Raising nieces and grandbabies

I suppose it goes without saying that MOVING TO CHINA dominates many of the thoughts flying through my mind lately. So much so, in fact, that I'm writing about it at 1:30 in the morning rather than sleeping. And with a child not yet sleeping through the night, my own sleep time is precious - believe me, being awake at this hour is not by design.

But, I figure, if I'm to be awake thinking about MOVING TO CHINA, I may as well be productive with my time and begin to answer some of my many questions. Let's take this one: How will our children know their family?

A fact about family: they will be honest. My brother has voiced his disappointment in our choice. He explained how much he enjoys being an uncle. He and I share disappointment in our uncles for never being there, and he vowed long ago not to be an absentee uncle. I love that. And I know that with our decision, we've thrown his plans and honorable intentions out the window.

I feel that since we made the decision to move our children far away, we are responsible for keeping the tie between them and their family tightly bound. And to that end, I plan to do the following:

• make annual visits to America, where the girls will spend significant periods of time with everyone in their family (non-us residents unfortunately excluded)
• continue to send photos on a regular basis
• purchase a camcorder, and send documentary footage as regularly as possible
• help the girls to communicate with their family as much as they are willing, through the phone, email, and more traditional forms of written communication.

When I was a girl, we spent a lot of time on my grandparents' farm. My aunt still lived at home while I was young, and so I spent quite a bit of time with her when I was little. Still, I have no real memory of my time with her and no real friendship, either. On the other hand, I saw my great-grandmother infrequently. As far as I recall, it was never more than once or twice a year. And then generally for just an afternoon. But she always sent me a birthday card with $5. What's more, she always sent me valentines. Every year she sent valentines, until she died. I loved getting those valentines. I mean, $5 on my birthday was great and all, but the valentines were invaluable.

I think that our girls' relationships with their family will grow much stronger if family can communicate with them as well. In the spirit of brainstorming, here are some of my ideas:

• send photos of yourself, either by email or by real mail
• send letters, pictures, cards - communication that little girls can relate to, and that we can help them connect to you
• communicate directly with them, through phone, letters or email
• visit - please! as frequently and for as long as you are able

I know that each of these pales in comparison to a weekend every month or an evening or more every week, but these regular communication and reminders of who their family is and that their family loves them will be their valentines. It'll mean more than you'll know to our little girls.

I am committed to holding up my end of the bargain. I look forward to seeing how our family - and our friends as well - will hold up theirs.