A Good Day

With the onset of fall has come the renewal of fall clothes. Finally I can pack away those awful summer clothes, and begin to wear clothes that fit appropriately. Now, I am no fashionista. Please allow me to explain.

I dedicated last summer (the summer of '07) to losing the baby fat. I reached my goal at the end of the summer, within a few short weeks of our move to Shanghai. The consequence of this was that I bought no new summer clothes for my new frame. This summer we stayed in Shanghai, where the average women wears a size 2. I have bought precious few new summer clothes over the last few months. This means that I have been wearing the same clothes I wore at the beginning of last summer. And allow me to remind you that sweltering summer heat and humidity lasts from mid-May through to the end of September in Shanghai. Those clothes are fit to be burned.

But this morning, with a cool breeze fanning through the new screens on all of my windows, I pulled on my jeans (and I feel I must mention, these were my skinny jeans last year, and they now fit perfectly) and a cute new shirt. Over the summer, I bought clothes that fit rather than clothes than fit the season, and so a few new fall shirts sit on the top of my drawer. This fall shirt fits to a T and I feel better than I have in months.

In addition, the landlord had a new washer-dryer combo machine delivered on Saturday. The company installed it on Sunday. The new machine runs a load through the washer and dryer, leaving my clothes perfectly clean and dry in under 3 hours.

I noted above that we have new screens on our windows. This after waiting 4 weeks, and sending requests and reminders nearly every day. The timing couldn't have been better, because as of Friday we want to spend every waking minute in the fresh, crisp autumn air.

We enjoyed a BBQ with our friends from Pudong last night, and are planning a trip to a cabin in the mountains with them in a few weeks - out of Shanghai, away from the crowds, and where we can view a sky full of stars at night.

Dave's brother and sister-in-law arrive this afternoon for a week in Shanghai. We've not seen them for over 2 years, and they have never met little S--. We are in giddy anticipation of their arrival.

As if all of this weren't enough, today marks the beginning of a week long holiday. Offices are closed and schools are locked until Monday, 1 week from today. Dave will check in once a day for no longer than an hour, I have been promised. This in celebration of the birth of the People's Republic of China just over 50 years ago.

What a lovely holiday!

The Sudden Onset of Autumn

I love the fall. I love the cool breezes. I love feeling just a bit chilly. I love wrapping up in fleece jackets or in soft, old sweatshirts. I love eating chili and drinking hot chocolate.

Coupled with loving the weather of fall, I love the new beginnings that autumn so often brings. For most of my life, September meant the beginning of a new school year. New friends and new classes and a whole new structure to my life. The last few years have been without school, but 2005 brought the birth of L--, 2006 brought the end of pregnancy with S--, 2007 brought a move to Shanghai and this year we've moved across town. The cool breezes of fall have still blown in a new lifestyle.

As my new lifestyle started, it began to feel strange that the weather still felt warm and sticky. September in Shanghai is no longer the super-hot, super-sticky summer akin to that of a hot mid-western day. September in Shanghai feels more tropical, as the humidity stays around 90% with infrequent storms to drain the water from the air. The temps stay just high enough for the humidity to make clothes stick to your skin.

Yesterday, our ayi Wendy told me that the forecast was for 31 degrees as a high. That is nearly 88 degrees Fahrenheit. Yesterday, we still had our tropical September and the vestiges of summer heat. *Just checked - actual high yesterday, 91F.*

Today, we awoke to a light rain and a cool breeze. Weather.com tells me that right now, the temperature is 72F. Its been a long September in coming, but this is the weather that I like to settle into.

Silly

Our ayi started on Monday. Wendy works for us full-time. She is the mother to a 1-year-old little girl, and she works because she needed to get away from that little girl for a little bit! I told her that the same reason is why I'm hiring her - so we can identify with each other immediately. She lives with her husband, who drives a bus, and her husband's parents. It sounds as if each adult in the house is a caring and attentive caretaker to her child. I like her very much, and I sincerely hope she will work for us as long as we live in Shanghai.

Wendy speaks English quite well, and she is of course fluent in Mandarin. I had decided a month ago not to return to my Mandarin lessons - I am simply not going to enough effort to make them worthwhile. I decided that I would prefer someone that I could just ask questions of every so often. Wendy is my perfect tutor. As we walked to the store this morning, I asked her to clarify how to ask where someone is. I recently asked a misbehaving child where her mother was. Well, I meant to, anyway. I said to her ni de mama shi shenma di fang? which I believed to translate to Your mother is in what place? or Where is your mother? Apparently I actually said to the poor child, Your mother is from what place? which left her understandably confused. I received a nice lesson on asking where from Wendy as we walked down the street.

Likewise, Wendy uses me as her English tutor - a function I am happy to oblige her in. This morning, I called L-- silly.

Wendy: What is this word, silly?

Lynne: Hmm, its like funny.

Later, after she had schooled me in where, I corrected my definition of silly.

Lynne: Silly is like funny, but very childlike and often non-sensical.

Wendy: What is nonsense?

Lynne: Hmm, well, its something that does not make sense. Like babies when they babble - that's nonsense. Or little children telling jokes - that's nonsense.

The conversation moved on to the purpose of our shopping trip. Our washing machine continues not to work, and the landlord has finally given in and provided an allowance for me to buy a new machine. This after nearly 1 month of repairs, and culminating in 1 week without a working washing machine. In a house with 2 children under 3, 1 week without a washing machine is a crisis.

Wendy: Why have you gone so long without a washing machine?

Lynne: Because my landlord is cheap.

Wendy: Why will he not repair the machine?

Lynne: Well, that's really why we have gone so long. The landlord wanted to repair the machine, and tried to 3 times. He spent a lot of money on repairs, before he decided to spend the money on a new machine. He is being very cheap. It is very silly.

Wendy: Silly, like a child?

Lynne: Umm, kind of. When a child is silly, its funny - they're being creative and having fun. When you call an adult silly, its because they're making bad choices and acting like a child. It is not nice to call an adult silly.

When every phrase is a potential lesson in English, one must learn to choose the right words. This morning I became a bit more thoughtful in my word choice, and a bit more angry at my landlord. Who provided a budget far below what any machines cost. I am purchasing a washing machine and a dryer tomorrow at above the cost her promised, and will not accept any less than full reimbursement. I figure that if he will not raise his allowance for the machines, than he can pay me for my trouble. Going without a washing machine and dryer for nearly 2 weeks in total certainly goes against his agreement in our lease.

Wish me luck!

Juxtaposition

I've got to start carrying a camera. Because I have a feeling you're not going to believe me.

At stores in the states, you often see two items packaged together. A large bottle of shampoo will have a small bottle of conditioner taped to it, to induce you to sample and then buy the conditioner. This trend has taken root in China, allowing us free samples of all sorts of strange things. Best here's the best.

I honestly saw this on the shelf.

Taped together - toothpaste and rat poison.

I vote that the market director be immediately fired - especially in the midst of a scandal where poisonous chemicals have been purposefully added into dairy products. There is no way I am touching that toothpaste.

New Neighbors

Possibly the most exciting aspect of our new home is the larger community we now live in. Before, we lived in a primarily expatriate community with some Chinese families living there mainly for a prestigious address. This led to a few effects, including what I will call The Beverly Hillbilly effect. Chinese families chose to live in a Western complex and shop at Western stores... but they weren't Western, and often made fools of themselves. Chinese companies tried to run Western restaurants and housing, but with no personal knowledge and so often made fools of themselves. I'll admit, these Chinese people out of their element gave me a bad impression of most people in Shanghai. Finding primarily Chinese versions of Western food and culture left me with a bad impression of China.

Our new neighborhood is much more Chinese. In fact, Xujiahui is where the rich Chinese people live. Most of our neighbors are Chinese. Many of them speak English. The grocery stores cater to Chinese people with Western tastes, meaning that they offer each well. The restaurants are primarily Chinese food, in clean setting and moderate prices. The people can afford some leisure, making them likely to smile as you pass and move out of each other's way. After only a few weeks, I like China so much more.

In our new neighborhood, I can strike up conversations with Chinese people. We spent the evening at the playground tonight. L-- and S-- wanted to swing. When we arrived at the two swings, one hung empty and an adult sat in the other talking to her boyfriend. L-- ran to the empty swing, so I suggested S-- ask permission for the swing from the current rider. She approached the swing and said ke yi ma? Translation: may I? They must not have expected a little blonde girl to speak Mandarin, and so did not hear what she said. I replied to S-- in English that they were enjoying the swing, and that she must wait her turn. They responded in English - would she like to swing?

S-- climbed on the now vacated swing, and I asked them how to properly ask permission to ride. They told me I was right, which led into a conversation on where they learned English (he worked in Las Vegas for 3 months), whether I need much Mandarin (he said I'll forget it as soon as I leave, since my husband speaks my language, so there's no need to learn any more than is necessary to get by), and whether Dave's company employs any Chinese people (they do - he is in the minority as a Westerner). A Chinese woman is in my Bible study, although she married into a foreign passport or else her attendance would be illegal. Both of our neighbors seem to be Chinese, and so is our new ayi.

Here's to hoping that by the end of this year, I will have more positive impressions of China than negative. At this point, it seems quite likely.

Update on China's Milk Crisis

While I assume that many of my readers are learning about China's milk crisis on reliable international news, I still feel the need to share my updates. I just read on Yahoo News that the number of children affected by the tainted milk has jumped up to 53,000 infants. Nearly 80% of those affected by the scandal are children ages 2 and under.

This is our household.

We drink the milk, eat the ice-cream bars and chomp the M&Ms all being recalled in foreign countries.

One of the most appalling aspects of this crisis is that all recalled items remain on the shelf in Shanghai. Although Singapore and Hong Kong have released recall lists, and cleared all affected items from their shelves, I can still go to the buy and pick up melamine tainted milk if I so choose.

Worse - internationally recognized companies have failed to make a statement on the quality of their dairy products (with the exception of Starbucks - way to go!). So many days into the scandal, and a total lack of response from companies such as Coldstone Creamery and Dairy Queen, Haagen Dazs and The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf have remained suspiciously silent, while continuing to sell their products. When asked (by us, at a local store), an employee at Coldstone said that they ship all of their ingredients from the United States - including the milk. Upon reflection, I believe she lied. First, milk is not the key ingredient in the ice cream sold at Coldstone Creamery. Second, if Coldstone could ship milk or cream safely across the Pacific Ocean, others would do so as well. No one does - I can not buy American milk anywhere in China.

By comparison to the United States, it is only fair to point out that America has its share of food scandals. Tomatos apparently cleared the shelves this summer. The difference? The tomatoes this summer cleared the shelves. Once a problem was discovered, the FDA treated it as an emergency and reacted strongly to be rid of the problem entirely. Once the problem was discovered in China, the press was alerted and the average consumer was not otherwise affected. No shortage on milk has occurred, and no ice-cream stores have stopped their sales. Starbucks is the only company owning up to the possibility that they're affected - a possibility with much farther reaching impacts than just one company.

Feeling Impotent

Below is a link to an update on the milk crisis in China, from the Associated Press.
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iCL58EMBN1tqq6xujZlsaITAFpCQD939SMQ00

The story says that Bright Dairy in Shanghai is among the liquid milk providers found with melamine. People in Shanghai learned this today, about mid-morning. I dumped out two cartos of milk. Milk from Bright Dairy is the most trusted local brand in Shanghai. We drink it because our pediatrician recommended it. We and our girls have been drinking it for 1 year - exactly, as today is our anniversary of arrival.

None of us feels sick. So far, each of us pees with no pain.

But if we knew this earlier today, then the stores who stock this milk knew about this at least as soon. A walk to the grocery store this evening showed shelves stocked with milk from each dairy under investigation. The government has apparently not called for a complete recall of these products... and apparently people are still buying, because the dairy case was not fully loaded.

There are so many levels of mistrust in this situation, its mind blowing. People made a choice to insert a well-known poisonous chemical into milk. In China, milk is most commonly given to infants and young children. The melamine was originally discovered before the Olympics, and people made a choice to keep the story under wraps for at least 6 weeks. People are still making a choice to keep these products on their shelves, and allow people to consume what is hazardous material. Four babies have died. Over 6,000 children are sick. One-hundred fifty-eight newborns currently suffer from acute kidney failure as a result of these people's choices.

I feel entirely impotent. I can come up with nothing I could do to have any impact on this crisis, which goes appallingly un-crisis-ed by the Chinese government. I can't even get someone to fix my washing machine. How could I affect change on such a large and known problem?

An imported milk shortage is expected in Shanghai, so although we have ordered milk from a local dairy who has been certified organic by teams from the United States, we expect to eat a lot of imported yogurt, cheese and ice-cream for the next while. And I've donned my worrier hat. I'll admit, the hat doesn't fit me very well. I hate to wear it. But I've now grudgingly put it on, and wonder how much I ought to trust anything I receive here. Already, I don't buy or accept toys unless I am confident of their original source. Already, I wash our produce in bleach. Already, I drink only bottled water. And now, I must import all of my dairy products? What else? Should I import all of my meat as well? If so many industries can not be safely regulated, I suppose I probaby ought to.

China's Milk Crisis Hits Home

So far, as expatriates we've lived a life rather hidden from China's crisis'. We only buy our meat at fancy places and we imported all of our formula.

But we all drink the milk.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2008-09-18-china-liquid_N.htm

USA Today doesn't want me to reproduce the story so please read the link above, but the line making this story persoally relevant is the following:

"A report posted on the agency's website said test results show nearly 10% of samples taken from Mengniu Dairy Group Co. and Yili Industrial Group Co. — China's two largest dairy companies — contained up to 8.4 milligrams of melamine per kilogram. Milk from Shanghai-based Bright Dairy also shows melamine contamination."

Milk from Shanghai-based Bright Dairy currently sits on our shelf in two cartons - one for L-- and one for S--. They've been drinking this milk for nearly a year, and are as susceptible to the milk scare as any other child in China.

Melamine is related to cyanide and used in fertilizer. The melamine tainted milk has "been blamed in the deaths of four babies. More than 6,200 others have been sickened. Some 1,300 babies, mostly newborns, remain hospitalized, with 158 suffering from acute kidney failure."

Assuming It Ends Well

All's well that ends well, and I now feel fairly confident that our housing issues will end well. Our landlord visited this morning, surrounded by two of his agents and two of my agents. The cortege seemed rather ridiculous almost immediately, because our landlord is in fact a very nice man fully set both on keeping his tenants happy and on maintaining his property. He was disappointed in the paint job on the balcony, and will have it repainted within a few days. He apologized for the situation with the washing machine, and will meet a repairman himself within the next few days. If a problem remains at that point, he will go to the store himself and buy a replacement. A plan has been made for every remaining repair, and I feel quite hopeful that they will happen within the next week.

By the time our next guests arrive, our home should be fully functioning.

The last two nights were the first we spent in our new home without guests down the hall. Although it feels a bit lonely, it is also nice to feel fully moved in and in our home. An ayi starts tomorrow, so the helpers washing dishes and watching S-- will be quickly replaced.

I have found a Bible study nearby with a few women from my complex whose children are the same age as S--, and who I seem to have quite a bit in common with. I have clicked with a few women from L--'s school, and have plans to meet a family at the park with S-- next week. I still get together with my friends from Pudong regularly. With the solution of my housing problems and the hiring of an ayi, I think my life will quickly revert to simple and happy.

On-Going Saga

In the last posting, I described my frustration at dealing with the repairman for our washing machine and his rather defunct translator. The pair stood gathered on our laundry balcony for most of the afternoon, and so many parts of the conversation I left un-imparted. Although it may have been implied, I left unsaid my belief that this repairman - the man from the factory - had no idea how to run our washer.

His explanations for how the washer worked bordered on ludicrous at times, causing me to doubt his knowledge. It is customary in China never to say I don't know. If someone asks you a question, you answer. Whether or not you know the correct answer has little bearing - to admit you did not know would lead to great loss of face. At one point, in as calm a voice as possible, I asked my translator if she believed that he knew how to operate the machine. She misinterpreted my question a few times, and so eventually I placed my hand on her arm, looked her straight in the eye, and said.

Please tell me. Does he know how to run this machine? Because I do not believe he knows how to run this machine.

She grinned slightly. I knew she understood my question.

And after a pause, she expressed her confidence in his knowledge. She went on to explain that the numbers on the machine were not temperature, as I had imagined. They were in fact time.

If you want to lie to save your reputation, I suggest lying in a fashion which won't immediately be discovered. The first time I operated the machine I noticed that the run time did not match the number I had chosen. Either the man explained incorrectly, or he did not fix the problem. Either way, he has not gained any of my respect.

The fixing of the house is not getting any smoother, and unfortunately my nerves are wearing thin. Our toilet overflowed this morning, and we went 3 hours, 3 phone calls and 4 knocks on the door before someone arrived with a plunger. He fixed the problem in under 3 minutes - after over 3 hours of process.

The balcony was repainted last week. The painter decided to forego scraping off the old, chipping paint and simply covered with new paint. Bad idea #1. Bad idea #2: he made no effort to keep clean, not only leaving dirt and chips of old paint on the floor but also leavinga nice splatter-paint pattern on the tile of the balcony, becoming clearly denser at it nears the painted railing. Bad idea #3: and this is my personal favorite. They painted the wrong color. The buildings in our complex are a depressing grey color with teal and bronze trim. The effect is no more beautiful than it sounds. But at least the complex looked uniform - until our agent decided to paint our balcony silver.

At least they'll have no trouble spotting us.

Laundry Post-Script

After 4 straight hours of up to 3 people working on our washer-dryer combo machine, the repairman pronounced it fixed. At this point, we had one repairman and one translator in our home. This must have been the worst translator I have ever encountered - so inept that she was laughable. This woman tried to guess my question, rarely allowing me to finish my sentence before she answered. She listened to 5 minutes worth of talk from the repairman before attempting to translate for me, and then only giving me a few sentences.

When he had finished work, I had the workman through the translator to explain to me how the machine works. The complete breakdown had come as no surprise to me - the machine never seemed to function normally. The same setting would run 45 minutes on one day, and 5 hours on the next day. Clearly something was wrong, so I asked for directions.

Step 1 (the translator explained): Turn on the power.
Step 2: Press the start button.

Its really quite simple, she explained.

Her simple explanation had ignored about 5 buttons and a rather complex knob, some notches marked only in Chinese. I began to ask specific questions.

Lynne: How do I set the washer to cold water or hot water?

Laundry Team: You can not. It is all the same temperature.

Lynne: Well now, I find that hard to believe. I have never used a washing machine which does not allow you to change the temperature.

Laundry Team: Yes, it is all the same temperature.

Lynne: How do I set the washer to cold or hot water?

Laundry Team: It is all the same temperature.

(repeat this cycle a few times, and then proceed)

Lynne: What temperature is the water? Is it hot or cold?

Laundry Team: It is warm. It is all warm.

Lynne: That is a problem. Some of my clothes need cold water only - not warm. That is a problem.

Laundry Team: Oh, no problem. Just tell the machine what clothes you have, and it will wash them correctly.

Lynne: Oh, I do not understand.

Laundry Team: Look, (points to the knob with various laundry settings) just set at Synthetic. Then it will wash them correctly.

Lynne: You mean, these settings are all different temperatures?

Laundry Team: (Looks at me quizzically.)

Lynne: Which of these settings is cold water, and which is hot water?

Laundry Team: I do not know.

Lynne: Can you ask the engineer?

Laundry Team: He does not know.

Lynne: (exasperated, and nearly yelling) Who is he? Isn't he the engineer from the factory? If he doesn't know, who does?

This little bout of yelling didn't help anyone.

Lynne: (after taking a deep breathe) How do I know which setting to wash my clothes?

Laundry Team: This says "Synthetic" so you use it to wash that. (Clearly, she does not know the definition of the word Synthetic.)

Lynne: But I need to know if it is hot or cold.

Laundry Team: Oh no, you do not need to know. The washing machine will know. It will receive the clothes, and it will know.

I marvelled at her faith for a moment, and then changed the subject.

Lynne: Where do I put the soap?

Laundry Team: In this drawer, right here.

Lynne: There are 3 drawers for soap - which one do I use?

Laundry Team: They are all the same. You can use any of them.

Lynne: Hmm, that doesn't make sense. Which one is for bleach?

Laundry Team: The one in the center.

Lynne: And the other two?

Laundry Team: They are for soap. They are the same. You can use either one.

Lynne: So, why are there two?

Laundry Team: Yes, there are two.

Lynne: Right. So, why are there two?

Laundry Team: Yes, the two are the same.

Lynne: Right. So, why are there two?

Laundry Team: Yes, it is up to you.

Lynne: (grabbing her arm to force her full attention) WHY - do you understand? WHY are there TWO - do you understand TWO? WHY are there TWO?

Laundry Team: (puzzled that I would even ask) I do not know. They are both the same.

Exasperated, I give up. A few moments later, the Laundry Team reopens that drawer in a new explanation of the washing process. They say that more water fills the drawer on the left, and that it will work much better.

At one point in this conversation, I stormed off yelling. The advantage of working with people who don't speak your language is that you feel no guilt when you tell them off. They can not understand what you are saying. This new habit of mine will not serve me well when I return to life in an English speaking nation.

The washing machine does seem to work, although not at all as the Laundry Team explained it last night.

This Old House

I grew up in a middle class, Midwestern family. My parents owned every home I lived in, and they solved all of their own problems. We painted our houses ourselves - inside and out. We fixed cracks in the wall, replaced doors with windows, installed ceiling fans. As I grew up, it seemed to me that anything a house needs can be done by its owner.

When Dave and I bought our own house, I learned that some tasks are more difficult than my parents made it seem. We struggled with replacing drywall and building retaining walls. We asked my parents for help.

When L-- was born, we began a new project. Together with my parents - the home project king and queen - we purchased an 100 year old house and took on a full renovation. In this project, I had confirmed my earlier assumptions. Very few problems in a house require a specific skill. Most problems require a bit of research and patience, the willingness to learn and to try again.

Then we moved back into the world of renting. And renting in China, where quality is not assumed in anything and labor is cheap.

We have faced many problems that I know how to fix myself, and I often end up offering instruction to the workers. In the new home, many small problems have arisen which I know how to fix. Unfortunately, I don't seem to know how to communicate them.

The drains in our bathtubs ran quite slowly. That is, a few hours to empty a bath, an hour to empty a quick shower. It was not only difficult to keep our bathroom clean with this problem, but also difficult to manage multiple showers in the morning.

I explained the problem to our agent. He seemed unconcerned.

I explained the problem to our landlord's agent. He seemed unconcerned.

I explained the problem to the workmen sent to our apartment. I explained through a translator that the drain worked too slowly. He ran water in the tub, and then listened. You hear that noise? he said. That's the sound of water draining. Everything is working okay.

He was serious.

I tried to explain the problem again. He became quite animated. Through my near fluency in charades, I gather he said that For a problem as large as that, we would have to take the entire tub apart. I can't reach the drain unless I lift out the bathtub. And can you see here? This bathtub is attached to the wall. Plus, it is quite heavy. If she wants this done, she will have to speak to her landlord about it. This is a very big job. The last lines were what my translator shared.

So, by the end of the week, our bathtub had standing water. We called the midnight maintenance number, and they sent a worker. He unscrewed the drain, cleaned out an amazing amount of hair, and now everything runs smoothly.

Even better is the problem with the washer. We have not yet figured out the washer. Seemingly set on the same cycle, it will run for possibly 30 minutes and possibly 8 hours. Finally, on Friday afternoon it decided that we had been messing with it long enough. It locked us out. We can not open the door.

I called our agent. He was out of town - returning Sunday.

I called the maintenance number. They had no idea how to fix it, and left with sympathetic smiles on their faces.

I waited until Sunday, for our agent. He never showed.

I waited until Monday, for our landlord. He never showed.

I made a number of rather angry phone calls this morning (very rarely productive in China) and now people have been working on my washer since 2:15. For over 2 hours. He believes he can fix the machine. It is currently in many pieces, all over the balcony floor.

I fear that if they fix the machine, it will work no better than before. I suggested simply purchasing a new one. The woman (I have no idea who she is, but she speaks minimal English) seemed surprised at the thought. Just because it hasn't worked for 4 days? Just because it is a bit difficult? Just because the first 2 maintenance people could not repair it? That is enough to give up? Labor costs run low in China. In the U.S., labor costs on an appliance run over $100 an hour. A new washer runs around $500. In U.S. labor time, we've already easily surpassed the cost of a new machine - this one's totalled. Unfortunately, it may be days before we reach that point here.

Seeing Stars

I saw blue sky this afternoon, a phenomenon which has happened infrequently but rather magically this summer. The sun set this evening on a beautiful blue sky dotted with fluffy white clouds. It made me sigh.

This evening, the girls and I enjoyed the playground after dark. As we walked back to our building, I looked up and saw a star in the sky. I paused - could it really be? I looked up again, and counted more stars. The girls and I lay down on the concrete ground, and I showed them the 7 stars in the sky tonight.

It wasn't exactly summer camp, but it sure felt nice.

The Haircut

You know you've had a bad haircut when...

...you wait 3 months to allow your hair to grow enough for someone really good to fix it, and that someone finishes your haircut saying, That's the best I can do right now.

Third Birthday

L-- celebrated her first birthday surrounded by her family. Nearly every one of her aunts and uncles, and both sets of grandparents watched her blow out the candle on her first cupcake. This is how it should be.

S-- celebrated her first birthday in Shanghai, in our new home, before we really had friends. We invited a family to dinner. These are people we liked. Friends. But they didn't know S-- well enough to make her the center of attention. S-- sat at an adult dinner party on her first birthday.

Because of S--'s sad fate, and because it would be fun, L-- had a lovely birthday week.

It began on Thursday, her true birthday. Her teachers helped her to bake a cake, and L-- got to decorate it with a few friends in the morning. Everyone shared the cake and then had a dance party at the end of school. Although we thought it very sweet, we wondered how our rather shy 3-year-old would feel about being the center of attention. As everyone sang to her, she closed herself off. She focused on a small point in front of her and withdrew. When they asked her to blow out the candles, she tried very hard not to cry. And blessedly, Daddy was right behind her and saved the day. He offered to help, and got another little girl to help as well. Pretty soon, Daddy had the whole class helping to blow out the candles and no one else paid anymore attention to our little girl. Daddy as her hero, she danced every song of the dance party with him. Her teachers gave her a gift, which became her prized possession for the rest of the day.

It continued on Friday, with her family birthday. Dave had to work late on Thursday, having spent the day with the social worker. Nana had dropped L-- off at school in the morning on Thursday, anyway. It was no perfect birthday, so Friday became one. Daddy took her to school. Mommy picked her up. L-- planned dinner: macaroni and cheese, apples and cucumbers. Daddy brought home smoothies for the girls - an amazing surprise to both. We sang to her over another cake - baked by Daddy, frosted by Nana and decorated by Mommy. This time she smiled as we sang, but still asked for help with the candles. And then came the presents. And oh, the presents! Her family all sent cards or gifts, and we talked about each person as we opened their gift. We pulled out pictures and remembered how each member of our family loves her, and was thinking about her on her birthday. The girls stayed up too late, but had a lovely pile of presents.

Today capped off the birthday with a real birthday party. We returned to the BBQ grills above the sand playground at our old complex. We invited our closest friends - not coincidentally, the parents of L--'s closest friends - to a BBQ and playtime at the playground. A lovely party of 6 little girls, 1 big brother, and 2 little babies joined ten adults for burgers and potato salad, beer and birthday cake. By this time, L-- had birthday presents figured out and thoroughly enjoyed opening her presents - a task she graciously shared with the gifters.

This time, our friends knew L-- well enough to make her the center of attention, but also to make her feel comfortable. She looked visibly relaxed all evening - possibly the most relaxed she has felt for the past 2 weeks. She felt at home. She felt amongst friends. She felt loved and comfortable. And forget the gifts - what better present for a child? For anyone?

It should have been family surrounding her today. But these summer camp style friends, we all miss our family. We all want our child to be the center of attention on their birthday. And we all love each other's kids like our nieces and nephews. Now that they're not our neighbors, I hope that our kids'll still play like cousins - the kids you don't see all the time, but who've been around long enough that you're totally comfortable together.

We are blessed with good friends here.

And for the past 3 years, we have been blessed with an amazing little girl. School came at the right time, because L-- is no longer a baby. She makes her own friends, and she values their opinions over mine. She sleeps straight in her big girl bed - never with her butt up in the air, or her covers over her face. She helps fix her oatmeal in the morning, and fills her own water bottle. She counts, she identifies letters, she can spell her last name, and she tells the best stories. She is smart and sweet, active and playful, funny and loving. We enjoy her so much, and I get so much joy out of watching her grow.

Summer Camp

When I was a kid, I went to summer camp every year. For me, camp began in 5th grade with Western Riding camp. It was really just church camp where the 5th graders got to ride the horses more than the other kids. They even so generously allowed us to do some of the chores for the horses. The next year brought Adventure Camp. The same church camp, but this time we slept in teepees instead of caring for horses. Our poor counselors had quite a job. As I know now, the counselors at this small Methodist church camp in Kansas were just pastors and leaders from churches around the state. They were no experts in horses, cooking over an open fire, or living with teenagers. What's best is that they were all volunteers. These must have been truly amazing people.

All beside the point. I went to camp for years. By the time I reached high school, my camps had multiplied and filled many weeks of my summer. But every time without fail, the night before I left for camp I did not want to go. I felt convinced that I wouldn't make any friends.

I imagine my mother found this laughable, but she humored me generously (one of the many jobs of a mother, I suppose). She reminded me that I always made friends at camp, and not to worry. And although I usually embarked with a belly full of butterflies, I always made it.

At the end of the first day, I was wondering what I had gotten myself into. These are the people I'm supposed to be friends with? I don't think I'm going to have any fun. Those butterflies remained in my belly Monday night as I'd lay in my bunk watching the strange shadows of the dark cabin.

By the end of the week, I had made lifelong friends. I felt so sad that I lived far away from these dear friends of mine. We took group pictures, we exchanged addresses. We sang tearful songs at the talent show the on the last night. We hugged our good-byes. Some people cried. I mean, not everybody.

Summer camp friends were close. Within one week, you shared something new together. You leared a lot about them. You prayed together, and asked each other challenging questions. You could create yourself, because these people had no knowledge of your past.

Expat life is very much like summer camp.

We all live far away from home, with no existing support group. A horse stepped on my foot at horse camp - you would not believe how much that hurt. I mean, those guys are heavy. I cried. And everyone at horse camp saw me cry. Living in China can be really hard, and no one has their mom nearby or their best friend for help. You need friends fast - luckily, everyone else needs friends fast, too. They're happy to oblige.

The community is very welcoming. People are quick to offer help. And friendships become close quickly - especially those first real friendships. I'll stay in touch with the group of gals I got to know in the old neighborhood. But before the move here, I got that same pre-camp feeling in my gut. I don't think I'm going to make any friends in Puxi.

Mom was right. S-- and I already hold full dance cards for this week. I love this lifestyle.

At the same time, I must write the postscript. My mother left today, after 2 weeks. It was so hard to see her leave, and know that our family will not be together again for another 3 months. That's too long for two little girls, and it breaks my heart. A close friend in the states is struggling right now, and it makes us crazy that we can't be nearby to offer support.

Overall, I love this life. This has been a great year. But sometimes, I feel like choosing adventure over family and close friends may have been the wrong choice.

Home Study, day 2

Today felt both simple and exhausting.

Simple because I spent most of the day sitting and talking about myself. We met with our social worker for 4 hours this morning. We took a 2 hour break to celebrate L--'s birthday with cake and a dance party at school. Then I met with her alone for another 2 hours this afternoon. Dave spent the evening with her. She will return tomorrow for 1 more day.

Certainly it was a day of no rest, and I suppose that talking about heavy emotional topics with a stranger must be taxing. Still, I'm surprised by my exhaustion. Maybe the past 2 weeks is beginning to take its toll on me.

Certainly the pile of changes is taking its toll on L--. Separation at school becomes harder every day. I feel confident that she likes school very much. She never tells me that she would prefer not to go. She just wants me to go with her. I think that L-- feels uncomfortable with strangers, especially large groups. It can take quite a while to be welcomed into her inner circle. But she feels she can handle most things with a family member by her side. It is certainly time for her to learn that she doesn't need us next to her, but difficult for her all the same. Compounded by the guests, and made worse by the social worker's visit - Mommy didn't even take her to school this morning. Her allergies seem to have made a comback as well, adding exhaustion into the mix. The poor girl just needs a few days of normalcy and rest, and those don't seem on the tab for quite a while. Still, she shall recover and certainly as a better person.

Tomorrow is the last day of our home study. We fixed most of our paperwork, and now just wait for a few last items to show up. At that point, she will complete our home study and send it to an agency to be certified. This application will soon leave our hands, and follow a complex journey for months - possibly years. The expected wait for expatriates living in China has now risen from 12 months to 18 months. She prepares us that it could raise to 2 years by the time we submit. This seems surprising, but comes with good reason. I understand that bureaucracy works slowly in China, and this is bad reason. But apparently more Chinese people are adopting babies. This is the goal of every nation's adoption program - to place all homeless children in their native country. Chinese natives are given priority on adoption applications, as they should be. Expatriates living in China are next in line, on the theory that we have a stronger knowledge of China, her language and her customs and will be able to impart some of that to her children. Entirely foreign families are last in line - explaining the multiple year waits families in the states currently face. Our hope is that we will still be able to pick up Mei Mei (or possibly Di Di - we did say that we would accept a child of either gender) while we live in China.

Home Study, day 1

We met our social worker this evening. She spent two hours in our home, helping us to put together our paperwork this evening. The timing was crummy, as poor L-- feels as if she has been abandoned by her parents. Not only do I leave her crying at her school every morning, but this evening I left her crying at the playground after dinner. I'm sure that the move and the visitors has compounded the stress for the poor little girl, but she clearly feels abandoned by us. Its heartbreaking... and wonderfully comforting to leave her with her loving Nana. Our friend Amy is spending the week with us, and has been a wonderful help with the girls as well.

The visit with our social worker left us both uplifted and frustrated.

Uplifting because we like her, and we feel confident about the process to come and her ability to lead us through it.

Frustrated because most pieces of documentation we had already gathered for the dossier proved to be incorrect. We've just spent two hours at Dave's office, making minor changes and photocopies. Hopefully our paperwork will now be in compliance with the Chinese government.

The gathering process has been more difficult than it ought to be. Each document generated in the US must be authenticated by the state government and then by the Chinese Embassy. The Embassy has rejected my birth certificate at least twice so far, on strange grounds each time. And the documentation in China proves no simpler. Dave asked his assistant to gather our police background check for us - we've been advised that this should be done by someone fluent in Chinese. She called him from the post office - you do realize that if you adopt a Chinese baby, she won't be able to leave China? Dave explained that this is not the local police's decision. Seemingly questioning what we would do with the child in a year or two when we leave, she said So, you're sure you want to adopt a Chinese baby? Dave said he's sure.

Overall, the first evening was a success. We will go into tomorrow's day of interviews feeling not quite rested, and feeling guilty for sending L-- to school alone. But otherwise confident and even enjoying the process.

Adoption Update

We have heard from our social worker. Allow me to recap the situation up to now, before providing the update.

The U.S. adopted the Hague Adoption Convention on April 1, 2008. The Hague Convention sets a standard for international adoptions, and holds every signing country to this international standard. To date, nearly 75 other nations have signed this treaty. China is one of those nations.

The bottom line of the new convention is that the U.S. State Department is now under new regulations governing international adoption. In any organization, a whole new set of rules can slow everyone down for a while. This is certainly true within the U.S. government, and flows quickly down to all of the adoption agencies and providers. It seems that no one fully understands every rule and regulation.

One regulation that the state department seems to understand quite clearly is the one that flumoxes our original plan. Our social worker here in China has been facilitating expatriate adoptions of Chinese children for years, having worked successfully with hundreds of families. As an individual, she conducts the family's homestudy and then helps them put together their dossier to the Chinese government. Her connections within both the state department and the Chinese government ensured that her clients could safely and smoothly work the system without needing to hire an agency. This saved her clients money, but also removed a few levels of bureaucracy for everyone involved.

But the state department, through its adoption of the Hague Convention, now requires every social worker to work in conjunction with an agency located within the United States. On this point, they are both quite specific and apparently immobile. Our social worker tried admirably to make a change in the policy. She pulled her connections in the state department, the U.S. Embassy, and the Chinese government to amend the policy, but to no avail. It seems that the State Department has no interest in amending foreign policy for one person, even if that one person makes an exceptionally good point.

We feared that this result would spell the end of our adoption journey.

As it turns out, it does not. Our social worker is now busy making contacts with agencies in the U.S., willing to take on her clients for a minimal fee. Paying this fee and signing their contract will bring our adoption process into compliance with the Hague Convention. The only change made to our process will be an added layer of bureacracy, in that we must submit our paperwork to an agency, who will submit to the Chinese government for us.

Simple enough. We agreed to move ahead with our social worker. Our home study takes place Wednesday through Friday of this week.

For those unexperienced with the international adopt process, allow me to break it down into a few broad steps.

Step 1: The family makes the decision to adopt, and finds an agency and/or social worker to help.

Step 2: The family does quite a bit of background paperwork. Once compiled, this is know as the Dossier. This includes gathering background checks, financial statements, medical records and birth certificates. Everything must be authenticated by the Chinese government. Stateside, this means that all documents must be notarized, sealed by the secretary of state, and authenticated by the Chinese Embassy. In China, it simply means that each document must receive an official chop from the organization which created it.

Step 3: The Home Study. This is where a social worker interviews us in-depth, both as a couple and as individuals. She will determine whether we are suitable as potential parents of a Chinese baby. In our Home Study, this will be a 3-day process. On Wednesday night, she will help us put together our dossier, checking everything for suitability. On Thursday morning, she will talk to Dave and I as a couple. On Thursday afternoon, she will speak with each of us individually. Friday morning will be a training, to explain to us the intricacies and pitfalls of adopting a child from China.

Step 4: Completing the Dossier. With the Home Study finished, and the paperwork written up, we can finish compiling our dossier. At this point, the process includes applications to the U.S. government for permission to adopt a non-citizen.

Step 5: Once we have gathered all of the paperwork necessary for our Dossier, we will send it to our agency who will forward it to the Chinese government. Because we qualify for expedited processing as residents of China, it should be 12-18 months from our submittal until we receive Mei Mei.