Taking Precedence

We are now 4-5 weeks away from Jake's arrival.

And with the wait shrinking every day, worries about the far-future are disappearing while the immediate takes precedence. I am becoming more and more nervous about the arrival of this little thing. This little thing that plans to eat in the middle of the night, to cry whenever she wants something, and to move into our home with all of her stuff.

I mean, it occurred to me. Where is she going to sleep? Where will we keep her clothes? Where will we store her diapers? How will I have any patience with my misbehaving preschoolers when I'm only sleeping in 1-2 hour intervals overnight?

She doesn't have a name, a bed, or any sort of a nursery. As I looked back at pictures from our old house, I feel bad for her. Lilly and Sophia both got lovely nurseries, calming and whimsical rooms where all of their gear and clothes could be neatly stashed in color-coordinated baskets. This one will sleep in a box at the foot of my bed. I'll cram her clothes into a newly emptied drawer in my dresser, and I'll pile up her diapers on the living room shelves.

Lilly's nursery:

Sophia's nursery:

weren't they just darling?

This house is beginning to feel pretty small.

The Unending Winter

Now, this is a great idea. In China, the first day of Spring is announced when temperatures over five consecutive days average above 10 degrees Celsius, or 50 degrees Fahrenheit. This year, that day came on March 24th - making the first day of Spring in Shanghai Friday, March 19. That makes this winter Shanghai's longest in 15 years.

Seriously now, this is a swell idea. It more literally reflects how we talk and feel. And this has been a long winter. Although our high today reached 52 degrees, temps are quickly dropping to the lower forties. While yesterday saw sunshine and a high in the mid-70s, the forecasts for the rest of the week look more like today - rainy and chilly.

Over the past two years, we've been wearing shorts by early April. This year, we're still wearing sweaters now, and this week's forecast shows no signs of improvement. Particularly troublesome because my really-big-belly clothes, purchased back in September, expected a warm April of skirts and tank tops. This 34 week belly is really pushing the limits of my jeans and sweaters!

A Giant Step for China's Orphans

We are happy to support The Half the Sky Foundation, an organization offering "nurturing care for China's orphanaed children." We support them for a number of reasons. First, because we ought to be supporting organizations working to better the place where we live. Next, because supporting China's orphanages is certainly also supporting our Mei Mei until she joins our family. But also because they are a fantastic organization. It is with Half the Sky that I worked with my friends to bring Music Together into the orphanages of China. It is an Half the Sky orphanage I had the privilege of visiting. I have met many of their employees, and I believe in their mission.

All of that to say that we receive their newsletter. And their newsletter had a monumental announcement for China's orphans. I'd love to share it with you. Due to the hard work, effective lobbying and good example of Half the Sky, the Chinese government has decided to:

- Change CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) into CCWC (China Child Welfare Center), making one organization responsible for the welfare of all Chinese children.

- Renew its efforts to find a family for every child, with the recognize that healthy orphans are now rare in the Chinese system but children with special needs still live without families.

- Open children’s welfare institutions to the community, turning them into community centers that provide services like HTS programs for all children, especially those who are disadvantaged: preschools and enrichment classes and guidance for teens and young parents who have no other place to turn. By doing this, CCWC tackles a major failing of all institutionalization – that children grow up in total isolation from the real world.

This will have a huge impact on each of the children under state care in China, bringing them into community with their peers outside of their institution through schools and community events, and placing children without adoptive families into Family Village homes, essentially foster homes with families and true community.

This will also have a huge impact on Half the Sky, as they are working toward putting themselves out of business. They will hand over their institutions to CCWC and become trainers, mentors and facilitators for the Chinese system within five years.

Change can happen fast in China, but quick change generally only happens as it has a positive effect on the economy. It is beautiful to see such a change in the planning stages, knowing that this change will happen fast as well, and will have a dramatic effect on so many Chinese children and so many Chinese families.

If you've had any money seeking a way to make a difference, this would be a worthwhile place to send it.

Poor Wendy

Wendy arrived this morning, and told me she had a nightmare last night. She woke up in a cold sweat. I asked her, What did you dream?

She said,

You sold me. I dreamed that you sold me. I overheard you and Dave talking. You had spent too much money, and you both decided that you could get a lot of money if you sold me to another family.

I laughed, and promised that I had no plans to sell her. I thought nothing more of it.

We've asked a lot of Wendy over the past week, as she's been helping us to renew our adoption paperwork. Her week:

Thursday - She had to arrange Dave's and my local police background checks, meaning multiple trips back and forth to a police station in town, as well as a stop at Dave's office.

Friday through Monday - She had to travel to her hometown for her own police background check. Although she enjoyed the time with her family, she also felt the stress of traveling with a 2 year old and came back to a home full of laundry and dirty dishes. Plus, she spent quite a bit of her time at home waiting in lines at the local police bureau.

Tuesday - She had to report to a clinic for a health exam, again for the adoption paperwork. She began working for us after our last home study, and now must be added to our file as an Adult Member of the Household.

Wednesday - I host a weekly Bible Study, so she had a normal day of washing lots of dishes and shaking crumbs out of the rug. Plus, stopping at the clinic first thing to pee in a cup again.

Thursday - That's this morning. We took her along to the U.S. Consulate to have each of our fingerprints taken. Dave went first, and then me. When it came her turn, she said something to the fingerprint-er in Chinese, and laughed nervously. What did you say? I asked her. The fingerprint-er replied, She says she feels like she is being sold. Many Chinese people feel this way. Apparently, a fingerprint was (is? I hope not!) like signing on the dotted line to sell oneself in China. We promised her that the prints only go to America, so she can only be sold there. We explained that fingerprints in the U.S. are used to see if someone has committed a crime, and so we explained that now she probably can't commit a crime in the states as easily. She said she'd just wear gloves.

Tomorrow - She will return to the clinic to pick up the paperwork from her physical.

And with that last piece of paper, we'll make a bunch of photocopies, place everything in a heavy envelope and overnight it to the good people of US Immigration Services to continue allowing us to wait for a baby from China.

Get This!

We played the waiting game.

We wait to hear from the Foreign Service. We know that invitations to their training classes go out only 4-8 weeks before the beginning of a class. So we wait.

And although praying for The Ultimate (that being a call to D.C. and the Foreign Service this summer), we are beginning to realize that God's plan may take us somewhere else first.

So, we wait on Uncle H--. We waited for Uncle H-- to decide whether they wanted to send us to Hong Kong, or might prefer to ship us back to Chicago. I placed some confidence in this decision, thinking that once Uncle H-- chose between Hong Kong and Chicago, I would only have 2 cities on my preschool application list.

Yeah. So get this.

Uncle H-- in China came back to Dave with a package for Hong Kong, and they truly low-balled it. So low-balled that Dave had to refuse the offer. Simplifying, right?

Dave told Uncle H-- in Chicago that he'd rather just come back home right now.

Uncle H-- in Chicago replied that they feel a stronger need for Dave in Hong Kong than in Chicago, and would try making the case to a global budget. This means waiting a few more weeks.

Yeah, and get this.

Uncle H-- in Chicago comes back to Dave today.
Not with "We're going to make Hong Kong work."
Not with "We're bringing you back to Chicago."
Nope.
"How about New York?"

Just for fun, lets run a few numbers. In St. Louis, we lived in a 3-bedroom house about 20 minutes by bike from Dave's office, downtown. Here in Shanghai, we live in a 3-bedroom house about 20 minutes by bike from Dave's office, downtown. For the same thing in Chicago, Hong Kong or New York?

St. Louis - 1800 square feet - $600 per month
Shanghai - 1800 square feet - $4,000 per month
Chicago - 1600 square feet - $2,600 per month
Hong Kong - 1700 square feet - 85,000 HKD or $11,000 USD per month
New York - 1600 square feet - $6,500 per month

In his current pay scale, Uncle H-- holds the lease and we do not pay our rent every month. The same is true of our children's school tuition. We have a classic expat package, meaning that Dave's salary goes straight into our bank account for groceries and bus tickets every month. It seems that any of these options would include us paying for our own housing... plus, putting 2 children into preschool. In most of these places, tack on an additional $1,000 per kid per month.

Don't expect any fancy Christmas presents from our family this year!

And please, continue to pray that God takes us to DC this summer, or assures us that wherever we go next is certainly the right place at the right time for each member of our family.

Many prayers have been answered so far - the most significant being for peace through this pregnancy. I continue to feel happy and peaceful, and this baby continues to have a spirit of peace about her. The girls continue to be happy, and our day-to-day lives have only been overwhelmed by the massive bureaucracy of renewing our adoption paperwork. It is all a bit unsettling, which came to a head last night when Dave and I could not settle on a name for this baby. We don't know where we're going, how we'll pay for it, whether the adoption will work out, or even what we'll name the baby that's going to join our family in a few short weeks! Unsettling, to say the least!

The Plot Thickens

The comfort of living a dramatic life is the knowledge that it will someday lay out into a great story - a bestselling novel. But this is becoming too much. The book would be too confusing for anyone to follow!

A few updates for you:

The Foreign Service Register:
Remember from before that Dave has received his Security Clearance and now waits on the Register to be invited to one of the monthly training classes. Dave arrived on the register in the middle forties. Within two weeks, he had fallen to the low fifties. Further, State only reached as low as the middle 30s in their invitations for the May class.

What does this mean?

Well, this is all pure speculation. But we speculate that many people have tested well in the Political cone lately, and that a score of 5.6 may no longer be enough to guarantee a spot in the Foreign Service. This possibility makes Dave extremely anxious, bordering on depression. I feel much more confident that he will eventually be called, but the situation certainly calls for a pro-active stance.

Dave has begun studying Chinese, because passing a telephone language test would add either 0.17 or 0.4 points to his score. If he passes the test, he will certainly have a high enough score to guarantee a spot in the next class. If he does not pass the test, he will prepare to begin the entire process over again. He would take the written exam again, and pass easily. A few months later, he would take the Oral Exam again in a different cone (Economics, most likely). Even if he received the same score, he would be guaranteed a spot in the next class because the Political cone is the only one currently overrun.

Impact?

Although DC is still a possibility for this summer, it is certainly not a sure bet. But Uncle H-- moving us outside of Shanghai is a sure bet. Staying put is not an option.

The Move:
Uncle H-- still wants to move us to Hong Kong this summer. I have begun to realize how difficult this would be. Housing and rent would be challenging, as would setting up school (preschool registration forms are expected this month). I would expect to stay for about 6 months - not long enough to make friends or establish or a real support group. Not really long enough to hire a good ayi or figure out how to maneuver a new foreign city. And facing each of these challenges with a newborn and two preschoolers only intensifies the situation.

We have asked Uncle H-- to consider moving us to Chicago instead. Professionally, Dave hates this option. I must keep reminding him that he wants no future with this company, but he still struggles with the choice. The advantages of Chicago are numerous. Much of Dave's family lives in the Chicago area, and my parents are a simple weekend away in St. Louis. We could surround the girls with their family, and Dave with a wonderful support system during this transition period. And, we could almost certainly get The Red Chair from Chicago to DC when the time came.

But if finding a circle of friends for me within 6 months would be difficult in Hong Kong, it feels nearly impossible in the western suburbs on Chicago. Plus, get this logistic - in the DC area, Lilly is kindergarten age this fall. In the Chicago area she was born 4 days too late. One more city to begin researching preschools - and this time, we seek the right place (and tuition) for 2 children.

The Adoption:
As if all this were not enough.

We updated our homestudy this weekend in order to remain on the waiting list to adopt a child from China. Our social worker shared some interesting speculation of her own with us. Let me ensure you are up to date with us on the adoption, though.

We chose to become pregnant last summer because it looked as if our wait would end up being 3 years total. Such a wait would bring about a 5-6 year gap between Sophia and Mei Mei, which made us uncomfortable. So, after speaking with our adoption agency, we decided we ought to just sneak a little Jake in the middle there.

Fast-forward to December, when a number of expedited families living in China were matched with their baby. They had been waiting about 22 months, which looked like a pattern to us. We speculated that we would be matched with our baby next spring. Jake would be about 15 months old when we picked up her 6 month old sister. It would be close, but it would be possible.

Our social worker gave different - and much more informed - speculation. It looks to her as if expedited families are ready to move quickly. She speculates that we could receive our match anytime - she says there seems to be no pattern at all.

Bad news.

Bad news because China will not (and should not) allow us to adopt Mei Mei while we have a child under 12 months old in our home.

Bad news because we do not have a 6 month grace period, as we originally thought.

And bad news because we've already got enough uncertainty in our lives.

** A few words of comfort for you, though. Although we have this hanging over our heads, it has very little impact on our daily lives. We still enjoy our friends and the emerging spring weather, and we continue to feel the excitement of a new baby joining our family in a few weeks. Our future certainly calls for as much prayer, faith and grace as we can summon. But the days are far from dark.

Number Crunching

Prepare yourself - this post will include a lot of numbers.

Dave was added to The Register on March 3rd. With a score of 5.6, he is now 46 out of 141.

Allow me to explain the register, and to put his numbers into context. This way, you can share our anxiety for the next few months.

The Register
To run through the past year, Dave has passed an test, written essays, passed an oral exam, received medical clearance and received security clearance. Once all of those hoops have been jumped, each candidate is placed on The Register. This is essentially HR's list of bodies eligible to begin training. You see, Dave can not simply be sent out into the world as a diplomat. He must begin his Foreign Service career with a series of training classes in Washington, DC. State offers these classes approximately every 6 weeks. Here are the start dates for upcoming classes:

March 29
May 10
June 21
August 2
September 13

HR invites nearly 100 students to each training class. That's about 20 from each cone. (Remember cones or tracks? This is the candidate's chosen career track. Dave chose Political. There's also Management, Economics, Consular and Public Diplomacy).

Placed at #46 on the political register, we could assume that Dave would in the 3rd group of 20 political candidates and therefore called to the August class (March's class is already full). But its more complicated than that.

People arrive at their place on the register by two statistics - their score, and the date they hit the register. Dave's score is 5.6. He hit the register on March 3rd. Anyone with a 5.6 or lower who arrives on the register from now on will be behind him. But anyone with a score of 5.7 or higher will hit the register above him. This could potentially pull him lower on the list - an acquaintance was 68 out of 68 when she first hit the register, and has fallen to 83 out of 97 within only 2 months.

People also have the option of going DNC at any time. Going DNC is adding your name to the Do Not Call list. Dave has already added his name to the Do Not Call list for May, because we expect a baby to be born on or near the start date. A move from China between now and then is not in the cards. But many other people are on the DNC list as well, meaning that invitations always dip lower on the register than #20. The February class called #40 and the October class called #54.

This is where it becomes a real gamble. No one can guess how many people will join the register in the next few months, or estimate how high their score. No one can guess how many people will stay on or off of the DNC list - although we assume that a fair number have been waiting for the end of the school year.

Here's our anxiety-ridden speculation:
We speculate that most DNC candidates are waiting for the end of the school year, and will come off of the DNC list for the June and August classes.
We know that Uncle H-- will move us in mid-July, if Dave has not already resigned.
We worry that there will be an extra move before our arrival in DC, costing both ourselves and Uncle H-- a good chunk of money, and costing the girls and I a good chunk of stress and discomfort.

Hence the planning for two separate moves.

We're hoping and praying for an invitation to the June or August class, and we may spend some time on pins and needles until we find out for sure.