Fair warning - I may not post for a few days.
I am just shutting down the computer in preparation for our final move. We check out of the hotel tomorrow morning, and who knows what our internet access may be for the next few days. We'll check email as often as possible, probably be away from Skype for a few days, and will post again when possible.
Thank for your patience!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
Travel Plans
Our travel itinerary is quicklly filling.
Uncle H-- is hosting an office retreat in Xiamen this weekend. We leave our hotel tomorrow (Saturday) morning at 7:00 am, returning late Sunday night.
Dave's got meetings for a week in Bangkok in early December, so the girls and I will join him.
Rather than spend our first Christmas alone holed up in our apartment feeling sorry for ourselves, we've just booked tickets to Bali and will spend the week at a tropical resort.
We will keep you posted on how easily our children manage airports and hotels when they're not ill.
Uncle H-- is hosting an office retreat in Xiamen this weekend. We leave our hotel tomorrow (Saturday) morning at 7:00 am, returning late Sunday night.
Dave's got meetings for a week in Bangkok in early December, so the girls and I will join him.
Rather than spend our first Christmas alone holed up in our apartment feeling sorry for ourselves, we've just booked tickets to Bali and will spend the week at a tropical resort.
We will keep you posted on how easily our children manage airports and hotels when they're not ill.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Rush Hour
A guest post from the other half...
Today was my first experience with the Shanghai subway system during rush hour. We have had previous experiences with this transportation system that felt quite crowded, so I felt somewhat superior to all those who were telling us "you don't want to commute on the subway at rush hour - it's way too crowded." Well, I have been put in my place. Let me describe.
I needed to go to a meeting "across the river" this morning, so I decided to take the subway as a test of my commute, albeit in reverse (since we currently live near my office, and this meeting was near our soon-to-be home). I arrived at the nearest subway station and awaited the train, which arrived in less than 30 seconds. The station was pleasantly crowded for those who like major city transportation centers during rush hour (I confess to being such a person). Many people exited the arriving train, so it was not too difficult to get on the train - still just pleasantly crowded.
One stop later, we arrived at People's Square. This is the central hub of the system - where the two main lines "connect". The quotation marks are there because this "connection" requires more walking than many cities' systems require to walk from one stop to the next. Since I needed to transfer, I joined the crowd headed towards "line 2".
Unfortunately, the crowd I was in quickly came up against the crowd heading toward "line 1". Our crowd of hundreds came up against their crowd of thousands, and with no Alamo to hunker down in and await our noble end, we tried to push through. I was in a conga line about 3 wide snaking through a mass of humanity completely filling the tunnel. We shuffled along, occasionally coming to complete stops as we would approach stairs or a gate of some kind. This stroll of 5 or 10 minutes became a shuffle of closer to 20 minutes.
Eventually we arrived at line 2. The Shanghai subway system cleverly marks the locations where all the doors will be opening when the train arrives, and at each of these soon-to-be doors, there was a group of about 50 people waiting to board the train. That's 50 people at each door. When the train arrived (within a minute of my arrival), the subway police bellowed through their blowhorns to let people off first (advice that, while sensible, seems to be a general rule only in the most rational of societies - say, Austria). So the piles of people waiting to board let a pile of people spill out of the train and then attempted to squeeze a few more out like a last dollop of toothpaste by pushing in from the sides. The mad scrum ensued as 50 people attempted to fill a space that could reasonably hold 20. About 30 are able to squeeze on, the last few by literally pushing the pack in front of them as hard as they can (picture Sisyphus working his way up the mountain). A couple folks nearly lose limbs or digits as the doors begin to close; one or two more are forced to disembark and await the next train. I was just behind Sisyphus in the mad scrum at my chosen door, so I waited. Now I am at the front of the door space, so when the next train arrives (just moments after the last one departed, I am able to hold back the crowd momentarily to allow the new arrivals to get off before being carried by the tide into the depths of the train.
I stand, getting to know the shape of the 6 people in immediate contact with me better than I would have liked, looking over the sea of black hair bobbing and weaving with the movements of the train as we pass under the Huangpu River.
At my stop, I am still pressed against the doors opposite the exit doors. I am forced to somewhat violently push my way out (no one is offended or really even takes notice of this sort of pushing; I believe it is rather common in China to be pushed around by strangers - and I don't even mean that as a political comment). I peel off like the skin from a banana and head to the nearest Starbucks to remind myself that I am still an American, despite the blending that surely occurred in the Shanghai subway sardine.
I'm sure I'll get used to it, but I doubt I will ever consider it "pleasantly crowded."
Today was my first experience with the Shanghai subway system during rush hour. We have had previous experiences with this transportation system that felt quite crowded, so I felt somewhat superior to all those who were telling us "you don't want to commute on the subway at rush hour - it's way too crowded." Well, I have been put in my place. Let me describe.
I needed to go to a meeting "across the river" this morning, so I decided to take the subway as a test of my commute, albeit in reverse (since we currently live near my office, and this meeting was near our soon-to-be home). I arrived at the nearest subway station and awaited the train, which arrived in less than 30 seconds. The station was pleasantly crowded for those who like major city transportation centers during rush hour (I confess to being such a person). Many people exited the arriving train, so it was not too difficult to get on the train - still just pleasantly crowded.
One stop later, we arrived at People's Square. This is the central hub of the system - where the two main lines "connect". The quotation marks are there because this "connection" requires more walking than many cities' systems require to walk from one stop to the next. Since I needed to transfer, I joined the crowd headed towards "line 2".
Unfortunately, the crowd I was in quickly came up against the crowd heading toward "line 1". Our crowd of hundreds came up against their crowd of thousands, and with no Alamo to hunker down in and await our noble end, we tried to push through. I was in a conga line about 3 wide snaking through a mass of humanity completely filling the tunnel. We shuffled along, occasionally coming to complete stops as we would approach stairs or a gate of some kind. This stroll of 5 or 10 minutes became a shuffle of closer to 20 minutes.
Eventually we arrived at line 2. The Shanghai subway system cleverly marks the locations where all the doors will be opening when the train arrives, and at each of these soon-to-be doors, there was a group of about 50 people waiting to board the train. That's 50 people at each door. When the train arrived (within a minute of my arrival), the subway police bellowed through their blowhorns to let people off first (advice that, while sensible, seems to be a general rule only in the most rational of societies - say, Austria). So the piles of people waiting to board let a pile of people spill out of the train and then attempted to squeeze a few more out like a last dollop of toothpaste by pushing in from the sides. The mad scrum ensued as 50 people attempted to fill a space that could reasonably hold 20. About 30 are able to squeeze on, the last few by literally pushing the pack in front of them as hard as they can (picture Sisyphus working his way up the mountain). A couple folks nearly lose limbs or digits as the doors begin to close; one or two more are forced to disembark and await the next train. I was just behind Sisyphus in the mad scrum at my chosen door, so I waited. Now I am at the front of the door space, so when the next train arrives (just moments after the last one departed, I am able to hold back the crowd momentarily to allow the new arrivals to get off before being carried by the tide into the depths of the train.
I stand, getting to know the shape of the 6 people in immediate contact with me better than I would have liked, looking over the sea of black hair bobbing and weaving with the movements of the train as we pass under the Huangpu River.
At my stop, I am still pressed against the doors opposite the exit doors. I am forced to somewhat violently push my way out (no one is offended or really even takes notice of this sort of pushing; I believe it is rather common in China to be pushed around by strangers - and I don't even mean that as a political comment). I peel off like the skin from a banana and head to the nearest Starbucks to remind myself that I am still an American, despite the blending that surely occurred in the Shanghai subway sardine.
I'm sure I'll get used to it, but I doubt I will ever consider it "pleasantly crowded."
Current Events
On random days, housekeeping leaves a fresh copy of the China Daily on our coffee table. This is the English language daily of the country, and if it is not run by the government then Beijing at least holds a strong hand over what it prints. We find the news in it uninteresting or of no consequence at best. At worst, well, check out this article. My comments are below it, and I've inserted the italics:
Experts: Pills key to curbing abortions
By Chen Hong (China Daily)
Updated: 2007-10-24 07:27
Information about contraception should be made widely available to the public to help reduce the frequency of abortions, experts said.
"Though no official figures are available, the abortion rate in China is believed to be high and shows no signs of falling," Wu Shangchun, a researcher with the Institute of Scientific Research of the National Population and Family Planning Commission, said recently.
"One of the main reasons for this situation is that people do not know enough about contraception," Wu said.
"We advise women in steady relationships who do not have children to take oral contraception (OC) pills as the first option. Our studies show that less than 2 percent of Chinese women aged from 18 to 44 take the pills," the researcher said.
The Netherlands leads the world in the use of OC pills, with 36 percent of the women aged 15 to 44 taking the medication. France rates second with 30 percent, according to figures provided by Organon, a pharmaceutical company, in a recent report.
As a result, the abortion rates in those countries are quite low - 0.51 percent in The Netherlands and 1.33 percent in France. The rate is 8.4 percent in Japan, where just 1 percent of women take OC pills, and 2.8 percent in the United States, where 9 percent take them.
However, in China, condoms are widely perceived as the most reliable contraception method, according to a month-long online survey conducted by the women-oriented portal of Sina.com and Organon.
About 65 percent of the survey's 4,281 respondents, of whom 43.3 percent were male, said condoms were the most reliable contraception method, followed by intrauterine devices (IUDs) with 12.1 percent, which Wu said could be a reflection of the influence of the former national family planning policy, which favored those methods.
About 11.5 percent of the respondents said they relied on external ejaculation, while almost 4 percent said they just timed their intercourse to coincide with those times when it was least likely for a woman to become pregnant. Wu said the latter method, commonly known as the safety period, is not safe at all.
Zheng Shurong, a veteran gynecologist with Peking University First Hospital, said OC pills are 10 to 15 times more reliable than condoms, and 1.5 to 4 times more reliable than IUDs.
"It will take time to educate the women in our nation to accept OC pills because they have many deep-rooted misunderstandings.
They worry about the side effects and weight gain, believe the pills could affect their fertility and cause birth defects," Zheng said.
A research report by the World Health Organization indicated that about 10 percent of women face a higher risk of uterine or breast cancer after taking pills. But those at risk can simply stop taking the pills.
--------------
I found this article amazing. Many of you may not realize that China still holds and often enforces a strict 1-child policy. If a woman becomes pregnant with her second child, the government can - and often will - suggest, and then force an abortion. This at any time during the pregnancy. Even the 9th month.
Yet this article talks about abortion as a national problem that must be curbed. One of the main reasons for the high abortion rate, according to the article, is not that they are mandated by the government, but that people do not know enough about contraception.
The article goes on to support that the people do not know about contraception, citing that 15% of those surveyed rely upon external ejaculation and timing intercourse. External ejaculation is adolescent and timing is outdated, granola, or adolescent. Of course, the article also does not mention that external ejaculation and timing are both free forms of birth control, and with this communist state no longer covering medical care, I'm surprised that only 15% choose such cost-effective means.
Of course, the misinformation of the masses is nothing compared to the misinformation of the reporter and her sources. Cited above, Zheng Shurong, the veteran gynecologist with Peking University First Hospital (a university hospital, no less!) said that oral contraceptive pills are 10-15 times more reliable than condoms and 1.5 to 4 times more reliable than IUDs. An example of fuzzy math. Here are the facts, as provided to me by both my gynecologist and the piles of literature she provided me when I received my IUD.
- Condoms are in the 90% range of reliability.
- Birth control pills, when taken perfectly, are about 98% effective.
- An IUD is 99.9% effective.
The 20% of respondents on this hardly scientific survey who apparently do not use any form of birth control may need some of Dr. Shurong's mildly incorrect advise. But what the people probably need more is a national policy which allows a man and woman to manage their own family planning, and does not actively encourage abortions.
Experts: Pills key to curbing abortions
By Chen Hong (China Daily)
Updated: 2007-10-24 07:27
Information about contraception should be made widely available to the public to help reduce the frequency of abortions, experts said.
"Though no official figures are available, the abortion rate in China is believed to be high and shows no signs of falling," Wu Shangchun, a researcher with the Institute of Scientific Research of the National Population and Family Planning Commission, said recently.
"One of the main reasons for this situation is that people do not know enough about contraception," Wu said.
"We advise women in steady relationships who do not have children to take oral contraception (OC) pills as the first option. Our studies show that less than 2 percent of Chinese women aged from 18 to 44 take the pills," the researcher said.
The Netherlands leads the world in the use of OC pills, with 36 percent of the women aged 15 to 44 taking the medication. France rates second with 30 percent, according to figures provided by Organon, a pharmaceutical company, in a recent report.
As a result, the abortion rates in those countries are quite low - 0.51 percent in The Netherlands and 1.33 percent in France. The rate is 8.4 percent in Japan, where just 1 percent of women take OC pills, and 2.8 percent in the United States, where 9 percent take them.
However, in China, condoms are widely perceived as the most reliable contraception method, according to a month-long online survey conducted by the women-oriented portal of Sina.com and Organon.
About 65 percent of the survey's 4,281 respondents, of whom 43.3 percent were male, said condoms were the most reliable contraception method, followed by intrauterine devices (IUDs) with 12.1 percent, which Wu said could be a reflection of the influence of the former national family planning policy, which favored those methods.
About 11.5 percent of the respondents said they relied on external ejaculation, while almost 4 percent said they just timed their intercourse to coincide with those times when it was least likely for a woman to become pregnant. Wu said the latter method, commonly known as the safety period, is not safe at all.
Zheng Shurong, a veteran gynecologist with Peking University First Hospital, said OC pills are 10 to 15 times more reliable than condoms, and 1.5 to 4 times more reliable than IUDs.
"It will take time to educate the women in our nation to accept OC pills because they have many deep-rooted misunderstandings.
They worry about the side effects and weight gain, believe the pills could affect their fertility and cause birth defects," Zheng said.
A research report by the World Health Organization indicated that about 10 percent of women face a higher risk of uterine or breast cancer after taking pills. But those at risk can simply stop taking the pills.
--------------
I found this article amazing. Many of you may not realize that China still holds and often enforces a strict 1-child policy. If a woman becomes pregnant with her second child, the government can - and often will - suggest, and then force an abortion. This at any time during the pregnancy. Even the 9th month.
Yet this article talks about abortion as a national problem that must be curbed. One of the main reasons for the high abortion rate, according to the article, is not that they are mandated by the government, but that people do not know enough about contraception.
The article goes on to support that the people do not know about contraception, citing that 15% of those surveyed rely upon external ejaculation and timing intercourse. External ejaculation is adolescent and timing is outdated, granola, or adolescent. Of course, the article also does not mention that external ejaculation and timing are both free forms of birth control, and with this communist state no longer covering medical care, I'm surprised that only 15% choose such cost-effective means.
Of course, the misinformation of the masses is nothing compared to the misinformation of the reporter and her sources. Cited above, Zheng Shurong, the veteran gynecologist with Peking University First Hospital (a university hospital, no less!) said that oral contraceptive pills are 10-15 times more reliable than condoms and 1.5 to 4 times more reliable than IUDs. An example of fuzzy math. Here are the facts, as provided to me by both my gynecologist and the piles of literature she provided me when I received my IUD.
- Condoms are in the 90% range of reliability.
- Birth control pills, when taken perfectly, are about 98% effective.
- An IUD is 99.9% effective.
The 20% of respondents on this hardly scientific survey who apparently do not use any form of birth control may need some of Dr. Shurong's mildly incorrect advise. But what the people probably need more is a national policy which allows a man and woman to manage their own family planning, and does not actively encourage abortions.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Exhausted
I signed the lease, I hold the keys. I am the proud new tenant of an apartment with views of the Oriental Pearl Tower and the Bund. Furthermore, I checked off each box, I paid the duties, and I am once again in possession of many of my belongings. The shipment was delivered around 12:30.
Allow me to walk you through my day, so far.
9:00 - L-- and I wake up. Don't let this remove your pity for me. I went to sleep after midnight, and was up with S-- for an hour around 5:30 am.
9:30 - S-- wakes up. Luckily, I've managed to dress myself.
10:00 - L-- and S-- are eating breakfast. Both are in good moods, and we get through breakfast in a quick 20 minutes.
10:20 - Dressing both girls. I managed to pack the backpack while they ate their breakfast. This has been an efficient morning!
10:30 - Out the door, with S-- in the backpack and L-- in the umbrella stroller. Also carrying the camera bag on the stroller, and all of our moving documents and diaper bag implements in the backpack. It's heavy.
11:15 - Taking the metro with 2 little girls from the hotel to our new home is about an hour from door to door. We're stopping at the grocery store first, so the girls won't get grumpy while we sign papers and receive boxes.
11:30 - We meet Sheila, exactly on time, I might add. We receive the keys, sign for everything in the apartment, and discuss logistics with Woody. Woody is our new manager, and has promised to take care of any problem we can think of. He made sure I put his phone number into my cell.
12:15 - Woody gives me 16,800 RMB to furnish the apartment. He only asks that I provide receipts for everything I purchase, and that I leave it behind when we move out. That is about $2,250 I will carry with me for the rest of the day. Normally, this would make me nervous. Today, I'll stuff it in the backpack beneath the diapers and the bananas, behind the grumpy child. No one will presume there is anything of monetary value - I have no worries.
12:30 - The shippers arrive. They immediately ask to stop for lunch. I say no (the babies will need to nap as close to 2:00 as possible). I immediately feel like a jerk for saying no, as I set up lunch for L-- and S--.
12:35 - The shippers begin piling our boxes outside our door. There are 4 apartments on our floor, leaving plenty of room from the elevator to our door to pile the boxes from one liftvan. L-- and S-- begin to eat their lunch of bananas, hummus and cucumbers. As L-- would say, "Mmm, nummy!"
1:10 - It's time to verify the shipment is fully received. They bring in each box and show me its number. I check it off as received on the inventory, and tell them which room to place it in. L-- is still enjoyig her lunch. S-- has been screaming for about 20 minutes.
1:15 - They bring in the booster chair. L-- looks at it with surprise. "My booster!" she cries, as if thinking, "How did that get here?" S-- fits perfectly, and screams half as much once no longer on my lap.
1:45 - Everything has been received and the shippers are done. L-- has finished her lunch, and S-- has screamed so much that I put her on the floor. L-- is ready to open a box. Lucky for her, the box she chooses is full of her books. She was in heaven. Once book after another, she piled carefully on the couch, often leafing through before going for the next one. After only a few books, she couldn't resister. She sat down to read, and then pulled me over to read them to her. We spent a lovely 15 minutes reading our old favorites, and already beginning to feel at home. S-- has stopped crying - apparently she's happy to see something familiar as well.
2:00 - An hour later than we should have, we pack up and head back to the hotel. Already tired from an emotionally wearing hour and a half, I am quickly exhausted on the way back. The walk to the metro is about half a mile, first through the winding roads and boardwalks of our compound and next down the new Chinese road between our compound and the metro stop. We pass people collecting plastic bottles out of garbage cans, people selling hot food off of small stands, grown men weaving through pedestrians and traffic on their bicycles. I bounce the stroller down the stairs at the metro, lift it over the turnstile, bounce it down another flight of stairs to the train, push it onto the train, and L-- decides its time to take off her shoes. With a child on my back, there is little I can do besides hold her arms over her head - which I do for about 10 minutes, poor girl. At least she stops trying after that point. Someone also offered me their seat then, making the last few minutes much more relaxing.
3:00 - Back at the hotel, I wasted no time in putting each child to bed for their 1-hour-late naps. Exhausted, now I will do the same for myself.
It is a lot of work just to get the girls from the hotel to the apartment, and back. Luckily, we only have to do this for a few days. It will be difficult to get everything set up and unpacked, as well as some basic shopping done by Thursday, but even if we're sleeping in our sleeping bags for the first few days, surrounded by our books, blankets and peanut butter, it already feels like home.
Allow me to walk you through my day, so far.
9:00 - L-- and I wake up. Don't let this remove your pity for me. I went to sleep after midnight, and was up with S-- for an hour around 5:30 am.
9:30 - S-- wakes up. Luckily, I've managed to dress myself.
10:00 - L-- and S-- are eating breakfast. Both are in good moods, and we get through breakfast in a quick 20 minutes.
10:20 - Dressing both girls. I managed to pack the backpack while they ate their breakfast. This has been an efficient morning!
10:30 - Out the door, with S-- in the backpack and L-- in the umbrella stroller. Also carrying the camera bag on the stroller, and all of our moving documents and diaper bag implements in the backpack. It's heavy.
11:15 - Taking the metro with 2 little girls from the hotel to our new home is about an hour from door to door. We're stopping at the grocery store first, so the girls won't get grumpy while we sign papers and receive boxes.
11:30 - We meet Sheila, exactly on time, I might add. We receive the keys, sign for everything in the apartment, and discuss logistics with Woody. Woody is our new manager, and has promised to take care of any problem we can think of. He made sure I put his phone number into my cell.
12:15 - Woody gives me 16,800 RMB to furnish the apartment. He only asks that I provide receipts for everything I purchase, and that I leave it behind when we move out. That is about $2,250 I will carry with me for the rest of the day. Normally, this would make me nervous. Today, I'll stuff it in the backpack beneath the diapers and the bananas, behind the grumpy child. No one will presume there is anything of monetary value - I have no worries.
12:30 - The shippers arrive. They immediately ask to stop for lunch. I say no (the babies will need to nap as close to 2:00 as possible). I immediately feel like a jerk for saying no, as I set up lunch for L-- and S--.
12:35 - The shippers begin piling our boxes outside our door. There are 4 apartments on our floor, leaving plenty of room from the elevator to our door to pile the boxes from one liftvan. L-- and S-- begin to eat their lunch of bananas, hummus and cucumbers. As L-- would say, "Mmm, nummy!"
1:10 - It's time to verify the shipment is fully received. They bring in each box and show me its number. I check it off as received on the inventory, and tell them which room to place it in. L-- is still enjoyig her lunch. S-- has been screaming for about 20 minutes.
1:15 - They bring in the booster chair. L-- looks at it with surprise. "My booster!" she cries, as if thinking, "How did that get here?" S-- fits perfectly, and screams half as much once no longer on my lap.
1:45 - Everything has been received and the shippers are done. L-- has finished her lunch, and S-- has screamed so much that I put her on the floor. L-- is ready to open a box. Lucky for her, the box she chooses is full of her books. She was in heaven. Once book after another, she piled carefully on the couch, often leafing through before going for the next one. After only a few books, she couldn't resister. She sat down to read, and then pulled me over to read them to her. We spent a lovely 15 minutes reading our old favorites, and already beginning to feel at home. S-- has stopped crying - apparently she's happy to see something familiar as well.
2:00 - An hour later than we should have, we pack up and head back to the hotel. Already tired from an emotionally wearing hour and a half, I am quickly exhausted on the way back. The walk to the metro is about half a mile, first through the winding roads and boardwalks of our compound and next down the new Chinese road between our compound and the metro stop. We pass people collecting plastic bottles out of garbage cans, people selling hot food off of small stands, grown men weaving through pedestrians and traffic on their bicycles. I bounce the stroller down the stairs at the metro, lift it over the turnstile, bounce it down another flight of stairs to the train, push it onto the train, and L-- decides its time to take off her shoes. With a child on my back, there is little I can do besides hold her arms over her head - which I do for about 10 minutes, poor girl. At least she stops trying after that point. Someone also offered me their seat then, making the last few minutes much more relaxing.
3:00 - Back at the hotel, I wasted no time in putting each child to bed for their 1-hour-late naps. Exhausted, now I will do the same for myself.
It is a lot of work just to get the girls from the hotel to the apartment, and back. Luckily, we only have to do this for a few days. It will be difficult to get everything set up and unpacked, as well as some basic shopping done by Thursday, but even if we're sleeping in our sleeping bags for the first few days, surrounded by our books, blankets and peanut butter, it already feels like home.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Big News
Our shipment has been granted an import permit and has completed customs without inspection. It will be delivered tomorrow afternoon at 12:30. I receive the keys tomorrow morning at 11:30.
I can't wait to tear into that box, and begin to feel at home again!
I can't wait to tear into that box, and begin to feel at home again!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Children's Morning
Last night, riding to the store in her stroller, L-- took off her shoe.
She doesn't seem to fully understand what happens when you drop stationary objects off of moving vehicles.
Her shoe is gone.
So, this morning I packed up the kids and headed off to the Pu'an Lu Children's Market.
I think I've written about it before. As I'm getting used to the spot, I'm becoming quite comfortable there. It's very Chinese, and I look forward to taking any visitors to this or another local market. But today, we were looking for shoes.
I bought 4 pairs of kids shoes for 270 Yuan. That's about $36. Whoever says that things in China are cheap doesn't know what they're talking about. Sure, you can find low quality items for next to nothing. But children's shoes and toys that won't fall apart or leave lead paint flakes on their little tongues sell at close to American prices.
I wanted to buy little winter coats as well, but L-- was having none of it. She insisted that she had put up with enough shopping for one day. It was time to head to the playroom.
Think of a McDonald's playspace, only quite a bit larger. Unlike the other playgrounds and toys I've seen, I felt like the kids were perfectly safe here. No holes were large enough for a head to fit through. No edges were steep enough for a child to topple over. The attendants were very friendly, and played well with both of my kids. I may even have been able to leave them there while I shopped... hmm, I wonder if that's the idea? We spent a lovely hour jumping on trampolines, squirming in ball pits, crawling through tunnels and runnning over bridges. The more I explore this city, the more I like it!
After a morning on an indoor playground, it seemed only fitting to go to McDonald's for lunch. This is not the same experience as going to a McDonald's in the states. The link above will take you to McDonald's in China. There was precious little English - except the large lettered sign saying "i'm loving it". And surprisingly, there were very few hamburgers. The Chinese seem to be much more keen on chicken sandwiches, of which there were many varieties. But my double cheeseburger tasted much like a double cheeseburger in the states, so they're clearly using the same recipe for their patties.
For 32 Yuan - about $4 - I got a happy meal, double cheeseburger, medium fries, and a drink. They didn't ask me what drink I wanted - I was given a Coke, and it was rather flat. They did ask what I wanted in the happy meal. I asked for chicken nuggets, yogurt and milk. The milk was warm, the yogurt was quite tasty, the "chicken nuggets" were a drumstick and chicken wing fried in thick batter, and it still came with fries. I don't think I'll give the chicken bones to my 2-year-old daughter anymore, but I do think that I've found the comfort food that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. If only the experience were more comforting!
Addendum - once home, S-- screamed for about half an hour, needing to be force fed her lunch. Please pray for her.
She doesn't seem to fully understand what happens when you drop stationary objects off of moving vehicles.
Her shoe is gone.
So, this morning I packed up the kids and headed off to the Pu'an Lu Children's Market.
I think I've written about it before. As I'm getting used to the spot, I'm becoming quite comfortable there. It's very Chinese, and I look forward to taking any visitors to this or another local market. But today, we were looking for shoes.
I bought 4 pairs of kids shoes for 270 Yuan. That's about $36. Whoever says that things in China are cheap doesn't know what they're talking about. Sure, you can find low quality items for next to nothing. But children's shoes and toys that won't fall apart or leave lead paint flakes on their little tongues sell at close to American prices.
I wanted to buy little winter coats as well, but L-- was having none of it. She insisted that she had put up with enough shopping for one day. It was time to head to the playroom.
Think of a McDonald's playspace, only quite a bit larger. Unlike the other playgrounds and toys I've seen, I felt like the kids were perfectly safe here. No holes were large enough for a head to fit through. No edges were steep enough for a child to topple over. The attendants were very friendly, and played well with both of my kids. I may even have been able to leave them there while I shopped... hmm, I wonder if that's the idea? We spent a lovely hour jumping on trampolines, squirming in ball pits, crawling through tunnels and runnning over bridges. The more I explore this city, the more I like it!
After a morning on an indoor playground, it seemed only fitting to go to McDonald's for lunch. This is not the same experience as going to a McDonald's in the states. The link above will take you to McDonald's in China. There was precious little English - except the large lettered sign saying "i'm loving it". And surprisingly, there were very few hamburgers. The Chinese seem to be much more keen on chicken sandwiches, of which there were many varieties. But my double cheeseburger tasted much like a double cheeseburger in the states, so they're clearly using the same recipe for their patties.
For 32 Yuan - about $4 - I got a happy meal, double cheeseburger, medium fries, and a drink. They didn't ask me what drink I wanted - I was given a Coke, and it was rather flat. They did ask what I wanted in the happy meal. I asked for chicken nuggets, yogurt and milk. The milk was warm, the yogurt was quite tasty, the "chicken nuggets" were a drumstick and chicken wing fried in thick batter, and it still came with fries. I don't think I'll give the chicken bones to my 2-year-old daughter anymore, but I do think that I've found the comfort food that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. If only the experience were more comforting!
Addendum - once home, S-- screamed for about half an hour, needing to be force fed her lunch. Please pray for her.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Christian Fellowship
One thing I looked forward to in settling into Shanghai was finding a church, or some sort of Christian fellowship group. My hopes are dwindling, as our options seem to be quickly becoming nil. Allow me to show you:
Hengshan Road Community Church
Sunday afternoons
2:00 service, no nursery
4:00 service, with nursery
45 minute metro ride
Our kids nap from 2:00 - 4:30, and skipping naps is not a good option.
Abundant Grace International Fellowship
Sunday afternoons
3:00 service
45-60 minute cab ride
Our kids still nap from 2:00 - 4:30, and skipping naps is still not a good option.
Blessed Care Cell Group
Saturday evenings
7:30 - 9:30 worship and study
Fellowship afterward
45 minute metro ride
minimal nursery provided, and our kids are by far the youngest
Our kids go to bed at 8:30, and pushing that to 11:00 pm is really too much
Oasis Puxi Cell Group
Wednesday mornings
10:00 am
30-60 minute cab ride
A moms group where children are welcome... except that each mom must attend to their own child, so most bring along childcare. What?
Hengshan Road and Abundant Grace are, as far as we know, the only English language Protestant churches in Shanghai. Here, churches are closely related to the government and must have full approval. The government has, as far as we know, only given approval to these two English language churches. They form the cell groups. Blessed Care is the only cell group open for families anywhere near our home. Oasis Puxi is the only cell group for Moms.
Our options are looking mighty slim.
Hengshan Road Community Church
Sunday afternoons
2:00 service, no nursery
4:00 service, with nursery
45 minute metro ride
Our kids nap from 2:00 - 4:30, and skipping naps is not a good option.
Abundant Grace International Fellowship
Sunday afternoons
3:00 service
45-60 minute cab ride
Our kids still nap from 2:00 - 4:30, and skipping naps is still not a good option.
Blessed Care Cell Group
Saturday evenings
7:30 - 9:30 worship and study
Fellowship afterward
45 minute metro ride
minimal nursery provided, and our kids are by far the youngest
Our kids go to bed at 8:30, and pushing that to 11:00 pm is really too much
Oasis Puxi Cell Group
Wednesday mornings
10:00 am
30-60 minute cab ride
A moms group where children are welcome... except that each mom must attend to their own child, so most bring along childcare. What?
Hengshan Road and Abundant Grace are, as far as we know, the only English language Protestant churches in Shanghai. Here, churches are closely related to the government and must have full approval. The government has, as far as we know, only given approval to these two English language churches. They form the cell groups. Blessed Care is the only cell group open for families anywhere near our home. Oasis Puxi is the only cell group for Moms.
Our options are looking mighty slim.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Things Learned
I learned two things yesterday.
First: The crossing guards have no power.
Being a communist country, promising a job for every worker, means there are loads of people doing unecessary things. The traffic police are a perfect example. At certain busy corners, a crossing guard is stationed at every stepping off point. And they mean business. If you so much as step off of the curb, they blow their whistle and push you back.
Apparently, that's as much as they can do. I stood on the curb yesterday, as the crossing guards held us at bay against an empty street. A Western man wearing a nice suit had no patience, and crossed anyway. Our crossing guard blew his whistle, gestured wildly, and followed him halfway across the streeet. His partner took over from there, coming out and clearly telling him to go back to the other side. No doing - he waved his hand at them, crossed the street, and walked on.
It dawned on me that these crossing guards have no power. Revolution! I expected the crowds on either side to surge into the still empty streets. Those guards can't hold me!
Nothing doing. Everyone patiently waited their crowded turn, and then surged across the street with the masses. Myself included. I was really tired, and rather appreciated the momentary rest. Revolution next time, maybe.
Second: The hotel has quite a bit of power, and very little customer service.
Apparently, Uncle H-- originally told our hotel that we would check out yesterday. We did not check out, but that was of no consequence. Our keys no longer worked. I went to the front desk. Still tired, I had very little patience - my rest at the corner above had not left me feeling refreshed.
When the desk clerk told me I no longer had a reservation, I answered that I was reserved until November 1st. When he nodded his head, and repeated that my reservation had ended, I repeated my assertion that I am leaving on November 1st, and then laid my head on his desk. Everyone behind the desk started talking in Chinese, and bustling about. My hunch is that they weren't talking about me - they had told me all I needed to know.
I had never checked out. I had not removed anything from my room. And I couldn't even get the elevator above the 8th floor.
I called Dave, who was at work. He went to Maggie's desk. Maggie called the hotel. About this time, a man on the telephone told me he had fixed my keycard. I could return to my room.
So, the lesson of yesterday is that money holds more sway than government.
Yes, this is a vast statement to make on two small encounters.
And yes, the government had quite a bit of power over individual's lives - much more than the U.S. government.
But in an ever-changing China, it seems to me that the capitalists have ever increasing power, and that the party will have to choose their battles to not see their power quickly dwindle to nothing.
First: The crossing guards have no power.
Being a communist country, promising a job for every worker, means there are loads of people doing unecessary things. The traffic police are a perfect example. At certain busy corners, a crossing guard is stationed at every stepping off point. And they mean business. If you so much as step off of the curb, they blow their whistle and push you back.
Apparently, that's as much as they can do. I stood on the curb yesterday, as the crossing guards held us at bay against an empty street. A Western man wearing a nice suit had no patience, and crossed anyway. Our crossing guard blew his whistle, gestured wildly, and followed him halfway across the streeet. His partner took over from there, coming out and clearly telling him to go back to the other side. No doing - he waved his hand at them, crossed the street, and walked on.
It dawned on me that these crossing guards have no power. Revolution! I expected the crowds on either side to surge into the still empty streets. Those guards can't hold me!
Nothing doing. Everyone patiently waited their crowded turn, and then surged across the street with the masses. Myself included. I was really tired, and rather appreciated the momentary rest. Revolution next time, maybe.
Second: The hotel has quite a bit of power, and very little customer service.
Apparently, Uncle H-- originally told our hotel that we would check out yesterday. We did not check out, but that was of no consequence. Our keys no longer worked. I went to the front desk. Still tired, I had very little patience - my rest at the corner above had not left me feeling refreshed.
When the desk clerk told me I no longer had a reservation, I answered that I was reserved until November 1st. When he nodded his head, and repeated that my reservation had ended, I repeated my assertion that I am leaving on November 1st, and then laid my head on his desk. Everyone behind the desk started talking in Chinese, and bustling about. My hunch is that they weren't talking about me - they had told me all I needed to know.
I had never checked out. I had not removed anything from my room. And I couldn't even get the elevator above the 8th floor.
I called Dave, who was at work. He went to Maggie's desk. Maggie called the hotel. About this time, a man on the telephone told me he had fixed my keycard. I could return to my room.
So, the lesson of yesterday is that money holds more sway than government.
Yes, this is a vast statement to make on two small encounters.
And yes, the government had quite a bit of power over individual's lives - much more than the U.S. government.
But in an ever-changing China, it seems to me that the capitalists have ever increasing power, and that the party will have to choose their battles to not see their power quickly dwindle to nothing.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Visions of China
I've been slow in adding any graphic interest to this site. And I am disappointed in myself for how rarely I carry my camera. There are all from a walk we took as a family on October 2nd.
This photo is in Xintiandi, a Shanghai tourist attraction we currently live very close to. Shikumen are the old lane houses, dating from the early 1900s, where many Chinese people live. Many are being raised by the government for high-rise apartments, displacing many from their native homes. Xintiandi renovated a section of shikumen into upscale restaurants, apartments and shops. It's lovely, and most people enjoy it. Westerners think it feels very Chinese. The Chinese think it feels very Western. Something for everyone, I suppose!
Exactly what it looks like - clean undies hanging off a street sign. Ours'll hang discreetly on a laundry porch, because we're rich Westerners.
Crickets - I haven't yet discovered their purpose. I've heard pets, foods, and fighting. And don't kid yourself - these containers are about the size of my fist.
A quickly disappearing lifetyle. These are the shikumen mentioned above. Lane houses, being torn down to build high-rises. We're standing in the middle of 1-2 acres of rubble, dotted with people's lives - broken bamboo chairs, bicycle tires.
A lane that has yet to meet the wrecking ball.Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Found - playground
Finally, after living here for 5 weeks, we have found a playground. It's a decent hike - maybe 30 minutes or so. I think that by the time we found it, L-- had become convinced that I'd lied to her. There's no playground, she must have thought. Why should there be? We haven't seen one yet in China!
Totally true. The only playgrounds we've seen so far have been inside expat housing complexes. A main reason we chose where we'll live is because there are so many playgrounds there, which seem covered with children all the time.
There are a number of parks within the immediate vicinity of our hotel. They're all very planned out. L-- gets joy out of pushing the stroller around on the maze of pathways through them. But having no place to play was clearly wearing on her.
One park nearby has what seems to be fitness equipment. Like those.. oh, what were they called? Parks in the US used to have those sit-up and chin-up systems placed along walking paths - remember? They were always made of thick brown wood, like small railroad ties. And no one every used them.
Here, they're made of brightly painted metal bars. And they're rather complex. There are a number of them we can't figure out how to use, even after watching people on them! They have treadmills, ellipticals, various balance units, all with no motor and using the rider's body as resistance. I find them wildly boring, and L-- tends to fall off of them. But these units were the closest thing to a playground we could find. The one close to our hotel was often populated with 8-year-old boys, but more often filled with cadres of retired Chinese. Men and women doing their daily exercises, playing cards and sitting around smoking cigarettes. Many of them would talk to our girls, which made L-- nervous but made S-- quite happy. It could be a fun multi-generational opportunity, if we spoke much Chinese and it weren't so smoky.
I was so excited to hear about the playground nearby that we set out quickly and with snacks this morning to find it. After a long search, we came to a less than perfect playground. It somehow manages to look both modern and outdated at the same time. As if they took a playground from the mid-seventies - rusty chains on the swings and peeling paint on the metal bars - and added a few large plastic pieces to make it look new. L-- didn't care. She loved it. She ran right in, circled the place a few times, and then went straight to ride on the bouncing duck. Following her, I was quickly stopped. Apparently there's a fee for this playground - hardly fitting in a communist country to charge children to play, in my opinion. The charge is 8RMB per child. That includes S--, who never left the stroller. And it doesn't include me, which meant that I couldn't play.
I'm not kidding.
The attendant yelled at me.
L-- was riding the duck, and asked me to ride the horsey next to her. These are serious little metal animals, on huge metal springs. Someone much larger than I could ride these little animals and do no damage. But parents are not allowed to play with their children. There are benches set out for parents. The guard blew her whistle at me.
I'll admit, I have a tendency to bristle against authority. I wanted very badly to ride the horse, once told not to. It took everything in me not to ride the horse again, or to jump onto the duck once L-- finished. For my children, I managed not to get us kicked out of the playground. But I can't promise that it won't happen soon.
Totally true. The only playgrounds we've seen so far have been inside expat housing complexes. A main reason we chose where we'll live is because there are so many playgrounds there, which seem covered with children all the time.
There are a number of parks within the immediate vicinity of our hotel. They're all very planned out. L-- gets joy out of pushing the stroller around on the maze of pathways through them. But having no place to play was clearly wearing on her.
One park nearby has what seems to be fitness equipment. Like those.. oh, what were they called? Parks in the US used to have those sit-up and chin-up systems placed along walking paths - remember? They were always made of thick brown wood, like small railroad ties. And no one every used them.
Here, they're made of brightly painted metal bars. And they're rather complex. There are a number of them we can't figure out how to use, even after watching people on them! They have treadmills, ellipticals, various balance units, all with no motor and using the rider's body as resistance. I find them wildly boring, and L-- tends to fall off of them. But these units were the closest thing to a playground we could find. The one close to our hotel was often populated with 8-year-old boys, but more often filled with cadres of retired Chinese. Men and women doing their daily exercises, playing cards and sitting around smoking cigarettes. Many of them would talk to our girls, which made L-- nervous but made S-- quite happy. It could be a fun multi-generational opportunity, if we spoke much Chinese and it weren't so smoky.
I was so excited to hear about the playground nearby that we set out quickly and with snacks this morning to find it. After a long search, we came to a less than perfect playground. It somehow manages to look both modern and outdated at the same time. As if they took a playground from the mid-seventies - rusty chains on the swings and peeling paint on the metal bars - and added a few large plastic pieces to make it look new. L-- didn't care. She loved it. She ran right in, circled the place a few times, and then went straight to ride on the bouncing duck. Following her, I was quickly stopped. Apparently there's a fee for this playground - hardly fitting in a communist country to charge children to play, in my opinion. The charge is 8RMB per child. That includes S--, who never left the stroller. And it doesn't include me, which meant that I couldn't play.
I'm not kidding.
The attendant yelled at me.
L-- was riding the duck, and asked me to ride the horsey next to her. These are serious little metal animals, on huge metal springs. Someone much larger than I could ride these little animals and do no damage. But parents are not allowed to play with their children. There are benches set out for parents. The guard blew her whistle at me.
I'll admit, I have a tendency to bristle against authority. I wanted very badly to ride the horse, once told not to. It took everything in me not to ride the horse again, or to jump onto the duck once L-- finished. For my children, I managed not to get us kicked out of the playground. But I can't promise that it won't happen soon.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
New Friends
L--, S-- and I had lunch with a nice group of women this afternoon. We met in one woman's home - a beautifully renovated old lane house in the French Concession. She picked the girls and I up in her car and drove us over. L-- rode in a car seat, and I felt strongly that we need to hire a driver. This taxi thing is just not safe.
There were about 8 women, all mothers. Most of them had known each other for a few years, and one other woman arrived in Shanghai from the states on the same day we did. Everyone was very down to earth, and most of the children were quite young. We had a very nice time, and most people offered their help with anything as I left.
I look forward to making some close friends and having people to lean on. It goes without saying, that will help. But witnessing how these women lived their lives, I do think that as we figure out how to live in Shanghai, life will get easier by leaps and bounds. Right now, outings are quite difficult. But once we've moved, we'll learn our boundaries for outings or we'll decide to hire a driver. Right now, keeping both the apartment clean and the kids happy feels nearly impossible. Once we're in our own home, we'll figure out routines and baby-safe play areas, or we'll hire an ayi to help out. These things will all sort themselves out within a few months or two.
There were about 8 women, all mothers. Most of them had known each other for a few years, and one other woman arrived in Shanghai from the states on the same day we did. Everyone was very down to earth, and most of the children were quite young. We had a very nice time, and most people offered their help with anything as I left.
I look forward to making some close friends and having people to lean on. It goes without saying, that will help. But witnessing how these women lived their lives, I do think that as we figure out how to live in Shanghai, life will get easier by leaps and bounds. Right now, outings are quite difficult. But once we've moved, we'll learn our boundaries for outings or we'll decide to hire a driver. Right now, keeping both the apartment clean and the kids happy feels nearly impossible. Once we're in our own home, we'll figure out routines and baby-safe play areas, or we'll hire an ayi to help out. These things will all sort themselves out within a few months or two.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Maintaining Perspective
A good friend sent some support last night. He pointed out that bloggers tend to focus on the negative. In tandem, he noted that psyche can be fooled into a better mood when a person focuses on the positive.
And not to diminish what I wrote last night, but things aren't all bad.
L--, S-- and I all got a good night's sleep last night. And every one of us is smiley and cheerful this morning. We're meeting some new friends for lunch today at a restaurant that is not only affordable, but also frequently chosen an expat favorite.
L-- is an absurdly happy child. She is difficult to discipline, but what 2-year-old is not? But she is also very friendly and smiley. She's open to new experiences and enjoys exploring her new home. She plays well independently and she loves to read - this morning she entertained herself for over an hour just with a few books and two stuffed animals. She is a jokester, making the rest of us laugh - especially over dinner. She's smart, already knowing her way around town as well as we do and able to identify major landmarks on the map. She is rarely bothered by S-- crying, which often cheers me up as well.
S-- is a sweet, snuggly little girl who is slowly discovering the big world around her. She gets stressed out and needs to be cared for - we easily have the power to do this. She gets so much joy just from being held, and snuggling into your arms. She is friendly, smiling and waving at the loads of people who stop and stare when we go for walks. She's always happy when around new people, and she loves riding in the stroller and watching the busy world go by. She's becoming a skilled crawler, and has just started pulling herself up on everything within reach. She'll be cruising before long. She's adventurous in food, willing to try any new food and often liking surprising things. Although quickly temperamental, if you have the time to focus directly on her, she is nothing but a little sweetheart. And really, what else do I need to spend my time on? What a great excuse not to do the dishes!
This blog has a few purposes:
1 - To serve as my journal, verbalizing and documenting my personal journey and adventure.
2 - To serve as a family newsletter, explaining to our friends and family what we are doing, what our new life looks like, and how to pray for us.
3 - To bring some organization to the process of moving to China Maybe it could become a how-to, or a memoire at some point.
An unintended outcome has been the outpouring of support we've received from many of you. I'm glad you're enjoying reading, and I thank you for your continued love, words of encouragement and prayers. We knew this would be hard when we signed up for it, and I know that things will get immensely easier as we go forward.
And not to diminish what I wrote last night, but things aren't all bad.
L--, S-- and I all got a good night's sleep last night. And every one of us is smiley and cheerful this morning. We're meeting some new friends for lunch today at a restaurant that is not only affordable, but also frequently chosen an expat favorite.
L-- is an absurdly happy child. She is difficult to discipline, but what 2-year-old is not? But she is also very friendly and smiley. She's open to new experiences and enjoys exploring her new home. She plays well independently and she loves to read - this morning she entertained herself for over an hour just with a few books and two stuffed animals. She is a jokester, making the rest of us laugh - especially over dinner. She's smart, already knowing her way around town as well as we do and able to identify major landmarks on the map. She is rarely bothered by S-- crying, which often cheers me up as well.
S-- is a sweet, snuggly little girl who is slowly discovering the big world around her. She gets stressed out and needs to be cared for - we easily have the power to do this. She gets so much joy just from being held, and snuggling into your arms. She is friendly, smiling and waving at the loads of people who stop and stare when we go for walks. She's always happy when around new people, and she loves riding in the stroller and watching the busy world go by. She's becoming a skilled crawler, and has just started pulling herself up on everything within reach. She'll be cruising before long. She's adventurous in food, willing to try any new food and often liking surprising things. Although quickly temperamental, if you have the time to focus directly on her, she is nothing but a little sweetheart. And really, what else do I need to spend my time on? What a great excuse not to do the dishes!
This blog has a few purposes:
1 - To serve as my journal, verbalizing and documenting my personal journey and adventure.
2 - To serve as a family newsletter, explaining to our friends and family what we are doing, what our new life looks like, and how to pray for us.
3 - To bring some organization to the process of moving to China Maybe it could become a how-to, or a memoire at some point.
An unintended outcome has been the outpouring of support we've received from many of you. I'm glad you're enjoying reading, and I thank you for your continued love, words of encouragement and prayers. We knew this would be hard when we signed up for it, and I know that things will get immensely easier as we go forward.
11:39 pm
Dave worked late tonight.
This is the 6th day of full-time work; just over 1 week. One night last week, he worked until 6:00 the next morning. I put the girls to bed by myself. Another night last week, he went back to work at 7:00 in the evening for an international call. I put the girls to bed by myself. This evening he got home at 8:15. I did the baths and the brushing teeth myself. But when he walked in at 8:15, I grabbed my bag and walked out.
I wanted to feel like I was running away and couldn't be found. But really, I knew that wasn't the case. I'm sure he noticed that I took the shampoo with me, and neither jacket nor money.
I went down to the fitness room, spent some time on the treadmill, and then moved to the ladies sauna. I soaked in the hot tub, dipped in the cold water plunge, and then took a hot shower. The room was luxurious, with marble floors and mirror-lined walls. And empty, which made it feel decadent. I had stuffed my entire stash of magazines into my bag, and made it through two good, feminist rags. At about 10:00, I went back upstairs, talked with my husband for a little while, and we went to bed.
But I can't sleep.
I read a story by a woman who spent time as an abortion counselor. She recounted the time period when she was pregnant. Her pregnancy only lasted 10 weeks. She explained the turmoil in her heart, losing her pregnancy involuntarily as other women chose to lose theirs. I felt so many emotions reading her account. Having so recently been pregnant, I can still vividly recall all of the feelings associated.
I can remember sitting on the doctor's table every month while she checked for a heartbeat. The smallness of the room, cramped with the table, the doctor and Dave. How uncomfortable I felt on the table when we waited for the doctor, wanting so badly just to lie down with my feet up, but realizing how ridiculous that would look when she came in. A few quick hellos, and then lifting my shirt just above my ever growing belly for her to squirt a pile of cold gel on top. The smooth weight of the ultrasound as she searched for the heartbeat. The short sense of fear until we could hear the quick pulsing fill the room. "She's perfect." The doctor would smile and say this every time. And I always felt a rush of relief. But more than relief. I always felt this warm feeling when she told me that I was carrying the perfect baby.
I want so much to feel that warm feeling now. There are so many wonderful things in my life, but somehow I can't reach most of them. I have a wonderfully healthy 10 month old baby, who I can't enjoy nearly enough because she spends so much of her life angry. I have a smart and spirited toddler, who I can't figure out how to discipline and control. I have a wonderful husband, by whom I often feel abandoned. I live in an incredible city, but I can't figure out how to explore it with two youngsters.
And then my mind jumps. To realize how amazingly lucky I am. Physically near to me are people with much less. I blame much of my girls temperaments on a lack of sleep from a frustrating hotel arrangement. But how ridiculous - most families in China share 1 room. I complain about Dave's hours, but he hardly carries an exorbitant work load. Our family is one of the privileged few in this city, and I act like it. All the way down to complaining that my abundant wealth doesn't make my life easy enough.
I miss living in my own home.
I miss having my mother and father, Nana and Papa, down the street.
I miss being able to fix food that is both cheap and comforting.
I feel like our lives - L--, S-- and mine - would be so much richer if S-- would just pass through this stage. And sadly, I've felt like that since she was born. And I hate that. I want so badly to enjoy her. I see pictures of happy women holding their babies, and my heart yearns for it. If I had known that S-- would still be "collicky" at this stage, we would not have accepted this position. How can a child be unhappy for so long?
I've been praying for God to help her, and to give me patience. I've been praying it for 10 months now. It began to feel redundant a long time ago.
This is the 6th day of full-time work; just over 1 week. One night last week, he worked until 6:00 the next morning. I put the girls to bed by myself. Another night last week, he went back to work at 7:00 in the evening for an international call. I put the girls to bed by myself. This evening he got home at 8:15. I did the baths and the brushing teeth myself. But when he walked in at 8:15, I grabbed my bag and walked out.
I wanted to feel like I was running away and couldn't be found. But really, I knew that wasn't the case. I'm sure he noticed that I took the shampoo with me, and neither jacket nor money.
I went down to the fitness room, spent some time on the treadmill, and then moved to the ladies sauna. I soaked in the hot tub, dipped in the cold water plunge, and then took a hot shower. The room was luxurious, with marble floors and mirror-lined walls. And empty, which made it feel decadent. I had stuffed my entire stash of magazines into my bag, and made it through two good, feminist rags. At about 10:00, I went back upstairs, talked with my husband for a little while, and we went to bed.
But I can't sleep.
I read a story by a woman who spent time as an abortion counselor. She recounted the time period when she was pregnant. Her pregnancy only lasted 10 weeks. She explained the turmoil in her heart, losing her pregnancy involuntarily as other women chose to lose theirs. I felt so many emotions reading her account. Having so recently been pregnant, I can still vividly recall all of the feelings associated.
I can remember sitting on the doctor's table every month while she checked for a heartbeat. The smallness of the room, cramped with the table, the doctor and Dave. How uncomfortable I felt on the table when we waited for the doctor, wanting so badly just to lie down with my feet up, but realizing how ridiculous that would look when she came in. A few quick hellos, and then lifting my shirt just above my ever growing belly for her to squirt a pile of cold gel on top. The smooth weight of the ultrasound as she searched for the heartbeat. The short sense of fear until we could hear the quick pulsing fill the room. "She's perfect." The doctor would smile and say this every time. And I always felt a rush of relief. But more than relief. I always felt this warm feeling when she told me that I was carrying the perfect baby.
I want so much to feel that warm feeling now. There are so many wonderful things in my life, but somehow I can't reach most of them. I have a wonderfully healthy 10 month old baby, who I can't enjoy nearly enough because she spends so much of her life angry. I have a smart and spirited toddler, who I can't figure out how to discipline and control. I have a wonderful husband, by whom I often feel abandoned. I live in an incredible city, but I can't figure out how to explore it with two youngsters.
And then my mind jumps. To realize how amazingly lucky I am. Physically near to me are people with much less. I blame much of my girls temperaments on a lack of sleep from a frustrating hotel arrangement. But how ridiculous - most families in China share 1 room. I complain about Dave's hours, but he hardly carries an exorbitant work load. Our family is one of the privileged few in this city, and I act like it. All the way down to complaining that my abundant wealth doesn't make my life easy enough.
I miss living in my own home.
I miss having my mother and father, Nana and Papa, down the street.
I miss being able to fix food that is both cheap and comforting.
I feel like our lives - L--, S-- and mine - would be so much richer if S-- would just pass through this stage. And sadly, I've felt like that since she was born. And I hate that. I want so badly to enjoy her. I see pictures of happy women holding their babies, and my heart yearns for it. If I had known that S-- would still be "collicky" at this stage, we would not have accepted this position. How can a child be unhappy for so long?
I've been praying for God to help her, and to give me patience. I've been praying it for 10 months now. It began to feel redundant a long time ago.
What We've Been Reading - The Three Daughters of Madame Liang
It was only upon accepting the job in Shanghai that I discovered the writings of Pearl S. Buck. A Nobel Prize winner for literature, her stories are captivating; her characters are realistic, well developed and identifiable; and her settings are infinitely interesting. My mother handed me Peony in March, and I was immediately hooked on Buck's writing. I searched a used book fair this summer for more, and left with a pile of Buck's novels. My second read was The Three Daughters of Madame Liang. Both novels take place in China - it is my understanding that most of her writing does.
What stands out about The Three Daughters of Madame Liang is the timeframe. Although I can't find the reference, I believe that Buck stated that this book takes place in "modern times" - it was published in 1969. I include myself as one unfamiliar with Chinese history, although I am learning as quickly as I can. At that time, under the leadership of Mao Zedong, China was in the midst of the Cultural Revolution. Being in China, the best link I can find for background is this piece on Mao Zedong. It seems relatively accurate, if a bit slanted. I suppose this is why I am able to read it under my present circumstances - in cooperation with most major search engines, the Chinese government controls the masses' access to the internet, removing or blocking links to websites presenting Chinese government in a less than favorable light.
I digress.
Madame Liang is a surprisingly progressive woman in communist China in the midst of the Cultural Revolution - a dangerous time for all Chinese, especially progressive ones. She is Chinese through and through, but has educated all three of her daughters in America. Through the course of the book, some of her children come back to China to serve their country. The time period is immensely interesting - masses of people living under complete oppression, with every aspect of their lifestyle under govermental control. With her choice of characters, Buck does a beautiful job of presenting a loyal Chinese viewpoint as well as American critical thinking. For a wonderful read, as well as a fictional schooling on mid-20th-century China, I highly recommend this book.
What We've Been Reading - Death of a Red Heroine
With Death of a Red Heroine, author Qiu Xiaolong stepped away from published poetry to write a detective novel - apparently a very popular type of book in modern China. The author has received acclaim for the novel, and I've read many good reviews of the book. Detective novels are not generally my style, and this one meets many common shortfalls - the book is longer than the story, the mystery is simple to solve, and most characters are poorly developed.
Still, if you enjoy a good crime novel, I would recommend this book on two counts.
First, although most of his characters are poorly developed, the two main characters are quite interesting. Chief Inspector Chen and his assistant Detective Yu are both realistic and well developed characters living realistic and different lives in modern China.
Second, and my reason for reading the book, is Xiaolong's masterful portrayal of modern Shanghai. The book is set in Shanghai in the early 90s, and although many things have changed over the past 15 years, many of Xiaolong's descriptions are dead on. To quote the website cited above:
"Set in Shanghai in the 1990s, Death of a Red Heroine is replete with the smells, the sights, and the sounds of this great Chinese city: a former brothel quarter has been converted to work-unit dormitories where none of the residents will take responsibility for cleaning the bathrooms; on the overcrowded buses, people's tempers are short; little neighborhood restaurants serve delicious fried buns; and as they practice tai chi along the city's elegant Bund, local residents ignore the crowds of tourists and financiers passing by."
For an accurate portrayal of the city we've moved to, viewed through very different eyes from my own, I recommend this book.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Paris of the East
Shanghai, China and St. Louis, Missouri share very little in common. But one thing they do share is the dubious recognition of having once been a great city.
In 1903, St. Louis was the 3rd largest city in the quickly growing United States. Behind only New York City and Philadelphia, St. Louis was a powerhouse in the Midwest. Major businesses, important people and grand homes graced its streets. And then Chicago bought into trains, what the folks in St. Louis saw as a passing fad. And it was all downhill from there.
In the 1930s, Shanghai was known as the Paris of the East. Full of expatriates living unpoliced and decadent lives, and awash with opium, Shanghai was a center of all things desirable - legal and not.
The difference is that although St. Louis has modernized along with the United States, it has stayed in the early 1900s in attitude and progressive action. St. Louis is a city of beautiful mansions built over 100 years ago - mansions which are falling down, split into boarding houses, and often have the heat turned off. St. Louis is no longer a great city.
Shanghai, as a part of The People's Republic of China, seems to have stopped modernizing with all of the upheaval and turmoil of the 20th century. Business and news in China are much akin to the industrial age in America. But modernization is now happening at warp speed in Shanghai, and that's the key difference. The leadership of Shanghai is keen to regain their status as a city worth recognizing.
So I find myself frequently frustrated with people - not because of cultural differences, but because they are trying to provide services they are wholly unaccustomed to.
Stores, in an effort to look perfectly polished and well stocked, will have staff stocking shelves in the middle of the day. I have often had to gently push a staff person out of my way, because they found it more important to organize their shelves than to make their products available to me as a customer.
Restaurants, in an effort to sparkle, will clean up before you've finished. Eating dinner in a cafeteria this evening, S-- worked on a dish of rice. No surprise, much of the rice wound up on the floor. Before we were halfway through our meal, a staff person was on the floor at our table, pushing our stroller into the aisle and bumping our legs in an effort to clean the rice off of the floor.
Modernization is happening very quickly, and often service is sacrificed for surface presentation.
On another vein, we took a walk through the former French Concession this afternoon. My understanding of Shanghai history is that after China lost the Opium Wars around the turn of the century, England took a few chunks of land for their own. They invited all of their buddies to do the same. In the early 1900s, Shanghai had large swaths of land that were governed as embassies are - by foreign leaders tens of thousands of miles away. The French Concession lied in the heart of the city, and was the most beautiful. Mansions of French colonial architecture with lovely gardens surrounding them still lie at the heart of this city.
What saved some of these mansions was the people in power during Communism. Those calling for equality among the people also holed up in 4-story villas lavishly built by their former occupying powers. But, much like St. Louis, most of them became boarding houses and eventually fell into disrepair. A stroll through the former French Concession is a lovely walk down tree-lined streets and through large parks. On some stretches, the buildings are so far removed from their former splendor that you have to look for quite some time to realize what they once were. These former mansions look more like rambling tenements, with entire families living in each room and drying laundry flapping out most windows. In the same neighborhood, mansions are open as museums - Patriotic Sites - and rows of homes are being renovated, no doubt to be sold or rented in Shanghai's sky-rocketing real estate business.
In 1903, St. Louis was the 3rd largest city in the quickly growing United States. Behind only New York City and Philadelphia, St. Louis was a powerhouse in the Midwest. Major businesses, important people and grand homes graced its streets. And then Chicago bought into trains, what the folks in St. Louis saw as a passing fad. And it was all downhill from there.
In the 1930s, Shanghai was known as the Paris of the East. Full of expatriates living unpoliced and decadent lives, and awash with opium, Shanghai was a center of all things desirable - legal and not.
The difference is that although St. Louis has modernized along with the United States, it has stayed in the early 1900s in attitude and progressive action. St. Louis is a city of beautiful mansions built over 100 years ago - mansions which are falling down, split into boarding houses, and often have the heat turned off. St. Louis is no longer a great city.
Shanghai, as a part of The People's Republic of China, seems to have stopped modernizing with all of the upheaval and turmoil of the 20th century. Business and news in China are much akin to the industrial age in America. But modernization is now happening at warp speed in Shanghai, and that's the key difference. The leadership of Shanghai is keen to regain their status as a city worth recognizing.
So I find myself frequently frustrated with people - not because of cultural differences, but because they are trying to provide services they are wholly unaccustomed to.
Stores, in an effort to look perfectly polished and well stocked, will have staff stocking shelves in the middle of the day. I have often had to gently push a staff person out of my way, because they found it more important to organize their shelves than to make their products available to me as a customer.
Restaurants, in an effort to sparkle, will clean up before you've finished. Eating dinner in a cafeteria this evening, S-- worked on a dish of rice. No surprise, much of the rice wound up on the floor. Before we were halfway through our meal, a staff person was on the floor at our table, pushing our stroller into the aisle and bumping our legs in an effort to clean the rice off of the floor.
Modernization is happening very quickly, and often service is sacrificed for surface presentation.
On another vein, we took a walk through the former French Concession this afternoon. My understanding of Shanghai history is that after China lost the Opium Wars around the turn of the century, England took a few chunks of land for their own. They invited all of their buddies to do the same. In the early 1900s, Shanghai had large swaths of land that were governed as embassies are - by foreign leaders tens of thousands of miles away. The French Concession lied in the heart of the city, and was the most beautiful. Mansions of French colonial architecture with lovely gardens surrounding them still lie at the heart of this city.
What saved some of these mansions was the people in power during Communism. Those calling for equality among the people also holed up in 4-story villas lavishly built by their former occupying powers. But, much like St. Louis, most of them became boarding houses and eventually fell into disrepair. A stroll through the former French Concession is a lovely walk down tree-lined streets and through large parks. On some stretches, the buildings are so far removed from their former splendor that you have to look for quite some time to realize what they once were. These former mansions look more like rambling tenements, with entire families living in each room and drying laundry flapping out most windows. In the same neighborhood, mansions are open as museums - Patriotic Sites - and rows of homes are being renovated, no doubt to be sold or rented in Shanghai's sky-rocketing real estate business.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Let's Be Fair
I just reviewed this morning's post. And let's be fair - she does not spend literally half of her waking hours crying. You probably already identified the hyperbole. I would say that she spends half of her waking hours quite happy. The other half, alternating between 2-5 minute happy spells and 5-15 minute crying or screaming spells. I'm at my wit's end.
One challenge is the hotel. I have very few complaints about where we've been put up. In fact, as far as living in a hotel goes, we've got it quite nice. We enter in a galley kitchen of sorts. After a small turn, we walk by the dining nook and into the rather spacious living room. Off of the living room are 2 bedrooms. The master is quite large with wonderful lighting and a master bath. Each room has a wall of windows, all with a fantastic view. The tub drain doesn't work fully, and either allows the water to quickly pile up in a shower or makes bathtime a race against the clock to finish scrubbing and rinsing each slippery baby before the water disappears. But otherwise, my only complaint is that we've only got 2 doors to hide behind. L-- has her own room, because she sleeps the longest shot. S-- wakes up for an early morning bottle, so she sleeps in the living room. Were she to sleep in our room, we would be going to bed at 8:30 with them. Not a good option. This arrangement works well from bedtime through to when L-- wakes up - around 9:00 in the morning. At that point, S-- is already down for her morning nap. Should we wake her, we will have a grumpy baby all day. If I leave L-- in her room until S-- awakens, L-- often skips her afternoon nap. Then I've got a grumpy toddler all evening. Today, I managed to grab L-- from her room without waking S--. S-- slept until 11:00, which boded quite well for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, she disproved my theory that her grumpiness arose solely from lack of sleep. The other problem was that L-- and I were stuck in my bedroom until 11:00, making breakfast late and not allowing our threesome out of the hotel until nearly 1:00 in the afternoon. Lunch was late, naps were late, girls were grumpy. And on top of it all, I was up late last night with a sinus headache. No Nyquil in the house. What's a girl to do?
But we did have some very good moments today, too.
The three of us walked to People's Square, a park facing the Shanghai Museum. The photo linked to People's Square above shows it as a concrete park, which is the largest portion. On a beautiful fall afternoon, we made this short walk. I picked up some food from a vendor, and we picnicked. We sat on the edge of the circle in the picture, looking down upon the depressed part. Just as the sun came out from behind the clouds, loud musical-style Chinese singing began over an intercom and the depressed section became a large fountain. People flocked to the fountain with cameras, and adults jumped around between the shooting water for good pictures. A bit of a surprise, but it was an enjoyable sight.
People flew kites and stopped to talk to the girls. We had a lovely time.
One challenge is the hotel. I have very few complaints about where we've been put up. In fact, as far as living in a hotel goes, we've got it quite nice. We enter in a galley kitchen of sorts. After a small turn, we walk by the dining nook and into the rather spacious living room. Off of the living room are 2 bedrooms. The master is quite large with wonderful lighting and a master bath. Each room has a wall of windows, all with a fantastic view. The tub drain doesn't work fully, and either allows the water to quickly pile up in a shower or makes bathtime a race against the clock to finish scrubbing and rinsing each slippery baby before the water disappears. But otherwise, my only complaint is that we've only got 2 doors to hide behind. L-- has her own room, because she sleeps the longest shot. S-- wakes up for an early morning bottle, so she sleeps in the living room. Were she to sleep in our room, we would be going to bed at 8:30 with them. Not a good option. This arrangement works well from bedtime through to when L-- wakes up - around 9:00 in the morning. At that point, S-- is already down for her morning nap. Should we wake her, we will have a grumpy baby all day. If I leave L-- in her room until S-- awakens, L-- often skips her afternoon nap. Then I've got a grumpy toddler all evening. Today, I managed to grab L-- from her room without waking S--. S-- slept until 11:00, which boded quite well for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, she disproved my theory that her grumpiness arose solely from lack of sleep. The other problem was that L-- and I were stuck in my bedroom until 11:00, making breakfast late and not allowing our threesome out of the hotel until nearly 1:00 in the afternoon. Lunch was late, naps were late, girls were grumpy. And on top of it all, I was up late last night with a sinus headache. No Nyquil in the house. What's a girl to do?
But we did have some very good moments today, too.
The three of us walked to People's Square, a park facing the Shanghai Museum. The photo linked to People's Square above shows it as a concrete park, which is the largest portion. On a beautiful fall afternoon, we made this short walk. I picked up some food from a vendor, and we picnicked. We sat on the edge of the circle in the picture, looking down upon the depressed part. Just as the sun came out from behind the clouds, loud musical-style Chinese singing began over an intercom and the depressed section became a large fountain. People flocked to the fountain with cameras, and adults jumped around between the shooting water for good pictures. A bit of a surprise, but it was an enjoyable sight.
People flew kites and stopped to talk to the girls. We had a lovely time.
i don't know what i did to deserve a child who cries all day. quite literally, she spends more of her waking hours crying than not. we've spent so much time with doctors, that i'm convinced there is nothing physically wrong with her. i don't know how to handle a child who is unhappy all of the time. but living in a hotel with her and her willful older sister is torture. i honestly don't think that i can handle many more days of this.
Monday, October 08, 2007
The End of the Beginning
Dave went back to work today.
This wasn't his first time in the office - far from it. So expect nothing groundbreaking about his new job, his new office and his new co-workers. He's been going in daily during naptime for over a week now. He's gotten to know the co-workers, gotten comfy in his desk chair, and become quite adept at his blackberry. He even manages to turn it off sometimes.
So the girls and I had our first day on our own. And we had our second typhoon. There were no evacuations or school closings, but it sure did rain a lot.
We live on the 21st floor of our hotel. I had noticed that I never hear it raining - a sound that I miss. I suppose I wouldn't, though. I'm too far from the ground to hear water hitting the pavement, there are no trees anywhere near, and the top of the building is another 20 or so flights up. There's nothing for me to hear.
Today, I heard the rain.
Looking out our windows, I could see the wind and the rain blowing in all directions. I could hear rain pounding against my window, with no determinate pattern. I heard it for over 12 hours.
Amid this, L-- and S-- and I had to get out of the house.
With the stroller neatly covered with its rain guard, and I protected with my rain jacket, we walked to a few stores and out to lunch. A few blocks round trip. By the time we headed home, my patience had worn quite thin, as had S--'s and L--'s. L-- kept herself occupied by standing up in the stroller - made especially challenging by the rain guard over her head. To truly succeed in standing, she had to push the rain guard pretty high. While crossing the street in tropical storm strength winds, this effort succeeded in throwing the rain guard off the stroller entirely. It caught on the front tire and went down in the middle of the street.
Full of anger, and that's-what-you-get, I grabbed the rain guard and let the girls travel in the rain the rest of the way home.
They loved it.
S-- was happier than she has been all day - before or since. She laughed the entire ride.
L-- was amazed at what she had done, and pretty excited to feel the wind against her face.
It probably does get pretty stuff in there. I just hope she doesn't make a habit out of this.
Other than this episode, we actually had a successful and quiet day on our own. The outing went well, and we have another planned for tomorrow. My life isn't much different than it was back home. After all of the chores, meals and naps, there remains only a small window for living. The amount of life can be done within that 2-3 hour window is quite manageable, really. Even on my own, its hard to be intimidated by a mere 2-3 hours.
This wasn't his first time in the office - far from it. So expect nothing groundbreaking about his new job, his new office and his new co-workers. He's been going in daily during naptime for over a week now. He's gotten to know the co-workers, gotten comfy in his desk chair, and become quite adept at his blackberry. He even manages to turn it off sometimes.
So the girls and I had our first day on our own. And we had our second typhoon. There were no evacuations or school closings, but it sure did rain a lot.
We live on the 21st floor of our hotel. I had noticed that I never hear it raining - a sound that I miss. I suppose I wouldn't, though. I'm too far from the ground to hear water hitting the pavement, there are no trees anywhere near, and the top of the building is another 20 or so flights up. There's nothing for me to hear.
Today, I heard the rain.
Looking out our windows, I could see the wind and the rain blowing in all directions. I could hear rain pounding against my window, with no determinate pattern. I heard it for over 12 hours.
Amid this, L-- and S-- and I had to get out of the house.
With the stroller neatly covered with its rain guard, and I protected with my rain jacket, we walked to a few stores and out to lunch. A few blocks round trip. By the time we headed home, my patience had worn quite thin, as had S--'s and L--'s. L-- kept herself occupied by standing up in the stroller - made especially challenging by the rain guard over her head. To truly succeed in standing, she had to push the rain guard pretty high. While crossing the street in tropical storm strength winds, this effort succeeded in throwing the rain guard off the stroller entirely. It caught on the front tire and went down in the middle of the street.
Full of anger, and that's-what-you-get, I grabbed the rain guard and let the girls travel in the rain the rest of the way home.
They loved it.
S-- was happier than she has been all day - before or since. She laughed the entire ride.
L-- was amazed at what she had done, and pretty excited to feel the wind against her face.
It probably does get pretty stuff in there. I just hope she doesn't make a habit out of this.
Other than this episode, we actually had a successful and quiet day on our own. The outing went well, and we have another planned for tomorrow. My life isn't much different than it was back home. After all of the chores, meals and naps, there remains only a small window for living. The amount of life can be done within that 2-3 hour window is quite manageable, really. Even on my own, its hard to be intimidated by a mere 2-3 hours.
Learning to be a Family
Dave and I used to travel quite a bit. For a few years, we were on a trip every few months. Over the years, we've been lucky enough to frequently travel for a few weeks at a time. Each time, we've enjoyed it the entire time. We never tired of traveling, and we never tired of each other's company. In fact, the time together always strengthened our relationship.
Likewise, when our girls were born. Both times, Dave was able to take 3 weeks at home with me after their birth. He helped out, and got to know his new daughter, and we were able to go through this profound experience together. Although I know they were difficult, I remember both times with nostalgia.
We expected the same these past few weeks. Including China's national holiday, Dave had about 3 weeks off to settle in. After leaving Chicago on September 18th, Dave just started work full-time today.
But these past few weeks were anything but blissful. We were at each other's throats. And sadly, we never confronted each other about it in a meaningful way until last night.
It appears that we are still figuring out how to be a family.
After a long and difficult adjustment period, I've taken full ownership of being a stay-at-home mom. I enjoy spending all of my time with my girls. I know what they need when they cry. I know what will not work when they act out. I know when we've pushed them too far, but I also know when we're an hour or so from the breaking point.
Dave is good at his job and enjoys working, but has always harbored a desire to be the stay-at-home parent. He is a very loving father, and longs to be the one that his children run to when they are hurt.
Quite often, we clashed.
I would want to do something one way. Dave felt I was telling him what to do - and I usually was. Dave ignored my ideas, and did it his own way. Sometimes this blew up in his face, making both of us feel resentful. Somehow, I-told-you-so feels bad on both sides. Sometimes his way worked, and I felt useless. We talked this out for a few hours last night.
Dave and L-- were jumping on the bed this evening, after he got home from work. They were roughhousing, and they filled the apartment with their laughs. When the crying started, I ran to the room. L-- had fallen off of the bed. She reached for me.
I hate to rely on stereotypes, but they do often seem to be grounded in reality. Daddy's are the ones who push you further than you thought you could go and who throw some excitement and something mildly forbidden into your day. In Mommy's arms, you'll always be safe. We have both rebelled against these roles. But after so long at home with my girls, I've come to embrace mine. This evening, I think Dave started to embrace being the Daddy. He gets to spend his few hours with the girls laughing and jumping and playing, breaking the rules a bit and having some hair-raising fun.
And it may be God's gift to our children that L-- has someone safe to hold her, when her Daddy throws her a little too high. Because once she feels thoroughly comforted, she can jump right back into the fray of things again.
Likewise, when our girls were born. Both times, Dave was able to take 3 weeks at home with me after their birth. He helped out, and got to know his new daughter, and we were able to go through this profound experience together. Although I know they were difficult, I remember both times with nostalgia.
We expected the same these past few weeks. Including China's national holiday, Dave had about 3 weeks off to settle in. After leaving Chicago on September 18th, Dave just started work full-time today.
But these past few weeks were anything but blissful. We were at each other's throats. And sadly, we never confronted each other about it in a meaningful way until last night.
It appears that we are still figuring out how to be a family.
After a long and difficult adjustment period, I've taken full ownership of being a stay-at-home mom. I enjoy spending all of my time with my girls. I know what they need when they cry. I know what will not work when they act out. I know when we've pushed them too far, but I also know when we're an hour or so from the breaking point.
Dave is good at his job and enjoys working, but has always harbored a desire to be the stay-at-home parent. He is a very loving father, and longs to be the one that his children run to when they are hurt.
Quite often, we clashed.
I would want to do something one way. Dave felt I was telling him what to do - and I usually was. Dave ignored my ideas, and did it his own way. Sometimes this blew up in his face, making both of us feel resentful. Somehow, I-told-you-so feels bad on both sides. Sometimes his way worked, and I felt useless. We talked this out for a few hours last night.
Dave and L-- were jumping on the bed this evening, after he got home from work. They were roughhousing, and they filled the apartment with their laughs. When the crying started, I ran to the room. L-- had fallen off of the bed. She reached for me.
I hate to rely on stereotypes, but they do often seem to be grounded in reality. Daddy's are the ones who push you further than you thought you could go and who throw some excitement and something mildly forbidden into your day. In Mommy's arms, you'll always be safe. We have both rebelled against these roles. But after so long at home with my girls, I've come to embrace mine. This evening, I think Dave started to embrace being the Daddy. He gets to spend his few hours with the girls laughing and jumping and playing, breaking the rules a bit and having some hair-raising fun.
And it may be God's gift to our children that L-- has someone safe to hold her, when her Daddy throws her a little too high. Because once she feels thoroughly comforted, she can jump right back into the fray of things again.
Six Degrees: John
We shared a lovely Shanghai weekend with a few expats we've met over the past few days.
Six degrees of Dave and Lynne connected us to John, a friend's cousin. John invited us out for a drink on Friday night. After bedtime, we threw a coin for which of us got the evening out. I won.
I jumped in a taxi on a lovely fall evening, and headed over to Cotton's. It calls itself the best bar in Shanghai. I've been to very few in my time, but this one gets my vote so far. I can't link to the photo, but if you go to the photo gallery and click on the last picure - its titled the garden - you'll get an idea the atmosphere. The rest of the photos surprise me a bit - the garden was so large, I didn't even realize the bar had walls, let alone an indoor space. At 9:00 at night, the garden was dimly lit. My memory sets the lighting at some sort of firelight - candles on the tables and torches on the sides - and a backlit bar. The tables are small with high stools. Just close enough to feel intimate; just far enough to hold your own conversation. The evening was cool - brisk fall weather, comfortable in jeans and a week or two too early for a jacket. The place was full. I noticed later that it was full of expats. John described it as the neighborhood Cheers, and the neighborhood is primarily expatriate.
We enjoyed a lovely conversation, in which I learned that he's at the end of his stay. John has been in Shanghai for 4-1/2 years, and its time to go. He places expats into 3 camps. There's the 2-year camp: the folks who completed their contract and then left town immediately. The 10-year camp - these folks are few and far between; once you've passed the 5-year line you've made a commitment to China, and not many people do. That means you've also got a 4-year camp. These are the folks who enjoyed their stay, but will be leaving when their time comes. John fit the description. He had stories of people he'd met, parties he'd attended, trips he'd taken. And now he's looking forward to a few months in Milwaukee - where there are plenty of trees and there's very little pretention.
We took him up on his offer to show us his favorite parts of Shanghai. Saturday morning, he met us with a taxi downstairs. And John turned into Uncle John for a day - a role that felt foreign to him, although he played it quite well. Everything he showed us was in a hole in the wall. He and Dave had like knowledge on world affairs and like opinions on American habits. We enjoyed his company as well as his tour, and are sad to know that we won't get to develop a friendship with him.
We also pushed the kids way too far, getting them back for naps nearly 2 hours late. It was a long evening. They were troopers, but I'm still paying for it with grumpy children.
Six degrees of Dave and Lynne connected us to John, a friend's cousin. John invited us out for a drink on Friday night. After bedtime, we threw a coin for which of us got the evening out. I won.
I jumped in a taxi on a lovely fall evening, and headed over to Cotton's. It calls itself the best bar in Shanghai. I've been to very few in my time, but this one gets my vote so far. I can't link to the photo, but if you go to the photo gallery and click on the last picure - its titled the garden - you'll get an idea the atmosphere. The rest of the photos surprise me a bit - the garden was so large, I didn't even realize the bar had walls, let alone an indoor space. At 9:00 at night, the garden was dimly lit. My memory sets the lighting at some sort of firelight - candles on the tables and torches on the sides - and a backlit bar. The tables are small with high stools. Just close enough to feel intimate; just far enough to hold your own conversation. The evening was cool - brisk fall weather, comfortable in jeans and a week or two too early for a jacket. The place was full. I noticed later that it was full of expats. John described it as the neighborhood Cheers, and the neighborhood is primarily expatriate.
We enjoyed a lovely conversation, in which I learned that he's at the end of his stay. John has been in Shanghai for 4-1/2 years, and its time to go. He places expats into 3 camps. There's the 2-year camp: the folks who completed their contract and then left town immediately. The 10-year camp - these folks are few and far between; once you've passed the 5-year line you've made a commitment to China, and not many people do. That means you've also got a 4-year camp. These are the folks who enjoyed their stay, but will be leaving when their time comes. John fit the description. He had stories of people he'd met, parties he'd attended, trips he'd taken. And now he's looking forward to a few months in Milwaukee - where there are plenty of trees and there's very little pretention.
We took him up on his offer to show us his favorite parts of Shanghai. Saturday morning, he met us with a taxi downstairs. And John turned into Uncle John for a day - a role that felt foreign to him, although he played it quite well. Everything he showed us was in a hole in the wall. He and Dave had like knowledge on world affairs and like opinions on American habits. We enjoyed his company as well as his tour, and are sad to know that we won't get to develop a friendship with him.
We also pushed the kids way too far, getting them back for naps nearly 2 hours late. It was a long evening. They were troopers, but I'm still paying for it with grumpy children.
Brunch in Jinqiao
Sunday morning continued our lovely expat weekend.
We met Sheila and two of her girls for lunch. I've mentioned this family before. Sheila is our agent, and her girls have babysat for us as well as kept us company on other meals. They're a lovely family - the girls are very spirited and outgoing, and Sheila is pleasantly down-to-earth. The family lacks the pretentiousness that John found rife in Shanghai. This we enjoy.
Sheila and her girls took us out to Jinqiao for brunch. For expats, brunch is the thing to do on a Sunday. Every major western restaurant advertises a brunch. Many of them provide teachers at arts and crafts tables, or set up playgrounds for the kids. Brunch is not about the food - its a see-and-be-seen affair, but its also a chance to enjoy a meal with both your children and your friends. You may make it calmly through your entire glass of wine, because the children are enjoying themselves a few feet away.
And not only did we go to brunch. We went to brunch in Jinqiao. Located deep in Pudong - where everything is under 10 years old - one could easily forget they're in China. Most restaurants were American - none were Chinese. The mall where they were located also contained a large import grocery, a large sporting goods store, and an English language bookstore. Across the street is a home goods store, much like Home Depot. Sitting on the patio of the restaurants, we looked out along a small fish pond with children feeding the ducks and roller skating down the path. Across the path was a large school, which looked brand new. This is the reason people live out this far. I'm sure many people enjoy recreating their home country around them, but I won't throw everyone into that camp. The international schools are located out here, and so the international community has come.
I realize I'm taking a negative approach to Jinqiao. Shanghai is a very international city. When speaking with people familiar with China, we would often hear that Shanghai is not truly China and our adjustment will be more like a move to Europe. Making an exception for the language, I agree. That being the case, moving further out for a community of like people seems like a shame. I'm enjoying being an easy walk from Shanghai's old town, from the antique market, from the shopping center. I'm enjoying the smells and sounds of the side streets, where local Chinese live, eat and work. And although I'm unable to participate in it at all, I'm happy knowing that I'm close to it. I'm soaking it up.
That said, I know I'll make many quick trips out for the grocery, the bookstore, and the Carrefour next door. And if we're still here in a few more years, I can't say I won't want to live within walking distance of my children's school.
We met Sheila and two of her girls for lunch. I've mentioned this family before. Sheila is our agent, and her girls have babysat for us as well as kept us company on other meals. They're a lovely family - the girls are very spirited and outgoing, and Sheila is pleasantly down-to-earth. The family lacks the pretentiousness that John found rife in Shanghai. This we enjoy.
Sheila and her girls took us out to Jinqiao for brunch. For expats, brunch is the thing to do on a Sunday. Every major western restaurant advertises a brunch. Many of them provide teachers at arts and crafts tables, or set up playgrounds for the kids. Brunch is not about the food - its a see-and-be-seen affair, but its also a chance to enjoy a meal with both your children and your friends. You may make it calmly through your entire glass of wine, because the children are enjoying themselves a few feet away.
And not only did we go to brunch. We went to brunch in Jinqiao. Located deep in Pudong - where everything is under 10 years old - one could easily forget they're in China. Most restaurants were American - none were Chinese. The mall where they were located also contained a large import grocery, a large sporting goods store, and an English language bookstore. Across the street is a home goods store, much like Home Depot. Sitting on the patio of the restaurants, we looked out along a small fish pond with children feeding the ducks and roller skating down the path. Across the path was a large school, which looked brand new. This is the reason people live out this far. I'm sure many people enjoy recreating their home country around them, but I won't throw everyone into that camp. The international schools are located out here, and so the international community has come.
I realize I'm taking a negative approach to Jinqiao. Shanghai is a very international city. When speaking with people familiar with China, we would often hear that Shanghai is not truly China and our adjustment will be more like a move to Europe. Making an exception for the language, I agree. That being the case, moving further out for a community of like people seems like a shame. I'm enjoying being an easy walk from Shanghai's old town, from the antique market, from the shopping center. I'm enjoying the smells and sounds of the side streets, where local Chinese live, eat and work. And although I'm unable to participate in it at all, I'm happy knowing that I'm close to it. I'm soaking it up.
That said, I know I'll make many quick trips out for the grocery, the bookstore, and the Carrefour next door. And if we're still here in a few more years, I can't say I won't want to live within walking distance of my children's school.
Friday, October 05, 2007
Dinner nearly aborted
The Shanghai Community Center puts out a monthly newsletter called Shanghai International Family. I've been reading it cover-to-cover and finding it immensely helpful. I feel like my family fits squarely into their target audience. The section I've thumbed to the most often is the listing of "Kid Friendly Restaurants."
Shanghai is a restaurant town. The restaurant scene is ever-changing, and the hip, new places get the buzz. But for most of our meals, we're looking for noisy, fast, and easy-to-clean. Or at least child-loving and quick service. So the list of kid friendly restaurants served us well.
Until last night.
Here's the description:
"Vegetarian Lifestyle - Savory and creative describe the Chinese cuisine at this socially conscientious restaurant that's nonsmoking too! ... Staff is patient and friendly and well accustomed to dealing with kids."
L--'s eating habits have been outside of adventurous, and besides the dishes of garlic broccoli that she finishes on her own, she's hardly touched a vegetable since we arrived. So a vegetarian, non-smoking restaurant sounded perfect. This description doesn't mention that they serve only organic food as well - right up our alley!
The location was a bit out of our way, but closer to our current digs than to our new home by far. It was a place to hit while we still live in Puxi, so we loaded up the stroller and headed out. We left home around 5:00 pm, knowing that both girls would be ready to eat by 6:00. Darkness arrives early in Shanghai during this season, and quickly night had fallen. Shanghai is a fun walk in the evening. With a comfortable breeze to ward off the high humidity, we enjoyed our walk. We took some major roads, but also veered off to walk on the neighborly streets. Much more stroller friendly, they also provide a wonderful view into local life. Smaller streets allow us to peer down lanes, where most of Chinese life occurs. We can see people doing their washing, feeding their animals and their families, eating at small noodles stands and closing down their shops. One street seemed to be a bit of an animal market. Chickens walked the sidewalk next to our stroller (we quickly strolled past, before they had the chance to sneeze on us and spread avian flu), and crickets sang loudly from their little shops. I haven't figured out the significance yet, but crickets are sold alongside fish and birds - I believe as pets. And these crickets are often quite large - easily the size of my palm, although you won't see one resting there anytime soon!
After a nearly 1-hour walk, we found the place. It being listed as Cheap Eats in the Family Friendly section of our guide books, we expected a hole in the wall catering to expats. These tend to be small and very casual affairs, so we walked up wearing our cargo shorts and mildly sweaty t-shirts. L-- sported her Cubs T, since we're watching them in the playoffs every morning.
Quite the opposite, Vegetarian Lifestyle is a hip joint. Reservations highly recommended. The sleek lines, slate floors and exposed industrial ceiling along with the well-dressed locals showing up through the door with reservations made us feel entirely out of place. True to the description, the hostess was quite patient and allowed us to wait for a table. The wait turned out to be nearly 45 minutes, and although she enjoyed playing with our kids when she was free, the sleek lobby of a restaurant is still not the best place to store hungry babies.
We were shown to our table a bit before 7:00. The menu had both Chinese characters and English descriptions, as well as photos next to the descriptions. The girls were brought plastic spoons and bowls, and played happily. The staff brought a high chair for S--, and she began to eat. I was quickly ready to order, and we thought things may go smoothly from here.
Quite the opposite, we could no longer find someone who spoke English. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that we could not communicate that we were ready to order. And no one came to our table. We sat for another half an hour. Waiting.
Finally, we decided it was time to leave. Armed with 30 kuai to leave on the table for the tea we had been sipping, we began to pack up and call the trip a failure. It was time to abort the dinner mission.
Jus then, the friendly hostess brought someone who must have been another diner from upstairs. He treated us rather condescendingly, saying that he had been asked to translate. When we told him that we couldn't order, he seemed very disappointed in us. He showed us that the menu was in English, and started to walk away. We explained - no, we can order. They won't let us. Allow me to recall an earlier conversation:
Lynne (upon grabbing the attention of the friendly hostess, when no wait staff approached our table): We would like to order.
Hostess: Water?
Lynne: No, no. We would like to order.
Hostess: Menu?
Lynne: Yes, we are ready to order off the menu.
Hostess: Menu is here.
Lynne: No. We are ready to order our food.
Hostess: Sorry. I don't understand.
Lynne (looking pleadingly at Dave): Can you think of any other way to say this?
The aforementioned condescender became a bit less-so upon hearing the problem, translated, and the wait staff quickly took our order. Apples and melon were brought to the table immediately, which kept L-- happy for quite some time. The food now came quickly, the restaurant was loud and busy enough for no one to mind our noisy, wiggly children who both enjoyed their food, and we were on our way home well after 8:00.
Even better, it turns out they have a location literally right across the street from our hotel. Maybe our foray to that location will have better results.
Shanghai is a restaurant town. The restaurant scene is ever-changing, and the hip, new places get the buzz. But for most of our meals, we're looking for noisy, fast, and easy-to-clean. Or at least child-loving and quick service. So the list of kid friendly restaurants served us well.
Until last night.
Here's the description:
"Vegetarian Lifestyle - Savory and creative describe the Chinese cuisine at this socially conscientious restaurant that's nonsmoking too! ... Staff is patient and friendly and well accustomed to dealing with kids."
L--'s eating habits have been outside of adventurous, and besides the dishes of garlic broccoli that she finishes on her own, she's hardly touched a vegetable since we arrived. So a vegetarian, non-smoking restaurant sounded perfect. This description doesn't mention that they serve only organic food as well - right up our alley!
The location was a bit out of our way, but closer to our current digs than to our new home by far. It was a place to hit while we still live in Puxi, so we loaded up the stroller and headed out. We left home around 5:00 pm, knowing that both girls would be ready to eat by 6:00. Darkness arrives early in Shanghai during this season, and quickly night had fallen. Shanghai is a fun walk in the evening. With a comfortable breeze to ward off the high humidity, we enjoyed our walk. We took some major roads, but also veered off to walk on the neighborly streets. Much more stroller friendly, they also provide a wonderful view into local life. Smaller streets allow us to peer down lanes, where most of Chinese life occurs. We can see people doing their washing, feeding their animals and their families, eating at small noodles stands and closing down their shops. One street seemed to be a bit of an animal market. Chickens walked the sidewalk next to our stroller (we quickly strolled past, before they had the chance to sneeze on us and spread avian flu), and crickets sang loudly from their little shops. I haven't figured out the significance yet, but crickets are sold alongside fish and birds - I believe as pets. And these crickets are often quite large - easily the size of my palm, although you won't see one resting there anytime soon!
After a nearly 1-hour walk, we found the place. It being listed as Cheap Eats in the Family Friendly section of our guide books, we expected a hole in the wall catering to expats. These tend to be small and very casual affairs, so we walked up wearing our cargo shorts and mildly sweaty t-shirts. L-- sported her Cubs T, since we're watching them in the playoffs every morning.
Quite the opposite, Vegetarian Lifestyle is a hip joint. Reservations highly recommended. The sleek lines, slate floors and exposed industrial ceiling along with the well-dressed locals showing up through the door with reservations made us feel entirely out of place. True to the description, the hostess was quite patient and allowed us to wait for a table. The wait turned out to be nearly 45 minutes, and although she enjoyed playing with our kids when she was free, the sleek lobby of a restaurant is still not the best place to store hungry babies.
We were shown to our table a bit before 7:00. The menu had both Chinese characters and English descriptions, as well as photos next to the descriptions. The girls were brought plastic spoons and bowls, and played happily. The staff brought a high chair for S--, and she began to eat. I was quickly ready to order, and we thought things may go smoothly from here.
Quite the opposite, we could no longer find someone who spoke English. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that we could not communicate that we were ready to order. And no one came to our table. We sat for another half an hour. Waiting.
Finally, we decided it was time to leave. Armed with 30 kuai to leave on the table for the tea we had been sipping, we began to pack up and call the trip a failure. It was time to abort the dinner mission.
Jus then, the friendly hostess brought someone who must have been another diner from upstairs. He treated us rather condescendingly, saying that he had been asked to translate. When we told him that we couldn't order, he seemed very disappointed in us. He showed us that the menu was in English, and started to walk away. We explained - no, we can order. They won't let us. Allow me to recall an earlier conversation:
Lynne (upon grabbing the attention of the friendly hostess, when no wait staff approached our table): We would like to order.
Hostess: Water?
Lynne: No, no. We would like to order.
Hostess: Menu?
Lynne: Yes, we are ready to order off the menu.
Hostess: Menu is here.
Lynne: No. We are ready to order our food.
Hostess: Sorry. I don't understand.
Lynne (looking pleadingly at Dave): Can you think of any other way to say this?
The aforementioned condescender became a bit less-so upon hearing the problem, translated, and the wait staff quickly took our order. Apples and melon were brought to the table immediately, which kept L-- happy for quite some time. The food now came quickly, the restaurant was loud and busy enough for no one to mind our noisy, wiggly children who both enjoyed their food, and we were on our way home well after 8:00.
Even better, it turns out they have a location literally right across the street from our hotel. Maybe our foray to that location will have better results.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Thirsting for knowledge
Shanghai reminds me of an up and coming actress.
Always stealing the spotlight - although no one seems to mind; the spotlight always seems well deserved.
Always talking about itself - although everyone seems all to pleased to know more about this vibrant city.
I've found a new bookstore. It's a lovely walk from our current digs, but I fear it may be a pretty long ride from our new home. I'll just have to take full advantage for the next month. It's called Garden Books, and I can't get the website to work so I'm not sure the link will operate, either. They have a lovely cafe with loads of gelato flavors and some comfy chairs. They also have a play area with toys and a glass floor - L-- and S-- really enjoyed themselves while I had a cup of coffee and glanced through a few books. I'm disappointed in the selection of children's books, especially for a store that seems so actively to engage parents. A few Dr. Suess' and a few Cliffords' basically make up the toddler selections. We've not found much more than this in the city so far - anyone looking for gift ideas, children's books is our #1 request!
But what they lack in story books, they more than make up in their Chinese cultural section. There are books on learning how to speak, learning how to write, the cultural significance of food, coffee table books showing Shanghai 50 years ago, 100 years ago, books on recent history, books on ancient history. The bookstore was a treasure trove of information on a land that I'm thirsting for knowledge on.
I never studied China in school. This seems ridiculous to me. I took American history, which covered small slices of Latin America. I took European history. I've learned some Middle Eastern history through Christian lore and current events. But I knew nothing about China and greater Asia's rich history until I started researching for this move. China has an amazingly long written history - so long that I feel I need to take notes and put together a timeline to put everything in place. When its finished, I'll post it - but don't be looking for it anytime soon.
I picked up the October edition of That's Shanghai - I'm really enjoying this magazine. Well written, although containing a surprising number of editing mistakes, the magazine is as arrogantly about Shanghai as they come. But like I said, if a city deserves to be self-absorbed, its this one. James Fallows of the Atlantic Monthly, is currently spending an extended amount of time in China and did an interview with the magazine. He describes Shanghai quite well:
"It's hard not to be struck by its physical presence... you can walk around in the streets with ease. unlike Beijing, it is more a Weterner's idea of a city, with its parks and its streets full of life. When I first visited the city in the 1980s, I was struck by the architecture; I thought then that it must be the best example of preserved Western architecture from the first half of the last century to be found anywhere. There is also about today's city - somewhat self-conscious, somewhat natural - a 'hip-ness', a distinctive sense of style. It's a wonderful city, especially for people of my children's age - in their 20s."
I agree with his description. The 20s age bracket does seem to be Shanghai's target, with the bar scene quite lively. But the Mommy and Daddy set seems to be digging in their heels now as well, as family activities and playgroups are popping up everywhere, as are organic produce and supervised playrooms at restaurants. It is certainly a hip urban setting.
His description of China I find dead on as well:
"Fallows' most powerful impression of China after almost a year traveling around the country? 'My initial one: what an intriguing combination of things that are cotrolled and things that are seemingly out of control. While certain aspects of society are under firm state control, everything else is a free-for-all, from traffic to businesses that spring up - I find that latter characteristic rather invigorating.'"
For a Harvard and Oxford grad, Fallows seems to be a pretty sharp guy.
Always stealing the spotlight - although no one seems to mind; the spotlight always seems well deserved.
Always talking about itself - although everyone seems all to pleased to know more about this vibrant city.
I've found a new bookstore. It's a lovely walk from our current digs, but I fear it may be a pretty long ride from our new home. I'll just have to take full advantage for the next month. It's called Garden Books, and I can't get the website to work so I'm not sure the link will operate, either. They have a lovely cafe with loads of gelato flavors and some comfy chairs. They also have a play area with toys and a glass floor - L-- and S-- really enjoyed themselves while I had a cup of coffee and glanced through a few books. I'm disappointed in the selection of children's books, especially for a store that seems so actively to engage parents. A few Dr. Suess' and a few Cliffords' basically make up the toddler selections. We've not found much more than this in the city so far - anyone looking for gift ideas, children's books is our #1 request!
But what they lack in story books, they more than make up in their Chinese cultural section. There are books on learning how to speak, learning how to write, the cultural significance of food, coffee table books showing Shanghai 50 years ago, 100 years ago, books on recent history, books on ancient history. The bookstore was a treasure trove of information on a land that I'm thirsting for knowledge on.
I never studied China in school. This seems ridiculous to me. I took American history, which covered small slices of Latin America. I took European history. I've learned some Middle Eastern history through Christian lore and current events. But I knew nothing about China and greater Asia's rich history until I started researching for this move. China has an amazingly long written history - so long that I feel I need to take notes and put together a timeline to put everything in place. When its finished, I'll post it - but don't be looking for it anytime soon.
I picked up the October edition of That's Shanghai - I'm really enjoying this magazine. Well written, although containing a surprising number of editing mistakes, the magazine is as arrogantly about Shanghai as they come. But like I said, if a city deserves to be self-absorbed, its this one. James Fallows of the Atlantic Monthly, is currently spending an extended amount of time in China and did an interview with the magazine. He describes Shanghai quite well:
"It's hard not to be struck by its physical presence... you can walk around in the streets with ease. unlike Beijing, it is more a Weterner's idea of a city, with its parks and its streets full of life. When I first visited the city in the 1980s, I was struck by the architecture; I thought then that it must be the best example of preserved Western architecture from the first half of the last century to be found anywhere. There is also about today's city - somewhat self-conscious, somewhat natural - a 'hip-ness', a distinctive sense of style. It's a wonderful city, especially for people of my children's age - in their 20s."
I agree with his description. The 20s age bracket does seem to be Shanghai's target, with the bar scene quite lively. But the Mommy and Daddy set seems to be digging in their heels now as well, as family activities and playgroups are popping up everywhere, as are organic produce and supervised playrooms at restaurants. It is certainly a hip urban setting.
His description of China I find dead on as well:
"Fallows' most powerful impression of China after almost a year traveling around the country? 'My initial one: what an intriguing combination of things that are cotrolled and things that are seemingly out of control. While certain aspects of society are under firm state control, everything else is a free-for-all, from traffic to businesses that spring up - I find that latter characteristic rather invigorating.'"
For a Harvard and Oxford grad, Fallows seems to be a pretty sharp guy.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Oddities
Often, walking in public places makes us feel like celebrities, or circus performers. We regularly have watchers, and have often drawn a crowd.
People stop and watch as we walk by.
People take our children's hands and pat their faces, sometimes scold them for putting their fingers in their mouths.
Parents herd their toddlers toward us, encouraging their kids to poke or smile at our children.
Outside Dave's office, a woman took L--'s hand and started to walk away. Kidnapping is unheard of in China, so she had no idea what a horrible thing she had done. I was less than gracious.
During a rain storm, we put the rain cover over our double stroller and went for a walk. To pause and walk around a mall, we pulled in the large front doors into an open area. A rotunda of sorts. There we took off our jackets, removed the rain cover, and made sure our children were both still breathing. Task completed, we took a look around. There was literally a crowd circling us, about 3 people deep all the way around.
Yesterday we chose to picnic. It was a small picnic. We ate sweet buns and curry sandwiches on the steps outside the grocery store. A Chinese family was doing the same thing with their toddler, less than 30 feet away. As we ate our buns and drank our water, we consistently drew a crowd. People would stop for a moment, smile, and then walk by. Others would stop for considerably longer, try to take our picture, and offer our girls some candy. One man stood and watched us the whole time, although we later learned that he just wanted our water bottle. The truly ironic part was that the Chinese family down the way was poddy-training their child in the park. That's right. As we drew a crowd for eating buns in the park, a 2-year-old pooping over the manicured lawns in her father's arms drew no notice at all. Her mother didn't even stop eating her sandwich.
People stop and watch as we walk by.
People take our children's hands and pat their faces, sometimes scold them for putting their fingers in their mouths.
Parents herd their toddlers toward us, encouraging their kids to poke or smile at our children.
Outside Dave's office, a woman took L--'s hand and started to walk away. Kidnapping is unheard of in China, so she had no idea what a horrible thing she had done. I was less than gracious.
During a rain storm, we put the rain cover over our double stroller and went for a walk. To pause and walk around a mall, we pulled in the large front doors into an open area. A rotunda of sorts. There we took off our jackets, removed the rain cover, and made sure our children were both still breathing. Task completed, we took a look around. There was literally a crowd circling us, about 3 people deep all the way around.
Yesterday we chose to picnic. It was a small picnic. We ate sweet buns and curry sandwiches on the steps outside the grocery store. A Chinese family was doing the same thing with their toddler, less than 30 feet away. As we ate our buns and drank our water, we consistently drew a crowd. People would stop for a moment, smile, and then walk by. Others would stop for considerably longer, try to take our picture, and offer our girls some candy. One man stood and watched us the whole time, although we later learned that he just wanted our water bottle. The truly ironic part was that the Chinese family down the way was poddy-training their child in the park. That's right. As we drew a crowd for eating buns in the park, a 2-year-old pooping over the manicured lawns in her father's arms drew no notice at all. Her mother didn't even stop eating her sandwich.
Filling in Calendars and Address Books
CALENDAR:
I love that many of you are considering a visit over the next few years. Thank you! If you have any idea when you expect to come, please let us know. If you don't know now, please let us know when you begin to plan. I would feel awful if two separate parties saved up their vacation time and travel money, when we would only be able to house one party. So please, keep us in the loop with your travel plans. And if you already have a time picked out, even a rough time, please drop us a line today to let us know. We'll put you on the calendar - but only in pencil, until you've bought your tickets :)
ADDRESS BOOK:
We are working on some contact information. What will be our home, will not be ours until November 1st. So please, no mail until then.
At any point, you would be welcome to send mail to Dave's office. The address is on their website under global locations, but feel free to ask me for it as well.
I do have a mobile phone, and incoming calls are all free for me. If you have a good international calling plan, I welcome your call - as long as its not in the middle of the night! I'll be happy to share my number with anyone who asks. By next week, Dave ought to have one as well. Again, we will be happy to share.
Our hotel room has a phone as well, and it is an easy place to catch us. Again, feel free to ask.
Lastly, we are in the process of setting up Skype on our computer. My understanding is that, once you've downloaded the free software, you can talk to other skype users for free. Worldwide. With the proper equipment, you can video to other skype users, also for free. We're working on the equipment. We were gifted a webcam and are now in the market for a microphone. Anyone able to video conference will get as much phone-time with us and/or our girls as they would like. I'll let you know as soon as we're set up.
I love that many of you are considering a visit over the next few years. Thank you! If you have any idea when you expect to come, please let us know. If you don't know now, please let us know when you begin to plan. I would feel awful if two separate parties saved up their vacation time and travel money, when we would only be able to house one party. So please, keep us in the loop with your travel plans. And if you already have a time picked out, even a rough time, please drop us a line today to let us know. We'll put you on the calendar - but only in pencil, until you've bought your tickets :)
ADDRESS BOOK:
We are working on some contact information. What will be our home, will not be ours until November 1st. So please, no mail until then.
At any point, you would be welcome to send mail to Dave's office. The address is on their website under global locations, but feel free to ask me for it as well.
I do have a mobile phone, and incoming calls are all free for me. If you have a good international calling plan, I welcome your call - as long as its not in the middle of the night! I'll be happy to share my number with anyone who asks. By next week, Dave ought to have one as well. Again, we will be happy to share.
Our hotel room has a phone as well, and it is an easy place to catch us. Again, feel free to ask.
Lastly, we are in the process of setting up Skype on our computer. My understanding is that, once you've downloaded the free software, you can talk to other skype users for free. Worldwide. With the proper equipment, you can video to other skype users, also for free. We're working on the equipment. We were gifted a webcam and are now in the market for a microphone. Anyone able to video conference will get as much phone-time with us and/or our girls as they would like. I'll let you know as soon as we're set up.
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