Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Poor Simplification

I did something new today. Something which I have never done, in all the time I've been in Shanghai.

I pulled out my inventory list. This is where I documented why everything I own currently sits. We loaned out furniture, we gave away dishes, we stored blankets and any mix of these options and all other belongings that we did not bring with us.

I pulled out my list, just to what I'll have waiting for me when I get back. Yeah, my leather chair will be nicely worn and waiting for me. My towels will be nice and soft, having gone through the wash only a few times since we left. And all of my baking supplies sit neatly packed in a box in my basement. Thank goodness - none of them will be lost in someone else's kitchen.

Being a stay-at-home mom is becoming boring. I don't do my own chores - thank goodness. And I get enough sleep - thank goodness. But my entire schedule revolves around this house, or places I can go with children. Yawn.

So I've decided to start baking. I've been baking more since we moved here, because if I don't make the chocolate chip cookies myself, I won't be eating them. I've noticed my skills improving, which is heartening. I've also noticed that although I don't know how to cook, I do know how to bake. My mother baked a pie or a cake, brownies, bars or cookies every few days when I was a kid. My grandmother always had a selection of baked goods at hand when we arrived. I stirred and folded and kneaded through my childhood, and those skills have returned easily.

What's frustrating is that I need some tools. And those tools lie neatly wrapped in newsprint, safely packaged together in well marked boxes in my basement in St. Louis. I'm relieved to see that they are fully mine, with no ambiguity about whether they will become mine when I return. But it sure would feel silly to purchase more baking supplies at twice the price. I suppose I should just limit my baking to the tools I brought with my - the worlds of breads, cookies and bars should keep me occupied for quite some time.

I can't decide whether being a stay-at-home mother is more boring abroad, or less.

In Shanghai's favor, I am surrounded by other moms in the same position. We have loads of different backgrounds - one gal is working on her PhD and another didn't finish cosmetology school. But all of my friends are sharp and outgoing women who are willing to take on a challenge head on, but are eager to support the people around them. I've got a good group of friends, and they're all free during the day.

In St. Louis' favor, I had a full life outside of my home. I was involved in the neighorhood - attending and sometimes leading neighborhood meetings, organizing playground builds and lobbying local politicians for funding, going to outdoor movies and block potlucks. I was involved in my church - belonging to multiple small communities, serving on committees, fundraising for the school. I still had a reputation as a professional - I was connected to my former employer, I did contract work, and I had the potential for more if I so chose.

In St. Louis, I could easily go back to work at any point. No doubt, I could find an interesting job.

In China, well, with a social work background I have to believe that I could find a truly rewarding and important volunteer position. And various expat agencies offer classes and workshops for trailing spouses... at an expat price - over $100 for a 4 hour cooking class. Of no matter, because I've chosen that these not be available to me. I've chosen to spend the majority of my time with my children. A choice I'm comfortable with, either in the states or abroad.

But wow, these four walls are feeling pretty tight.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Deja Vu

Have a seat for this one, and put on your thinking cap. This could get a little confusing.

To clarify a bit, allow me to do a quick list of characters, in the order they shall appear.

Dave He runs his department in Shanghai.
He directly reports to the Shanghai boss, but receives support
from the Field Boss.

Field Boss A friendly fellow who oversees Dave's department for the Asia-Pacific region.
He's a good idea guy (I've said before that I like him), but he seems to have
very little follow through or ability to get things done.

Shanghai Boss She runs the practice in China, not just Dave's department.

Singapore Boss She runs the office in Singapore, not just Dave's department.

Asia-Pacific Boss This guy has face-to-faces with the CEO.
He IS Uncle H-- on this side of the world.

Lynne Dave's wife, and your narrator.

A while back, Dave and the Field Boss were discussing Dave's future with the company. When Dave expressed an interest in more consulting and less business management, the Field Boss suggested a position currently open in Singapore. Dave followed up a few days later, expressing serious interest in the position. The Field Boss said he'd follow up with a few people, but felt confident that the position in Singapore was Dave's for the taking.

One of the people the Field Boss talked to was the Shanghai Boss. She needs to approve Dave's leaving his current position. She seemed less than enthusiastic, but never acted as if she would actively block his way toward a more interesting position because of the current problems in China. The Shanghai Boss gave a reserved green light to the move.

The Field Boss then moved on to the Singapore Boss. It seems that the Singapore Boss does not have the budget for an expatriate, and explained that in no uncertain terms. The position remains unfilled, but the Singapore Boss feels she has no means to fix that. She is otherwise impressed by Dave and happy to support his move to Singapore. The Singapore Boss gave a green light without funding.

With no money coming from the Singapore Boss, the Field Boss was left in a quandry. And lets not forget - the Field Boss is not generally a man who gets things done. Our impression is that the Field Boss really wants Dave in Singapore. So, our understanding is that the Field Boss asked the Asia-Pacific Boss to fund both the move and the position.

This is where things have stood for a few weeks now. We've twiddled our thumbs, waiting for word on whether a position in Singapore awaits Dave in January. We've canceled vacations. We've held L--'s spot at The Wonder Center. We've searched for new housing, and then stopped. We've searched for replacement tenants, and then stopped. The frustration of waiting for Uncle H-- to make a decision seemed reminiscent of this time a year ago, waiting for details on the move to Shanghai.

Then, today we got some news - bringing the deja vu factor into full effect.

It seems that the Asia-Pacific Boss' boss is retiring.
It seems that the Asia-Pacific Boss will be promoted.
It seems that the Shanghai Boss will be promoted to Asia-Pacific Boss.

It seems that Dave and his family have not been at the forefront of the decision-makers minds over the last few weeks.

Let me refer you to posts made in May and June of 2007 - where the Shanghai Boss left rather suddenly, and the Asia-Pacific Boss was left doing both positions. It seems this will soon happen again, but in the reverse order.

With the exception of the Singapore Boss, who seems rather impotent in this story anyway, the entire cast of characters will be in Shanghai this week. Announcements will be made, hiring plans will be decided, and budgets will be set. If they can't make a decision for Dave this week, it seems they never will.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Blessed Be Your Name

Our family went to church yesterday. For the first time in months, we sat among a community of Christians and worshipped. We had visited this church before, but for various reasons which no longer exist we had not returned. Good friends invited us to join them and we returned. We carpooled, and our girls chatted en route. We entered church just in time to find seats before the singing began. It felt comfortable being in a crowd of people singing the songs that I know. They sang their songs with a different lilt and speed, and so it didn't feel like home. But it felt good.

The third song they sang was Blessed Be Your Name.

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name


Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name


Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord, Still I will say...


I sang the song in near entirety, for the first time since we moved here. It felt good to Bless His Glorious Name, and to feel at peace and at home with my life. But my voice caught in the middle of the second verse.

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out, I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord, Still I will say...


These were the words I wanted to sing to God a few months ago. But I couldn't. My eyes would tear and my voice would break before I could ever voice them. And now, as the sun shines on me through the smog and the world is all as it should be, I find myself able to worship again.

What type of person does that make me?

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say Lord,
Blessed be your name

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Early and Often

I received my absentee ballot in the mail yesterday.

I was so excited. I came right upstairs, ripped open the envelope, and sat right down to vote. I signed my name to the envelope and sealed it up. Civic duty completed, I went on with my day feeling nice and smug.

Today, I received another absentee ballot in the mail.

Same name, same address, identical ballot.

It seems that the St. Louis Board of Elections has adopted the old Chicago saying, Vote early and vote often.

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Clumsy Expatriate

I'm no athlete. I never played on a team in high school, and with good reason. I still close my eyes when a ball flies toward me, even if I'm wielding a wooden bat.

But I wouldn't call myself clumsy, either. I'm not prone to falling down or running into things.

Until recently. I'd say that within the past 10 months, I've gained a new propensity for running into people.

I would swear that I never ran into people before I moved to China. I could move through a packed shopping mall without touching a soul. I could ride my bike without swerving madly to miss someone in front of me.

In China, I can't even walk down the sidewalk without nearly crashing into someone. You would think it worse with the stroller, but people seem somehow afraid of such a monstrosity - two children? did you birth them both? how lucky for you! - and seem to move out of my way at the last minute. I always win in that game of chicken, which gives me false confidence when I'm moving as a solo individual. On a bike ride to the grocery store, a quick walk through the store, and a bike return back home I nearly ran into or slammed sidelong into at least 4 people.

As maddening as it can be, I have to give the Chinese credit for this cultural construct. There are a lot of people in China. No one has personal space, with the possible exception of people rich enough to afford 180 square meter apartments for only 4 people. No one is bothered by running into people on the sidewalk. Its not worth it. The average person is within a few inches of someone else for much of the day, and who cares? I probably ought not.

Chronicle of a Dinner

Monday:
Poured over cookbooks. Six cookbooks, to be exact. Found exactly 2 recipes I can make at a reasonable cost in Shanghai - cookies and pasta.

Tuesday:
Trip to the grocery store. Paid nearly $10 for bacon - but the recipe wouldn't be nearly as good without it, right?

Wednesday:
Made the cookies. YUM. I'd make that in America!

Thursday:
Searched a large vegetable stand for zucchini. No luck. No pasta tonight.

Friday, 12:30pm:
Searched the wet market for zucchini. Bought 3 different types of cucumber, but no zucchini.

Friday, 2:30pm:
Girls are both napping - or at least penned up and relatively quiet. Decided to move forward with the pasta, sans zucchini. Chopped and prepped everything.

Friday, 4:00pm:
Dave calls. He's coming home early! Dinner at 6:00 tonight.

Friday, 5:00pm:
L-- pees on the couch. Pull off the cover and stuff it in the sink, because it won't fit in the washing machine. Sink is down to a single for the remainder of the evening.

Friday, 5:15pm:
L-- pees on the couch. With no cover to remove, scrub the couch to remove any remnants of pee smell. Patience is wearing thin.

Friday, 5:30pm:
Move the laptop into the kitchen - its our only source of music - and blast The Fratellis. Mood is improving, although my dancing is not.

Friday, 5:35pm:
S-- moves into the kitchen and begins playing quietly on the floor. Mood is improving even more. Dancing is still pretty poor.

Friday, 5:40pm:
Cook the bacon.

Friday, 5:45pm:
Move bacon to a papertowel, and begin cooking chopped onion in the bacon grease. L-- moves into the kitchen. Still a bit grumpy from the two recent full-body-pee-clean-ups, she steals empty pitchers and Tupperware lids from S--. It wouldn't upset most people, but it sends S-- into a fury.

Friday, 5:50pm:
L-- has been permanently moved out of the kitchen, leaving the onions burnt and the kitchen a bit smoky. Thank goodness for a lack of smoke detectors!

Friday, 6:00pm:
Dinner is ready, right on time. Despite the burning and the smoke, things moved along smoothly. L-- has not peed a third time. Mood has improved again.

Friday, 6:02pm:
Call to Dave.

Lynne: Where are you?

Dave: I got out of the office a bit late. Just entering the tunnel.

Mood drops dramatically.

Friday, 6:05pm:
Dinner sits on the stove, either growing cold or burning. L-- and S-- circle me screaming. Tuning it all out, I sit on a children's plastic chair facing the computer placed on a fake-Corian countertop in a dimly lit kitchen, listening to whatever came on after the Fratellis, and just write for a few minutes.

As Garbage begins on the I-Pod, Mood-ometer rises again to full.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Expat Summer

Dave tells me that I should be writing every day. He tells me that something interesting must happen to me every day. I'm not convinced it does, and wary of turning this into a mouthpiece for my ramblings, I've kept mum while life is dull. But maybe he has a point - dull life in Shanghai doesn't quite match my life 1 year ago.

We've had a pretty boring week. In the interest of a potential adoption and a potential international move, I'm trying to pinch my pennies a bit. This has led to lots of walks, evenings at the playground, and mornings at the grocery store. We've made some new friends, because the social dynamics here change dramatically over the summer. Most families leave Shanghai for the summer. They generally choose to go home for 6 weeks or so, most of their children's break from school. Contracts also tend to end in the summer, so many people move out entirely in June and July. And suddenly the expat community is much smaller. Luckily, a few of our good friends and neighbors have stayed for the summer and so we've not felt the change too dramatically. But we met a family this morning who live in a very family-oriented suburb (by contrast, our neighborhood is more young couples, possibly with very young children). Most of the units in their complex are sitting empty right now - she says her neighborhood feels like a ghost town.

Its always fun meeting new people, especially after having rested in what has become a strong group of friends over the past few months. I've enjoyed broadening our scope and adding in new playmates for the girls. The best news has been the availability of older children for L-- to play with, which has made a noticeable difference in her social interactions.

Its a joy to meet so many new people, and to watch the girls interact with new children. But we have hits and misses. And every time I make a new connection, I feel like I have to put them on my calendar within the next week. And now our calendar is just a bit too full - I'm feeling overscheduled, much like I felt back in March when I was still searching valiantly for friends at all.

By the way, "a bit too full" as mentioned above in reference to our family calendar means that the girls and I are now scheduled 2-3 hours a day, 4 days a week.

I know - the standard is low.

Its not a bad life - not at all.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Shanghai Urban Planning Museum

As a resident of a city, people tend to miss visiting the tourist attractions. As temporary residents, we piled on the attractions for the first few months. But as we began to settle in, fall into a routine, and make friends within our neighborhood, our touristing slowed down dramatically. These days, we're more likely to spend a morning playing with friends or to spend an afternoon at the playground or the pool.

This morning, the weather predicted a typhoon. Supposed to hit Shanghai last night by 6:00pm, we were expecting forbidding weather all day today. The wind is wild enough that we've emptied our balconies, but we've not seen a drop of rain today. Still, in anticipation of the bad weather, we decided to spend the day indoors. And what better way to entertain a family indoors than to head toward a museum?

We sent my parents to the Shanghai Urban Planning Museum while they were in town, and they reported that it was probably more interesting to residents of the city. No doubt this is true.

The first floor showed a model of the Bund - one of Shanghai's most vaunted tourist sites, the city plans to spruce up the walkways and parkland. As people who have walked and watched the Bund regularly, seeing the planned changes was interesting.

The second floor was devoted to Expo 2010. They displayed models of key buildings, all unique and fun to see. The captions were entirely in Chinese, so we breezed through this section, stopping only at the promotional video. But this I loved. A 5 minute video displaying the most beautiful sites in China, alonside our well-known sites in Shanghai accompanied by children singing and dancing. I'm a sucker for dramatic music and this video made me itch to travel more through this striking country.

The third floor was why we went, though. A huge model of a large swath of the city lie in the center of the room. A raised path circled the entire model, which our girls loved to wander and climb, leaving Dave and I plenty of time to figure out what changes Shanghai has planned for our neighborhood and how the twisting river lays out in this city. The model is impressive, although certainly moreso for people who can identify many landmarks. Along the walls was a display on Lujiazui - our neighborhood in Pudong. Pudong is essentially the portion of the city of Shanghai that lies east of the river, and nearly all development here has happened since 1990. The museum posted a series of pictures taken from the Pearl Tower, one each year since 1991. The changes were dramatic, and rather mind-boggling.

We found the museum quite interesting, and well worth the 30RMB entrance fee. Our children loved the open spaces, the stairs around the models, and pushing buttons which made things light-up.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Hong Kong

My first visit to Hong Kong left me intimidated. I took my first steps on Asian soil in Hong Kong. Our company sent us to look at both Hong Kong and Shanghai, originally undecided as to where we should live. We walked the streets of Hong Kong with no direction and no budget. We saw no green space for children to run and play. We walked on tight sidewalks, practically enmeshed with the tight streets clogged with chugging trucks and zooming taxis and all holding a thick cloud of exhaust and smog. We climbed steep hills, up and down, up and down. How could I raise two young children in this city? How could I live in this city? We followed that visit with a trip to Shanghai, and stayed in the French Concession. I fell in love with the wide streets, the sycamors growing out of the cafe-lined sidewalks, and the many small parks.

We have lived in Shanghai nearly 1 year, and all of the stars have left my eyes about this city. We visited Hong Kong again last weekend, and I transferred my love back to that city. Such an exciting mix of East and West. In so many ways Asian, filled with tall buildings rising straight from the sidewalks, markets and shops falling out of doorways and spilling into streets, the scent of new food cooking around every corner. But in so many ways a modern Western city.

People still pushed us. People still stopped to photograph our children. Elevators were still located up a few steps from the door. But life was so much simpler. Signs and labels were written in English - I could converse with the taxi driver and the clerk at the store. Everything worked in our hotel room, and the bathroom didn't smell. The tap water wouldn't make us sick (although we still couldn't bring ourselves to drink it).

And although the lack of greenspace made me feel claustrophobic on our first visit, this time Hong Kong felt so much greener than Shanghai. Although Shanghai is spotted with green space, the lawns are cordoned off with lawn police snapping at children who break the barrier. Many of the parks are full of retired men sitting around smoking and most of the city has a standard smell, combining cigarette smoke, pee and Chinese food into one sickening scent. We saw no green parks in tropical Hong Kong, but that hardly mattered. Because trees and leaves and flowers grew from every point, and their mere presence made it easier for me to breathe. The city is small. It is tight and compact because it sits on a small island with a peak at the center. The magnificent high-rises that make up the city centre stand on a small strip of land between the harbor and a peak covered with trees and fog. From anywhere, you can look up and see plenty of green rising to meet the sky. This natural horizon felt much more beautiful than the unending line of buildings over which the sun sets in Shanghai.

We shopped, and I concluded that the day that Shanghai receives a store like Bumps to Babes is the day that this city is no longer a hardship post for expats. We loaded up at baby stores and grocery stores. We ate good food. We ate Krispy Kreme donuts. We spent some extra cash on a photography shop. We spent a day at Disneyland. But we also walked through Hong Kong Park and the Hong Kong Zoo and Botanical Gardens. Everything was within a few miles and we walked or rode public transportation for most of the weekend.

I changed my mind. Hong Kong would have been a much easier place to live than Shanghai, and much greener. I've joined the throngs who love Hong Kong and I look forward to my next visit.

But in case it needs to be said, I've got no regrets. I've got no love for Shanghai, but I am really enjoying our experience here and the community we've built around ourselves. I think I'm a better person for my time here, and what more can we ask of any experience?

Drama

Historically, I'm not the one with the drama.

Feel free to post a comment if you disagree, but I don't think that I'm usually that person. I've usually got something interesting going on, something to talk about, something to complain about. But no real drama.

But oh man, right now I am that girl.

I am the person with drama.

When people come to my home, they sit down and ask for the update on all of the various bits of drama that are bouncing around our home. And there's always something new and mildly stressful to share.

That said, it is nothing more than drama. Sometimes it gives me a headache, but nothing more. It is certainly true that we are rich, surrounded by friends both nearby and abroad, and full of good health and good spirits. Life is good.

As an update, I am now in contact with 2 real estate agents in Singapore who have proven to be quite helpful. With their assistance, I am in contact with quite a few preschools in Singapore. Most of them I feel would be fine places for L-- and most are accepting applications for January, verses wait listing all potential students.

I have no other updates at this point.
We still have no contract from Uncle H--; so Singapore is still up in the air.
We still have no word on our social worker's accreditation; so adoption is still up in the air.

And we continue to move forward as if both will certainly happen. And just enjoy the drama inherent in our lives at this moment.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Headache

I should be writing about Hong Kong.

We had a lovely weekend, which I've been trying to compose for days.

But every afternoon I've been exhausted, and every evening I've had a headache.

My body handles stress very physically. This has always been true. My mother tells me that at 8 years old when our family moved to Kansas City I got sicker than she had ever seen me.

I just don't know how to do this.

I feel like I should know how to do this.

I've been through it now. We've accepted an expat contract and arranged a move abroad. I know what to expect; I know what to arrange. I know what's important and I know the timeframe.

Plus, Singapore is easy. Its a city full of expatriates, where the official language is English. If we could move to China, we can move to Singapore without a problem.

I want it to be easy, but its not.

Schools in Singapore carry waiting lists of often 2 years. This includes preschools.

Singapore is a country the size of San Diego County. Space is at a premium and rents are sky-high. As near as I can tell, an apartment that would aproximate our home in Shanghai comes at an $8,000 Singapore Dollars price tag. On average - which means that homes near our chosen school (whatever that may be) could run much higher. That's already nearly $6,000 US. And a whole lot more than our rent in Shanghai.

I tried to contact people in Singapore this afternoon, and I got nowhere. I've found a few schools that I like, but I quickly reach dead-ends when I try to contact them. And I can't even find an email address or phone number for a reputable real estate agent to help us negotiate our contract.

The contract which hasn't even shown up yet.

Which means that we're continuing to pursue moving across the river, continuing to put our apartment on the market, continuing to hold L--'s spot at the school here in Shanghai because we don't have any idea what's going to happen.

So last week Disneyland was great. But life is a bit less magical this week.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Accident Waiting to Happen

It seemed clear to me upon moving in that one day I would lose at least one of my children on the elevators. We live on the 12th floor of a 32-story high rise. Three elevators carry people up and down the levels of our building. And whereas in the United States a person need not live in fear of being shut in an elevator door, the elevator doors in China are more like steel traps waiting to slam shut on little arms or strollers. One must hurry to exit the elevator. And a little one must really hurry to exit the elevator with her mother.

Today, S-- did not make it.

S-- has shown herself to have a fierce temper. Coupled with her independent streak and the Swedish penchant to be a stubborn martyr, her temper causes problems for her regularly. Today, under her temper's control, S-- chose to remain on the elevator as the family exited onto the 12th floor. This has happened before. If I drop my load quickly, and then swivel back to lurch my arm in the way of the closing doors, they will usually reopen to allow me to quickly grab S-- and yank her angry little body off of the elevator.

This time I dropped quickly, I swiveled back, I lurched my arm. And the doors closed right in front of me. S-- stayed on the inside of the elevator. L-- and I watched as it climbed up, up, up.

We pressed all of the elevator buttons. The other two came quickly, but S--'s held steady at 20. I sent each elevator packing to the basement and waited for her elevator to return. Eventually, those doors opened. L-- and I jumped on, to join only a solitary man. We must have looked confused and worried, because his eyes went bright and he pointed to 20. Clearly when he had entered the elevator, S-- had exited.

We jumped back off and caught the next elevator going up. Just like in the movies, we stood immobile on the elevator trying to keep our fears in check. A Chinese family next to us laughed at L--'s mismatched shoes and their casual attitudes made me even more frustrated.

The elevator opened onto the 20th floor. L-- and I threw ourselves out the doors.

There was no one there. We turned around and saw no little girls. No adults trying to calm them.

We called her name, S--! S--!

We heard a quiet cry, more confused than upset. We turned the corner. S-- stood against the door 8 floors above ours. No doubt she thought we had alighted on the wrong floor, and was simply waiting to be let in. No fear had entered her mind, and her temper had disappeared. She just wanted us to open the door and let her inside.

Inside my fear of losing a child on the elevator lay the presumed comfort that once lost and alone on the elevator, a child would never again exit slowly and risk a solitary ride. Little S-- held no fear. No doubt she will ride alone again.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Disneyland

Some of you will groan.
Some of you will smile.
And some of you will think nothing of it.

I took the girls to Disneyland yesterday.

A debate rages inside Dave's home. Well, many debates rage inside Dave's family home, but this one may be both the most trivial and the most hotly contested. Dave's brother Jon epitomizes the argument - he hates Disneyland.

Dave sides with his brother. He has no need for the long lines, high prices and essentially advertising that makes up the Disney theme parks. In general, I agree. We try to avoid branding our children - we don't buy clothes with characters on them or dolls who come already named. We enjoy watching our children create their own stories with their own characters - new ones arrive daily now.

But I had nothing to fear. I introduced L-- and S-- to Mickey and Minnie Mouse. I explained that Disneyland is where they live, and that it would be fun to look around their home. But the rest simply went unnoticed. We didn't see Dumbo's Flying Elephant Ride - we marveled at elephants flying. And we simply rode a carousel - that it had Cinderella in the name meant nothing to the girls.

The clouds kept the rain at bay all day, but also hid the sun from glaring down and creating a tropical heat in the high humidity. We lived Disneyland in perfect amusement park weather.

Being a girl of my generation but never having visited a Disney theme park, I was thoroughly enchanted. I found the attention to detail charming, and the pictures and piped music brought me back to my childhood. The crowds were low - we waited 20 minutes to buy our tickets in, and then never waited any longer than 5 minutes for the rest of the day. We paid for me - 50 Hong Kong dollars, at an exchange rate of about 8:1 or about 44 USD - but the girls got in free. And we picked up snacks, but paid no more for them than we would have on the streets of Hong Kong.

Disneyland is a place created with young children in mind. The wide streets with wide sidewalks carry only slow moving busses whose drivers watch carefully for children darting in front of them. Everything is climb-able. What is not meant to be climbed is subtlely cordoned off. The guests were primarily Chinese, which became obvious in some of the tourist practices. Practices like pushing to be first in line - even when the line only contained one other family. Or practices like taking pictures of my children. We felt like characters ourselves, sometimes.

We all had a lovely time. We rode some of the rides, we walked around, we ate plenty of snacks. We never entered a shop and we never entered lines with long waits.

With one exception. As we were beginning to leave, L-- asked when we would visit Mickey Mouse's home. I explained that we had visited Mickey Mouse's home - that's what Disneyland is. She looked puzzled - but where is Mickey Mouse? As luck would have it, Mickey and Minnie were dispensing hugs and autographs in a gazebo nearby. The line was long, but L-- said it was worth it. We had to say good-bye, and thank them for letting us visit their home.

The line moved slowly, and after 5 minutes I began to regret our decision. But then Disneyland worked its magic. One of the workers squatted near the girls and began dispensing stickers. They were thoroughly charmed - stickers are a favorite in our home. Once she had built a raport with the girls, she invited them to come watch Mickey and Minnie close up. L-- grabbed my hand, but I told her I had to wait in line. So she grabbed the staff member's hand instead, and both girls walked up to the edge of the gazebo to watch Mickey and Minnie from close range. The staff loved them - no doubt their blonde hair and light skin worked in their favor, for once. People kept giving them stickers and Mickey and Minnie kept running over to blow kisses and shake their hands. The girls passed the 30 minute wait with no trouble. As we came up for our turn, they returned to the line with me and their excitement mounted. That is, until the moment when no one stood between us and the mice. No gazebo between them. Just two large mice coming at two little girls with arms outstretched. L-- started to cry. S-- screamed and ran hysterical in the other direction. Knowing that her sticker-dispensing friends had stopped S--, I took L--'s hand and led her to Mickey and Minnie. Skilled friends that they are, they worked to warm L-- up to them and soon had her hugging them and receiving kisses. Another staff person held my camera and took pictures, alongside the professional photographer who noticed how much the camera loves L--. Mickey, Minnie, the photographer and the staff all fawned over the girls and took numerous pictures. By the time we were ushered away, L-- and S-- were both entirely comfortable and ready to leave. They both turned around to wave good-bye. Thank-you for letting us visit your home! they chorused.

The music rose to a crescendo as we left through the various exit gates. I happen to know that Ariel leant in to kiss her Prince Eric, and Alan Menken's score rises dramatically for that typical conclusion. It put a smile on my face to feel that Disneyland had so nicely timed its soundtrack as to end what may well be our only day in the Magic Kingdom with such poingnancy. It was truly a magical day.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

An Inspired Artist and Inspirational Friends

L-- is in the habit of taking pictures. She holds her hands to her face and tells us to smile. She sees something of inspiration and pulls out her camera, holds her hands to her face and says click! We had the pleasure of hosting good friends Karoline and Andrea as guests in our home this week, and L-- particularly enjoyed their company. Each of them brought out wonderful sides of her. One afternoon, L-- was showing Karoline the movie out her window. L-- enjoys bringing the remote control into her room, sitting on her red chair and watching the drama taking place out her I-Max sized windows. This particular afternoon, the drama involved zoo animals and she began to take pictures. Karoline pulled out her digital camera and handed it to L--, so she could capture the zoo animals in real digital media. Below is her artwork.





Often an outsider can bring out a person's gifts. L-- and S-- both shone in Karoline and Andrea's warm presence. Both are gifted teachers who felt quite comfortable relating to children in a very personable way. Karoline encouraged L-- to think and act on her creative instincts, reading a beautiful picture book with her, embarking on imaginary journeys together to Beijing and Hong Kong, and taking real photos of the zoo outside her window. Andrea built her independence, enjoying time together without Mom around either on walks or just talking in her room.

I enjoyed their place in our home as well. Tonight the dinner table felt empty and the after-bedtime home feels too quiet. Karoline and I met in Sunday School in 4th grade, and were best friends by 7th grade. We shared our dreams, our humiliations, our youth group and our imaginations. We visited each other during college. She stood next to me at my wedding, and we've stood together at friends' weddings since. And this week I realized how much I've missed her.

No doubt the best friends are those with whom a gap of time has no impact. It doesn't matter how many days, months or years since we last spoke. I can share as much with her now as I could in 7th grade - in fact, surely more. And what a blessing to live so far away that we are forced to spend a week together if any time at all.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

A Chinese Wedding

Dave and I had the honor of attending a wedding this evening. We went with great anticipation. This was to be our first Chinese wedding, and we looked forward to all of the cultural differences. We know that the marriage process differs from the United States. Here, engagement is the exception to the truth - it happens, but seeminly only in couples copying Western practices. Generally, a couple goes to the local government office and gets married. Its akin to getting your marriage license in the states, except that you're getting the entire marriage. Its not a big deal. Something you tell your friends in the office the next day. So, what did you do this weekend? We got married.

The difference in process coupled with religious and cultural differences made us quite interested. As it turned out, our experience was a bit diluted. The bride hails from Qingdao, and they held their wedding banquet there. The banquet in Shanghai, which we attended, was a secondary banquet and rather small. We may well have missed some of the major festivities. Also diluting our evening was the lack of S--'s patience. She struggles to sleep once the sun has been up - and the sun rose this morning at 4:56am.

Still, we enjoyed the experience. Early into the evening I wished I had brought some paper to take notes. Lacking paper or a pen, I resorted to photojournalism.


She is the bride, and one of Dave's co-workers. This is the first dress she wore. We saw two outfits, but I'm confident there were more costume changes over the course of the evening. No doubt this was a rented dress, possibly used in their wedding pictures - which have no ties to an actual event. Wedding pictures in China are the event - the most expensive part of the wedding process, and months away from either the marriage of the reception.





This is the open bar - large bottles of Budweiser (this is an import, remember), a bottle of wine and a bottle of Pepsi on the table. Bottles were quickly replaced as they got low. It gave this classy space a bit of a Knights of Columbus feel.


Oh yeah, and the two boxes of cigarettes. These were part of the open bar as well.


They began serving food as soon as the room became crowded. Some of it sat on the table for quite some time, which seemed of no real consequence to anyone. This is two fried fish. And yes, I ate it. And no, I didn't like it.


Chinese culture is steeped in symbolism. I asked my neighbor if everything served this evening had some sort of symbolism. He scoffed. He is a young twenty-something who just returned last year from 5 years in Canada, but I think his attitude was true of most people of his generation. He said that things supposedly have some symbolism to them, but its not the point anymore. They just follow tradition. Still... we all received a small pot of honey as a favor. Sweet favors are the norm, symbolising good luck.

Food was the central point of the event. At least for us it was. A man, an emcee of sorts, stood with a microphone and made people laugh with great regularity. It is entirely possible that his entertainment was the central point of the event, but we missed it entirely. We enjoyed the food. Chinese meals are all eaten family style, and large groups are always served with a lazy susan in the middle. You take a few bites off of the serving dish, eat them off of your plate, and then dig into the next serving dish. You're lucky if your favorite dish sits right in front of you - you can nibble away at it for quite a while.

The event contained very little ceremony. This seemed a bit like cutting the cake together in the states, but without any silliness. They never distributed the champagne to anyone.


A later course in the evening, this is shark's fin soup. It was tasty, but apparently also wildly unethical. Still... tasty.


After a change of clothes, the couple accepted a toast from every table in the room. This crowd was mall - under 100 people and less than 8 tables, so the couple felt fine afterward. At a large wedding, this event makes good progress toward getting the couple wildly drunk.

And unfortunately, this is where our evening ended. S-- entirely fell part, worse than I've ever seen. The poor girl could not stop crying hysterically, so we brought her home and put her straight to bed. No doubt the party lingers on at this hour, just without us.

We had a lovely evening, but overall I was struck by how not different this event was. It felt very much like a Western wedding reception being held at a Chinese restaurant.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Biking Barefoot

To my readers, it may seem that my feelings about China tend toward the negative.

This is not true. Although many things about Chinese culture and practices grate against my American sensibilities, my experience so far has been positive and I am glad to live here right now.

Days like today remind me of that.

Friends from Kansas City are visiting for the week. They toured China independently for a week, and are finishing their vacation at our family bed and breakfast. The time with them has been relaxed, with many chances for conversation and catching up with each other's lives. But today we followed a pack itinerary, which began at 6:30 in the morning and is only now finishing - at 2:30 am the following morning.

We began the day with a roadtrip to Suzhou. Leaving at 7:00, we made the journey in about 2 hours. The girls did great, the traffic was standard and the drive was smooth. We reached The Garden of the Humble Administrator around 9:30 in the morning, and opened the van doors to overwhelming heat. Our driver told us that the temperatures hit 38 degrees Celsius - that's just over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. Weather.com confirms a 99F high. Add in the region's thick humidity, and this was a hot day to spend wandering through a garden. Dave could not join us, and my friends went on their own with promises to meet back in an hour. So I was on my own with two toddlers in the garden.

I must say, The Garden of the Humble Administrator may be my favorite place in all of China. Often, I find classical pieces of Chinese culture and I fail to see the beauty in them - our cultures differ so vastly that it should come as no surprises that our views of beauty differ as well. But I can not deny the beauty and tranquility of this garden. The girls and I spent happy hours wandering the grounds, and this is nearly 100 degree heat. Pavilions stood on craggy hills, providing shade and catching cool breezes. Stone floors kept hallways cool. No doubt the place was hot, but it was built to so fit its environment that we still enjoyed it. But beyond the inescapable beauty, "the man" in China had done nothing to decrease the integrity of the sight. Too often, beautiful scenery is marred with plastic trees or mountain hikes are avoided by tram rides. But the garden remained in the same state the humble administrator must have left it - the Chinese had the sense to leave well enough alone, and left a truly beautiful setting.

After the garden, we explored a bit, enjoyed some ice-cream and toured the Silk Museum (not really worth the cost of admission), and headed back with two sleepy girls and three hot adults. Traffic was horrible on the drive home, but we all napped and no one seemed to mind the added hour.

After a relaxing afternoon, we gathered together with a crew of Americans to BBQ for Independence Day. I often feel here that I'm faking my holidays when I celebrate them - as if I'm placing them on random days rather than celebrating with a regular community. The same felt true today. Nowhere have I seen anything alluding to American Independence Day, and why would I? So the BBQ felt more like a chance to get together with friends - only a bit odd, since everyone was friend the United States.

As evening BBQs tend to do, ours lasted well into darkness. My friends and I took off at 9:00 for our midnight bike ride, following the same guide and route as I had a few weeks ago. I enjoyed it thoroughly the second time, and will happily ride along with any interested guests in the future. As we split from the crowd in Yu Garden, the three of us enjoyed gentle conversation waiting on the wet curb outside the ferry station. After a long wait, we rode 5 minutes across the river and deboarded to find the ramp to dry ground entirely flooded.

What were we to do?

This was no rain water flood.

This was no burst water pipe flood.

This was a breakage in the river walls, causing the Huangpu to overflow the ramps meant to carry us dry to the street. This was slimy, smelly water. This was the type of water which once soaked into your shoes would leave a permanent stench.

What could we do? It seemed that most people planned to wait it out. While motorbikes steamed right through, pedestrians crowded to the water's edge and stared as if their eyes could force the water to recede. After a few minutes of this staring, our crew lost patience. We untied our shoes, peeled off our socks, and stuffed this new package into our baskets.

And we rode, legs in the air, straight through the water. We carried slimy river water with us all the way home, and left our bikes standing in the hallway to dry.

And my thoughts went two ways.

Thought #1 - What would I have done had I been with the girls? How would I have gotten a stroller across?

Thought #2 - Alone, China's quirks, eccentricities and failure to work can be quite amusing. But so very Chinese.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Irene's Story

Irene has worked for us for 2 months now. Her last day will be Wednesday.

As she has nearly completed her time in our home, I feel a bit more comfortable asking her personal questions. She should no longer feel pressure to answer - I certainly can't fire her.

Irene lives in a boarding house, with other ayis from the Philippines. I have asked her to find her replacement from the ranks of her boarding house, which opened a wonderful window for questions.

Apparently, most women come to China on a 2 or 3 month visa. During their stay here, they will request 1-month extensions on their visa. They may be granted 1 or 2 extra months, so they may stay for 2-5 months. Their main expense is the plane ticket over - about 500USD, if I understood correctly. I pay our ayi about 1,000 RMB per month, and she works for another family as well. She earns above average wages - I pay her 20RMB ($3) per hour, and average is 12-15RMB ($1.75-$2) per hour - probably pocketing 300 USD per month total.

Her expenses must be low. She pays rent at the boarding house, which she needs my cash to pay. But still, I must assume rent is low - she has missed work because the road outside her house was flooded, so she's not in a high rent district.

Many women, upon their return to the Philippines, will apply for another visa to return to China. They may or may not be granted this return visa. Irene does not plan to apply - she has a lead on a housekeeper position at a hotel in South Africa.

Irene has children back in the Philippines. She has a home and family. But she says that although she could work in the Philippines, she could not make nearly as much money there as here. Remember, she makes no more than 300 USD per month.

Irene is a hard worker, smart and personable. Growing up middle class in the states, I must assume that she would have her pick of careers.

I suppose its disappointing to live in a world where a person like Irene is stuck living all over the globe to be able to support her family.

Top Billing

Big Fish in a Small Pond may be a more apt title.

Find my first (internet) published work at http://www.shanghaimamas.com.cn/

Navigate to the "Travel" section for more, although regular readers will find some overlap.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

A Chinese BBQ

I never know what to expect from our Chinese friends.


The stereotype often seems true - my culture is quite different from Chinese culture. This seems to play out pretty clearly in social settings. As a vast generalization, expats generally together, and Chinese generally keep to themselves. Our neighbors our all Chinese, and although they are quite friendly, they make no effort to build a relationship with us.


Dave is one of the only Westerners working in his office. The rest of his team is entirely Chinese. They are a Westernized crew, many having worked or studied in either America or Canada. They all speak wonderful English and relate quite well to us. I enjoy the time we get to spend with them.


Dave invited his team to our home for a BBQ this past weekend. Nearing the end of the rainy season in Shanghai, this was a dangerous prospect. The weather promised to be either thunderstorms with the end of the rainy season, or hot and humid with the beginning of the summer. Mother Nature smiled on us, providing a happy middle. The skies cleared for the day, leaving us with a cool breeze and temperatures that capped out at 82. By evening, when our guests arrived, the weather was perfect.


Hosting a BBQ while living in a high-rise is not the same as back home. In St. Louis, everyone sat on yard furniture in the backyard, while Dave manned the grill and I prepared the food in the kitchen. We were a few steps away from each other, within easy shouting distance. Here, we live on the 12th floor of our building and are not allowed grills on our balcony. We do, of course, break that rule - but we break it with a smokey joe that maxes out at 4 burgers. We rented the complex BBQ grills and tables. On a raised landing above the playground, they have arranged two grills with running water and two long tables. The spot is perfect for catching summer breezes and for watching life go by on the playground and sidewalks below. The fountains and plants keep my girls entertained, and a few steps higher brings them to a small garden with a large birdcage. Certainly not my backyard, but charming nonetheless.


And we still asked people to potluck. The last time we hosted Dave's co-workers, we learned that we had not provided a particularly Chinese meal. We served chili and corn bread - a very American meal, no doubt. But the Chinese serve meals with many dishes, where you nibble off of each until you're full. We expected everyone to pile a heaping spoonful of chili onto their hunk of cornbread, and they just weren't able to. Even though we had not asked, they potlucked it anyway - and were glad they did. So this time, we asked them to. We provided the burgers and sausage, and expected them to bring the rest. We were bowls of fried rice, plates of steamed buns, cases of beer - what we have learned are staples at a Chinese meal. Instead, they show up with some bananas, a small bag of lychees, and a bottle of iced tea.


They did chow on their burgers, so I don't think anyone left hungry.


But I did see a lot of people eating their burgers with chopsticks.

The Fabric Market

I still find Shanghai intimidating.

At this point, I really shouldn't. I speak enough Mandarin to get by. I have a driver at my beck and call. I know where to get what I need, and I know how to get there.
But still, certain places remain which I am scared to attempt.
The Fabric Market was one of those places. I kept hearing about people getting new wardrobes at a fraction of the price - and everything tailored to fit perfectly. It sounded wonderful, especially since so few stores sell clothes to fit a Western body. But a mass of cloth and thread and throngs of Chinese people sounded like too much for me. How would I figure this out?
Dave finally pulled me out. He needed a new suit, and had a reference for a good tailor at the South Bund Soft Spinning Fabric Market. So we told our driver the destination, and he took us straight there. Like most interesting points in Shanghai, the fabric market is in Puxi so we had to cross the river. We took the bridge, which rises amazingly high. Once across the river, it descends in a stacked spiral where you feel as if you're going down the drain. Immediately at the bottom of this spiral, we turned off of the main road onto a small side street. We wound through some of Old Shanghai and ended up in front of this multi-storeyed building with the name written on the front in English. As I exited the car, I chastised myself and immediately felt comfortable. I was afraid of this?
Of course, there was no need to be nervous. The fabric market is
popular with foreigners and Chinese alike, and although the tailors and the masses were primarily Chinese, we saw plenty of rich looking men and women strolling the aisles. The fabric market resembles most markets in Shanghai - they are not actually outdoors, and do not resemble a street fair or a farmer's market in any way. These are full little shops, packed in close to each other with a decent aisle separating them.

We headed straight to our recommended tailor - Judy's on the 2nd floor. Each shop had mannekins dressed in suits and wool coats clustered outside their doorways, and lined their ways and entries with finished clothes and bolts of cloth in all different colors. The place was a rainbow of colors and a vast array of textures, and both of our girls were happy to wander around for quite some time. Dave arranged for his suit, which we are to pick up on Saturday. He bargained to pay just over 700RMB - this is around $100. For this they will copy a Brooks Brothers suit Dave had tailored to fit him in the states, just a few months ago - at a much steeper price. They will do handstitching on their highest quality fabric, and they will line the inside with silk.

We wandered some more before leaving the market, looking at the pajamas, jeans (sign-posted as cowboy fabric), shimmering dresses, and flowing skirts. I couldn't resist - as Judy is making Dave a suit, someone else is making me a skirt. I only wish I had brought my mother there - she spent much of her time in Shanghai on the look-out for good skirts; and although she didn't leave empty-handed, I think she would have enjoyed getting one made.
Once we'd had our fill of the market, we headed out into the damp June day. Shanghai has seen a cool summer so far, drenched with rain nearly every day. We left the market during a dry patch, and the rain remained at bay for the next hour or so. We left searching food, but found a fun new neighborhood. Whereas the market had signs posted in English and foreigners exploring its wares, the street were clearly China. Homes piled on top of each other, different floors built at different times and out of different materials. Some looked very old, and some just looked ramshackle. People abounded - men wheeling long bamboo poles through the streets on bicycle carts, mothers carrying babies, people hanging their laundry off of street signs. The market atmosphere continued for a few blocks, with people selling their goods on the street. We saw clothes rods displaying children's clothing, blankets carefully laid on the ground showing antiques and beautiful wood furniture, plant shops, book traders, and more.
As we moved away from the bustle of the market, we enjoyed a window into the world of old Shanghai. We came across a woman washing bowls on the sidwalk, and noticed a wok near her. As we watched her work, it became apparent that she was running a small restaurant and we asked to eat. She happily showed us a table and a menu, and began speaking in China. We caught very little of what she said, and we couldn't read a thing on her menu. But we knew enough to ask for common items - we ordered two plates of fried rice, and she asked if we wanted soup with it. Soup commonly comes with your meal in China rather than a drink. Yes, we wanted it. We sat at a table on the sidewalk, and waited for our food. Very quickly, we had company.

These girls had been watching us for quite some time. They had come upon us as L-- and S-- climbed onto electric horses for a short but noisy ride. They watched the rides and the riders with interest, and followed us as we moved along the street. In the picture above, their stares and fingers are pointing at us. Their courage slowly grew, so that by the time we began to eat they had joined us at our table.

The gal in blue (12 years old) had learned some English, and was pleased to be able to communicate with us. Between our rough Mandarin and her very small English vocabulary, we were able to introduce ourselves to the girls and learn a bit about them. Each of them was very sweet, giggling at our girls and enjoying our mispronunciations. As L-- and S-- finished eating, they welcomed them into their play and were mindful to keep both girls safe and happy.
Venturing out always has its reward, and this afternoon was one of our best yet. The list of places that intimidate me in Shanghai grows ever-shorter, and each time I cross one off the list I vow to complete the rest. Next goal - take on the Shanghai Train Station and hitch a ride out of town.