The New Travel

We left home at 2:00pm on Friday afternoon.  We arrived in Chicago at 5:30pm on Saturday afternoon.  This was a shorter total travel time than from China - although by the calendar, it took much longer.  The flight from Shanghai to Chicago only clocks in at 30 minutes.  Driving and flying both have their advantages and disadvantages, but we arrived full of energy and happy to be here.

But here's the really exciting part - no jet lag!  A night sleeping on the ground, followed by a day in the car screwed up everyone's systems enough to completely annihilate the difference one puny hour would make in our appetites and sleeping habits.  Everyone is on track - after only one night!

And it only gets more exciting.  The time difference between Caracas and the Midwest is 30 minutes.  Weird, right?  And awesome.  We will not face jet lag for the next 4 years!  Man oh man, what rest that brings to my soul.

The Budget Update

I'm standing by groceries by my assertion that groceries are expensive.  And I don't feel bad for struggling through the budget adjustments.  But I have come to realize that I've got more room that I thought.  A good friend sent along some tips, and a peek into her budget.  She feeds and bathes her family or 5 - remarkably similar to ours in age - off of a fireman's salary, and a $600 monthly consumables budget.  I am inspired.

Here are some of my plans for decreasing our budget:

- Cutting out alcohol; parties at our house will be BYOB for the next year or two.
- Cutting out organics;  children in our house will not die any earlier if they eat pesticides for the near future;
- Making use of what's in the house when planning meals; and
- Eating out cheaper and less frequently;  weekend outings will include sack lunches, and fun evenings out will be to Baskin-Robbins ice-cream instead of to BGR burgers and milkshakes.

They're pretty simple steps, so I know we can do it.  When we decided to take this job, I was kind of looking forward to living off of a budget and making more fiscally responsible choices.  Its good.  But I'll admit - now I'm looking forward to living in Venezuela, making more money with less expenses, and not worrying quite so much about the budget.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As you can imagine, I've been rather obsessively googling Caracas and Venezuela for the last few days.  I'm pulling together bits and pieces, and here's what I've got so far:


The Good:
Apparently, the place is beautiful.  Caracas nestles up against rows of green mountains, which abut the ocean, making Venezuela the country with the longest Caribbean coastline.

The school seems unreservedly good.  Probably not perfect, but I have yet to see a bad review of the place.  It seems that they foster community and have a truly international spirit with an American curriculum.

The commute will be amazing.  The Embassy, our housing, and the school each rest within 2km of each other.

The city of the eternal summer has nightime lows in the 70s and daytime highs in the 80s, all year long.  The rainy season brings humidity, and the dry season clears all that out - but that's the only real change in the weather.

The list goes on:  fantastic fresh fruits are available year-round;  access is easy to the islands of the Carribean; the interior of the country includes amazing and still wild wonders like Angel Falls and the Amazon rainforest.

The Bad:
Apparently, the environment within the embassy could be better.  Allow me to choose diplomatic language - for the work environment, this is generally no one's favorite post.  However, word on the street is that new management is arriving soon and plans to turn morale around.

Dave's work will be purely consular, and the language of Venezuela is Spanish.  He's not so excited about working the visa line for two years;  and he would prefer to invest in French or Portugese, in a language which prepares him for a career in Africa rather than in the Western Hemisphere.  I expect these attitudes to improve once he begins the work, but he's not feeling excited yet.

Housing is all apartments, so there'll be no running outside to play or meeting at the playground.  Security concerns keep everyone rather confined.  This makes the good school close by particularly valuable.

The Ugly:
Caracas apparently holds the world record for number of annual homicides per capita.  It may also hold the world record for number of annual homicides, forgetting about the capitas.  It beat out Baghdad four-fold a few years ago and it doubles Mexico with its drug cartels and sizable land mass.  A politically charged environment with under-funded police and a vast rich-poor divide fueled by an oil boom has left a country with loads of folks wielding guns.  Carjackings, muggings, kidnappings and murder are all far too common in Caracas.

My comfort is that the most violent and the most frequent of these offenses occur inside a few awful neighborhoods - places we will never go.  We will live carefully, watch our backs, not argue with folks holding guns, and pray an awful lot for our safety.  We will spend a lot of time at work, at home and at school - which we do anyway.  We will be careful, and we will focus on the positive.

And we will probably not expect many visitors in Caracas.  So, we will be in Virginia for the next 18 months or so.  Our safe neighborhood and our comfortable backyard invite you to soak up some time with us before we take off for the murder capital of the world.

Caracas, Venezuela

At the end of 2012, or possibly the beginning of 2013, our family will move to Caracas, Venezuela.

Time to start reading up!

Dirty Little Secret

I am worried that I portrayed my message poorly yesterday.  All day, I've walked around feeling nervous;  nervous that I came across as callous and selfish, and accomplished nothing more than convincing people not to visit me.  Even though I may be callous and selfish, I certainly do want you to visit me.  And furthermore, the negativity may have weakened my point.

So allow me to let you in on a dirty little secret:

House Guests are hard work.

Living as an expat in China, my friends and I became quite familiar with hosting House Guests.  I will unreservedly say that we love it.  Rather surprisingly, most of the folks living abroad are quite close to their families and friends back home, and sincerely appreciate anyone who makes that strenuous and expensive effort to visit.  Planning the visit alone is stressful, and we thoroughly appreciate it.  The same is true now, even though I live closer than China - the trip to the East Coast takes vacation days and gas money, and I appreciate anyone who considers visiting.

Here's how the conversation always goes, with only four possible endings:

My friend:  My brother and his wife are arriving next week.

Lynne:  How great!  How long will they stay?

My friend:  They're staying for 3 weeks.

Lynne:  How's that gonna go?


My friend (option #1):  Oh, it'll be fine.  They entertain themselves really well.
My friend (option #2):  Oh, it'll be fine.  They're a big help.
My friend (option #3):  I'm glad they're coming, but its always a little rough. They don't help out at all.
My friend (option #4):  I'm glad they're coming, but its always rather tiring.  They won't go anywhere alone.

So forget any silly rules; forget what a bad roommate I am. 
Just keep a simple mantra in mind: 

Help out and Get out.

Hope to host you soon!

Happy Houseguests

I am a bad roommate.

Follow up with any of the gals I lived with in college - I am no longer in touch with any of them.  My husband supports what they would assert as well.  I am a bad roommate.  I need my space, or I get grumpy.  And, well, sometimes I get grumpy even when I have that space.

But here's the challenge - I love having houseguests.

If you, dear reader, have been considering coming to visit us in the future, please do not let the above assertion put you off.  I want you to visit.  I would love you to visit.  And please, stay for as long as you would like.  I just need you to follow a few simple rules:

No, actually its not as anal as that.  I mean, there are a few house rules, but that's true in any house.  Visitor rules are simply:
A - Quiet hours are from the girls' bedtime at night until the last girl wakes up in the morning, and
B - Nap Time is very serious in this house.  You do not need to nap (very few of us do anymore), but you must keep to yourself.  Everyone needs a little quiet time.

So, this last rule usually threw people off.  See, I was pretty strict about this rule - either stay in your room, or leave the house.  It may sound bad, but it ended up praised by plenty of people.  It gave my mom the chance to explore every afternoon; my mother-in-law the chance to rest and relax every afternoon; my brother the chance to disappear every afternoon; and me the quiet of the house for a little while every day, so that I'm happy to see you return when you do.

But the rule is just a band-aid.  I've been thinking it through, and I think that Miss Manners should write some basic rules of house-guestery.  So, after many, many houseguests - and after being houseguest with many, many people, here it is - Basic Rules of House-Guestery. 

1. Visitors staying 2 nights or less may be considered on vacation, and act accordingly.  They should expect to be fed and entertained.

2. Visitors staying longer than 2 nights should be considered temporary members of the household, and act accordingly.  Meals will continue, but help will be expected and complex dishes will become far less frequent.  Entertainment will slow tremendously.  Guests must begin entertaining themselves, leaving the house on their own, and generally contributing to the household with bits like babysitting, fixing meals or running laundry.

This is pressing on my mind this week, because our family is about to journey back to the Midwest.  Next week, we will make the long and exciting drive through Chicago, St. Louis, Arkansas, St. Louis, Chicago and eventually Arlington.  We will log a lot of road time, and spend about 4 weeks as houseguests.  For a good portion of that, we will be at my folks' house in St. Louis with both of my brothers.  Oh, let me repeat that cause it'll be fun. 

My entire family will be sharing a house again for a while, just like we did when we were kids... except we're not any of us kids, the house is smaller, and we are adding 3 extra kids into the mix.

Oh, I know it'll be fun - for all of us, but especially for the kids.  But I'm making sure my family has on our best Houseguestery.  We will help out, fixing some meals, cleaning our bathroom, keeping our toys contained.  We will get out, not only when I meet up with my friends, but also finding time for just me and each of my girls.  And we know that each of our hosts will do the same.  Cause that much time together would drive nearly anyone crazy.

So, back to the Basic Rules of House-Guestery.  A few more that I've picked up:

1. The host should pay for groceries (with the exception of expensive special requests, like daily alcohol or breakfast cereal in China).
2. The guest should pay for at least one meal out.
3. The host should have the bed ready when the guest arrives - with towels and an extra cup accessible (this is one I drop far too often).
4. The guest should strip their bed when leaving - with sheets and towels left in a neat pile, and pillows, blankets and comforters left folded or made on the bed.


And may I just say that, of course, you have been a perfect houseguest when you stayed with us! 

Not only you, but really we have not had any who left us shaking our heads and our hands in relief.  And most of the rules are common courtesy.  But remember, next time you're staying at someone's house, after 2 days you need to start entertaining yourself.  Get out of the house - we usually live in pretty cool places, so get out there!

Culture Shock

Culture Shock is the well known adjustment to a new and entirely foreign place.  The first month is wildly exciting, the sixth month is absolutely miserable, and by a year in you've forgotten you ever lived anywhere else.

The folks who discuss Culture Shock also say that Reverse Culture Shock can be much more difficult to cope with.  Reverse Culture Shock is the adjustment back to one's native culture, after living outside of it.  I had heard depressing reports on Reverse Culture Shock, and was prepared for a difficult adjustment.  We've had very little trouble (except for the groceries), but a few things do continue to surprise me.

Clothes:
I used to be a jeans and a T-shirt kind of gal.  Well, I still am that kind of a gal, but I used to be a lot frumpier about it.  The jeans fit nicely, but the T-shirt could be old, and would certainly be baggy.  In the time I spent in China, I've decided that its not really appropriate to leave the house in clothes that don't fit, or in clothes that have holes in them.  Faded t-shirts and ripped up shorts were either tossed or moved to the bottom of my drawer.  I may still wear jeans and T-shirts, but everything fits, and things look a bit more put together these days.
That look carried me most everywhere in China - to the grocery store or the playground, to church and to Starbucks, and to most casual restaurants.  But what people wear here keeps surprising me.
We've been spending our Sunday mornings at The Falls Church, a church where we felt comfortable immediately.  But where we also immediately realized that we were underdressed.  Folks there wear their Sunday best.  I haven't worn my Sunday best to church since I was a little kid!  In one sense, this area seems very formal.  But then we went for a bike ride yesterday afternoon, and stopped at a busy playground.  Plenty of folks wore to this playground the clothes they wore to mow the lawn - complete with grass stains.  I'll admit, I'm having trouble reconciling these two.

Prices:
Its not just the grocery store that throws me - but golly, the grocery store sure does throw me.  I love how affordable breakfast cereal and cheese have become for me.  But produce just shot through the roof, and many of my baking and cooking basics cost much more than I expected.  Organic certainly does not fit into our family budget (sadly).
But other things shock me, too.  Target still grabs me, with loads of items that I still categorize as Hard-To-Find sitting neatly on the shelf, with a price tag below $5.  Kids toys cost next to nothing - even good ones.  And I can buy used books everywhere I turn.  I am loving the library, and playgrounds seem to be around every corner.  But entry to swimming pools and museum parking lots seems astronomical.

Life in General:
I am still in love with the green space, and the smell of flowers or grass in the air.  We have been biking and swimming this week, and we'll add camping and hiking in the coming week.  People here are beautifully friendly, and everyone is just awfully nice - including drivers, who just stop in the middle of the street when they see me waiting to cross!  It will take me a long time to get used to that.  D.C. may feel like an expensive region to us these days, but it is certainly pleasant, and we're enjoying it to the full extent of our budget.

Goodness Gracious!

We knew it would be a challenge.  We knew that the D.C. area is an expensive place to live.  We knew that we would have to tighten our belts with that slash in income.  We knew that taking a D.C. post at the beginning of a Foreign Service career was an awfully expensive choice.

But goodness gracious, we did not know how challenging this would be!

I'll not get too far detailed, but here's the gist of it:

Rent is just over half of our monthly income.
We have no car payment.
After the non-negotiables like utilities, internet, and gas for the car, we are left with a very tight disposable budget.
Let me remind you - we have 5 people in our family, all of whom eat, one who still wears diapers.

We have a budget pretty well parsed out, which I'm patting myself on the back for having accomplished after less than 2 months in our home, less than 4 months in this country.

Here are the details:

We have budgeted $500 for leisure - that includes not only eating out, but also going to the pool or buying birthday presents.
We have budgeted $100 for extras - that has come to include hair cuts and wet cell phones.
We have budgeted $800 for groceries - that includes diapers and wipes, cleaning supplies, over the counter medications, and hormone-free dairy products for our growing young girls.

Its a change in lifestyle, but we can handle the leisure budget.  We eat out only once a week, and keep it in the $ category.  No $$ restaurants for this family.  Special treats are ice-cream and not-wanting-to-cook means hot dogs and chips.  This is all standard middle-class stuff.

But the groceries are killing us.  Who would have thought that a family of 5 would struggle to eat off of $800 a month?  A few tricks have helped - planning weekly menus to limit trips to the grocery store (easy), and cutting out organics (ouch!).  But they haven't helped enough.

So my project for the evening - plan out meals for the next two meals, and keep the entire grocery budget under $100. 

Mental Health Update

After the dour tone my posts likely took last month, I thought it best to update y'all on my mental health.

June was rough.  Dave traveled a lot; Annika and I spent too much time in the car, ferrying between schools; and I didn't spend nearly enough time with any friends.

July has been much better.

Dave's hours have improved, to where he's home by 6:30 most nights.
School is out, and we spent our time closer to home, exploring our community.
I've gotten to know one more friend in the last month, but I've also been smarter about planning my time.  Well, and I've had more control over my time, what with the end of school and all.  I've not been so alone.
My parents visited, which was great - especially for the girls.

Taking the weight of the adoption off my shoulders helped a lot, too.  My life feels under control again, as does our future.  Dave worries I'll regret that decision someday, but at this point I feel both peace and relief.

July has been a good month.  Will spend August in the Midwest.  September will bring the beginning of school, new friends and new routines.  I'm looking forward to it, and feeling at home.

Enjoying America: Fireworks on the Mall

As we've finally begun to settle into our lives, as we are no longer adopting, and as I ought not write about all of the crazy things my neighbors do (they're actually quite lovely and appropriately normal people), I need to add a new category to the blog.

Living in a place for only about 18 months gives us a real incentive to explore the area. We're having a great time so far, and thought to share some of the fun we have while we live on the East Coast.

And I'll start the series with a bang. Spending our first Independence Day on the East Coast, how could we do anything except celebrate on the National Mall? We Metro-ed down in the afternoon, explored the Smithsonian's Folklife Festival, ate some overpriced hot dogs and lemonade, and then marched toward the Lincoln Memorial to stake out our spot. We sat on a blanket for about 3 hours, taking breaks to explore the Vietnam and Korean War Memorials and the Lincoln Memorial, and to eat ice-cream or play frisbee. Lincoln's front steps got crowded, but the park itself is certainly large enough to handle such a crowd. A large expanse of green space in a flat city with height-restricted architecture is a simple place to watch fireworks. We looked at the Washington Monument and watched the show.



Unfortunately, I didn't bring my tripod. So I'm not posting these photos for their amazing skill - but just for what they still capture. How close we were to the fireworks, and how rapt each of the girls were for those 20 minutes.

The Taste of Chicago is a wonderful Independence Day fair; St. Louis puts on an amazing fireworks display from a barge on the Missouri River; and small groups of American celebrate heartily in Shanghai. It didn't win for most crowded, best fair, or best fireworks. But there is just something about celebrating the 4th of July on the Mall. I would definitely do it again.

Bid Season

Because Dave will finish his D.C. post in less than a year, we are now in the middle of bidding for our next post. The process is a bit different from bidding for the first post - where we had very little input into where we would go, or when. This time we have a list of over 200 posts. From that list, we can pull out our top 30 job / places and rank them from our first to least favorite. Seems desirable, right? Out of a great big world, we get to pick our 30 favorite places to go.

Its not that easy.

Dave did not learn a language for this post - so he must for his next post. That eliminates about one-fifth of the posts on the list.

Dave is not doing Consular work in this job - so he must for his next post. These are both requirements which each junior officer must fill within his first two tours. That eliminates over one-third of the posts on the list.

And most complicated, the timing must work. Each post has a date listed when they desire to fill the job. Likely, that date is when the last employee will leave. Dave will need to finish his current position, take Consular training and finish language training before he can start a new job. Depending on the language, he could take a post that starts between Nov. of 2012 and April of 2013. That eliminates a whole heckuva lot of posts.

Combine these three requirements with the few posts which don't allow children, and our eligible list is 27. And on that list, we have duplicates (where that post is listing multiple jobs). Also on that list, we have posts where the kids ride in an armored vehicle to attend school in another country. Also on that list, we have posts with no English school at all, where our kids (including a then 2nd grader) would learn either Spanish or French through full immersion.

The top 15 or so places on our list are pretty great. The bottom 15 or so are a little scary. I feel confident that we can fall well. Dave feels confident that his lack of seniority coupled with the lack of hardship associated with Northern Virginia gives him zero equity, and zero chance of landing a good post.

We turn in our list early next week, and expect to know by the end of the month.

Mourning Mei Mei

We named her Grace.

Somewhere in the first year or so of planning our adoption, we named her Grace. We always called her Mei Mei, which means little sister in Chinese. We figured we'd call her that, too. But her name would certainly be Grace. No middle name yet - that would depend upon her Chinese name, and all of the circumstances when we met her.

It was such her name that when I was pregnant with Annika, we never considered that name. The name Grace has already been given to one of our children.

I mourn that child this week, because Dave and I have decided not to move forward with our adoption. I say this with a heavy heart, because we are now missing a member of our family. But I also share it with confidence that we made the right choice. Our family is complete right now, and China currently turns away families who would love to adopt because of a surplus of loving parents. She will still be adopted, and she will be fine.

I don't mean to sound overdramatic. Our child never died. She will live a healthy life, and was never our child to begin with. I won't mourn her for years. But this week, our family is one child smaller, and I am mourning Grace.