Chinese Conversations

In my day to day life, I have very few meaningful interactions with Chinese people.  Certainly I pass them in the street and stand next to them in lines, but I rarely have a conversation.  The exception to this rule is our driver, Mr. Zhang, and our ayi, Wendy.  I spend time with each of these people on a daily basis.  And I had interesting conversations with both of them over the last few days.

Mr. Zhang speaks impressive English.  He makes no claims at fluency, but he understands many words that surprise me - words like "music" and "party."  Likewise, I speak very little Mandarin, but I often understand the words that he uses with me.  His car has a CD player and yesterday I had popped The Muppets in for the girls to listen to the music.  I noticed right away that the CD ought to play in stereo, and we could only hear half of each conversation.  In a quick effort to change the Balance of the stereo, I leaned into the front seat.  From this point on, Mr. Zhang and I carried on a conversation in two separate languages.  We each spoke our native languages, picking certain terms from the other's language to be clear at times, but primarily communicating through simple words and tone of voice.  He explained to me that the right speakers don't work, and I explained to him what the Balance and Fade functions on the stereo mean.

By contrast, Wendy speaks quite good English.  I would compare conversations with Wendy to a conversation with a 5 year old.  Wendy is fluent in English, but she speaks with a limited vocabulary.  Over lunch today, she told me many stories from her family and I shared some stories from our family.  Sharing such stories with simple vocabulary can be challenging, but learning her stories and seeing her reaction to mine is amazing.

Wendy lives with her husband's family, as is common in China.  I learned today that her husband's sister (Wendy's sister-in-law) lives in Xinjiang.  Xinjiang is the furthest place in China from Shanghai.  In fact, Urumqi (the capital in Xinjiang) is the city further from an ocean than any other city in the world.  It is a 6-7 hour flight from Shanghai to Urumqi in Xinjiang.  I asked why his sister lives so far away, and she explained that his family was forced to migrate to a village in Xinjiang under Mao Zetong.  Mao ran many destructive programs, one of which sent educated people and their as yet uneducated children to live in the countryside and learn the life of peasants.  While these educated people worked on farms, universities doors were closed and hospitals and government offices were run by peasants.  The country spiraled quickly into an amazing chaos, furthered dramatically by other such destructive programs.  Wendy's in-laws worked in a river, standing in rushing cold water most days - and now her mother-in-law can not wring dry a towel or go for a walk.  She lives in pain, having spent years doing tasks with no real purpose.

Wendy's sister-in-law married a man from Xinjiang, and so was unable to return to Shanghai with her family.  She had a baby in Xinjiang, and she noticed early that the baby was jaundiced with yellow skin.  She took her baby to the local doctor, who told her that yellow skin is quite normal in babies and sent her home.  Two months later, she took the baby to the hospital.  The yellow skin had not gone away and the baby was sick.  The hospital told her that her baby would die - it was too sick to be helped.  The baby remained in the hospital for 20 days and died at 3 months old.  I can not imagine that babies die from jaundice in Western hospitals, and the story shocked me.

I told Wendy that we are adopting a child from China.  She did not understand for quite some time, and then seemed surprised.  She knew orphanages as places that feed and clothe babies whose parents do not want them or can not care for them.  She had no idea that Western families adopt babies from China;  and further, she was quite surprised that we would want to.  She ask why, and explained that a Chinese family would not adopt a child.  After I told her that many American families would not adopt a child either, she seemed less surprised.  Then she looked around our apartment for a moment, and said "This child will be very lucky."  

I gave the standard line, "I know we will be very lucky to have her in our home."

She nodded, hearing only a line.  She asked why we would wait 2 years for the baby, and I explained the waiting list - that there are more families who want babies than babies.  She smiled and said, "All these babies in the orphanages will be very lucky."

Although in this country I am rich, in my own country I am middle-class.  Wendy is middle-class in her country, and in that sense I had always felt something in common with her.  But her comment surprised me - my life is really so different that a child would be lucky to be raised by me rather than her own parents?  Maybe so.

I explained that babies must live in these institutions for many months, and that even the best institution is no replacement for a parent's love.  I explained that many babies do not survive to be placed in their new home.  I would hate to have explained Western adoption as a wonderful option. 

Although for our family, it certainly will be wonderful.

Fifteen Minutes of Local Fame

I've been published!

Its a minor publication, I know, to an extremely niche market.  But Shanghai Family Magazine is widely read among the expat family population in Shanghai.  Stories on family travel, where to shop, and how to stay healthy interest most of the parents who have relocated to this city.  And with a story among its pages, I'm realizing just how popular the magazine really is.  And this attention loving woman is really enjoying having people approach me with praise on seeing my name in print.

Is this going to my head?  Absolutely!

Interestingly, although I feel much more confident in my writing ability, the magazine seems more interested in me as a photographer and actually has me shooting for other stories in the April and May issues.  If they'd pay me, I could use this to justify the purchase of a new camera!

Back on the Market

We put our house back on the market today.

We put it on the market in September, a few short days before the market collapsed and the worldwide economy began to fall.  We took it off at the end of December, after a scant 4 showings to an even more pitiful 2 different people.  It sat empty, lonely and bored for the past 2 months and now appears fresh (and cheaper) on St. Louis' listing service.

We put our house back on the market today, and I've got that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Such a wonderful house should not be so difficult to sell.

Watching for an Ark

It feels like rain has been falling forever.  A quick internet search reveals that, in fact, Shanghai has broken a 136-year-old record for continuous rainfall.  It rained 20 days in a row - broke on Tuesday and Wednesday - and has picked up again today.  And this is no spring shower disturbing an otherwise glorious day.  No, no.  This is continuous rain in 40 degree dampness with nothing but dark grey sky overhead.  Friends are planning their trips to the beach in desperate attempts to escape the grey, and local mental health centers have seen a 20% climb in reported rates of depression.

And what with the unknown of L--'s school, the pending renewal of Dave's contract, and the general uncertainty of expatriate life, I'm beginning to look for a bridge to jump off of.

Because I know my readership, I will explain that I say that with some exaggeration.  I'm actually rather enjoying my life right now, just becoming really bored with the quite limited options available.  Hang out inside L--'s school, hang out inside our home, go to the grocery store again, hang out at the mall.  That about does it for us.  We're scheduling lots of playdates - great because it gets us out of the house and raises our spirits - a surefire cure for those rainy day blues.

FSOT Update

For those of you interested in our friend Doug's trek toward the Foreign Service, he just learned that he passed the test.

Big news for their family, and a nice boost to his self-confidence.

He now writes three personal essays, submitted in just under 2 weeks.  And the bureaucratic process moves on from there.

Disaster, yes. Natural? maybe not.

Get a load of this!

After killing 80,000 people and leaving 5 million homeless, scientists now speculate that the Chengdu Earthquake of last year may well have been caused by a large dam built frighteningly close to a fault line and only a few miles from the epicenter.  

Check it out at Scientific American and The New York Times.

Upon first hearing the news, I assumed the dam they spoke of to be the Three Gorges Dam, ten times the hydroelectric size of the Hoover Dam and responsible for the displacement of over 1.4 million people.  It is not - but certainly raises fears in my mind of how much greater the natural fallout from this project could be.  Apparently, these damns are only two of many new, major hydroelectric dams in the earthquake prone southwest.

The Three Gorges Dam aside, the potential that the Chinese government could be partially responsible for such mass devastation is a weighty addition to the list of grievances Chinese people have toward the stewards of their society.

Constant Uncertainty

The worst part of expatriate life is the constant uncertainty - few of my friends have any idea how long they will be in Shanghai or where they will go next.  Many people go through the same uncertainty we faced last summer - will we be moving to Singapore in 3 weeks or staying in Shanghai for another year?  People frequently receive under 1 month's lead time before moving out of town entirely.

Unfortunately, the lifestyle in Shanghai only compounds that uncertainty.  Leases change on a whim, shops and restaurants close as quickly as they opened, and friends leave with no more than a week's notice.

We have just received word that L--'s school will close its doors this summer.  No longer sending L-- there next year.  No longer sending S-- there next year.  And I begin the preschool search again - that same torture of searching for the perfect school and then moving around our life to make that school possible.

And this time, I dread it.  Because last year, I only found one perfect school.  We moved our home across town to send L-- to that one perfect school.  And boy, is it perfect.  We love the teachers and the setting, we love the philosophy on learning, we love the other kids and the other parents.  L-- and I have both made some wonderful friends.  So now I begin the search knowing that the perfect school isn't out there, instead seeking its far second.

Of course, the situation is not so dire this year.  L-- has gained tremendous social confidence through her time at The Wonder Center.  S-- already has plenty of social confidence, and is only beginning school this fall because she so desires to be surrounded by other people.  The girls will be fine.

But dang it.

These years we have faced such change and turmoil.  Changing houses fewer than every 12 months - and I have no love for this home, and so a new school may just mean a new home at the end of this lease.  We left behind our good friends across town with our last move.  This time, our good friends surround The Wonder Center.  A new school means leaving all of those friends behind.

I'll admit it.  When I received the news, I cried.