Sophia Says

So, that last post was a bit heavy.  But Sophia said something lovely this morning as well.  Today is Diwali and her teacher celebrates Diwali, and so she met us wearing a lovely sari.  When Sophia saw her, she told me that her teacher looks beautiful.  When Ms Teacher opened the car door, Sophia told her that she looks like an Indian princess.

When I was 4 years old, an Indian princess looked like the cartoon character from Peter Pan with a feather poking out of her hair.

I love that this is what my 4 year old imagines an Indian princess looks like.

Missing Grace

A favorite game for my children is to pretend that their parents are dead.  I take this as a compliment, that we have made our girls feel so confident and safe that being orphaned seems like pure fiction.  So this morning on the way to school, it came as no surprise when Sophia told me I wish I didn't have a mom.  I told her that if I were not her mom, I would miss her very much.

And at that moment it struck me - that is how I feel about Grace.

Grace is what we would have named the orphan from China who we planned to adopt.  We waited years for her, although we were never matched to her.  She would have joined our family within the next 9 months, but we decided to stop the adoption procedure this summer.

I insinuated to Sophia that even if she had never been born, I would still love her.  Even though Grace will never join our family, I still love her.  And sometimes my heart hurts because I miss her.

The Landlord

When I signed the lease for this house, I got a rude shock.  The realtor who managed the transaction  told me never to call.  I should not call him with a problem.  I should not call the landlord with a problem.  Surprised, I said, What if something needs repair? Nope.  That's your responsibility.  Okay, but what if the toilet explodes in the middle of the night.  Then I would need to call her, right?  Nope.  That's your responsibility.  But, if a tree falls on the house and tears a hole in the roof?  Yeah, then you should probably call her.

Silly me.  I took his word for it.  Just last night, I sat down to reread the lease and learn exactly our responsibility.  Contractually, our landlord is responsible for all appliances as well as for general maintenance of the house.  I have no idea what the manager was talking about when he discouraged me from calling.

But that he gave me bad advice a few months ago did not keep said landlord from lecturing me this afternoon.  The washing machine stopped working Tuesday night last week, with a pool of water on the floor around it.  I called the landlord first thing Wednesday morning.  She finally made it out for a peek this afternoon - Monday.  She lectured me for not explaining more clearly; for not calling earlier; for not attempting to solve it myself; for not cleaning it up on my own; for not installing something to stop the problem.  She explained to me how the fuse box works; how the shower head works; how I ought to think for myself.

I owned my own house for 6 years in St. Louis, as well as managing rental property that I also owned down the street.  We still own the rental property in St. Louis, and rely on managers (aka my parents) to keep it in good condition.  I have become fairly savvy about property maintenance.

We rented the last 3.5 years in China - 4 different properties and 4 different leases.  We had problems with bugs.  We had problems with washing machines.  We had mold. And each time, I hated working with the landlord, largely because they all seemed to believe me an idiot.  Fair enough - I did not speak their local language.  Americans are guilty of the same thinking far too often.  But knowing that the landlord looked down on me drove me nuts.

Sadly, none of those problems were unique to China.  In the few months we've lived in this house in Virginia, we have had bugs, mold, and a faulty washing machine.  The washing machine seemed worthy of a call to the landlord, as the lease has a specific clause making all appliances her responsibility.  Using Midwestern English, she talked down to me the whole time.  Apparently it has little to do with language issues - maybe landlords just think tenants are idiots.

So now I know that I am supposed to notify her immediately of any problems.  I also hope not to have anymore problems, because contact with her is no fun.

But more generally, I am reminded that my life abroad was not as foreign as I thought.  I enjoyed complaining about the bad service I got in China, and how difficult it could be to communicate simple problems.  Clearly, bad service is global and communication can be difficult within the same language.  Our next move will make the United States government our landlord, or at least our property manager.  As I ought not complain about that landlord in this forum, I had best set bad landlords as my standard, and see myself pleasantly surprised at how well I am treated in Venezuela.

Venezuela-fy

Word is that Caracas is not only ripe territory for murders, but that carjackings are fairly common as well.  My understanding is that the point of the car jacking is to steal the car.  At first, we planned to leave our 2011 Honda Odyssey back in the states.  A brand new car must scream money, right?  Surely we would be a target for carjackers.  Apparently not, actually.  When the goal is to obtain the car, then the car must be desirable.  In Venezuela, as in most of the United States, a mini-van is not seen as a desirable car.  Apparently, we'll be fine.

Still, the shiny new car was making me nervous.  It may have Cheerios ground into the seats and names written on the walls in crayon, but it still shines on the outside.

And so yesterday, I began the process of Venezuela-fying our car.  I accidentally scratched a car as I pulled out of Lilly's school parking out.  In my defense, that car was parked surprisingly (and illegally) close to the corner.  Still, I felt a little silly.  I immediately parked, walked back to the car to inspect the scratch, and decided it was worth a note.  In the time it took me to write the note, the illegal parker had driven away.  I am off the hook for Venezuela-fying their car.  And as I began to feel guilty about our car, it dawned on me the luck.  It would be awfully difficult to intentionally scratch up our car, making it look less desirable and making us look less rich.  But if I can accidentally do it a number of times over the next year, we'll be that much safer!

Career Goals

I sat down to write a business plan a few days ago.  I've been playing with this photography thing long enough.  I decided that its time to take that step away from practicing amateur to full-on professional.  I began putting together what I would need to build my dream studio, and what my life would look like once I'd built it.

Here's the trouble.  I didn't like it.

The dream studio would be amazing, but very difficult to control.  I could use our sun room in this house, but what could I use in Venezuela?  The State Department guarantees us housing for our family, but not necessarily but a traveling home business.  Am I willing to sacrifice our largest bedroom for this?

The timing seems good.  This would be an evenings and weekends job, which means that our kids will generally have a parent available to them.  But should I succeed, then I won't have much of my husband available to me.  Or any spare time - those evenings are kept pretty busy right now, and we really enjoy those weekends.  Am I willing to sacrifice our family time for this?

The future looks good.  As long as we're traveling, we'll be landing in small and changing communities of foreigners.  A talented photographer to take family and children's portraits will always have some level of demand.  But once we land back in the states, do I want to retire from children's photography?

This is when I realized that although photography is loads of fun, and although its exciting to feel a real talent and the willingness to nurture that talent, it doesn't make it any easier to sleep at night.  When I go back to work, I want it to be something I truly care about; more than simply something I enjoy.

So, I'll carry my camera everywhere I go.  And if you'd like pictures of your kids, please let me know.  I'd love to take them for you - I may even allow you to pay me for them.  But as far as my career goes, I'm going to switch back to social worker as soon as my mothering schedule allows.

Exploring America: Colonial Williamsburg

Sophia took most of the photos at Colonial Williamsburg.  The girls really enjoyed the day there, and Dave enjoyed it more than he thought he would.  The weather was amazing, and plenty of kid-friendly games were available outside.  They also loved the hedge maze.  But goodness sakes, after walking all day through this lovely little town, all three of our children were exhausted!

Check this one out:  Sophia asked to take my picture.  Dave stood next to me, so he leaned in for the photo.  She cut him out!

Exploring America: The Virginia State Fair

 The State Fair happened rather spontaneously.  On the way to Williamsburg, we passed the turn-off for the state fair.  We had no idea that the fair was going on this weekend.  None of us had ever been to a state fair, and it seemed that our time in America wouldn't be complete without one!

Now, the Virginia State Fair is no Iowa, but there was still some excitement.  For instance, we witnessed the birthing of the calf on the left!

Lilly and I enjoyed a ride on the ferris wheel,

and we all enjoyed plenty of corn dogs, funnel cakes and root beer.

Exploring America: Farm Festivals

 exploring the corn maze

buried in the corn box

jumping in the pile of hay

Exploring America: Hiking in Southern Maryland

Exploring America: Southern Maryland and the Potomac

Exploring America in October

Rather by happenstance, this is the month for exploring.  I suppose its more than just coincidence - we've all fallen into our schedules and become comfortable in our home, our schools and our work.  We have routines, which makes it easier to break out of them.  Plus, the weather is fantastic!  So, we've enjoyed a lot of family time this month.  And with visitors and more scheduled for the rest of the month, it promises to stay good!

And I'll admit - I've really missed fall.  I'm fully enjoying it this year, as I know that I won't have it again once we go to Venezuela.  We'll be eating plenty of fresh apples and raking piles of leaves in the front yard.

For this month, I'll just offer quick photojournalism for each destination.  In keeping with my privacy habit, no photos of little girls' faces.  So, some places have more photos than others.  But even without our smiling faces, I think you'll be able to tell how much fun we're having!

**n.b. - Those who know me well and want photos with faces, check out my Photography page on Facebook.