I can not remember the last time I have felt so nervous.
We got the girls dressed in their business dress, pulled Lilly out of school, woke Annika from her nap and made our way to the Foreign Service Institute yesterday afternoon. Dave was waiting in the parking lot, drew us through security, and then brought us into the large room where we would learn our fates. Plenty of other kids and family members were there, easing the tension in the room a bit and making me comfortable with my squirmy, impatient and grumpy kids. We sat in the very back. While Annika slept, Sophia snacked, and Lilly colored I listened to the announcements.
The speaker would flash a flag on a large screen behind her. She would read the name of the post, and a very brief job description. And then she would name the person assigned to that post. The first few I breezed through, paying more attention to my kids and listening slightly for Dave's name. But then, as names I knew became more regular, I sat up straighter and concentrated on every post. Because if I just listened for his name, I would have already missed where we were going!
Annika woke up and crawled around the floor. Lilly ran out of coloring pages. Sophia finished all of the snacks. They were getting impatient, and I was getting tense. Jobs we had ranked high were disappearing, and I began to think we would be going somewhere entirely unexpected.
And then, bored Sophia had to pee.
We ran to the bathroom, just around the corner. We raced inside, and I told her to hurry. We can't have been gone for more than one name.
And that name was ours.
When we returned, a friend was waiting by the door with news that Dave has been assigned to the Main State Department offices in Washington, D.C. He'll be working on the Southeast Asia desk, monitoring human rights and religious freedom. It sounds like a really interesting job, and D.C. will fit our family's needs very well for the next year or two.
But I'll admit, as we listened to the exciting places his classmates were assigned, we felt pretty let down to be posted in America.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tomorrow
We find out tomorrow.
Where we're going, and when. We learn that tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon.
Where we're going, and when. We learn that tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Shh...
I'm sitting on the couch in a deliciously quiet apartment. I took Lilly to her first day at the new school this morning, we met her teachers and explored the classroom a bit, and I left as the kids shuffled in off of the busses. Then I dropped Sophia off for her second day of school. Annika fell asleep on the way home, and transferred nicely into her crib. And now I'm enjoying some long awaited peace and quiet. I know that I ought to be taking advantage of this time to be accomplishing any number of things, but I just can't motivate myself to do anything besides relax, breathe in the fresh air from the open windows, and just do nothing.
I am feeling quite pleased with how we have landed. When I would pick up Sophia from school in Shenzhen, she always ran to meet me at the door with a sad face. On the way home from school, she would tell me that she hated school and explain at least one thing in the day that had made her mad or hurt her feelings. Her teacher seemed unconcerned about this, and so it continued throughout the school year. Yesterday, when I picked her up from her first day of school here in DC, I saw no sad face. I saw a very confident and happy little girl, who told me all about the things she'd done in the day, and who clearly liked her teacher and her classroom very much. She was eager to go back this morning, and walked happily into her class without me.
Lilly has amazed me with her confidence and ability to transition. I have not once seen a glimpse of nerves about starting school. She wants to ride the bus to school, and yesterday explained that its because riding the bus is a great way to make even more friends. She put on her best dress today, treating everyone she met with polite kindness, and although she looked a bit wary when the kids all piled into the classroom, she seemed unconcerned that I was leaving. It was time for me to go, and for her to be an independent young lady once again. I am very proud of her. Fittingly, her teachers were very relaxed and welcoming. She has a number of classmates from State Department families, many which transferred in during the middle of the year. The most recent little boy evacuated from Egypt about 2 months ago. So the new kid in the class will be warmly welcomed, I have no doubt.
Poor Annika is not doing quite so well. Since last week, she's struggled with some minor illness. Both of her sisters become sleepy and snuggly when they're sick. But as little Annika is always snuggly and quiet, being sick makes her angry, wiggly and quite cross. I imagine she will appreciate her quiet mornings with Mommy, but this morning she is simply appreciating a very long nap. And I plan to do the same.
I am feeling quite pleased with how we have landed. When I would pick up Sophia from school in Shenzhen, she always ran to meet me at the door with a sad face. On the way home from school, she would tell me that she hated school and explain at least one thing in the day that had made her mad or hurt her feelings. Her teacher seemed unconcerned about this, and so it continued throughout the school year. Yesterday, when I picked her up from her first day of school here in DC, I saw no sad face. I saw a very confident and happy little girl, who told me all about the things she'd done in the day, and who clearly liked her teacher and her classroom very much. She was eager to go back this morning, and walked happily into her class without me.
Lilly has amazed me with her confidence and ability to transition. I have not once seen a glimpse of nerves about starting school. She wants to ride the bus to school, and yesterday explained that its because riding the bus is a great way to make even more friends. She put on her best dress today, treating everyone she met with polite kindness, and although she looked a bit wary when the kids all piled into the classroom, she seemed unconcerned that I was leaving. It was time for me to go, and for her to be an independent young lady once again. I am very proud of her. Fittingly, her teachers were very relaxed and welcoming. She has a number of classmates from State Department families, many which transferred in during the middle of the year. The most recent little boy evacuated from Egypt about 2 months ago. So the new kid in the class will be warmly welcomed, I have no doubt.
Poor Annika is not doing quite so well. Since last week, she's struggled with some minor illness. Both of her sisters become sleepy and snuggly when they're sick. But as little Annika is always snuggly and quiet, being sick makes her angry, wiggly and quite cross. I imagine she will appreciate her quiet mornings with Mommy, but this morning she is simply appreciating a very long nap. And I plan to do the same.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Explaining Stress
I've been in a funk the last few days, and unable to perfectly explain why. All things considered, this has been a very simple move. We came directly to a furnished apartment in a prime location. Dave has a co-worker in the building who commutes with him, and has offered to babysit. The girls have friends in town who we've seen regularly. Dave has a cousin in town, so we've enjoyed second cousin playdates as well. Plus, we live in America. When we run out of things, I can just run to the Target around the corner. When someone feels sick, there's no panic. There are plenty of doctors and hospitals nearby - and we now have good health insurance again. Schools are fairly well settled, and both seem like good places.
And still, the stress of moving hasn't escaped me.
For Good Friday, the church around the corner holds a Family Worship Service at 10:00am. The church has been quite family friendly so far, so I felt great about attending with my young kids. Lilly, Sophia and I worked hard to leave right on time. They completed their chores, and I got everyone fed and cleaned so that we could be out the door by quarter til. We walked quickly through the rain, and found our seats just before the music began - perfect timing for young ones.
And quickly it became clear to me that this church's definition of family friendly did not meet my definition. As I looked around, I saw loads of well-pressed children with pretty hair-dos sitting next to their Dads in suits. We only wore knit sans collar, and came without a father. Most of them sat quietly and listened to the preacher speak, the worship music, and the kids put on a lovely passion play. Lilly sat high on her knees, and got something out of most of the service. Sophia colored on her bulletin with the pen provided in the pew. Annika began to cry about halfway through, but recovered when I allowed her to crawl under the seats.
It was truly a lovely service. But the culture of this church simply did not match the culture of mine, where every service is so family friendly that my kids have danced in the aisles on occasion. And this fairly well sums up the stress of this past week. We work and rush to leave the house on time. We often get lost along the way, arriving late and grumpy. Out destination or event does not meet our expectations, because how could it? Our expectations have little to do with what's actually being presented. We leave feeling somehow dissatisfied, and often late for both lunch and Annika's nap. And then Lilly and Sophia snark at each other and me for the rest of the day, because things just haven't gone quite as planned for anyone.
I hold out hope that next week, school will create the routine and the social outlet that will calm each of my children. And really, it has been a blessedly simple move. Simple, but still stressful.
And still, the stress of moving hasn't escaped me.
For Good Friday, the church around the corner holds a Family Worship Service at 10:00am. The church has been quite family friendly so far, so I felt great about attending with my young kids. Lilly, Sophia and I worked hard to leave right on time. They completed their chores, and I got everyone fed and cleaned so that we could be out the door by quarter til. We walked quickly through the rain, and found our seats just before the music began - perfect timing for young ones.
And quickly it became clear to me that this church's definition of family friendly did not meet my definition. As I looked around, I saw loads of well-pressed children with pretty hair-dos sitting next to their Dads in suits. We only wore knit sans collar, and came without a father. Most of them sat quietly and listened to the preacher speak, the worship music, and the kids put on a lovely passion play. Lilly sat high on her knees, and got something out of most of the service. Sophia colored on her bulletin with the pen provided in the pew. Annika began to cry about halfway through, but recovered when I allowed her to crawl under the seats.
It was truly a lovely service. But the culture of this church simply did not match the culture of mine, where every service is so family friendly that my kids have danced in the aisles on occasion. And this fairly well sums up the stress of this past week. We work and rush to leave the house on time. We often get lost along the way, arriving late and grumpy. Out destination or event does not meet our expectations, because how could it? Our expectations have little to do with what's actually being presented. We leave feeling somehow dissatisfied, and often late for both lunch and Annika's nap. And then Lilly and Sophia snark at each other and me for the rest of the day, because things just haven't gone quite as planned for anyone.
I hold out hope that next week, school will create the routine and the social outlet that will calm each of my children. And really, it has been a blessedly simple move. Simple, but still stressful.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Well Connected
You would think that these past few weeks would be full of interesting tidbits, as Dave is now training to be a diplomat for the U.S. government. But Dave doesn't write this blog. And when I ask Dave what he learned at work today, he generally answers with Not much.
But yesterday, I heard quite a bit. Yesterday, Dave got to meet Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Members of his class were invited to "Conversations on Diplomacy" with Secretary Clinton and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, moderated by Charlie Rose. If you watched the show last night on PBS, you probably saw the back of Dave's head.
After the conversations finished, everyone attended a reception at the State Department building. Dave enjoyed hobnobbing with his classmates, as well as Secretary Clinton and a number of ambassadors. They're not yet on a first name basis, but he did enjoy a fun evening with quite a few interesting conversations and big name handshakes.
But yesterday, I heard quite a bit. Yesterday, Dave got to meet Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Members of his class were invited to "Conversations on Diplomacy" with Secretary Clinton and former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, moderated by Charlie Rose. If you watched the show last night on PBS, you probably saw the back of Dave's head.
After the conversations finished, everyone attended a reception at the State Department building. Dave enjoyed hobnobbing with his classmates, as well as Secretary Clinton and a number of ambassadors. They're not yet on a first name basis, but he did enjoy a fun evening with quite a few interesting conversations and big name handshakes.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Exhausted
End of the day, and I've got nothing left. Its not just this Living-Without-A-Housekeeper business. I can handle doing my own laundry and washing my own dishes. Not going to the gym is a little rough, but otherwise we're making it without an ayi just fine.
No, its just moving. Moving is exhausting - and especially moving with a family. My rather well-balanced children have moved into bi-polar territory, swinging wildly from lovable and easy-to-please to miserable and hating everyone. Just keeping their company is exhausting. But add in how often I get lost trying to find my way around Northern Virginia, negotiating new doctors, dentists and public school medical forms, the lack of exercise, and the horrible food we've been eating lately, and I've come to a body which seems to be falling apart.
Okay, so maybe its not just moving. Its moving internationally, with young children, over the age of 30. And the possibility of slouching on the couch with the television on and ice-cream in hand once the kids are in bed, well, that's not really helping.
The girls begin school next week. A few weeks later, I look forward to everyone feeling more settled and confident. A real routine, with other people who like them, will help dramatically. Until then, I hope you won't expect any sparkling prose. Because I am shot.
No, its just moving. Moving is exhausting - and especially moving with a family. My rather well-balanced children have moved into bi-polar territory, swinging wildly from lovable and easy-to-please to miserable and hating everyone. Just keeping their company is exhausting. But add in how often I get lost trying to find my way around Northern Virginia, negotiating new doctors, dentists and public school medical forms, the lack of exercise, and the horrible food we've been eating lately, and I've come to a body which seems to be falling apart.
Okay, so maybe its not just moving. Its moving internationally, with young children, over the age of 30. And the possibility of slouching on the couch with the television on and ice-cream in hand once the kids are in bed, well, that's not really helping.
The girls begin school next week. A few weeks later, I look forward to everyone feeling more settled and confident. A real routine, with other people who like them, will help dramatically. Until then, I hope you won't expect any sparkling prose. Because I am shot.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Simple Pleasures
Living again in the U.S. after nearly 4 years, there a number of small things which catch me off guard and make me happy. A few examples:
- the price of snack foods;
- the milkshakes they sell across the street;
- driving;
- planning menus, and knowing that I can make anything in the cookbook, because all ingredients will be available at the store;
- unrestricted access to the internet;
- big closets and sufficient storage space;
- the bright blue sky;
- the bright green grass;
- chatting with the cashier;
- effectively and fluently communicating with our apartment management;
- reading street signs;
- the library;
- public parks and playgrounds;
- the children's program at the church around the corner;
- the number of television stations in English;
- the amount of green space and thick trees.
And the pleasant surprise which continues to get me - how diverse the population of Northern Virginia is. I'm not sure if this is all of America, or specifically or new community. But as white kids, ours are often in the minority. At restaurants, in the mall, in her preschool classroom, the faces are not all white and not everyone speaks English.
- the price of snack foods;
- the milkshakes they sell across the street;
- driving;
- planning menus, and knowing that I can make anything in the cookbook, because all ingredients will be available at the store;
- unrestricted access to the internet;
- big closets and sufficient storage space;
- the bright blue sky;
- the bright green grass;
- chatting with the cashier;
- effectively and fluently communicating with our apartment management;
- reading street signs;
- the library;
- public parks and playgrounds;
- the children's program at the church around the corner;
- the number of television stations in English;
- the amount of green space and thick trees.
And the pleasant surprise which continues to get me - how diverse the population of Northern Virginia is. I'm not sure if this is all of America, or specifically or new community. But as white kids, ours are often in the minority. At restaurants, in the mall, in her preschool classroom, the faces are not all white and not everyone speaks English.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Mobile Curse
I seem to be under some sort of wretched curse. Maybe not me, but rather my cell phones. Each cell phone I have had for the past 4 years has fallen under the curse. I can't remember the details of the first few, because I had not yet realized the cloud they lie under. I know that I left one in a taxi within weeks of having initially arrived in Shanghai. It never came back. The curse became quite apparent when we lived in our little lane house in Shanghai. While everyone else could hold conversations on their phones within my house, somehow I could not. To accept a phone call, I had to step out into the lane. Young children made this rather irresponsible, and rain made this quite miserable. One rather awful afternoon, trying to complain to my husband, I became fed up with my inability to communicate my sob stories effectively and threw the phone across the room.
It didn't come back.
Dave thought me rather irresponsible, and forbade me buy a new phone. He gave me his old one, with all of the numbers worn off. It did seem to get better coverage, but was rather miserable to use.
After a while, I searched my friends' closets for spare phones. Plenty of folks had them, and one friend was happy to hand hers out. With this, I moved onto another old phone. Its numbers weren't worn off, but it did have some funny quirks. For instance, I couldn't lock the keypad, which led to some rather annoying butt-dialing. I doggedly stuck with this phone for months. And then, I lost all of my baby weight in sight of Christmas. I decided to combine the two, and get myself a good phone.
We crossed into Hong Kong this December, and picked out a lovely little mobile phone. A skinny little Nokia with wireless ability, a good camera and a keypad. A quality phone costing me about $300.
It didn't work.
I didn't realize it for a few weeks - I thought maybe it was just slow, and still warming up. I thought this until one day the phone simply wouldn't turn on. It never did again. But since I bought it in Hong Kong, I couldn't take it back until the next time I went to Hong Kong in early February. The shop sent it back on the warranty. I got it back the next time I went to Hong Kong, in late February.
Finally, I had a good phone!
And it really was good. It worked beautifully, carried calls well, locked without any trouble, woke me up in the morning, and generally made me happy by allowing me to never think about my phone.
This lasted about 4 weeks, because then we moved to America. I had to wait a week for my new SIM card to arrive. A bit of a mess bringing an unlocked mobile phone into America, but we had it figured out and bought the SIM cards and the calling plans up front. I was online again, and began stocking my phone with American phone numbers.
One week later, I spent a late evening out with friends and made a nasty spill on my jeans. Home at 3am, I peeled off the jeans and threw them straight into the washer. Sadly, the phone went along with it. After spending the next day attached to a vaccuum, and the next week in a bag of rice, the phone was still dead.
Dave thought me rather irresponsible, and forbade me buy a new phone. I picked up a cheapie at Best Buy to last me through the vaccuum and the rice, and the junkiness of it drove me so crazy that I begged him to change his mind. One more phone - please. This time my choices were less, though. Only a few unlocked phones are available on the American market, and the Nokias all looked cheap. So I picked a Blackberry, and chose expedited shipping so that I could get on with my mobile and my life.
It arrived today.
It doesn't work.
Just thinking about it makes me want to scream.
It didn't come back.
Dave thought me rather irresponsible, and forbade me buy a new phone. He gave me his old one, with all of the numbers worn off. It did seem to get better coverage, but was rather miserable to use.
After a while, I searched my friends' closets for spare phones. Plenty of folks had them, and one friend was happy to hand hers out. With this, I moved onto another old phone. Its numbers weren't worn off, but it did have some funny quirks. For instance, I couldn't lock the keypad, which led to some rather annoying butt-dialing. I doggedly stuck with this phone for months. And then, I lost all of my baby weight in sight of Christmas. I decided to combine the two, and get myself a good phone.
We crossed into Hong Kong this December, and picked out a lovely little mobile phone. A skinny little Nokia with wireless ability, a good camera and a keypad. A quality phone costing me about $300.
It didn't work.
I didn't realize it for a few weeks - I thought maybe it was just slow, and still warming up. I thought this until one day the phone simply wouldn't turn on. It never did again. But since I bought it in Hong Kong, I couldn't take it back until the next time I went to Hong Kong in early February. The shop sent it back on the warranty. I got it back the next time I went to Hong Kong, in late February.
Finally, I had a good phone!
And it really was good. It worked beautifully, carried calls well, locked without any trouble, woke me up in the morning, and generally made me happy by allowing me to never think about my phone.
This lasted about 4 weeks, because then we moved to America. I had to wait a week for my new SIM card to arrive. A bit of a mess bringing an unlocked mobile phone into America, but we had it figured out and bought the SIM cards and the calling plans up front. I was online again, and began stocking my phone with American phone numbers.
One week later, I spent a late evening out with friends and made a nasty spill on my jeans. Home at 3am, I peeled off the jeans and threw them straight into the washer. Sadly, the phone went along with it. After spending the next day attached to a vaccuum, and the next week in a bag of rice, the phone was still dead.
Dave thought me rather irresponsible, and forbade me buy a new phone. I picked up a cheapie at Best Buy to last me through the vaccuum and the rice, and the junkiness of it drove me so crazy that I begged him to change his mind. One more phone - please. This time my choices were less, though. Only a few unlocked phones are available on the American market, and the Nokias all looked cheap. So I picked a Blackberry, and chose expedited shipping so that I could get on with my mobile and my life.
It arrived today.
It doesn't work.
Just thinking about it makes me want to scream.
Non Sequiturs from an EFM
Welcome to the world of abbreviations. EFM stands for Eligible Family Member, and its what I and the girls are to the government. Eligible for all sorts of benefits because we are inextricably linked to a Foreign Service Officer.
Dave sat for a Mandarin exam, and scored a 1 out of 5. That's really pretty good, especially considering he quit studying over two months ago, and never worked at it full time. This makes a Chinese post in our future quite likely. Dave would like it to be soon, while he still remembers it. I'd like to get at least one post in between.
We turned in the Bid List on Tuesday morning. Because of the timing issues pertinent to the adoption, I don't feel we really had much say in the matter. We eliminated quite a few because the language training would take us too close to our suspected Gotcha date. Dave starred a few because the jobs are in his cone (economic) or in his regions of interest (Africa or India and Southeast Asia). But those of you lovers of Latin America who were hoping to sleep on our couch, don't worry yet. Having promised worldwide availability, we could be off for anywhere.
Overall, the transition to our newest home is going quite well. Adding in some structure for the girls today saw their behavior toward me improve markedly. Now we just need to add in some playmates, to see their behavior toward each other improve. That should happen quickly. We'll see friends this weekend, and go to church. I keep running into State Department families as I'm out. Between all of these social settings, they ought to exercise their social skills well.
Dave's away for these few nights, which is pretty crummy. I find Fairfax County easy to get lost in, and accomplishing anything with three little girls in tow rather difficult. I am crossing things off my To Do List with remarkable speed, really. We now have health insurance, which is an immense relief. Also appointments with dentists and pediatricians. Sophia is enrolled in school, and Lilly will be after her physical next week. But I'm also longing for some neighbors to simply gather with at the playground. Although our apartment and location are quite nice here in the overflow apartments, I am beginning to wish that we'd been placed in the State Department's standard temporary housing. Hopefully my spirits will rise when Dave returns tomorrow night.
Dave sat for a Mandarin exam, and scored a 1 out of 5. That's really pretty good, especially considering he quit studying over two months ago, and never worked at it full time. This makes a Chinese post in our future quite likely. Dave would like it to be soon, while he still remembers it. I'd like to get at least one post in between.
We turned in the Bid List on Tuesday morning. Because of the timing issues pertinent to the adoption, I don't feel we really had much say in the matter. We eliminated quite a few because the language training would take us too close to our suspected Gotcha date. Dave starred a few because the jobs are in his cone (economic) or in his regions of interest (Africa or India and Southeast Asia). But those of you lovers of Latin America who were hoping to sleep on our couch, don't worry yet. Having promised worldwide availability, we could be off for anywhere.
Overall, the transition to our newest home is going quite well. Adding in some structure for the girls today saw their behavior toward me improve markedly. Now we just need to add in some playmates, to see their behavior toward each other improve. That should happen quickly. We'll see friends this weekend, and go to church. I keep running into State Department families as I'm out. Between all of these social settings, they ought to exercise their social skills well.
Dave's away for these few nights, which is pretty crummy. I find Fairfax County easy to get lost in, and accomplishing anything with three little girls in tow rather difficult. I am crossing things off my To Do List with remarkable speed, really. We now have health insurance, which is an immense relief. Also appointments with dentists and pediatricians. Sophia is enrolled in school, and Lilly will be after her physical next week. But I'm also longing for some neighbors to simply gather with at the playground. Although our apartment and location are quite nice here in the overflow apartments, I am beginning to wish that we'd been placed in the State Department's standard temporary housing. Hopefully my spirits will rise when Dave returns tomorrow night.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The Things We Do for Our Kids
It has been a whirlwind of a week. Not so much for me - I'm having a pretty good time. But for the kids, this week has been a doozy.
After spending 2 weeks with my parents and without Dave in St. Louis, we drove all weekend and arrived in the apartment on Sunday night. We've enrolled Sophia in a fabulous Montessori school which kept her smiling all through the visit this morning. We've nearly enrolled Lilly in the local public school. We've been to the local library, Target and McDonalds. We've checked out the nearest playground to the right. Plans for tomorrow include checking out the nearest playground to the left. We've been reunited with our toys from China, and we've played with good friends from Shanghai. We have plans with the girls' second cousins this weekend - also girls, and nearly the same age.
And we have seen some truly atrocious behavior.
This is more than simple stress. We are seeing Lilly regularly lose control and receive severe punishments for what began as very small crimes. Sophia claims to hate everything around her, and cries "not fair!" at the drop of a hat. I worry that my kids are missing their routine. They say that kids crave structure, and I've always hoped its not true because I really don't crave structure or routine at all. I'm pretty happy to plan my day one hour at a time, and that's about what this week has looked like.
Maybe the rest of the week needs to look more like this.
8am - Mom wakes up
8:30am - Girls begin to wake up
9:30am - Everyone out the door
Noon - Everyone back in the door for lunch
1:00 - Annika begins her nap, and older girls begin quiet time
3:00 - Annika finishes her nap, and we all head to the playground
5:00 - Back in for free play while Mom begins making dinner
Sounds boring - especially when you layer in the mounds of laundry, dishwashing and iron I now have to do myself. But if this makes us through the next few weeks, I should be happy. Especially because in about 2 weeks, we learn where and when we move out of this apartment. Another layer of stress and change to add to these poor little girls' lives. I had been rooting for a D.C. post, allowing us to live in town for another year and a half or so. Both girls could stay in the same school for more than one full school year - a record for either child. But then I looked up housing in this school district. Holy crap! Should we stay in DC, we'll have to answer which would be better for the girls - the same school for Lilly and cramming our growing family into a tiny apartment, or moving to a new school (again) further out and still spending too much money every month, but at least having a reasonable amount of space.
After spending 2 weeks with my parents and without Dave in St. Louis, we drove all weekend and arrived in the apartment on Sunday night. We've enrolled Sophia in a fabulous Montessori school which kept her smiling all through the visit this morning. We've nearly enrolled Lilly in the local public school. We've been to the local library, Target and McDonalds. We've checked out the nearest playground to the right. Plans for tomorrow include checking out the nearest playground to the left. We've been reunited with our toys from China, and we've played with good friends from Shanghai. We have plans with the girls' second cousins this weekend - also girls, and nearly the same age.
And we have seen some truly atrocious behavior.
This is more than simple stress. We are seeing Lilly regularly lose control and receive severe punishments for what began as very small crimes. Sophia claims to hate everything around her, and cries "not fair!" at the drop of a hat. I worry that my kids are missing their routine. They say that kids crave structure, and I've always hoped its not true because I really don't crave structure or routine at all. I'm pretty happy to plan my day one hour at a time, and that's about what this week has looked like.
Maybe the rest of the week needs to look more like this.
8am - Mom wakes up
8:30am - Girls begin to wake up
9:30am - Everyone out the door
Noon - Everyone back in the door for lunch
1:00 - Annika begins her nap, and older girls begin quiet time
3:00 - Annika finishes her nap, and we all head to the playground
5:00 - Back in for free play while Mom begins making dinner
Sounds boring - especially when you layer in the mounds of laundry, dishwashing and iron I now have to do myself. But if this makes us through the next few weeks, I should be happy. Especially because in about 2 weeks, we learn where and when we move out of this apartment. Another layer of stress and change to add to these poor little girls' lives. I had been rooting for a D.C. post, allowing us to live in town for another year and a half or so. Both girls could stay in the same school for more than one full school year - a record for either child. But then I looked up housing in this school district. Holy crap! Should we stay in DC, we'll have to answer which would be better for the girls - the same school for Lilly and cramming our growing family into a tiny apartment, or moving to a new school (again) further out and still spending too much money every month, but at least having a reasonable amount of space.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
About To Go
After a week in Chicago, and another 2 weeks in St. Louis, the family will set off for D.C. tomorrow morning. It sounds as if the government will not shut down on Monday, so we need to arrive on Sunday night. It should be a fun drive!
Saturday, April 02, 2011
The Bid List
After waiting and eagerly anticipating The Bid List for the past two years or so, I'd be happy to just get rid of it now, after having only had it in hand for a few short days.
A brief primer on initial bidding for Foreign Service Officers.
A few days into his employment for the State Department, Dave and his classmates received a list of international cities. I can't share much detail on this list - it is sensitive (how cool is that?!). There are a few more posts than there are people in the class, which makes the list rather daunting. Especially because of how spare the list is.
Our task is to take this list, and rank each job on the list either High, Medium or Low.
I have said that its a list of international cities, and that we're supposed to rank each job. This is part of the challenge of The Bid List. Although it is technically a list of positions available, we have precious few details on the job itself. So, the list may have Cozumel, Mexico listed three times. That means that they'll be sending three people to Cozumel. Other details include the expected start date, and the required language training.
With this spare base, we begin our own personal research. Here is our Bidding Strategy.
We hope and expect to pick up Mei Mei from China in late November or early December this year. I desire very strongly to arrive at post much earlier than that, so we all have time to adjust to our new surroundings, our new home and schools, our new language and possibly our new household help before we add this new little baby into the mix. We simply do not need so many life changing events in such close proximity. If you're not feeling sympathy for us yet, that will include:
1 - new job for Dave,
2 - new school for Lilly and Sophia,
3 - new home for each of us,
4 - new country for each of us,
5 - likely a new language and certainly a new culture for each of us, and
6 - new baby entering the family in a highly traumatic fashion.
So, insofar as we can, we have eliminated any posts which begin between Oct. 1st and Jan. 31st. And by eliminate, I mean that we have ranked them as Low.
Next, we went through and pulled out anything that seemed particularly exciting. A number of the jobs do have small job descriptions, and Dave highlighted a few of them. A few of the posts are in places we would love to live, and so we highlighted them as well. That makes up our High list.
And everything else is currently ranked as Medium.
This feels like the lazy family's way to choose where next to live, but I think I may just leave the list as it is now. I could certainly do more research, and learn which posts have a long commute to school or have poisonous spiders habitually making residence in people's shoes. But I'm not sure that I want to. With worldwide availability, we may well be going to the places that I've eliminated. I don't think I want to allow myself to eliminate anymore posts.
So, our Bidding Priorities are Timing first, and Job second. With Worldwide Availability and the needs of the service trumping all.
A brief primer on initial bidding for Foreign Service Officers.
A few days into his employment for the State Department, Dave and his classmates received a list of international cities. I can't share much detail on this list - it is sensitive (how cool is that?!). There are a few more posts than there are people in the class, which makes the list rather daunting. Especially because of how spare the list is.
Our task is to take this list, and rank each job on the list either High, Medium or Low.
I have said that its a list of international cities, and that we're supposed to rank each job. This is part of the challenge of The Bid List. Although it is technically a list of positions available, we have precious few details on the job itself. So, the list may have Cozumel, Mexico listed three times. That means that they'll be sending three people to Cozumel. Other details include the expected start date, and the required language training.
With this spare base, we begin our own personal research. Here is our Bidding Strategy.
We hope and expect to pick up Mei Mei from China in late November or early December this year. I desire very strongly to arrive at post much earlier than that, so we all have time to adjust to our new surroundings, our new home and schools, our new language and possibly our new household help before we add this new little baby into the mix. We simply do not need so many life changing events in such close proximity. If you're not feeling sympathy for us yet, that will include:
1 - new job for Dave,
2 - new school for Lilly and Sophia,
3 - new home for each of us,
4 - new country for each of us,
5 - likely a new language and certainly a new culture for each of us, and
6 - new baby entering the family in a highly traumatic fashion.
So, insofar as we can, we have eliminated any posts which begin between Oct. 1st and Jan. 31st. And by eliminate, I mean that we have ranked them as Low.
Next, we went through and pulled out anything that seemed particularly exciting. A number of the jobs do have small job descriptions, and Dave highlighted a few of them. A few of the posts are in places we would love to live, and so we highlighted them as well. That makes up our High list.
And everything else is currently ranked as Medium.
This feels like the lazy family's way to choose where next to live, but I think I may just leave the list as it is now. I could certainly do more research, and learn which posts have a long commute to school or have poisonous spiders habitually making residence in people's shoes. But I'm not sure that I want to. With worldwide availability, we may well be going to the places that I've eliminated. I don't think I want to allow myself to eliminate anymore posts.
So, our Bidding Priorities are Timing first, and Job second. With Worldwide Availability and the needs of the service trumping all.
Friday, April 01, 2011
Worldwide Availability
I'm not really a stress eater; but at the end of the day yesterday, what I really needed was a cheeseburger, fries and a tall chocolate milkshake. Happily, we've got a fantastic burger place across the street from our home here in Virginia, and I had that need met by 7pm. It may have been partly because I had a small lunch, and a really small breakfast. But I'd say it was also because I spent a rather exhausting day playing Diplomat. Yesterday morning, I woke with Dave and dressed up like a grownup - jewelry, makeup, and all. I took the shuttle with him to the Foreign Service Institute, where he turned right to attend his Diplomat Training and I turned left to attend my Spouse or Partner Training.
I sat in a room with wives, husbands, partners and fiances and learned how to be a Diplomat's Wife. We heard from the Transition Center, who is there to help us through every transition, be it from real life to FS life, from FS life to retirement, or from old post to new post. We heard from the Overseas Briefing Center, who has files and videos and books and briefings on every place we could possibly go. And we could possibly go to anyplace that has an embassy or a consulate. We could go practically anywhere. We heard from a lot of other folks as well, who drilled a number of things into us. Here are my personal takeaways from the day:
- When Dave took his oath of office, he promised to be Worldwide Available. So we could be going nearly anywhere, whether we want to or not.
- The Foreign Service takes the needs of the family very seriously. They had this training for spouses and partners this morning. They hold many other trainings which I am welcome to participate in, up to and including job training and language training at FSI.
- The Foreign Service takes care of families well. We will live in safe housing; our children will have access to the best schools in the area; we have free access to a wide array of support systems; we can begin language training online at any point for free. The list goes on, but also includes some very key intangibles. The people of the Foreign Service have clearly developed a strong community, where our neighbors (who will also be Dave's co-workers) will support us and there will be a community wherever we go. This is a unique lifestyle, and they work to make it a supported and adventurous one.
- We will likely be evacuated at least once from our post and our home. Folks who were posted in Cairo and Tokyo likely never thought they be evacuated, but are now living temporarily in the states. They will likely get all of their household stuff back at some point. Folks who were posted in Tripoli, Libya had to leave within about 24 hours with what they could carry, and will likely never see the rest of their stuff again.
- Dave will likely serve at an unaccompanied post at some point in his career. He will be kept safe, likely having good access to doctors and pharmacies and a very strong community in a very interesting workplace. Our kids will likely be invited to DC at the end of his tour, and presented with a medal by the Secretary of State for the sacrifices they are making for their country.
- The number one cause of death among families living overseas is not terrorism or street violence, but simple traffic accidents. No different from home, really.
- If we live somewhere with malaria, we should take the malaria prophylaxis every day the entire time. Because malaria kills people.
- And again, Worldwide Availability. Although they will take our needs and desires strongly into account, Worldwide Availability means that the needs of the service trump the needs of the individual. He is a civilian, but he is also duty bound and will be directed where the government needs him.
And with that, we spent the night poring over The Bid List.
The Bid List is the document that I have been eagerly awaiting since Dave began this entire job process, over two years ago. Our Bid List contains a few more posts than there are people in his class, and every one of his classmates will go somewhere on this list. Its a long list, and as overwhelming as everything else listed above. And our job over the next week or so is to rank every single post on the list, High, Medium or Low. We need a Bidding Strategy, and it should be rather transparent to help the Career Development Officers make the decision that fits best with our personal wants and needs. Right now, we need to learn as much about each post as possible, to be able to eliminate or star a large number of cities which I have never even heard of. I say "eliminate" rather loosely, because he does have Worldwide Availability.
We've begun to put together our Bidding Strategy, made more clear by our hope to pick up Mei Mei at the end of this calendar year. And we've begun to research the posts a bit, putting down simple facts that make one place more desirable than another - e.g. does it have an English elementary school nearby?
It was an overwhelming day, to say the least. The day left me feeling great about all of the interesting people going on this adventure alongside us, and feeling awesome about the State Department's general attitude toward the families of Foreign Service Officers. Just overwhelmed, and ready for a burger and a long sleep. I'm not sure how Dave is making it through this week, and the coming 4 weeks without putting on an easy 10 pounds.
I sat in a room with wives, husbands, partners and fiances and learned how to be a Diplomat's Wife. We heard from the Transition Center, who is there to help us through every transition, be it from real life to FS life, from FS life to retirement, or from old post to new post. We heard from the Overseas Briefing Center, who has files and videos and books and briefings on every place we could possibly go. And we could possibly go to anyplace that has an embassy or a consulate. We could go practically anywhere. We heard from a lot of other folks as well, who drilled a number of things into us. Here are my personal takeaways from the day:
- When Dave took his oath of office, he promised to be Worldwide Available. So we could be going nearly anywhere, whether we want to or not.
- The Foreign Service takes the needs of the family very seriously. They had this training for spouses and partners this morning. They hold many other trainings which I am welcome to participate in, up to and including job training and language training at FSI.
- The Foreign Service takes care of families well. We will live in safe housing; our children will have access to the best schools in the area; we have free access to a wide array of support systems; we can begin language training online at any point for free. The list goes on, but also includes some very key intangibles. The people of the Foreign Service have clearly developed a strong community, where our neighbors (who will also be Dave's co-workers) will support us and there will be a community wherever we go. This is a unique lifestyle, and they work to make it a supported and adventurous one.
- We will likely be evacuated at least once from our post and our home. Folks who were posted in Cairo and Tokyo likely never thought they be evacuated, but are now living temporarily in the states. They will likely get all of their household stuff back at some point. Folks who were posted in Tripoli, Libya had to leave within about 24 hours with what they could carry, and will likely never see the rest of their stuff again.
- Dave will likely serve at an unaccompanied post at some point in his career. He will be kept safe, likely having good access to doctors and pharmacies and a very strong community in a very interesting workplace. Our kids will likely be invited to DC at the end of his tour, and presented with a medal by the Secretary of State for the sacrifices they are making for their country.
- The number one cause of death among families living overseas is not terrorism or street violence, but simple traffic accidents. No different from home, really.
- If we live somewhere with malaria, we should take the malaria prophylaxis every day the entire time. Because malaria kills people.
- And again, Worldwide Availability. Although they will take our needs and desires strongly into account, Worldwide Availability means that the needs of the service trump the needs of the individual. He is a civilian, but he is also duty bound and will be directed where the government needs him.
And with that, we spent the night poring over The Bid List.
The Bid List is the document that I have been eagerly awaiting since Dave began this entire job process, over two years ago. Our Bid List contains a few more posts than there are people in his class, and every one of his classmates will go somewhere on this list. Its a long list, and as overwhelming as everything else listed above. And our job over the next week or so is to rank every single post on the list, High, Medium or Low. We need a Bidding Strategy, and it should be rather transparent to help the Career Development Officers make the decision that fits best with our personal wants and needs. Right now, we need to learn as much about each post as possible, to be able to eliminate or star a large number of cities which I have never even heard of. I say "eliminate" rather loosely, because he does have Worldwide Availability.
We've begun to put together our Bidding Strategy, made more clear by our hope to pick up Mei Mei at the end of this calendar year. And we've begun to research the posts a bit, putting down simple facts that make one place more desirable than another - e.g. does it have an English elementary school nearby?
It was an overwhelming day, to say the least. The day left me feeling great about all of the interesting people going on this adventure alongside us, and feeling awesome about the State Department's general attitude toward the families of Foreign Service Officers. Just overwhelmed, and ready for a burger and a long sleep. I'm not sure how Dave is making it through this week, and the coming 4 weeks without putting on an easy 10 pounds.
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