Two Theses and a Plan

After a month of people asking me,

How do you like Shanghai?

I've begun to form a coherent answer. Discussing this with everyone I see has forced me to process my life in Shanghai, and to form two answers to the question.

1: I'm lonely, but no more than in any move.
Had we moved to California or to Arizona, I would be lonely 4 months in. It will come as no surprise to anyone that I haven't made any close friends yet. Talking to our pastor in St. Louis, the experience of both he and his wife is that its about 1 year before you start to feel like you've got friends in a new place. This is hard, but its just part of moving.

2: Nothing is simple, which makes everything feel difficult.
It's not that my life is so hard in Shanghai. Quite the contrary - I live a very rich and simple life compared to most of the people in my city. Its not that having to run small loads of laundry is particularly difficult. Its just not easy. Its not that having to wash all of the produce in bleach and then allow it to air dry is particularly difficult. Its just not easy. Its not even that working with people who don't speak my language is difficult. Its just not easy. And the compilation of all of these minor challenges, coupled with having no good friends to lean on, makes everything feel difficult.

But spending time with my friends, and discussing everyone's choices in life and how they raise their kids, has helped me to form a plan.

Once we have an ayi in place, and we feel comfortable leaving our children with her, I will find something to do. I will look for someplace to volunteer 1-2 days per week. If what I find is work 1-2 days a week, so much the better. But I think that having something where I interact with people as an adult and an individual rather than as the mother of two toddlers will make it easier to form relationships. Further, I think that finding something that interests me will put me in touch with people who are interested in the same things. No doubt I will have an easier time forming real friendships in that environment.

I've not discovered a magic bullet. It will be quite a while before this will be possible, and by then I may not even be interested anymore. But its nice to have a plan. And its good to recognize what causes my frustration.