Resolutions

While away on holiday, Dave and I had plenty of time to discuss how difficult life in Shanghai had become for me. We talked until we could isolate the problems, and then we brainstormed a few solutions. I'm not much for New Year's Resolutions, but considering the time of year these were made, I suppose we could call them that.

Problem #1: Getting Around
Traffic in this town is chaotic at best. The taxis have no seat belts, which means they certainly have no car seats. We chose housing in a grassy, open area, which means that we are at least a 20 minute walk from anywhere we may need to go. Furthermore, we chose housing in a neighborhood that is not traditionally Western, which means we have a 15-45 minute drive to many of the places we would like to go. Our walk to the Metro stop is 20 minutes, leading to 1 hour commutes whenever we choose to travel by subway. All of these led to a sense of isolation and desparation

Solution: Hire a driver
We're working with our occasioal driver to provide us with a vehicle and driver at excxlusively our disposal 6 days a week. He's giving us a wonderful deal, and our new driver will start on March 1.

Problem #2: Too much to do
Getting out the door with 2 young kids was hard enough in the states. But here I need to wash all of the dishes before we leave the house. Paying the bills requires a bit of a walk, as does buying groceries. Anything that requires working together with someone unaccustomed to Westerners takes much longer than it would at home. The time it takes me simply to run the household fills up most of our days, making it quite difficult to even get out of the house in the morning. Coupled with the challenges of getting around, this further led to a sense of isolation.

Solution: Hire an ayi
We are corresponding with a wonderful woman who will work for us if she is able to find suitable housing in Shanghai. We hope and pray that she finds what she needs, because we feel confident that Wei working for us would make a world of difference.

Problem #3: Early Schooling
Children in Shanghai begin attending school at 18 months old. Expats have grasped onto this whole-heartedly. I had no intention of putting L-- into school until this fall when she turns 3, and then only 3 mornings per week. To oversimplify, I feel that a young child benefits strongly from being very near the center of their caregiver's world. I feel that my child is too young to be one of 24 students in a classroom every day. But no one else agrees with me, and L-- has precious few playmates anywhere near her age.

Solution:
Unfortunately, I haven't found one yet. And what's worse, I will face this problem again next year when L-- begins school and S-- turns 2. All of the kids in our playgroup now, of which S-- is currently one of the youngest, will be gone.




Problem #4: No friends
I don't have any friends. This problem is compounded by the fact that moms put their children in school at 15 months old. Many of those with younger children are quite happy to leave them with the ayi for frequent social gatherings.


Solution:
Join the American Women's Club, find babysitting once a week, and talk to someone every day.
This is the problem that is already well on its way to being forgotten. The women who came over yesterday with their children for playgroups are full-time moms. They have only part-time ayis. And although their children will be in school by the time they're 2, most of them will only be in school part-time. And I haven't even joined the AWC yet. I do still plan to do so, both to expand my social network and to take advantage of the many interesting programs they offer. I think that leaving the girls with an ayi or babysitters one morning or afternoon a week will help me to keep a sense of who I am as an individual, as well as help me to explore and enjoy this city.

As I look at my challenges in writing, they do seem rather difficult. And that one gaping hole with no solution still worries me. But that things are already improving so much is quite comforting, and I know that with the driver and ayi on hand it will only get better.