The Kids, They Are A-Changing

Our oldest child is our most difficult.

This is partly because she has many unique challenges.  She has a temper like you would not believe.  She hates sleeping in, and so can not catch up on her sleep when she stays up late.  She is a perfectionist, panicking when the world is not black or white.  She can be a bully.

And she hates moving.

The move here was her most difficult, by far.  The previous move had been in the middle of kindergarten.  Kindergarteners are so friendly, and she is such a good reader than she fit in academically without a problem.  At that age, kids are simply an extension of their family.. and so if the family moves with them, a move is not so hard.

But the move here was in the middle of 2nd grade.  She had a best friend in Virginia, and that best friend lived only two doors down.  They could play outside after school.  They could hide in the neighbors' backyard, or climb the magnolia tree and disappear together.

When we moved in the middle of 2nd grade, she had no best friend just down the hall.  Now we livedin a high-rise, and we have no other kids in the building.  She struggled.  Moving in the middle of the year is hard, and she struggled to fit in.  But her teacher saw a good fit, and matched her up with Marcella.

Marcella was a good friend for our daughter.  They were both smart kids, good at school and loved to read.  They were sweet kids who cared about each other and could play with anyone.  Being with Marcella made her feel at home.

And then Marcella moved.

And now third grade has begun, and we are more than 6 weeks into the school year.  The teacher is good.  The other girls in the class are good.  The work is good.  The after-school programs are good.  And still, she tells us that he doesn't want to go to school.  She throws temper tantrums.  And she misses America.

And the other reason she is our most challenging daughter is that she is our oldest.  When our youngest does something out of line, we simply smile and give her the appropriate consequences.  Ah, three year olds.  But when our oldest child begins to act out of line, we just look at each other with confusion.  What is typical of 8 year olds?  Are they gaining independence?  Is it harder to make friends?  Is school becoming more challenging?  Have the boys grown cooties?  I suspect that the answer to each of these questions is yes, but I'm not entirely sure.

And the floundering is enhanced by the recent move.  She was happy in 1st grade, when everyone liked her.  She struggled in 2nd grade, when we moved.  And she struggles again in 3rd grade.  Is this because of the move, as she believes?  I have a hunch that 3rd grade is harder in every sense - the schoolwork becomes more challenging, the homework calls for more responsibility, and the social life is no longer simple.

Ah, for a handbook on my child.