Although I originally began this posting on September 6th, I am also posting it as of February 24th because I would hate anyone interested to overlook it. I do not know how I missed publishing it, but this is wonderful information for anyone interesting in adoption from China. This was written after the final day of our home study.
The final portion of our home study was a 3 hour training this morning. Our social worker shared so much information that I wish I had been taking notes. I'll do my best to remember the most striking pieces.
A roadmap, to aid your digestion:
A. Why the wait?
B. Why are so many girls abandoned?
C. CCAA - friend or foe?
D. The pick-up
E. The Adoptee
Why the long wait?
Once we submit all of our documentation, having been approved for parenthood by a licensed social worker, the government of the United States, and the government of China, we will then wait from about 18 months to maybe over 2 years to be matched with our child. This is under expedited processing. Families living outside of China are currently waiting over 4 years for their match.
Our social worker offered 4 reasons for the wait. Each reason is very good. And she assured us that healthy young children are not lingering in the system. A common misconception is that loads of little babies are growing up in orphanges because the government is working slowly on its paperwork, and that is simply not true. In fact, young healthy children are not lingering in institutions. There are extremely few toddlers in orphanages in China.
Reason #1 - Adoptions are on the rise in China. The goal of every country is to have their children remain in their homeland, and this is a worthy goal. The people receiving top priority to adopt are Chinese nationals living in China. And as the economy improves, and further as foreigners remove the stigma from adopting, Chinese people are adopting more of their own and lengthening the wait for the rest of us (hooray!). Expatriates living in China are reviewed second, but Chinese locals receive top priority.
Reason #2 - Rates of infant abandonment have dropped. Again, thanks to the improved economy. Although much work remains, China has accomplished an unbelievable task in lifting amazing numbers of people out of poverty over the last two decades. Less poverty means more people able to raise their own children, and/or afford birth control (hooray!).
Reason #3 - Checking it twice. Apparently the local rumor mill had a basis in fact, and in recent years a woman arranged the kidnapping of 15 Chinese children which she then sold to orphanages and who were subsequently adopted. This story still spreads like wildfire among the expat population - one more reason to be scared of China, I suppose. However, the Chinese government released the full story to both the international press and their domestic audience. They held all people involved fully responsibile, and punished them to the fullest extent. All paperwork is now checked and double-checked to verify that each child has truly been abandoned before releasing them for adoption (hooray!).
Reason #4 - The Waiting Child Program. I mentioned above that healthy toddlers are not sitting in orphanages in China. However, children with disabilities may linger for years. Likewise, older children are rarely requested and linger as well. China recently instituted the Waiting Child program, promising a short 2 month wait for these children. Their photos are posted online, and their stories shared so that families can fall in love with a child in need of a home. But more than that, parents can adopt a special needs child knowing fully what situation they will step into. Because the processing of these children receives priority, and because this program is so popular (hooray!), processing of other children's paperwork has slowed.
Why so many girls?
China's books still carry a One Child Policy, which is strictly enforced in most communities. If a woman carries more than one child, they will be fined a tremendous amount of money or be forced into abortion. And although this policy strikes at the heart of all supporters of human rights, it is worth noting that this policy has strong environmental benefits. Modern China currently exhausts the world's resources, and growth continues. With a population having 2-4 times as many children, imagine the drain on the world's resources. Clearly the human rights issue here is appalling, as enforcement of this policy leads China to forces abortions and sterilization on thousands, and brings many parents to infanticide. I do not envy the position of Chinese policy makers on many issues, and this is certainly one of them. Simple reversal of this policy creates many more problems.
With the knowledge that each family is allowed only one child, adoption from China becomes a beautiful love story from two parents to their baby. Consider the plight of a poor family in rural china. Possibly illiterate, no one in this family has job skills beyond growing vegetables on their small plot. Their life is subsistence and not much more. Under these circumstances, the woman gets pregnant. She knows that government representatives keep their eyes peeled for pregnant people. People working in family planning in China are charged with enforcing a few different policies - both the One Child Policy, and the policy making it illegal to abandon an infant.
Knowing she is watched, and unable to trust her neighbors to keep her secret, she hides the pregnancy. Should she choose to abort the child, she has no problem - abortion is both legal and free in China. Learning the sex of the child is impossible - ultrasounds are illegal. So she carries the baby to term, hiding her pregnancy the entire time. She doesn't eat - to avoid gaining weight. She corsets herself - to appear the same body shape. She keeps working. These steps do not build a healthy pre-natal environment, although none are abusive. These babies are loved.
The baby will be delivered by a trusted local mid-wife - a woman able to keep a secret, and who brings the means to kill the baby immediately. Upon delivery, the mother and father must immediately decide the fate of this child. If they choose life, they must also decide whether or not that child stays in their family. This couple may struggle to feed themselves, possibly also their parents and disabled siblings. If their only child is handicapped, they'll have another mouth to feed and no promise of help in the future - there won't be anymore children in this family. The parents may not both be able to work. Sadly, this is an unsustainable life.
If their only child is a girl, she will by tradition leave the family home when she marries and care for her husband's parents. This couple has no social security, and will need someone to care for them when they get older. They only get one shot at creating that person. They make a choice out of necessity - none of their options are good.
Out of love, this couple chooses life for the child. But out of a felt necessity, they also choose to abandon the child. And this at great risk to themselves - remember that infant abandonment is entirely illegal in china. At particularly great risk to themselves, they will abandon the baby where she will be found immediately. These are babies found only a day or two from having been born - a crying newborn would alert all neighbors and family planning staff to a its existence in the house, and must disappear as quickly as possible. Most children are left on the steps of a neighboring village's police station. Others are found at orphanages, hospitals, major intersections. At great risk to themselves, the parents will drop the baby somewhere they will soon be safe.
It is a myth that Chinese people do not want girls. Its not that girls are not loved. Quite the opposite - these girls are loved tremendously and sacrificially. Its simply that many families need a child able to contribute their whole lives.
We feel this is an important story to share with Mei Mei, that its not a story of abandonment but one of love.
CCAA
China Center of Adoption Affairs runs international adoptions for the entire country. Our social worker has worked with these people directly for over a decade, both facilitating hundreds of successful adoptions and also helping them to improve their system. She is fully convinced that these are good people, with good hearts, doing their very best to place children in good homes. Its a small department - arguably understaffed, which can lead to long waits. The advantage is the distinct lack of bureaucracy. These people know each other, and they know the orphanages and the children waiting to be placed. This is no bureaucracy with hundreds of paper pushers. Some local offices have under 10 people working there. Our social worker feels strongly that CCAA are great people, caring about each child they work for, interested in each family they unite with a child, and dedicated to the well-being of all involved. She sees a good reason for every task we've been asked to undertake.
The Pick Up
Step #1 - the match: CCAA will send paperwork to us with Mei Mei's picture, her brief background, and simple medical information. Most families share this medical information with their pediatrician to check for red flags on their child's health. Some families will use reject their match.
Step #2 - the travel documents: These will arrive a few weeks after we accept our match. We can travel anytime after that. We have flexibility with when we choose to travel, but most people choose to travel as soon as it can be arranged.
Step #3 - the flight: We will travel to the province where the orphanage is. If still living in China, this will be a simple flight across the country. At this point, it is unclear whether or not we will be in China in 2 years. It is possible that this will be an international flight adding the complex stressor of jet lag to an already stressful time. We will travel to the capital of the province. If Mei Mei lives in the capital, we will go directly to her orphanage. Capital Orphanages are often showcases, with kids in matching outfits and new Duplos on the shelf. If Mei Mei lives in a rural area, the orphanage director and an ayi will drive her to town. She will be delivered immediately. We will probably not have the option to visit a rural orphanage, although our social worker assures us that these orphanages may not look pretty but are quite decent places matching the standard of life surrounding them. The standard of life around them does not match American standards - electricity, cleanliness, etc. And if the orphanage did meet American standards, a whole lot more children would show up on its doorstep. Chinese orphanages are not at all abusive - well, except that they are an institution rather than a parent.
Step #4 - Gotcha Day: Director and ayi will hand us Mei Mei very soon after our arrival into town - probably rather within hours. Once we meet her, she stays in our family. Our two main jobs are 1: bonding with her, calming her, making her comfortable and 2: finishing provincial paperwork, which should take only a few days.
Step #5 - the American Consulate: Once we've completed all of the local paperwork, we move on to Guangzhou and the U.S. Consulate. This consulate processes all visa application for adoptions. We will be in Guangzhou for another few days, possibly staying at The White Swan down the street from the U.S. Consulate. Known as the baby hotel, this hotel is well prepared for families with new babies and has plenty of baby beds, high chairs and even a playroom sponsored by Fisher-Price! The entire area has stroller friendly curbs and shops with diapers - sounds like heaven in China!
Step #6 - American soil: Then we return home. This part is simple for most Americans, as Mei Mei becomes an American once she sets foot (or stroller wheel) on American soil. The challenge will be if we live outside of America at the time. Returning to Shanghai and later to America would be no problem - a simply delay in the date she becomes a U.S. citizen. Returning to another country first would be a challenge, as Mei Mei would need a visa in her Chinese passport to enter that country. One more process to complete over those few days and weeks.
Step #7 - the last paperwork: If we still live abroad, then our time in America we will be a flurry of paperwork to gather in just a few weeks. A new birth certificate, a passport, a social security number, plus any legal choices we may make about re-adopting. And of course, introducing Mei Mei to her extended family.
The Adoptee
Frequent writing about adopting multi-cultural children talks about the importance of including their culture into their life. We are in a uniquely positive situation to do that, having first hand knowledge of life in China. We intend to remain friends with Chinese acquaintances, to continue cooking the Chinese foods we like, and to retain the Chinese words we use in our family vocabulary. But our social worker advised against groups focused on children adopted from China, and we agreed with her. We plan for adoption to be an every day word, and for Asian women to be important roll-models in our home. But we don't intend to go so far as identifying our daughter as a Chinese adoptee rather than simply 1 of our 3 daughters. While these groups seem to be important support groups for the adopting parents, we do not feel they are best for our child.
No comments:
Post a Comment