Following the Rules

China loves a good rule.

Actually, it seems that China loves any rule - good or not. And the more the better.

Many Chinese people especially love the power of enforcing, or not enforcing the rules.

Our complex has two lovely ourdoor swimming pools, traced with fountains and waterfalls, bright blue water encircling large hot tubs. What would be a relaxing place to spend an evening, if it weren't for the rules.

The image above shows the gate to one of our pools. Within your limited purview, you are gazing upon 9 different signs. Each sign displays at least 1 rule. The largest sign displays 15. Precious few of these rules are ever actually enforced, which makes a cool dip much more relaxing than one might suspect.

It seems that enforcement has gone steadily downhill since the beginning of the summer. The lifeguard's favorite rule at the beginning of the summer was the swim cap rule. It may be the case that our lifeguards make a tidy profit off of the sale of swim caps, because at the beginning of the summer no one could be within the gates of the pool without a swim cap. This rule seemed ridiculous to me, and so I asked why. I advise against asking that question very often in China. They looked rather surprised, and told me that I need to wear a swim cap because that is the rule. Sure - I understood that part. But what is the rationale behind the rule? Well, because the management company says it is a rule. And that may well be the only rationale.

They did explain that the swim caps would keep our family healthy, as well as the rest of the people swimming in the pool. Then they offered that we could borrow swim caps at no charge. What, I wonder, would come off of my head and enter the pool that would make someone sick? Would that sick-making substance not make them sick if they share my same swim cap?

As the summer waned on, enforcement became lax on that rule - as many others. No one asked for our health card when we entered yesterday. In fact, no one even asked us to pay. No one asked that we wear our swim caps, either. We enjoyed a relaxing morning at the pool, until one of the lifeguards began smoking.

This is where we are rather typically American - as was pointed out by the German sitting next to us in the pool. Not only do we notice smoke rather quickly, but we are also willing to ask people to stop smoking when in our vicinity. As we did. I told the lifeguard not to smoke. He put his cigarette away. Or more specifically, he threw his still lit cigarette on the ground at his feet and let it smolder for the next 10 minutes or so. At which point, he lit another cigarette and again began smoking. This time, Dave asked him to stop. He moved about 20 meters away, but did not stop.

We looked to another lifeguard. He grinned, and pointed to our heads. Now, in my time in Shanghai I have learned ashamedly little Mandarin but my skills at charades have risen dramatically. My translation of his little move is this:

Hey, man. If you're going to tell my buddy he can't smoke, then you're going to have to put those swim caps back on all of your heads.

It was time for lunch anyway. We went home.

This morning in church, one of the elders gave a strong sermon on evangelizing. Prosyletizing is illegal in China, so this message came as a bit of a surprise. His message was good, but his examples were wonderful.

The man had come to China 11 years ago, running a Bible printing press in Beijing. Business began a bit behind schedule, and at the end of the first year there was no money for Christmas bonuses. Fresh off the boat, this man felt that a token gift of some sort was essential at Christmas and so he pulled together enough money to buy some tapes from the Chinese government.

In China, the government heavily controls the church. There are 4 sanctioned religions, and within each of those religions one must attend a state-condoned place of worship. This of course gives the state power over who preaches, what text is used and what messages are heard. The state apparently put together a cassette tape that year with classic hymns on one side, and dramatic readings of the Bible on the other. A simple but appropriate Christmas present for people making Bibles for a living, he thought.

Within a few days, the man was called for a meeting with the government.

Government: Did you distribute these tapes to your employees?

Bible Man: Yes, I did. Is there a problem?

Government: This is evangelizing. Evangelization is illegal in China.

Bible Man: But these are government tapes - published by your party.

Government: Yes, but it is possible that someone in your office but offended, or felt as if you were trying to pursuade them to join your faith.

Bible Man: It was not my intention to offend anyone. I simply wanted to provide an appropriate Christmas gift to my employees.

Government: We understand. We like you. We'll tell you - someone in your company doesn't like you, and reported you to the authorities. We recommend you do not make your employees angry, so that they will not report you to us. If you are not reported, we do not care what you do.

A love of rules, and of the power of choice enforcement.

Hey, man. If you're going to tell my buddy he can't smoke, then you're going to have to put those swim caps back on all of your heads.

The Rules

Zoom in on the largest rule sign at the pool. You've got to see some of these.

2. For the health of you and others, swimmers must shower thoroughly and step through the chemical foot cleaning water. If wearing tun-tan oil, swimmers must wash it off before swimming. No eating in the pool area.

7. No diving of jumping into the swimming pool. Must use the proper pool entrance.

11. Except for swimming aids such as rubber floating boards and goggles, swimmers may not bring into the pool any articles listed below: flippers, snorkels, facemasks, beach balls, inflatable items, water guns, etc.

And of course,

No smoking

I get a kick out of most of these because they don't enforce them. The entire pool experience is so hyper regulated that it would be exhausting for any lifeguard to enforce every rule - especially those poor tired lifeguards who already spend their time asleep in their chairs. Like the requirement for stepping through the chemical foot cleaning water? Sorry - way to creepy to us. Could be Windex - swimming pools? highly regulated / strong chemicals meant to come in contact with a young child's skin? zero regulations. And apparently way too creepy for everyone else, because I've never seen anyone set foot in those chemical baths.

But my favorite is certainly #6. The personal injury rule.

6. No admission to the pool if having skin disease, trachoma, acute conjunctivitis, AIDS, heart disease, epilepsy, mental disorder, overly drunk, filled or empty stomach, open wounds etc.

Check this out - not only do they bar drunks and people with disgusting rashes. You can't enter the pool is you have AIDS or heart disease. Those with Downs Syndrome or Depression are not allowed in the pool, apparently. And my personal favorite - they will not let you in the pool or you have either an empty or a filled stomach.

Opening Day

Our television displays nearly 100 channels. Less than ten of those stations broadcast in English. Only infrequently does one of those channels broadcast something of interest to me. Coupled with the low cost of DVDs on the street, I tend to watch television on DVD. I'm currently working my way through Ugly Betty, Season 2. In a recent show, Betty took a writing course and received instruction from her Pulitzer Prize winning teacher. Essentially, good writing requires serious drama.

A friend in Shanghai recently read my blog, and called me to discuss my depression.

In an effort to assuage all fears of my blooming depression, allow me to guide you through the Olympics' Opening Day in our family home.

The Activity Box

The Activity Box is one of our favorite places in Shanghai. This lovely children's playroom takes the place of children's museums and libraries in the states. The price comes steep - nearly $10 per child. But the new toys, the clean facility, the stairs and ramps, and the new children to interact with every time we go all make the AB well worth the price of admission.

The girls and I went this morning, and an extraordinary thing happened. Extraordinary things in our life have less to do with miracles on a grand scale. Watching my children grow and develop can be extraordinary. This morning, L-- played with a complete stranger. L-- and S-- both play independently at The Activity Box, learning how to stand up for themselves and how to share. We meet friends at The Activity Box, and the girls will interact on their own time. But never before has L-- played with a stranger. She introduced herself to him; she held conversation with him; they interacted, asked each other questions, and she asked him to join her in climbing the steps. For my shy young child, this was an extraordinary first. I felt a wave of confidence in her starting school a mere 2 weeks from now.

Chinese Valentine's Day

Our high-rise building has a rather complex buzzing system. The first doors on the ground floor will open for anyone. The second set of doors only open when a guest buzzes a resident's apartment and is allowed inside. Once past these doors, a guest must again buzz a resident to set the elevators in motion.

Someone buzzed from the doors. I didn't recognize the person, and they didn't speak English. I considered not letting them in - I don't want to be the person who allowed the serial killer access to the residents of my building. Then the man waved a paper in front of the camera. Someone this convinced, and I buzzed him in.

Ten minutes later, he had not arrived at my door. I felt a wave of guilt. Someone's apartment is being cleaned out by thieves who I allowed access to the building. Damn.

Then I heard the elevator's ding. A moment later, a man turned the corner with a large box. Out of the box he pulled a beautiful bouquet. What a thoughtful husband, to send flowers for no reason, I thought.

He handed me the delivery slip. The writing on the page was primarily in Chinese, but two names were in English. My own, and the name of Dave's assistant.

What a thoughtful assistant my husband has, to send me flowers for no reason, I thought wryly.

I opened the card. A beautiful poem, rather Chinese in its imagery. It sounded nothing like Dave. And it was signed in Chinese.

I called his office, to make sure he thanked his assistant for the lovely flowers she sent. He laughed. You didn't write this poem, did you? I asked. Sure I did - what does it say?

Apparently, Thursday was Chinese Valentine's Day. His female co-workers gave him a hard time for not sending me flowers on Valentine's Day, and so his assistant offered to take care of it a day later. A few strikes against Dave's supposed romanticism, but I've still got a lovely vase of flowers on my table, a sweet husband, and two Valentine's Days in 1 year. I can hardly complain.

Fixing Dinner

It seems that my little girls are growing up.

When I first learned I was pregnant with S--, L-- was only 7 months old. Other women assured me that although the first year would be really hard, having children so close together would prove to be a blessing as they got older.

It seems that the girls are growing older. I fixed a large dinner, planning to deliver half to a family whose second child was born on Saturday. Dinner included main course, vegetable and desert and took over 2 hours to prepare. For nearly that entire time, the girls entertained themselves in their room with nearly no supervision. Another first! Complemented by meeting a 5 day old little boy, it made for a lovely evening.

The Opening Ceremonies

China's coming out party, the Olympics officially opened. Our family gathered on the couch, the girls already wearing their jammies and feeling snuggly. We watched the dancers in real time, with explanation in Chinese. The Bird's Nest looked extraordinary; the guests looked captivated; the dancers were beautiful and no doubt more impressive in person. And the fireworks filled the entire city. The girls loved the spectacle, and watching live in China made us feel proud of our adopted home.

It was a good day.

Feeling Good?

I've used my poor internet connection as an excuse to stay distant from voicing my feelings about this move.

To my defense, the internet connection is quite poor. The Great China Firewall blocks all computers accessing the internet within China from reaching any material which may be inflammatory. We can never open Wikipedia. Often I can not read my own blog. So we purchased a personal VPN - that is, our personal computer now accesses the internet from somewhere outside of China. I'm not sure how it works, but I know that it does. When our VPN is turned on, I can read about the riots on Tiananmen Square. But also when our VPN is turned on, our computer runs slow. This week, it ran very slow.

Today, both my internet connection and myself are feeling full of energy and ready to go.

This move to Puxi is not big news. We dealt with this move months ago. I did not want to move, and brainstormed every good reason to go. The list of pros is long, and that list has been running through my head all week:
+ L-- can attend a wonderful school.
+ Neither child will mind moving; both adapt quickly to new surroundings.
+ We're staying in town, so I won't be starting over on friends.
+ We know how the expat social systems work, and will make friends quickly.
+ We'll live near the church we like, and likely will be able to attend regularly.
+ We'll live in a much more interesting part of town, with new parks and alleys to explore and loads of new restaurants to try.
+ Dave's commute should drop dramatically.

I know all of this.

I know that we will all be fine.

As an added bonus, we are expecting loads of guests. Over the next 7 weeks, we expect to host 4 different groups of people - with 8 people cycling through our home until the October holiday. Between moving, hosting frequent guests, and settling L-- into school I know that these next two months will fly by.

The more I let the move settle into my bones, the more comfortable I become. I bathe the girls, crouched in our small bathroom, and I think Maybe our new home will have a larger bathroom - maybe even two bathrooms, where the girls can keep their toys out of my Master tub! I pick up lunch at the grocery store, and I think Soon we'll be shopping at a new grocery store. It'll be fun to have all new options for lunch!

I know that the move is for the best, and I know that I will be happy there.

Still, I know that I am happy here. And although I usually enjoy moving and eagerly anticipate major change, this one leaves me unsettled. It took a long time to become comfortable here. To figure how things work and who to talk to. I'm not ready to start over.

I've got friends here. I've got a large circle of friends. All of them live within walking distance of my home. Some of them live a quick elevator ride away. I've got people I can share dinner with when Dave's working late. I've got people I can meet up with when S--'s been screaming. I've got babysitters and substitute ayis. I've got a support group, possibly larger than I had in St. Louis.

I've got a home here. I like our apartment. I like the size - just enough space, with each inch put to practical use. But with no real need for more. If I can't find a place for it, I probably don't need it and plenty of things leave our house for just that reason. I like the view - I look out from my desk and stare at the Oriental Pearl Tower. I sit on the balcony off of my bedroom and see the boats floating slowly by on the river. I like the decor - for a furnished apartment, this space feels homey. Chinese taste in furniture runs toward gaudy, with large furniture in dark colors trimmed with gold and baroque finishes. The spectrum of furnished apartments runs from fully Chinese to fully Ikea, with low quality furniture in bright colors not quite filling the space. But our home came well decorated, with comfortable furniture, tasteful decorations and a color scheme which would work in my home in the states. I like the complex - I now realize that we live in the nicest complex in Shanghai. I do not say that lightly. The units may not be the nicest and the management may not be the best, but the complex amenities win any contest. We have three swimming pools and three splashing fountains within our complex. We have 3 playgrounds within our complex, one with sand - our children's personal favorite. We have 2 large barbeque pits, which we've found perfect for evenings with friends. And we have green space. Loads of green space - more green space than any other complex I've seen. Further, our green space isn't infinitely planted and manicured. We have lawns where kids are free to run, kick soccer balls, have picnics - simply green space.

Don't say it - I know. My friends will remain my friends. I will make more friends, and my current friends will leave town. I will find a new home, and it will feel comfortable as well. Sure. I know. My mind knows that this move is for the best.

My heart still yearns to stay home.

Guest Blog: State of Mind

Lynne has been having difficulty with her internet connection, so I will give a brief reaction to the questions about our satisfaction level.

First, it's good to at least know. That said, there are some definite positves and definite negatives about the result:

Pros:
- More likely to be able to adopt a baby with more time living in China.
- The chance to live in a new, exciting part of town.
- L-- (and maybe S-- eventually) gets to attend the Wonder Center, a school we are very excited about.
- More time to explore China - there's a lot left to see.

Cons:
- We have to very quickly leave our current life - even though it's just across the river, anyone who has lived in a "bridge/tunnel" town (San Fran, St. Louis, New York, etc.) knows how dramatic the barrier can be - we will definitely be a lot less close to a lot of the current support system.
- The quick move also likely means less chance of getting the perfect apartment at the right price.
- We had started to assume we were moving and begun to decide we really wanted to leave China. I think this will turn around as we get used to the thought of staying.

On the job front, it's basically "see how it goes" - I wasn't sure exactly how the Singapore position would have worked out, and I'm not exactly sure how it will work out here. I do know that I really like everyone I work with here so it is great to get more time with them (if they don't all quit!).

Lynne will put this all into much more readable verbiage eventually, but that's the crux right now. On balance: we are ok in our heads, but the hearts are struggling with "leaving" all our friends on this side of the Huangpu.

Pack Your Bags

We're moving to Shanghai!

The decision has been made.

Singapore has been removed from the table.

We will be in Shanghai for another 1-2 years.

L-- will start school at The Wonder Center in Puxi on August 21st.

It will be my mission to move into a new home as near to that date as possible. Can we facilitate an across-town move in under 17 days? Stay tuned!

Nearly There

Dave is a talking point on the agenda for today's meetings with all of the aforementioned bosses.

Uncle H-- will make a decision today on Singapore.

Will post when I have news.

* Postscript - See Dave's comment below