Decisions Made

One decision made, and bang! bang! bang! the rest went down like dominoes.

We will not move to Puxi. For the remainder of our time in Shanghai, we will stay in our current home.

L-- will not attend The Wonder Center. The most difficult decision by far, but the choice was clear. We can not justify her spending up to 2 hours in the car daily – we can not make a 3-year-old sit still for that long, and we can not waste that much gas.
L-- will attend a preschool nearby - one of the two I initially rejected. I still feel strongly that neither school is the best place for her, but we must not let the perfect be the enemy of the good. We will begin to investigate these schools this week. Sigh.

We will move to Singapore, as soon as Uncle H-- says go. We will hope for a January 1 start date, but we will not structure our lives around it. With our move to Shanghai, we lost bargaining power because we committed to this position before seeing any details. We will not make that mistake again, and so the time frame could lengthen. Hopefully not by much: the school year in Singapore begins on January 3, and I hope L-- can start at the perfect preschool for her on that date.

We will continue to pursue the adoption of a Chinese baby, until we see God close that door for us. We may ask for your help soon.

China's Little Secret

Its no secret that the Chinese government controls the information read by its populace. I gave up reading the newspaper or watching the news months ago, because I found the information laughable. So it always surprises me that we are able to purchase The Economist on newstands here. Some weeks, we can't find the magazine at all. Often it arrives 2-4 weeks late. But I generally assume that this has more to do with the challenges of imports. The grocery store didn't have any cheese for a week, and is often empty of Cheerios.

But this week, The Economist crossed a line. China still allowed it on the newstands, but a few stories were mysteriously missing. The table of contents listed a full Asia section, but only one story printed. A story on Taiwan was ripped out, but I believe that its placement hurt it more than anything. Below is the story the Chinese government doesn't want its citizens to read (I hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws by re-printed it!)

Beijing Olympics - Limbering up for the games
Jun 19th 2008 BEIJING
From The Economist print edition
The security forces rehearse their exercise routine

PETS, prostitutes and prospective political protesters should consider themselves forewarned. The Chinese authorities, doggedly determined to ensure a safe environment for the Beijing Olympics in August, and to avoid surprises or embarrassments, have them in their sights.

No one dismisses the security concerns. With the ever-present threat of
terrorism and a number of foreign leaders, among them George Bush, expected to
attend the games' opening ceremony, China has no choice but to take security
seriously. But the clampdown now under way suggests the government is just as
concerned about preventing anything—from political demonstrations to unsightly
beggars—that reflects poorly on it, however slightly. The risk is that
heavy-handed precautions will take the fun out of what is supposed, after all,
to be a sporting event.

Some new restrictions seem reasonable. For three months, for example, fireworks will be banned. Lorries entering Beijing have been coming under closer inspection. So has the mail. Police raids have been stepped up at night-spots, beauty salons and karaoke parlours, which often serve as fronts for prostitution. The press has reported that officials are especially worried about an influx of foreign prostitutes hoping to cash in on the Olympic boom, and that they have launched a campaign to prevent it.

But other measures smack of overkill. Beggars and disabled people have
been ordered, and in some cases forced, off the streets. Those from outside
Beijing have been threatened with detention unless they go home until the games
are over. In your correspondent's own neighbourhood, residents have been told
they may walk their dogs only at certain, strictly limited, times of day—and the
dogs must carry their papers at all times.

Documents are posing problems for people, too. In one especially damaging consequence of the crackdown, China has tightened visa procedures for
foreign visitors of all sorts. Businessmen used to speedy visas are now
suffering delays and refusals. Chambers of commerce from Europe, North America,
Australia and India are complaining bitterly about trips aborted and business
lost.

Long-time foreign residents are faring no better. Visa renewals are no
longer routine. Applicants may be told to undertake costly travel and submit
their paperwork at Chinese embassies in their home countries. Others are simply
told not to bother and to plan instead on being elsewhere.

Authorities have also served notice that Olympic visitors will themselves be carefully watched. A helpful “legal guide” tells foreign athletes, officials, reporters and spectators how to behave. In addition to shunning narcotics, weapons and counterfeit currency, they should abjure “subversive activities” or the “display of religious, political or racial banners”. Of course China does not normally allow those things anyway and, having staked so much prestige on the games, is in no mood to loosen up now. Recent events have only hardened attitudes. After deadly riots in Tibet in March, China's global Olympic-torch relay attracted boisterous protests around the world against a wide range of Chinese human-rights practices. Authorities are keen to prevent any such outbursts on their home turf.

They will probably fail, if only because of the huge number of visitors
and the determination of some to make a statement. But ponderous attempts to
keep control may dampen the Olympic mood. An ungracious host may give visitors
one more reason to protest.

Your Asia Holiday

For those of you whose hearts lie set on a holiday in China, take this as your impetus to begin planning. It looks as if our family will move to Singapore in January.

Nothing is set in stone, and we learned from the move to China that its best to complete all negotiations before setting our hearts and wallets on changing homes. Still, it seems as if the right people are in support of this. And now that we know how to negotiate an overseas assignment, we should be able to take better control this time around.

So, if you've always wanted to visit China, this may be your last chance - at least with free lodging on offer.

If you've wanted to visit Asia but found China too intimidating, this will be your chance. Singapore is a very Western city, by Asian standards. Most people speak English, the city is clean and well cared for, and the variety of food is wonderful. Chinese food is popular, but so is Indian, southeast Asian and Western. For you China wimps, once we're in Singapore you'll have no excuse not to visit.

Except, maybe, the flight. Shanghai to Chicago was a measley 14 hours. Singapore to Chicago may surpass 24!

How'd We Ever Do Without?

It has been pointed out to me that I have not sung the praises of our ayi.

Irene has worked for us 6 weeks now. And already, I don't know how I got by without her. She arrives at our home around 9:00 every morning, and heads straight to the kitchen where we've left all of dinner's dishes from the night before. She does our laundry - washing, drying, hanging and folding. She washes our dishes. She cleans the bathrooms, sweeps the floors, and keeps the balconies free of dust and grime. And she goes home again by 1:00 in the afternoon.

Irene is from the Philippines (where they speak English), and she has been in China from just over 2 months. She arrived in the country with a work visa, valid for 2 months. At the beginning of this month, she went to her consulate to request an extension. She has been granted 1 more month, and must be out of the country by July 11th.

The girls and I are heartbroken. She is their favorite babysitter - never a tear, or even a blink when I leave. She keeps the house spotless - she notes my desires and my quirks, and puts things away as I want them. She know my priorities, always getting the most important work done first and leaving what's unnecessary for the end. I think she is amazing, and I wish she weren't going to leave.

My friends and I wonder how people manage to raise young children without an ayi - this, even though all of us have done it in the recent past. How did we find the time to clean our bathrooms? How did we manage to fold an entire household's worth of laundry? How did we keep the kids occupied while we prepared dinner? The answer is that we didn't. Sure, in the states my washing machine could hold loads 4 times the size of my current washer. And sure, my dryer left my clothes neatly pressed. But lets be honest - those clothes often sat in the basket until they were thrown onto our backs. My dirty little secret? I only cleaned the bathrooms before company came over. My not so dirty little secret? My kids spent a lot of dinner prep time screaming. And they will again, beginning July 12th.

I will be in the market for a new ayi, but I hold only slim hope that we will find someone as wonderful as Irene. With the goal of moving to Puxi on August 15th, we may have to do without an ayi until we are in our new home. So, I will soon remember what its like brush my teeth over a dirty sink and to hear my children cry for me as I clean the vegetables for dinner. But over the next few weeks, I'm basking in the joy of having a wonderful domestic helper.

Thank God for Good Hairdressers

Its the little things that keep us sane.

After 6 weeks of bearing with a bad haircut, I had an appointment with Ana Donato at Eric this morning. She spoke with a thick French accent and kept her curly hair tucked neatly away in a bun. I often wonder how people such as Ana end up in Shanghai. Although its possible she is a trailing spouse, it seems more likely that she came to Shanghai of her own accord. Possibly to set up this hair salon, which she manages. However she arrived, I'm lucky she's here.

She sat me down in the chair, and asked what I wanted of her. I told her that I had been the unfortunate recipient of a bad haircut about 4 weeks ago, and that I have high hopes that she can fix it. Whatever she needs to do is fine - I will put my full faith in her.

She studied my hair for a quick moment. She agreed. I have received a very bad haircut. The style on the top does not match the style on the bottoms. The amount of volume built in to the haircut does not fit with how much curl my hair has, or the humidity in the weather. To top it off, the sides are not even.

She told me quite bluntly that she would not be able to make my hair look any better. She could cut a bit off the bottom to shape it, but the problem area is on the top and she will not touch that until it has grown another 2-3 centimeters. She sent me home with no haircut.

I was thrilled to pieces. Not only do I have professional confirmation that I have a horrible haircut, but I also have a plan of action. Wait 4-6 weeks for my hair to add another 2-3 cm to the top, and then return to Ana. Ana, the hairdresser with such integrity to turn away a client rather than give a bad haircut.

Since I already had babysitting for the day, I spent the morning at Super Brand Mall. My understanding is that Super Brand Mall is one of the largest malls in Asia, and at 10 stories I have no trouble believing that. The thing I do have trouble believing is that in all of that space, there is precious little clothing for sale that fits my body.

Despite adolescent preoccupations with the imperfections of my body, I am happy to admit that I am not overweight. But shopping in Super Brand Mall, or anywhere else in China, it is easy to forget. Asian women seem to average around size 2 in US sizes, with no chest to speak of. Far off my mark on both counts. But on this good day, I found flattering and affordable clothes in two shops.

I was on a role. And sorely needed that boost after a weekend of Bad China Days. The weather had been bad, the food had been bad, the lack of personal space had driven me crazy. And the thought of moving to Puxi to figure out all of the intricacies of getting around my neighborhood left me feeling frazzled. A morning of minor successes, topped off by a wonderful ayi at home caring for my children has left me feeling much more at home in my city.

Gathering Momentum

Dave defines "intertia" as the concept that an object in motion will stay in motion; likewise, an object at rest will remain at rest.

The latter portion of the definition - the one about staying on the couch - was in full play this evening. The weather sat on the upper 80s today, with 80-95% humidity and heat indexes nearing 100. We spent the day in air conditioning - apartment to car to friend's home to car to store to car to our home. The sweat never broke through our shirts.

The weather forecast was consistent, is constantly incorrect. I checked at every hour. Always it said Fair and 85 degrees with high humidity. Always it forecast 90% chance of thunderstorms within a few minutes. The rain never came.

By 9:00pm, I knew that this storm must have built up its own momentum, and must be ready to blow up at any minute. I further felt that it had sucked all of the momentum out of my body. I had signed up for a midnight bike ride through the streets of Shanghai, but without my momentum I found it difficult to haul myself and my bike out the door.

Dave pushed me out, and once in the humid air I felt invigorated and ready to ride. I met my crew on a bar street in Puxi. Seven Americans with two Chinese guides. We started riding at 10:30 at night, and the scene around us was lively. We quickly moved onto quieter streets and watched the backside of Shanghai go through its evening. Biking shows a city at a different speed and on different routes. And Shanghai puts on a much better face in the dark. Dingy walls and crumbling concrete are less visible. Bright shop displays and well-lit food stalls stand out, the workers silhouetted in the steamy evening. Young couples walked the streets near their homes; children not much older than mine played together with no adults in sight; older couples in their thin pajamas walked slowly through the streets, keeping cool until tired enough to sleep through this sticky night.

We rode until 1:30am, when the rest of my crew headed back into Puxi. Our last stop had been at Yu Garden, the site of the famous crooked bridge headed to the classical teahouse. During the day, this site is crawling with people. Even in photos, I have never seen the bridge empty. But at 1:30 in the morning, we were the only waking souls in the market. Bright lights set certain sites ablaze, making the entire area picturesque and pleasant. We took pictures and explored, and then I headed back to the ferry. Were I to continue to the meeting point with my group, I would have an hour commute ahead of me. At the market, I was a 5 minute ride from the ferry. I chose to go it alone, and headed back.

Knowing that Dave had waited up for me, I detoured onto Shanghai's food street. This pedestrian street in the old town is lined with little food stalls selling the entire range of Shanghainese street food. Dumplings and steamed buns, noodles and fried rice, rice cakes, various grilled meats, fish heads and more. During the day, the street is always packed, and it remained quite busy in the wee hours of the morning. I meant to order a quick takeaway of dumplings to reward Dave for his wait, but having relaxed on my Chinese language classes for too long, my communication skills were wretched. Although I was able to communicate what I wanted, it took 10 minutes for me to understand the price and the wait. I saw a man pile my raw dumplings into the steamer, and then stepped back to take in the scene. An older man beckoned me to his table. He sat at a flimsy formica folding table with two other men, all three perched on short plastic benches. They beckoned for a bench for me and I joined their table. One of them could count to 5 in English, and that was the full extent of their English language skills. They asked me question after question, and only few could I answer. I told them my age, and that I have two daughters waiting for me in Lujiazui. I effectively communicated that I needed to catch the 2:00am ferry to get home to them. The men effectively commuicated that I should have a beer with them instead. I shared their kebabs - and having eaten it, I still have no idea what type of meat it was. I considered sharing their prawns. These are currently being sold on every street corner in town, and I'll admit that they look pretty tasty. These men had a large bag of them on the table with bowls of soup for dipping. They repeatedly asked me to try, but I waited for them to show me how. These prawns were whole - how were they shelling them? When I saw the process - stick either the head of the tail in your mouth, take a bite, and spit out what you can't swallow - I politely declined their offer.

I did enjoy sharing a meal with these men in the late night of old Shanghai. Living in such a city is challenging in a very exciting way, but these challenges feel nearly insurmountable when facing them with two toddlers on my arms. Something propelled me off the couch this evening, and it was well worth the trouble.

No Less Complex

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers, everyone. With singular clarity, we decided to begin the adoption process immediately, despite the possibility of the door being closed on us within a few months. We will begin with the least expensive tasks, moving forward continually and becoming more expensive at each step. We will have faith that if we should pull out of the process, that timing will become clear.

So now, let me further complicate the issue for you.

As expatriates living in China, the process of adopting a Chinese baby will go much quicker for us than for people adopting from the states. So the estimate of 2 years is accurate - even though adoptive parents in America are facing 4-5 year waiting lists. Having lived in China for at least one year makes us eligible for expedited processing - seemingly ironic, but the Chinese government awards us as eligible for expedition; the US government creates the difficulties explained in the previous post.

Allow me to further complicate the issue.

Dave is in discussions with his office about a potential move to Singapore.

We could either move in December - a short 6 months away; or in June - a mere 12 months away.

In most ways, this is wonderful news for our family. The job is better. In fact, his current job has been leaving him unsatisfied for the past few months and this potential move has Dave rather excited. And although life in China is certainly interesting, we're no martyrs and will be more than happy to live somewhere simpler.

So, we must submit our paperwork to the Chinese government before moving away from China to qualify for expedited processing. This potential move gives is a very clear deadline - and a rather difficult one, if we choose to leave Shanghai in December.

To further complicate things, frequent readers will know that we are planning to move across the river - from Pudong to Puxi, within Shanghai - at the end of the summer. The school I chose for our daughter is an hour's drive from our current home, and so we will move.

So now we have plenty to lay stress on our poor minds and hearts.

Moving in August, as planned, will cost us $6,000 USD unless we can find someone to take over our lease. Thus far, we've no one interested. Even for a rich expat, this is a lot of money.

Moving to Singapore in December, we could decide not to move to Puxi. This would save us $6,000 and a lot of stress and heartache, from both moving and starting over once more. But it will also impose a difficult deadline for the adoption process; as well as forcing our daughter to miss attending the exciting school we've found for her in Shanghai.

Telling Singapore to wait until June seems the most sensible option, both for our 1st daughter and our potential third. But I've never been excited about this move to Puxi - in fact, I've been dreading it. And needing to pay $6,000 to move somewhere that will only be my home for another 9 months, coupled with the challenges of establishing a new support group and finding new friends for S--, makes it feel silly to even contemplate.

Clearly, there are more decisions to be made in the near future. None of them face us immediately, but new bits of information could cause a chain reaction of change on all fronts. If this post has left you thoroughly confused, the you have some idea of how I feel.