Poor Simplification

I did something new today. Something which I have never done, in all the time I've been in Shanghai.

I pulled out my inventory list. This is where I documented why everything I own currently sits. We loaned out furniture, we gave away dishes, we stored blankets and any mix of these options and all other belongings that we did not bring with us.

I pulled out my list, just to what I'll have waiting for me when I get back. Yeah, my leather chair will be nicely worn and waiting for me. My towels will be nice and soft, having gone through the wash only a few times since we left. And all of my baking supplies sit neatly packed in a box in my basement. Thank goodness - none of them will be lost in someone else's kitchen.

Being a stay-at-home mom is becoming boring. I don't do my own chores - thank goodness. And I get enough sleep - thank goodness. But my entire schedule revolves around this house, or places I can go with children. Yawn.

So I've decided to start baking. I've been baking more since we moved here, because if I don't make the chocolate chip cookies myself, I won't be eating them. I've noticed my skills improving, which is heartening. I've also noticed that although I don't know how to cook, I do know how to bake. My mother baked a pie or a cake, brownies, bars or cookies every few days when I was a kid. My grandmother always had a selection of baked goods at hand when we arrived. I stirred and folded and kneaded through my childhood, and those skills have returned easily.

What's frustrating is that I need some tools. And those tools lie neatly wrapped in newsprint, safely packaged together in well marked boxes in my basement in St. Louis. I'm relieved to see that they are fully mine, with no ambiguity about whether they will become mine when I return. But it sure would feel silly to purchase more baking supplies at twice the price. I suppose I should just limit my baking to the tools I brought with my - the worlds of breads, cookies and bars should keep me occupied for quite some time.

I can't decide whether being a stay-at-home mother is more boring abroad, or less.

In Shanghai's favor, I am surrounded by other moms in the same position. We have loads of different backgrounds - one gal is working on her PhD and another didn't finish cosmetology school. But all of my friends are sharp and outgoing women who are willing to take on a challenge head on, but are eager to support the people around them. I've got a good group of friends, and they're all free during the day.

In St. Louis' favor, I had a full life outside of my home. I was involved in the neighorhood - attending and sometimes leading neighborhood meetings, organizing playground builds and lobbying local politicians for funding, going to outdoor movies and block potlucks. I was involved in my church - belonging to multiple small communities, serving on committees, fundraising for the school. I still had a reputation as a professional - I was connected to my former employer, I did contract work, and I had the potential for more if I so chose.

In St. Louis, I could easily go back to work at any point. No doubt, I could find an interesting job.

In China, well, with a social work background I have to believe that I could find a truly rewarding and important volunteer position. And various expat agencies offer classes and workshops for trailing spouses... at an expat price - over $100 for a 4 hour cooking class. Of no matter, because I've chosen that these not be available to me. I've chosen to spend the majority of my time with my children. A choice I'm comfortable with, either in the states or abroad.

But wow, these four walls are feeling pretty tight.