Wendy's Choice

A few readers have been asking about Wendy. I explained in an earlier post that her husband beats her and she wants to leave him. Here's an update.

A friend referred her to a lawyer. Apparently, this lawyer sees people pro bono during certain hours of the week. His office is near our home, and so Wendy went to see him this afternoon. From what she told me, he seems like a very good lawyer who gave very sound advice.

He told her that her husband will never change.

He told her that if she divorces her husband, he will certainly be awarded custody of their daughter because he has a job and a house.
(She and her husband live with his parents; and her work as an ayi is paid under the table, because she is not Shanghainese and is not allowed to work here - this is her choice.)

He told her that she must have police records showing that her husband beats her and her daughter severely before a court would consider giving her custody. So many parents beat their children in China that it is not grounds for removal.

He told her that she could not transfer her daughter's local citizenship from Shanghai to Nanjing, where Wendy is from. This local citizenship determines where a person can work, own property, go to the hospital and attend school. Migration within China is illegal. He told her that a court would not award her daughter a citizenship change from Shanghai to her hometown because Shanghai is a bigger city, and they never allow people to move into the country from the city. He pointed out that she does not have a job or a home in Nanjing, either.

She said to me, tearfully, What can I do?

And it was difficult for me to say my answer out loud. I replied, You must choose whether you will take care of yourself, or take care of your daughter.

This is what it comes down to. And there is no right answer. It is an ugly choice.

For now, she chooses to stay in her marriage and care for her daughter.

I hate it, but I told her that I think she should bear it.

Maybe I've been in China too long.