Blessing Upon Blessing

Today was a hard day, and things became much worse before they got better. But amid some of the craziest chaos I have recently experienced, I felt surrounded by blessings.

Surrounded by friends this morning, I shared the crazy situation we faced. Each strongly recommended calling the movers and asking to postpone arrival of our boxes. This could only make the situation worse, and waiting a few more days would cause no real problems.

I called. They had already arrived in Shenzhen, after a few hours of work loading and driving the truck from the warehouse in Guangzhou. Sure, they could postpone. It would cost 5,000 RMB, or about $750. For this decision, I would need to speak with the management.

I called Mark, our contact at the hotel. Mark came to our room with a very sympathetic smile on his face. The very sympathetic smile never left his face, although his eyes frequently changed expression, touching on both terrified and about to cry. He stayed for over 2 hours. He made promises, which he took back when I asked for them in writing. He lied. He offered to store our items and move them into another apartment at another time, which would effectively lock us into their choice of options in the future, as well as canceling out any insurance provided by our movers.

No. I made myself clear. If I accepted our shipment today, I would not move from this apartment. If I sent the movers away, the management would find themselves responsible for a 5,000 RMB fine.

Mark left after calling the movers and telling them I wished they would leave - he made this phone call in Chinese, standing in front of me, without ever saying what he was doing. I learned of the call when the movers called to confirm my wishes. That's when Mark saw me fly into hysterics.

I've got to tell you - I'm not one to fly into hysterics easily. My parents may disagree, but I can bet that none of the rest of you have seen me fall apart entirely. I am an under control gal, who does not collapse in tears and a squeaky voice. I had nothing left, and I didn't know what to do. I left, because I needed to pick up Sophia from school. Because of school, the movers could no longer wait. The stalemate passed, and I lost. I told the movers to leave.

But allow me to highlight the blessings here.

Blessing #1:
Note that paragraph 2 begins "Surrounded by friends this morning..." These are people I have known for less than 3 weeks, but who turned into a wonderful cheerleading squad this morning. Ladies called or texted to check in during the day, offered to take the girls after school, offered to host Lilly's birthday party this weekend, and just generally made me feel supported and part of a community.

Blessing #2:
Our ayi began work this morning. And although I had no work for her today, she could not have started at a better time. She took care of Annika so I could focus on the conversation at hand. She smiled and kept a light conversation whenever Mark left. And she chewed him out when she left. She's a keeper, and she brightened my morning considerably.j

Blessing #3:
The movers turned out to be wonderfully kind people. They caught on very quickly that I was being abused, and voiced their support in every phone conversation. I even received a very nice pep talk after I flew into hysterics on the phone. The truck sat waiting at the hotel for over an hour before I left to pick up Sophia from school. I spoke to Evan, the moving manager, as I walked to school. What would you like us to do, he asked. I have no idea, I replied. My voice rose higher, and I think I began rambling incoherently. I think we should take these things back to the warehouse today, and you can solve this later, he offered. I think that's a good idea, I answered. And then he said a bunch of nice things about human kindness and everything being alright in the end and not waiting so long to sign contracts next time. He cheered me enough to be able to face Sophia without crying.

Blessing #4:
Over the past few years, I have learned not to trust Uncle H-- in situations like these. They generally seem happy to accept all responsibility as ours, and pass on all costs by deducting them from Dave's paycheck. I felt hopeless this morning, quite sure they would not stand up for us. Quite to the contrary, when Dave explained the situation to his HR department they were incensed and immediately made some phone calls. The general manager of the hotel soon called Dave, and we are no longer responsible for the moving fee. In fact, he has offered some pretty sweet deals to entice us to stay. We do not expect they will be sweet enough to combat such a horrible morning, but the sentiment is both appropriate and appreciated.

Blessing #5:
I emailed a few ladies from Bible Study, as well as our parents. I meant to send a simple prayer request, but it turned into a bit of a rant. And I received a wonderful outpouring of prayer and support. Such kind words meant the world to me, and so much prayer has brought about the plethora of blessings listed here.

Blessings continue...
We spent the afternoon at the pool, surrounded by friends, the girls having so much fun that they never noticed my level of stress. We spent dinner at a friend's house, where the girls disappeared into their children's playrooms and I enjoyed adult conversation with the Mom and Dad. Uncle H-- will work as quickly as possible to get us out of this apartment and into something new. I will view a few things new tomorrow, and have received loads of good advice on where to look. The situation no longer feels hopeless or impossible. I do still feel powerless, but I also feel surrounded by very good people. I feel unsettled, but I also feel like I am joining a wonderful community.

Victims of Poor Planning

Once again, it seems we are the victims of poor planning. We were informed this evening that the hotel where we live accidentally promised our room to someone else.

We need to move.

We have already told our children, under quite a bit of stress from the move and the new school, that this is their new home. That we won't be changing house from here until we leave Shenzhen.

We have already sold or given away anything we don't need in a serviced apartment - bowls, silverware, an ironing board, an iron, the list goes on and on.

Our belongings will arrive tomorrow, in boxes.

That's right - tomorrow morning. That means we have no time to inform the moving company that we will change addresses and can not accept the shipment tomorrow. That means that we will have all of our belongings piled in every corner of this hotel apartment until the time comes to move into our new place. That means we will now have to pay to move our things again.

I have not blogged within the past few days because I just can't get adjusted here. It feels silly, because life is so easy here. Everything is within walking distance, most things seem to work, the traffic is not so bad, and the people are wildly friendly. Lilly seems well adjusted, although Sophia still needs some time. It seems as if I should be quite happy, but I'm not. Of its own accord, moving is hard.

So to be hit by this whammy tonight just put me over the edge. I could hardly parent my children, and I certainly couldn't fix dinner. They ate canned pasta and went to bed early. Then Dave and I sat down to a late dinner of fajitas and homemade pico de gallo with chips on the side. We opened a bottle of wine. And Dave turned on the soft musings of the conference call he was scheduled to participate in. Soon he left the room, leaving me to pick at chips and wine alone.

When we first moved to Shanghai, a friend told me to share the good as well as the bad, or to find a counselor because I must be severely depressed. I am trying to avoid that impression this time, and to be more honest about the upsides of this life. There are plenty, and there will be plenty of upsides behind moving. Should we choose to stay in the hotel but change units, they will lower our rent and do our laundry for free. Should we choose to leave this complex, we will live in a real home with rented furniture but also with our own pictures on the walls and our own sheets on the beds. Its not so bad, really.

I tell myself this, and its true. This is far from the end of the world. Still, I'll be honest with you. I don't know how to deal with such a blow.

Keeping Secrets

Every time you move, you have the opportunity to reinvent yourself. Even small moves create new communities, where you can answer each question however you like. I've decided to provide only selective information to the crowds I'm meeting. For instance:

How old are your kids?
They are 3 months, 3 years, and 5 years old.

With Lilly in kindergarten and Sophia in preschool, the girls are now 2 school years apart in age. Lilly may not be quite 5 yet, but I'm telling people that we spaced the girls apart perfectly in age.


Where did you live in Shanghai?
We lived in a lane house in the French Concession.

I'm not sharing that we lived in 3 different homes over only 3 years. Because although it had the benefit of allowing us to get to know Shanghai quite well, it also makes us look a bit flaky. Plus, the above answer has a bit of hip cache attached to it.


What does your husband do?
He's an HR consultant who has been seconded to work here.

This is entirely true, actually. I just love some of the language in there.
Seconded means to "transfer (a military officer or other official or worker) temporarily to other employment or another position." e.g. "I was seconded to a public relations unit."
I previously had named the company where he is seconded, but decided to leave work and home separate. Suffice it to say that Dave will be working with one of the largest employers in the world.


How long will you be in Shenzhen?
Up to a year, and who knows after that.

I'm just leaving the whole Foreign Service out of the mix. I thought that answer better than this one:
Well, we could be leaving within a few months, if my husband gets this job that he's been vying for. He applied for it about 2 years ago, and we really think that they're going to decide they want him eventually.
Those of you who know Dave, and those of you who understand current hiring practices of the U.S. Foreign Service would have a positive feeling about that last answer, but anyone else might not. In fact, anyone else might think he's a bit of a loser. The rest of us just think there must be a mighty fine crowd of people running our diplomatic corps, for Dave to be so low on the list.

Moving Day, 2

I have no words to express today. It was good.

The movers arrived on time (well, on time considering they were one day late) and they did fantastic work. They were pleasant men, and I enjoyed chatting with their manager. Because they did such good work, I was able to sit on the couch and read a book for nearly 5 hours, eventually struggling to stay awake. I kept thinking, what would they think if I just curled up and took a nap here on the couch?

I enjoyed a too brief conversation with my friend Julie.
I got to meet Wendy's daughter, and to see our old driver and meet his family.
I watched every unwanted item from my house go to someone who felt truly excited to take it.
I welcomed the Bible Study ladies into my home one more time, and watched my friends feel at home with each other and in this space.
I enjoyed a truly fantastic burger in wonderful company.
I delivered a box of maternity clothes to Larissa, and enjoyed a late night conversation with her while waiting for her husband to arrive from Mongolia.

I talked to Dave about the weekend, and am now looking forward to sleeping in my bed, on sheets and pillows which I picked out, for the last time in a long time. I have nowhere to be until 10:45 tomorrow morning, and so am looking forward to a late start, a hot shower, and a walk through the hidden lanes of this my neighborhood to the amazing little bakery a few blocks away.

An idyllic way to end my solitary weekend, before rushing home and arriving just in time for family dinner before Dave jumps out the door for an overnight flight to Singapore. He will spend this week out of town, much like last week, and much like the week after this. I'm exhausted, and really looking forward to my hot shower and the walk to the bakery tomorrow morning.

Low Key Saturday

Dave and the girls spent the day at home, in Shenzhen.
I spent the day at home, in Shanghai.

Dave gave the girls exactly the weekend they needed right now, relaxing and familiar. They spent the entire day at home, going to the pool (where they inadvertently made friends with the neighbor kids - yay!), playing at home, and only leaving the grounds to eat lunch at McDonald's.

I enjoyed what turned out to be a lovely Saturday alone. We scheduled the movers to arrive at 10am this morning, and so I sat on the couch at 9:50 to await their arrival. The house was sorted, organized, taped and stacked. There was nothing left for me to do but read. So I read until 11:00, when I began to wonder if anyone would be coming to pack the house at all.

As it turns out, no one planned to come. They would arrive tomorrow morning at 9:30, I was later informed. This turned out to be a fantastic blessing, as I could run all of those last-minute errands which fell by the wayside in such a quick move. I hit the diaper street, where packs of Huggies Gold run about half the price of Wal-Mart or Carrefour. I hit the apartment cum bookstore, where overstocked and slightly mishandled English children's books sell for a maximum of $5 per book. I hit the movie store, where they stock every title you can come up with and sell each for less than $2 per disc. I hit the boutique which takes inspiration from French and Chinese fashion, creating lovely pieces for little girls at truly lovely prices. I hit one of my favorite restaurants for lunch, and another for dinner. I arrived home with a very full backpack, a very full stomach, and a quiet house in which to watch a brand new movie.

This may not sound like a relaxing day, but it was. There was no racing through the amazing heat to meet a particular deadline. There were no children crying, arguing, or pulling on my skirt. There was no cleaning up after one but myself.

And at the end of the day, I still get to sleep in my own bed. I am melancholy to realize how much I enjoy this house and this neighborhood. They would not have been the right fit for our family this year, and so I am relieved to be in a new place. But they are comfortable, charming, and definitely home. I am sad to leave.

Moving in Opposite Directions

Sophia has not napped the entire time we've been in Shenzhen. At least, not until today. You see, her regular naptime is from 2:30 - 4:00 and has been for years. It seems this time was fully ingrained in her system, because moving it up to 1:00 - 2:30 just wasn't working at all. So, we were facing an increasingly tired and grumpy Sophia every day.

Well, today the build-up became strong enough that she fell asleep immediately at 1:00. I woke her up at 2:30 and we've had a perky and cheerful child the rest of the evening.

Unfortunately, things are not so simple for Lilly.

Lilly is a cautious girl who prefers to watch things from the sidelines, observe the situation, and then wait to be invited in before she makes any friends. As of yet, no one has invited her in. She's decided that a new school and new friends are awfully hard, and she really misses the friends she had back in Shanghai. I think that sleep may be a factor for her as well, because she went to sleep at 6:00 this evening. But sleep won't be the only obstacle for her. Making new friends is a challenge for Lilly, and she fully realizes that. The spontaneous playdate with 3 other families this afternoon simply overwhelmed her and had her playing in the corner by herself. Certainly, this did not help her confidence.

I'll admit, I don't have any idea how to help her. Any readers who were shy kids, or parents of shy kids, please pass along any words of wisdom and advice. I know she'll be fine eventually, but that doesn't help her face tomorrow.

Shopping in China

After 3 years, I have fully adapted to China shopping. At least, China shopping as an expatriate. While the cities I've lived in are more developed than many in the world, shopping is still never running to Target and finding the same items on the shelf each time. When you see black beans at the market, you buy them. Whether you need them or not. And if you're within a few months of Christmas and they're selling pumpkin pie filling, buy as many cans as you may need over the holidays.

My general rule: If you see it, and you may need it, you ought to buy it.

This rule gets me in trouble when I am running through Target in the states, as most everything in the store is something I might conceivably need. And its making for some funny purchases in Shenzhen. I've bought string cheese every time I've gone grocery shopping so far. We've now amassed a good stock of it, and I'm beginning to think its not going to disappear from the shelves. I found Comet at the local store, and at a local price. This was on my shipping list - Mom was to go shopping this weekend. So I snatched two bottles of it (they were on sale - 16 RMB total!).

When I got home, I realized two things.
1 - It will take years of regular use to go through 2 containers of Comet.
2 - The apartment provides cleaning ladies every day. They bring their own soap.