kids would serve bullet points two AND three.  Boom!

But as it so often happens, these two points in time collided.  The point in time where I could volunteer significantly in my local community, and the point in time where I need to go back to work. 

This was a dilemma yesterday, as I waited for my security clearance.  It could be December before I receive my security clearance.  Do I commit to teaching at Kampung Kids until it comes through?  Or do I assume that my clearance will come quickly, and not make a commitment I am unwilling to keep?

I decided - clearance will take months.  I will volunteer.

Coupled inherently with this opportunity yesterday was fear. Teaching my music classes to families from the embassy community has been challenging.  I've been pushed to explore marketing in new ways, to commit much more time than planned, and to up my game as a teacher.  And so far, I only teach people who speak and understand English.  Teaching in the kampung, I would be the only person in the room who speaks English.  I would also be the only person in the room who does not speak bahasa Indonesia.  Also, I would be the only person in the room old enough not to cry when I'm frustrated.  What if I can't control the class?  What if a child cries and I can't comfort her?  What if I thoroughly fail? 

Dave convinced me that fear of failure is hardly a reason to avoid living the life I want to live, so I resolved to begin teaching next week.  And then I checked my email, and found a message from human resources at the embassy.  My security clearance is complete.  I go back to work in May.

I know - you need a good resolution to the story here.  So do I.  I'm left conflicted.  Phew - I do not have to face this crazy high chance of failure, as a teacher and as a language learner.  Hooray!  I get to begin this cool job soon, and start earning a paycheck.  Damn - At the first true opportunity, I am selling out.  Thus is life, I suppose.  But I must admit, I'm excited about where I'm going.