Living Out Faith

I wrote last night, introducing my new crisis of faith. The end of my phone call with the preschool in DC left my head spinning, and my faith severely thrown. I'm not sure that I wrote a coherent post about it - I am sure that my thoughts were not particularly coherent.

This morning, as I talked to the ladies in Bible study, I began to make sense. Allow me to recreate the scene.

Setting: Seven women gathered around a brown shag rug in my living room, the screen closed on the front door to allow cool breezes into the shaded room. Wanda is leading a Bible study on the Israelites as they are poised to enter the land of milk and honey. The Israelites choose not to enter this land, for fear of the giants who lived there in well fortified cities. For their lack of faith, God keeps them in the desert for an entire generation.

Wanda: Its surprising that the Israelites would show such a lack of faith. They have been in the actual presence of God, and seen so many of His works.

Me: That doesn't surprise me at all. How many times have I felt God's presence, and known His leading? And still, when a situation becomes difficult I fear that God won't solve my problems. This is where I am today, isn't it? It has seemed all along as if God would place Dave in the August class - how is this not the best choice for everyone involved? And now we have the last spot at the perfect school, having been held for an extraordinarily long amount of time. How much more clear can God make this? Yet I do not have this much faith.

Wanda: Certainly, faith is not always simple.

Me: Yeah, more than that. Sometimes faith is really hard. In fact, faith is hard by definition, right? By definition, faith is believing in something that can't be known.

Shona: Oh no, you're absolutely wrong.

Me: (a little thrown by the challenge, and frankly, a bit annoyed) What?

Shona: Faith is being sure of something we do not see. I think it says it in Hebrews 11 something.

Me: (skeptically, opening my Bible) Where does it say that? Hebrews what?

Shona: I think Hebrews 11 something - I'm not sure.

Pause as I find Hebrews 11, and then as I am surprised.

Me: Hebrews 11:1 - "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see." Its already underlined in my Bible. Well, that's clear, isn't it? If I have faith that God will call Dave to the August class, I need to write a $5,000 check tomorrow.

Shona: $5,000 - that's a lot of faith.