Set the Date

Dave and I visited the OB this morning.

• They strapped on a fetal monitor - little Jake didn't pass the motion test until we gave her some chocolate; then she did fine.
• They did an EKG - I failed the first two times - I guess I'm too excited!
• They did blood work - I assume everything looked fine here.
• They did urinalysis - routine, but hard work, as my body currently absorbs every drop of water.
• They did an ultrasound - the placenta is very well calcified.
• They looked at the calendars of the doctor and the neo-natologist, and Dave and myself.
• And then we set a date.

Little Jake will be born on Wednesday, May 5th.

Unless, of course, she takes things into her own hands before then.

In other recent decisions:

• We will not travel home over the summer. My mom will come over in July, and we aim to introduce Jake to US soil in October.
• We will not change house.
• We will join the Ambassy Club, giving us an outdoor pool for the summer.
• Lilly will attend SCIS next year - its the closest international school. We're still undecided on Sophia.
• We may hire a driver next year.
• Dave will sit for the Foreign Service Exam in June, effectively beginning the process over again in the hopes of a better score.
• Dave will study Mandarin, in the hopes of passing a Mandarin test in a few months and increasing his score.
• We will continue to pray concertedly that Dave will be called to one of the summer classes, and that we will move to DC by July.
  

Consider yourself fully up to date on the current conversations and decisions within our household! And join the countdown to The Coming of Jake - 9 days left!

Answers Only Make More Questions

With the knowledge that we will remain in Shanghai until receiving the call from the State Department, a whole new crop of questions has emerged. In themselves, these questions are less stressful than the uncertainty we faced before. Still, the need to answer the question marks hanging in the air rather than wait for God to choose an option has created a new stress in our lives.

I wish I could make a diagram for you, but I am not so blogger-savvy. So here is an outline for you instead.

I. School
A. Tiny Tots
1. Pros:
a. Status Quo
b. Location - immediately across the street
2. Cons:
a. Miserable lack of education - nothing more than a playschool
b. The girls friends and teachers will all be gone next year
B. Julia Gabriel
1. Pros:
a. Strong reputation (the only school in Shanghai carrying a waiting list)
b. Location - within our neighborhood
c. All teachers have Early Childhood in their personal education portfolios
2. Cons:
a. Distinct lack of community
b. Location - 30 minutes via foot power
c. Corporate, franchise feel
C. SCIS
1. Pros:
a. Location - nearest international school to our home
b. Familiar - many friends send their children there
c. Future transitions - probably the most similar to future school in the states
2. Cons:
a. Commute - the girls face 20-30 minutes each way
b. Cost - sending them here would probably require we hire a car and driver again
D. The Wonder Center
1. Pros:
a. Do I have to tell you? I love this place!
How can I have this option and not take it?
b. Fantastic teacher, amazing program, beautiful Reggio Emilia curriculum
c. Likely strong community
2. Cons:
a. Location - we would have to change house
b. Location - we would have to live in Jinqiao, a weird
middle American wasteland on the outskirts of Shanghai

II. Home
A. Stay
1. Pros:
a. We have a lovely house, which truly feels like a home
b. Stability for the girls, and ourselves
c. Money - moving always costs money
d. Neighborhood - we live within walking distance of so much
e. Commute - our door is 15 min. away from Dave's office
2. Cons:
a. No proximity to good schools
b. No community for myself - I have no friends in this neighborhood
c. No community for the girls
d. Size - the family grows, but the house does not
i. No space for guests
ii. No space for baby
B. Move

III. Home Leave
A. Go home for the summer
1. Pros:
a. Family - a little Jake to hand around, and two girls who need cousins and grandparents
b. Isolation - Shanghai empties of expat families over the summer
c. Luggage
i. we're running out of staples like vanilla (paid $10 for this afternoon)
ii. all baby gear currently rests in a basement in Chicago
2. Cons:
a. Cost would be over $10,000
b. Isn't that enough?
B. Stay in Shanghai for the summer

Frustratingly, some of these decisions are made for us. We do not have the means to send ourselves home at the personal cost of $10,000 - when either the taxpayers will move us to DC on their dime, or Uncle H-- will send us home in the next fiscal year (October). Its really the schools and neighborhoods weighing on us right now.

Votes are welcome!

Our New Neighbors

Spring showed its lovely head this weekend, with temps in the upper 70s, bright sunshine and blue skies. Our family spent from before breakfast until after lunch sitting on the balcony, playing, nibbling coffee cake and enjoying the cheerful sunshine. While there, we noticed our new neighbors.

Four kittens have taken up residence on our rooftop deck, which has all of us quite excited. Dave has convinced me that we do not need a family pet, and so we simply leave them to their own devices. The girls watched Mama Cat feed her babies, cheered them on when they feel off the ledge, and simply enjoyed sitting on chairs watching the roly-poly pile of kitties.



Such a cheerful way to spend our Sunday morning. It seems we have quite a maternal home!

Don't Drink the Kool-Aid

Dave took the girls to Sunday School this afternoon, and they arrived just a bit early. He sat with them to wait for the program to begin. While they sat, a leader came around offering gummy worms. She came to Lilly, made her offer and added that These will make you sing really loud.

Terrified, Lilly grabbed Sophia and warned her not to touch the candy.

June Calls Have Begun

People have begun to receive invitations to the June class, and so the period of checking emails religiously has begun for us as well. If Dave does receive a call, he will be one of the last to do so. So don't expect word from us one way or the other for a few weeks.

But one more process has begun!

A Frustated Social Worker

I planned to fire her.

I've written about Wendy before - she is our housekeeper, and has worked for our family for over 1.5 years. We think she is very smart and conscientious, and that she keeps our household running in a way we could not alone. She translates for us; she manages our repairs; she pays our bills and sends out our mail; she shops for us, finding mysterious things like Tylenol; and she washes the dishes and cleans the toilets, so we don't have to. Wendy is an important piece of our household.

So, when she began to check out about a week ago, I became worried.

I became worried that either A: I was nesting, and being overly obsessed about having a clean and orderly home; or B: she planned to quit.

As her behavior became less conscientious and her hours became shorter, I moved from worried to angry. And then she left Sophia outside alone twice, when responsible for the girls. This was an unsafe choice, and the last straw. Something had to be done.

I planned this morning to talk with her, and either move her to part-time with a serious drop in pay, or fire her outright. Then she showed up over an hour late for work, and my decision was made. She would be fired.

I sat her down, and asked What happened this morning? and I could not have expected her answer.

Her husband has been beating her heavily for the last week or so, while her daughter has coincidentally been developing a bad cold. Her husband and his parents (her household) blame her for the child's illness, which is leading to more physical and verbal abuse. Her friends and her family tell her she must bear it; she must swallow it. This is the Chinese way. But she says she can not bear it. What will her daughter learn? A little girl should not watch her mother allow someone to mistreat her so.

The social worker in me stepped into high gear. What's your story? What's your plan? How can I help?

In the US, we would have finished the afternoon by calling a domestic violence hotline, contacting legal aid, and finding a good counselor. But as far as I know, none of these services are available in China.

She is prepared to leave her husband. But she has a daughter, and believes that the law would place her daughter with her husband in case of a divorce. Because she is not Shanghainese, she has no power here.

Interestingly, here are the 2 ways to become Shanghainese (that is, a legal resident of Shanghai):
- be married to a Shanghainese person for 10 years; or
- buy property in Shanghai and live there for 5 years.

My social worker sense is going crazy.

Further, I contacted our church for someone who might be able to help her. They gave me Mary's phone number. Wendy called Mary, and here's what Mary told her. Mary said that her husband must love her, and her husband must love her daughter. Her husband simply does not know how to control himself, and must learn to. The only way to solve their problem is to get to know God.

And so Wendy asked me, If I know God, will this solve my problem?

Here's my big moment. I've had evangelism placed right in my lap. Someone is asking me to guide her to Christianity, right? And what do I say?

No. If you know God, you will still have this problem.

I may have just dropped a few rungs on the stairway to heaven, but I am so angry with Mary for suggesting that domestic violence and spousal abuse have such a "simple" answer. I explained to her that yes, God is all powerful. And yes, God can make her husband stop hitting her. But also that Christians are not without problems. That God could work through her and her husband, but probably would not overnight. And that she still ought to remove herself and her daughter from a dangerous situation.

Now, don't worry - I have not taken this problem on as my own. In fact, I am selfishly relieved that I do not need to search for a new ayi. But I am amazed, if not disappointed, that no safety net seems to exist for someone in her situation. I am so frustrated to have already exhausted all of my resources for her. How can I advise her to stay? How supportive am I if I say she must leave, when she has no choice but to stay?

The girls saw her crying, and worry that she is sad. They added her to our list of God blesses at the end of the day. I pray that He will.

The Answers Begin

Uncle H-- has made a decision.

The China boss has offered to renew Dave's contract in Shanghai for another year.

We understand this offer to be more of a decision. Uncle H-- has decided they would prefer Dave stay in Shanghai for another year. Our package will remain the same.

This removes the one piece of certainty I thought I had - I was telling everyone we would definitely be moving this summer, but we didn't know where. Now, we will move whenever the Foreign Service calls, but not before.

Despite that niggling uncertainty of when, this provides a lovely piece of stability for us. I now know to only look into schools in Shanghai and Northern Virginia. Unfortunately, the girls' current school has not earned a callback. Fortunately, there are plenty of good options.

This newfound stability still leaves us with some decisions to make. Our current home is lovely, and located in a very interesting part of town, quite near to Dave's office. However, with a change in schools, we will no longer be close to either child's school. Should we consider moving? Add to the school issue that we currently live in a 2-bedroom home. With a family of 5 and grandparents itching to visit their newest grandbaby, ought we consider moving into a larger place?

Many decisions still to make, but much simpler and more straight-forward.

Still, praying for the ultimate, as the worst God can give us is peace, we pray that God will call Dave to one of the summer classes.

Checking the Register

Dave just checked in with HR at the State Department.

He is now ranked 44 out of 148.

They will begin sending invitations for the June class in the next few weeks. Unfortunately, should he not fall any further, this does place him directly in Probably Not category.

A quick description of the Probably Not category:

You can pretty well rest assured that you're not going to get called, and you know that. But, as you're awfully excited about the prospect, you just can't help but check your email every five minutes for the few weeks when invitations will be going out, just on the off chance that they reach as low as your rank.

Because, you know, it really could happen.

Taking Precedence

We are now 4-5 weeks away from Jake's arrival.

And with the wait shrinking every day, worries about the far-future are disappearing while the immediate takes precedence. I am becoming more and more nervous about the arrival of this little thing. This little thing that plans to eat in the middle of the night, to cry whenever she wants something, and to move into our home with all of her stuff.

I mean, it occurred to me. Where is she going to sleep? Where will we keep her clothes? Where will we store her diapers? How will I have any patience with my misbehaving preschoolers when I'm only sleeping in 1-2 hour intervals overnight?

She doesn't have a name, a bed, or any sort of a nursery. As I looked back at pictures from our old house, I feel bad for her. Lilly and Sophia both got lovely nurseries, calming and whimsical rooms where all of their gear and clothes could be neatly stashed in color-coordinated baskets. This one will sleep in a box at the foot of my bed. I'll cram her clothes into a newly emptied drawer in my dresser, and I'll pile up her diapers on the living room shelves.

Lilly's nursery:

Sophia's nursery:

weren't they just darling?

This house is beginning to feel pretty small.

The Unending Winter

Now, this is a great idea. In China, the first day of Spring is announced when temperatures over five consecutive days average above 10 degrees Celsius, or 50 degrees Fahrenheit. This year, that day came on March 24th - making the first day of Spring in Shanghai Friday, March 19. That makes this winter Shanghai's longest in 15 years.

Seriously now, this is a swell idea. It more literally reflects how we talk and feel. And this has been a long winter. Although our high today reached 52 degrees, temps are quickly dropping to the lower forties. While yesterday saw sunshine and a high in the mid-70s, the forecasts for the rest of the week look more like today - rainy and chilly.

Over the past two years, we've been wearing shorts by early April. This year, we're still wearing sweaters now, and this week's forecast shows no signs of improvement. Particularly troublesome because my really-big-belly clothes, purchased back in September, expected a warm April of skirts and tank tops. This 34 week belly is really pushing the limits of my jeans and sweaters!

A Giant Step for China's Orphans

We are happy to support The Half the Sky Foundation, an organization offering "nurturing care for China's orphanaed children." We support them for a number of reasons. First, because we ought to be supporting organizations working to better the place where we live. Next, because supporting China's orphanages is certainly also supporting our Mei Mei until she joins our family. But also because they are a fantastic organization. It is with Half the Sky that I worked with my friends to bring Music Together into the orphanages of China. It is an Half the Sky orphanage I had the privilege of visiting. I have met many of their employees, and I believe in their mission.

All of that to say that we receive their newsletter. And their newsletter had a monumental announcement for China's orphans. I'd love to share it with you. Due to the hard work, effective lobbying and good example of Half the Sky, the Chinese government has decided to:

- Change CCAA (China Center for Adoption Affairs) into CCWC (China Child Welfare Center), making one organization responsible for the welfare of all Chinese children.

- Renew its efforts to find a family for every child, with the recognize that healthy orphans are now rare in the Chinese system but children with special needs still live without families.

- Open children’s welfare institutions to the community, turning them into community centers that provide services like HTS programs for all children, especially those who are disadvantaged: preschools and enrichment classes and guidance for teens and young parents who have no other place to turn. By doing this, CCWC tackles a major failing of all institutionalization – that children grow up in total isolation from the real world.

This will have a huge impact on each of the children under state care in China, bringing them into community with their peers outside of their institution through schools and community events, and placing children without adoptive families into Family Village homes, essentially foster homes with families and true community.

This will also have a huge impact on Half the Sky, as they are working toward putting themselves out of business. They will hand over their institutions to CCWC and become trainers, mentors and facilitators for the Chinese system within five years.

Change can happen fast in China, but quick change generally only happens as it has a positive effect on the economy. It is beautiful to see such a change in the planning stages, knowing that this change will happen fast as well, and will have a dramatic effect on so many Chinese children and so many Chinese families.

If you've had any money seeking a way to make a difference, this would be a worthwhile place to send it.

Poor Wendy

Wendy arrived this morning, and told me she had a nightmare last night. She woke up in a cold sweat. I asked her, What did you dream?

She said,

You sold me. I dreamed that you sold me. I overheard you and Dave talking. You had spent too much money, and you both decided that you could get a lot of money if you sold me to another family.

I laughed, and promised that I had no plans to sell her. I thought nothing more of it.

We've asked a lot of Wendy over the past week, as she's been helping us to renew our adoption paperwork. Her week:

Thursday - She had to arrange Dave's and my local police background checks, meaning multiple trips back and forth to a police station in town, as well as a stop at Dave's office.

Friday through Monday - She had to travel to her hometown for her own police background check. Although she enjoyed the time with her family, she also felt the stress of traveling with a 2 year old and came back to a home full of laundry and dirty dishes. Plus, she spent quite a bit of her time at home waiting in lines at the local police bureau.

Tuesday - She had to report to a clinic for a health exam, again for the adoption paperwork. She began working for us after our last home study, and now must be added to our file as an Adult Member of the Household.

Wednesday - I host a weekly Bible Study, so she had a normal day of washing lots of dishes and shaking crumbs out of the rug. Plus, stopping at the clinic first thing to pee in a cup again.

Thursday - That's this morning. We took her along to the U.S. Consulate to have each of our fingerprints taken. Dave went first, and then me. When it came her turn, she said something to the fingerprint-er in Chinese, and laughed nervously. What did you say? I asked her. The fingerprint-er replied, She says she feels like she is being sold. Many Chinese people feel this way. Apparently, a fingerprint was (is? I hope not!) like signing on the dotted line to sell oneself in China. We promised her that the prints only go to America, so she can only be sold there. We explained that fingerprints in the U.S. are used to see if someone has committed a crime, and so we explained that now she probably can't commit a crime in the states as easily. She said she'd just wear gloves.

Tomorrow - She will return to the clinic to pick up the paperwork from her physical.

And with that last piece of paper, we'll make a bunch of photocopies, place everything in a heavy envelope and overnight it to the good people of US Immigration Services to continue allowing us to wait for a baby from China.

Get This!

We played the waiting game.

We wait to hear from the Foreign Service. We know that invitations to their training classes go out only 4-8 weeks before the beginning of a class. So we wait.

And although praying for The Ultimate (that being a call to D.C. and the Foreign Service this summer), we are beginning to realize that God's plan may take us somewhere else first.

So, we wait on Uncle H--. We waited for Uncle H-- to decide whether they wanted to send us to Hong Kong, or might prefer to ship us back to Chicago. I placed some confidence in this decision, thinking that once Uncle H-- chose between Hong Kong and Chicago, I would only have 2 cities on my preschool application list.

Yeah. So get this.

Uncle H-- in China came back to Dave with a package for Hong Kong, and they truly low-balled it. So low-balled that Dave had to refuse the offer. Simplifying, right?

Dave told Uncle H-- in Chicago that he'd rather just come back home right now.

Uncle H-- in Chicago replied that they feel a stronger need for Dave in Hong Kong than in Chicago, and would try making the case to a global budget. This means waiting a few more weeks.

Yeah, and get this.

Uncle H-- in Chicago comes back to Dave today.
Not with "We're going to make Hong Kong work."
Not with "We're bringing you back to Chicago."
Nope.
"How about New York?"

Just for fun, lets run a few numbers. In St. Louis, we lived in a 3-bedroom house about 20 minutes by bike from Dave's office, downtown. Here in Shanghai, we live in a 3-bedroom house about 20 minutes by bike from Dave's office, downtown. For the same thing in Chicago, Hong Kong or New York?

St. Louis - 1800 square feet - $600 per month
Shanghai - 1800 square feet - $4,000 per month
Chicago - 1600 square feet - $2,600 per month
Hong Kong - 1700 square feet - 85,000 HKD or $11,000 USD per month
New York - 1600 square feet - $6,500 per month

In his current pay scale, Uncle H-- holds the lease and we do not pay our rent every month. The same is true of our children's school tuition. We have a classic expat package, meaning that Dave's salary goes straight into our bank account for groceries and bus tickets every month. It seems that any of these options would include us paying for our own housing... plus, putting 2 children into preschool. In most of these places, tack on an additional $1,000 per kid per month.

Don't expect any fancy Christmas presents from our family this year!

And please, continue to pray that God takes us to DC this summer, or assures us that wherever we go next is certainly the right place at the right time for each member of our family.

Many prayers have been answered so far - the most significant being for peace through this pregnancy. I continue to feel happy and peaceful, and this baby continues to have a spirit of peace about her. The girls continue to be happy, and our day-to-day lives have only been overwhelmed by the massive bureaucracy of renewing our adoption paperwork. It is all a bit unsettling, which came to a head last night when Dave and I could not settle on a name for this baby. We don't know where we're going, how we'll pay for it, whether the adoption will work out, or even what we'll name the baby that's going to join our family in a few short weeks! Unsettling, to say the least!