Friday, February 29, 2008

Oh, Freedom!

Oh freedom,
Oh freedom,
Oh freedom over me!
And before I'd be a slave,
I'll be buried in my grave,
And go home to my Lord,
And be free.

We have a car and a driver, and I've been humming this tune all day. Michael is wonderful. He drives quite slow and carefully, which causes no complaints from a mother of two. He doesn't know his way around very well, but I can direct him to our frequently visited spots and I could care less when he needs to search for new places. He speaks not a lick of English - he didn't understand the word "no." But he is very sweet, quite helpful and awfully nice to my girls.

We spent the morning at Century Park, which I believe to be Shanghai's largest city park. Located in Pudong, it is also quite new and very well planned. Full of paths leading to different gardens and lakes, it was a lovely place to spend a 60 degree day.

We hit the playground first, located in the amusement park. We have found that most Chinese parks have an amusement park section. This one had bumper cars, a small roller coaster, a blow-up castle and a few other rides. As well as a rather large playground, which the girls enjoyed thoroughly.

Once finished climbing and playing, we took a walk to explore some of the grounds. L-- and S-- found a lovely bench on which to sit facing some men fishing. I explained to them that we need to keep our voices low near fishermen. The men held quite long poles - possibly twice as long as poles in America. They were made of metal, but strongly resembled rats tails. I pictured a cartoon of a rat with his tail fishing, his body facing away from the lake, and his head turned around watching in quiet, fishermen-like interest. The poles seemed quite thick and rather heavy where the men held them, and went down to a small point by the end which they held rather near the water. The pole had quite a bit of movement, bouncing much like a tail would.

Neither of the men caught a fish while we watched. But as we walked away, we noticed another man carrying a plastic bag and a large, bamboo pole. His pole ended with a claw, much akin to the metal claws in arcade games where you maneuver them to pick up the best stuffed animal and then drop it through the hole into your possession. We discussed the purpose of this pole, until we noticed that the bag held a fish. This was the fisherman to have watched, for apparently he caught a fish by stabbing at it with his long bamboo pole. This type of fishing seems to require much more skill!

The girls slept hard after the visit to the park, and I had to wake them for our Friday playgroup. Only two people came, both of whom expect to leave Shanghai within the next few months. We had a lovely conversation, and I feel like I got to know both of them better. But still disappointing, especially compared to the large turnout the playgroup pulled in January.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

9 to 5

We may have adjusted to the time change already. With only one extra nap during the day, the girls both stayed awake until their regular bedtime of 8:30 last night. We only stayed awake until 9:00. Now both Dave and I woke wide awake at 5:00 in the morning, working on a solid 8 hours of sleep. I expect the girls will get a good night's sleep as well, and (dare I say) we may have made it in only 2 days!

Our girls have proven to be quite good travelers. Not only are they adjusting to the time change like champs, they also flew like old pros. The flight left over an hour late, and we spent the entire delay in our seats (often with the seat belt sign on). S-- fell asleep before take-off, and L-- spent the time reading and coloring. She fell asleep as soon as the tires left the ground. Both girls took solid 2 hour naps and were in lovely moods until falling asleep again for the last 4 hours of the flight. Out of 15.5 hours in an airplane, they were awake for around 9 and both kept themselves amused quite well. They watched movies and cartoons, read and colored, played with toys on our vast bulkhead floor (we had all 5 center bulkhead seats to ourselves) and ate their meals like little ladies.

I think these girls are well worth bragging on.

A few items of note upon our return:

1: The temperature in Chicago at this moment is 25F with a windchill is 16. The projected high in Shanghai is 58 degrees. We are well on our way into spring.

2: Upon our return, our driver informed us that his monthly rate would rise by 550 RMB. That's around $75. We took it, because we trust him and we will still be paying a low monthly wage. Our friend out-sourced to a new young man who speaks no English. We are to call him Michael, although I doubt this is his name. We now employ a full-time driver.

3: My favorite thing about American culture is that family life centers around the kitchen. In both of our parents' homes, the kitchen is a large, warm space attached to a family room. Preparing and cleaning up after meals is simple, because the girls play with their toys while I am in both sight and earshot. Our kitchen is a closed off space away from the dining room and away from the toys. Preparing and then washing the dishes after every meal is particularly difficult because I have two young toddlers at my feet, playing with pots and Tupperware rather than toys.

4: We have a friend who is putting together a small group of 2-3 year old little girls to do a bit of a preschool program. I couldn't be more excited. I feel this could be a wonderful answer to prayer - a way for me to really get to know some other moms, and a way to socialize my little girl without shipping her off to full-time school. I'm crossing my fingers that they want to keep going through the next school year.

5: The only thing we left unpacked, and therefore on the counter in Chicago, is S--'s medicine. She takes Pepcid every morning with her yogurt. There seems to be a strong correlation between mornings she did not receive her Pepcid, and evenings where she screams for seemingly no reason. Upon realization, we sought out our stock. Apparently, and rather foolishly, we had brought our last bottle of Pepcid to the states with us and not replenished our stock. Two days in, and she has not screamed all evening either day. We hope that she has outgrown her acid reflux at just the appropriate point. If not, we will embark upon what may be quite a difficult search for Pepcid in China.

Overall, the adjustment back has gone smoothly and I do feel as if I have returned home. We are hosting our regular playgroup this afternoon, and then we are already to the weekend. After which, Dave will travel for most of next week. Please pray for the girls and I, that we have patience with each other and don't suffer from loneliness and isolation.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Fallacy

When we returned to the states, I followed my general jet lag rule. I expected my children to follow the rule as well. The general jet lag rule is thus:

Set yourself on regular time immediately.

So we kept ourselves up as late as possible, and put the girls to bed in a normal fashion. Then S-- woke up at 1:30 in the morning. I was exhausted, and it took me weeks just to catch up on my sleep.

So I returned to Shanghai with a new plan. It doesn't matter how long it takes us to adjust. I will sleep when the girls sleep, and even if we're jet lagged for quite a while, at least we'll be rested.

The fallacy in that plan is that I have two children.

L- has been awake and playing with toys for about half an hour.
S-- continues to sleep soundly.

My saving grace is that I went to bed as soon as possible, on the understanding that Dave would not be getting up with the girls. I slept from 7:30 pm until 1:00 am. Doable. I hope.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Monday night, Chicago

Its snowing.

The house is asleep and quiet. The lamps light a few rooms with a dim, yellow glow. Dave and I just packed the car. We'll leave at 6:30 tomorrow morning.

I stand in the garage door, feeling the chill of the Midwest. The kind that surrounds you, but never really seeps inside. A woderful cold that leaves you the moment you enter a warm room.

I watch it snow. Big, thick wet flakes - but larger. Small wads of snow falling softly from the sky. Lying peacefully on everything. Leaving a soft blanket on the van that we pack, so we're careful not to brush against it and get our clothes wet. Leaving a white layer on every branch of each small suburban tree. No one drives by. The nnight is lightened by the street lights casting a sepia tone over the scene. Front yards and great sky, filled with snow.

And I don't want to leave.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Two Theses and a Plan

After a month of people asking me,

How do you like Shanghai?

I've begun to form a coherent answer. Discussing this with everyone I see has forced me to process my life in Shanghai, and to form two answers to the question.

1: I'm lonely, but no more than in any move.
Had we moved to California or to Arizona, I would be lonely 4 months in. It will come as no surprise to anyone that I haven't made any close friends yet. Talking to our pastor in St. Louis, the experience of both he and his wife is that its about 1 year before you start to feel like you've got friends in a new place. This is hard, but its just part of moving.

2: Nothing is simple, which makes everything feel difficult.
It's not that my life is so hard in Shanghai. Quite the contrary - I live a very rich and simple life compared to most of the people in my city. Its not that having to run small loads of laundry is particularly difficult. Its just not easy. Its not that having to wash all of the produce in bleach and then allow it to air dry is particularly difficult. Its just not easy. Its not even that working with people who don't speak my language is difficult. Its just not easy. And the compilation of all of these minor challenges, coupled with having no good friends to lean on, makes everything feel difficult.

But spending time with my friends, and discussing everyone's choices in life and how they raise their kids, has helped me to form a plan.

Once we have an ayi in place, and we feel comfortable leaving our children with her, I will find something to do. I will look for someplace to volunteer 1-2 days per week. If what I find is work 1-2 days a week, so much the better. But I think that having something where I interact with people as an adult and an individual rather than as the mother of two toddlers will make it easier to form relationships. Further, I think that finding something that interests me will put me in touch with people who are interested in the same things. No doubt I will have an easier time forming real friendships in that environment.

I've not discovered a magic bullet. It will be quite a while before this will be possible, and by then I may not even be interested anymore. But its nice to have a plan. And its good to recognize what causes my frustration.

Heading Out

I've received a few complaints over the past few days about the dearth of new postings on this website. My sincerest apologies to those who are left without their regular dosage of drama. But I would like to politely remind you that I have been on vacation.

That's right. The trips to Bali and Bangkok do not count as vacation. Those are traveling, and take a lot of effort. Those trips were hard work. One month in the United States - that's a vacation.

The food is all fantastic - we know exactly where to go for our favorites, and those meals have been surrounded by our family and friends' home cooking.

The company can't be beat - we have been constantly surrounded by some of our favorite people in the world.

The childcare is world class - we have stayed with Grammy and Grandpa and with Nana and Papa. We have not thought twice about leaving our children behind, whether for an appointment, a quick run to Target or a week in London. Our hearts and minds have been at rest knowing that our children have been constantly safe and surrounded with love.

The living is easy - I drive a brand new mini-van. I know where to purchase what I need at what I like to pay. The restaurants have kids' menus and plenty of high chairs. The washers have amazing capacity and the drivers work like magic. And Nana and Grammy clean up after the frequent spills and messes. I tell you what - if having an ayi is anything like living at my Mom's house, I am in 100%.

The past 4 weeks have been an amazing vacation. The type of vacation where, when you've reached the last day of your trip, you are ready to go home. It was a wonderful vacation and I enjoyed every minute of it. But it'll be nice to sleep in our own beds and run on our own schedules. I am amazed to feel this way, but it will be good to be home.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Pleasure Overload

Zoom back in time, about 4 months or so. In the weeks surrounding our move, I often posted that so much had happened between my opportunities to sit and write that I had lost the ability to write about them in a meaningful way.

The same applies today.

Since my last posting, our family drove to St. Louis and spent an overwhelming few days surrounded by family, friends and many of our favorite places and foods. I made an error in judgment, and checked our family in with all of our home doctors. That placed at least 2 appointments on the family calendar each day to draw blood, clean teeth, fit into stirrups and giv the family a clean bill of health before heading back to China. This error in judgment led to 2 rather stressed little girls and 2 exhausted parents.

Dave and I jumped a flight to London Monday afternoon, and arrived absolutely exhausted and rather sick because. But I'll admit, if I need to be laid up in bed somewhere for a day or two, a nice hotel in the middle of London is fine with me. Dressed for breakfast in the morning, and then back up to the room to re-don my pajamas and spend the rest of the day sleeping or watching television. Having spent plenty of time in London, I felt no guilt about missing the sites. Knowing that I had a week in town total, I had no guilt about relaxing thoroughly for a full 2 of those days.

I managed to fit in a bit of shopping and a few good meals before Dave and I headed up to Cambridge to spend a few wonderful days with his brother. We hadn't spent any time with Jon and Stacey in years, so the last few days have been a lovely time of catching up together.

And then back to St. Louis tomorrow to finish out our schedule of doctor's appointments and dinners with friends, hopefully returning to some well rested and happy little girls as well. As much fun as we've had, its been heartbreaking to spend so long away from our girls and we're much looking forward to the reunion.

I ought to reflect on our time in St. Louis in more thoughtful detail, but just in case I don't...

A few thoughts have crossed my mind as I've hashed through our stories with friends:

1. If I had friends in Shanghai, all of the rest would be more adventure than frustration.

2. I very much miss belonging to a physical community, where you chat with the dental hygienist and you wave at people on the street. Where you allow your children to mix with the crowd, because you know at least a bit about everyone.

3. I had begun to believe that everyone would hire someone else to care for their children, if only they could afford it. By this, I refer to placing children in school at very early ages and having them cared for by ayis until. The reality is that a very large number of our friends in St. Louis are making a financial sacrifice so that one of the couple can be the primary caretaker of their child. What a major difference.

I promise to hash these out more later.

But in case I've left any room for doubt, February has so far been a truly wonderful month and it makes me feel a bit sick and pained inside to consider leaving all of these people again. It is good to be loved.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Culture Shocking

Dave and I figure that 4 months is not long enough to experience culture shock upon return into our own culture. That coupled with the fact that we are hyper-aware of the differences between Shanghai and St. Louis has maken our re-assimilation quite simple. Food tastes better, company seems sweeter, beds and towels feel softer, but otherwise life feels much as it did before we left.

Except for the news.

Our second day back, the television was interrupted to let us know that a shooter had entered a Lane Bryant in the Chicago city of Tinley Park and killed six women.

One week in, the St. Louis Post Dispatch runs the front page story that six were dead after a shooter entered a Kirkwood City Council meeting.

I have certainly not heard any news like this over the last few months, and innocents' are not shot nearly as regularly in China. Well, except by the government - and that's not reported by the press.

Shocking.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The Luxuries of America

I've turned into a cryer.

I was never a cryer before I had children. I could watch any tear-jerker and my face remained dry. But apparently my hormone level is not fully convinced that I won't be spending another year pregnant soon, and has remained high enough to launch me into tears during every episode of Oprah.

We have now been in the states for 3 full days, and although no cultural differences have shocked us, everything does feel wildly luxurious. The towels feel so soft. The milkshakes taste so good. The sky looks so white.

We spent Friday morning at the Glen Ellyn Public Library. This was so nice, that I almost started to cry. The youth services center covered the entire ground floor. Well stocked with toy trains, wooden puzzles and row upon row of board books, this was a wonderful place to take my children. The girls alternated between sharing toys with the other children, and picking out books to sit and read together. The library offered short programs with various themes, certainly aimed toward stay-at-home moms. A copy of Chicago Parent magazine filled its colorful pages with community theater, children's music classes, simple and healthy snack recipes and other insights into the world of raising a young children in an American metropolis.

I had to hold back the tears. This is the type of early childhood experience I want to offer my children. The opportunity to learn and to socialize, but in small doses meant for young children to play within sight of a parent; with the added bonus of being public and offering programs at no cost. While I struggle to even find playmates their age, let alone programs offering appropriate learning opportunities in small doses, I find all of these available for free within a block of my young niece's home.

We spent yesterday with family. Dave's parents hosted some of his extended family and we reveled in a warm room. For hours into the night, everyone sat in a close circle and shared pictures, asked each other questions, caught up with each other's current worries and hopes, and laughed together. An evening with Dave's family is an evening filled with jabs and puns, rarely an unkind word but plenty of laughter.

And I know that this is what I have missed most of all.

But no tears came to my eyes.

Because this is ours, and will always be here. Each time we come back, this love and warmth will surround us again. And when we eventually return to the states, this love will have waited us out.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Jet Lag Update

Allow me to update the numbers for you.

Again, n an average 24 hour period, our family sleeps thus:
L--: about 15 hours
S--: same, about 15 hours
Lynne: about 8 hours
Dave: about 7 hours

L-- and S-- both just fell asleep, at around 1:00 pm. Up until that point, over the last 44 hours, our family has slept thus:
L--: about 12 hours
S--: about 12 hours
Dave: about 6 hours
Lynne: about 4 hours

Dave and I have decided to shoot for staying awake until bedtime tonight. This could backfire in many possible directions. First, we will most certainly be unpleasant dinner companions at this evening's family festivities. Second, it is not outside the realm of possibility that one or both of our children will again awaken in the wee hours of the morning and that we will enter into our 60th hour without even reaching 8 hours of sleep.

I'll keep you posted.