Weekend in Guizhou - Saturday

We had a great itinerary - of that much I felt confident.  Having worked with many agents, and taken many short trips with children, I had some idea what type of schedule would fly for our family.  This agent had worked with us to create something my children could do.  And room for naps bodes well for a happy traveling family.

We arrived on Friday night after a simple 2.5 hour flight.  The lovely Vivian, our guide for the weekend, met us at the airport and directed us straight to the car.  Dressed for a chilly Shanghai evening, we began peeling off layers immediately as the late evening weather in Guizhou was humid and warm.  The van was comfortable, the driver was friendly, and so we entered Guiyang traffic for the 30 minute drive to the hotel.  We were settled in our spacious and clean room at the Royal Hotel by 11:00pm and each of us drifted quickly to sleep.

Saturday began with the hotel's buffet breakfast.  Guizhou province is a center for tourism, but very few Western tourists ever delve this deeply into rural China and so we were worried about the spread.  Even the most adventurous eater rarely feels up to something new over their breakfast.  Our worries were for naught, as each of us found plenty to enjoy at the breakfast buffet.  A full Chinese breakfast buffet, they served fresh noodles and dumplings, corn cakes and boiled eggs, loads of fresh fruit and plenty of cooked vegetables, and (of course) fried rice.  We feasted before entering the car for the first leg of our weekend road trip.

This evening we would be spending back at the same hotel, so our first road trip day would be more of a day trip.  The traffic in Guiyang made this the only error in our otherwise immaculately planned weekend.  Cars inched out of town, and our centrally located hotel now seemed like an unwise choice.  The drive to a small, local minority village should have taken 40-60 minutes and instead lasted closer to 2 hours.  However, with children's music CDs and bright eyes we took advantage of the time to study the passing scenery.

Hardly beautiful, Guiyang is the capital city of Guizhou province.  It is known as the mountain city because steep hills rise up all over the city, bringing welcome spots of green where buildings could no longer cling to the steep ground.  The trees notwithstanding, Guiyang is not a beautiful city.  Industrial, grey, dirty and less than modern, the city would have felt depressing had it not been for the bright rays of sunshine that cheerful spring day.  

With a population of 3.5 million people in a rather small area, buildings go straight up and life occurs on the street.  We passed simple shops without storefronts, selling industrial sized coils of wire, baskets holding live chickens, shining displays of shoes, and eventually plots of strawberries and decorative plants.

As the buildings diminished, the highway began to parallel a river winding along the hills.  At the edge of the road people sold baskets filled with bright red strawberries.  Behind the stands were fields with rows and rows of little red spots growing on the ground, the rows pointing straight to the winding river which hugged the sudden hills on the other side.  The further from the grey of the city, the more beautiful the scenery became.  Simple and agrarian, it felt peaceful next to the grime of Guiyang and Shanghai.

We arrived in Qingyan with two kids ready to run and two adults ready for something new.  

Dating back to the 1300s, this villae was originally built as preparation for war and has an intact city wall surrounding the village.  The stone buildings within the walls match the exterior, giving the town a unique grey stone feeling.  Although many people still live in the town, most seem to make their incomes off of selling gadgets and snacks on the main path.  Lanes made up of steps were lined with stalls selling trinkets and cheap toys, beautiful minority dolls, batiks and simple dresses, bone combs and loads of snacks.  We couldn't find anything sweeter than a gummy sweet potato for the girls, but we found a profusion of hot chilis.

Minorities dressed in rented costumes stood photographing themselves on the city wall.  And although most people had come to see these Chinese minorities, our girls became quick attractions as well.  The town felt overly touristed and crowded to us, and the girls were bored and intimidated by their celebrity status.

On the long ride back to town, we stopped at a noodle stand near our guide's university and ate beef noodles - one of the local specialties.  We each enjoyed slurping our noodles and Coke, and then piled back in the car with hopes for returning to the hotel for naps.

We returned to the hotel late.  After riding in the car for too long, the girls had no interest in sleeping.  Really, neither did Dave and I.  We rested for as long as we could, and then packed ourselves up for a walk around town.  One of Dave's co-workers had recommended a place for dinner, and since we had seen enough of Guiyang traffic we decided to walk.  The route we chose kept us off of the busy streets, instead walking down a food street which precious few cars and plenty of stands piled high with brightly colored fruits and vegetables, butcher stalls with meat

standing pre-cut in the open air, and gatherings of small wooden tables with propane tanks connected to large metal bowls dropped in the center for hot pot.

The "Snack Street" we had sought may have had its name lost in translation - maybe the name Jin Lusheng doesn't mean snack street at all, for that matter.  Hardly a street, this indoor space more resembled a Singaporean hawker center.  It was clean and bright, well organized and easy to follow.  No one spoke or posted in English.  In fact, we never saw another Caucasian family our entire stay in Guizhou.  Smooth brown wooden tables stood in clean lines filling the space in the middle.  Each table had chopsticks, salt and 3 types of chilis in the condiment tray.  We had a ball, sampling our old favorites like steamed buns, fried dumplings and freshly pressed watermelon juice.  A co-worker of Dave's hails from Guiyang and recommended the restaurant and his favorite local snack - chang wang noodles.  The noodles compared to ramen and the sauce was oily and full of chillis.  It had a tasty flavor, but the oil was too much for me.  I enjoyed the simpler fried rice full of fresh chilis.  Those Guizhou chili have a great flavor - and now I'm wishing I'd stocked up to bring some home!

On our walk home, we choose a different route.  This time we stuck to the major roads, finding them covered with food as well.  These stands held formica tables in bright orange and white, simple bulbs hanging from the metal awnings above.  The food displayed directly to the street, pushing pedestrians into traffic as the sidewalk was covered with tables and display cases.  The stands kept our interest, as people grilled and boiled beautiful arrays of bright vegetables, fish coated in chili sauce, and lovely piles of meat, chicken and beef.  The aromas of each items hitting the grill filled our noses and made us begin to regret our choice for dinner.  

That is, until we realized what the 4th meat was.

Many stands would display a long tail as one of their delicacies, right next to a pile of leg bones.  They say that people in south China will eat anything with four legs except the table, and we did not see many stray dogs in town.  Once we realized we were studying dog carcasses, we sped quickly home, having lost our appetites entirely.

Guest Blog: At least there were no feet

One of my last nights alone in Shanghai this past January, a few coworkers called with an offer I couldn't refuse.  They asked me to join them for a snake dinner.  Since snake remained absent from my list of Chinese treats tried, I naturally agreed.  This time I brought along a camera to photographically document this epicuniary adventure.

Before we even ordered, I asked if I could see the unlucky fellows who would be my dinner. The staff complied happily: they uncovered a pile of crates, slid one out, and there they were, slithering around in a big pile. I have no idea what kind of snakes they are, but my guess is that they weren't poisonous.  The poisonous ones are much more expensive.

Just look at those tasty morsels, slithering around in a big crate.

To add to the sense of adventure, we decided to throw a turtle into the pot.

The Pot: We ate our snake hot pot style.  Much like fondu, hot pot is where a boiling pot of stew sits on the table in front of you.  You cook your food for a few minutes, and then eat it freshly boiled.

Slices of snake, fit to be cooked.

Javin maneuvering his snake bite.

At a hot pot meal, after you've boiled your food you dip it in one of many sauces.  Anything would taste good with the right sauce!

Dave takes his first bite.

Getting Better

The family illness ran quickly through L--, barreled through me, and knocked Dave down as well.  We were all confined to bed on Tuesday, and by Wednesday everyone was up and going again.  My energy has crept back only slowly, as the mother falls to caretaking when the whole family lies sick.  Luckily for S--, this bag flew straight past her and she felt fine all week.

Well, she felt fine physically.  Emotionally, she struggled last week.

Spring Break

I enjoyed school as a kid, but I reveled in school breaks.  No one having any call on my time, the chance to play for hours on end, endless free time with my mom and my brother.  Ah, the halcyon days of school breaks.  In the days before part-time jobs and huge term papers took over my spare time, a school break meant a few days of unscheduled freedom.  This year, I anticipated L--'s Spring Break eagerly.  We would schedule playdates with no naptime constraints.  We would paint, and create artwork.  We would picnic at the park.  We would enjoy our leisure time together.

Leisure Day #1 (Monday) - L-- was out sick

Leisure Day #2 (Tuesday) - L--, Lynne and Dave were out sick

Leisure Day #3 (Wednesday) - With the likely prospect of S-- falling ill, and a house still full of clearly contagious germs, we canceled our plans.  This after we had canceled the driver.  On a dreary day with two healthy, stir-crazy children we fell quarantined to our home

Leisure Day #4 (Thursday) - Playdate was canceled - the other little girl was sick.  Excitement still rode high this day, as S-- had the joy of bringing her big sister along to music class.  Ready to go right on time, our S-- had a proud moment of peeing all over her clothes as we stood on the threshold of our front door.  After a shower and new clothes, shoes and coat, we made it to music class with only half of the time remaining.

Leisure Day #5 (Friday) - Playdate was canceled - this other little girl was sick, too.  It seems that plenty of little bugs made their way around the bellies of Shanghai's children last week.  We rescheduled with another friend (good news!) and ended up with a big crew of kids.  Definitely fun, but not the intimate friendly gathering we all needed.

L-- has grown accustomed to time with friends, and mental stimulation throughout the day.  By Friday, she was bored of us.  S-- has grown accustomed to time with just Mommy, and mornings without the burden of sharing her toys.  By Friday, she was grumpy and clingy.  They bickered.  They snatched.  They pushed and kicked.  My sweet little girls became nasty little things by the end of the week, and I was ready to pull my hair out.

I hold a firm rule in Shanghai.  It is important that I talk to someone every day.  In a world without neighbors, without family, and without long-term relationships, those simple interactions make all the difference.  I found early on that a day without talking to someone would be a bad day.  I barely managed to talk to anyone all week.  Friday I lost my phone, and by the end of the day I was broken.

To make matters worse, Dave spent Friday evening out with co-workers.  At the end of such a day, such a week, I was simply unable to comprehend his basic desire for companionship and a rest from the weariness of social responsibilities.  We fought, and I went to bed more miserable than before.

Spirits have brightened considerably for all of us.  A weekend with Daddy, followed by a sunny day back at school brought us closer to our normal selves.  But tempers still flared this afternoon as exhaustion crept back in.

A week like this brings out my depressive side, questioning my skill as a mother at my inability to handle simple toddler temper tantrums.  But each of our ability to rebound with a return to normalcy and the sun shining brightly brings back my faith in each individual in our family.

Unfortunately, the stress of the past week leaves me nervous about this summer.  I have yet to find a friend staying for the summer who lives within a 30 minute drive of our home.  If 1 week without friends drove each of us batty, I can only imagine 2 months.  We may not all survive!

The Virus

It hit L-- first.

Minutes after we awoke in our poorly ventilated, badly cleaned hotel room at the Grand Waterfall Hotel in Anshun, Guizhou province, China, poor L-- peuked all over the bed.  Thank goodness for hotel maids!  She proceeded to lose the rest of the contents of her stomach over the next few hours, some into the hotel bathroom and sometimes into a bucket as we drove from Anshun back to the airport in Guiyang.  The sweet girl proved to be a real trooper, never complaining and diligently drinking a few sips of water every 10-20 minutes.  She slept most of the day, feeling only slightly recovered by bedtime in her own room.

About 1 hour after putting her to bed, it hit me.  My stomach began hurting strongly, such that I needed to lie down curled up in a ball.  My sweet husband fixed the bed and covers, brought me water, and read to me until I began to fall asleep amid the pains in my belly.  I awoke many times overnight for quick trips to the bathroom, culminating in a horrible mess around 3am.  After which, I felt much better - sometimes a good peuk is the best thing.  I fell solidly asleep until awoken by L-- at 7am.

To act as caretaker, Dave skipped work and took the girls to the doctor in the morning.  This bought me about 2 hours of quiet, where I slept fitfully as the phone kept ringing.  Still, when they returned home I felt able to get out of bed.

That's when it hit Dave.  Slower, but still hard.  He went straight to bed, and has only left a few times since.  I haven't heard any peuking, but I know he hasn't eaten anything all day.  We're hoping that he'll have a minor case of it, feeling better in the morning.

Now I just sit on pins and needles, waiting to hear S-- begin retching in the night.  L-- is on strict instructions if she hears any strange noises from her sister's bed.  Luckily, she has shown no sign of impending sickness.  Still, this could be a long night.

L.I.D.

When we arrived back home this afternoon, the following email lie waiting in our inbox.

Hi,

Just letting you know we rec'd notification of your Log In at CCAA.

Your LID is 3.3.2009.

Congratulations.

You are officially a "waiting family".

Please make a note of your paperwork expiration dates and check in with questions along the wait.  You should be receiving our monthly update - so look for that as well!

Take care,

CAWLI

If the DTC was the positive pregnancy test, this is that first visit to the doctor.  The OB has done an ultrasound and shown the evidence.  There's definitely a baby waiting for our family.

We expect this "pregnancy" to last another 20-24 months, so Mei Mei has yet to be conceived.  Over the next few months we'll have to annually update our family physicals and our national background checks - both from the US government and from the Shanghai local government.  We'll have to update our home study whenever we move.  We've got plenty of paperwork ahead of us, beginning in August when the first item expires.  Still, Mei Mei is a more real member of our family now than ever before.

A Bit of Certainty

After the last month or so of various bits of uncertainty, life is slowly beginning to come together.

Dave had a meeting with his boss yesterday, who formally asked him to renew his contract.  Uncle H-- will not be moving us to Hong Kong in October or shipping us to the states over the summer.  We had speculated both options, and are quite happy with what has been presented.

The school situation is still in limbo.  I toured two schools in the French Concession, a neighborhood not far from our home.  In fact, this neighborhood is certainly closer to our home than L--'s current school.  I first toured The Nest, a brand new school teaching the Reggio Emilia approach.  This same approach structures the days at the Wonder Center, and we love it.  However, I did not love the school.  A few plastic play structures made up the play room, a handful of white pieces of paper with finger paints made up the art room, and dirty steps and dingy dining rooms completed the facility.  None of the teachers had training or experience with Reggio Emilia and none of the classrooms were mixed-age.  The director of the school seemed quite committed to the Reggio Emilia approach and may well be a wonderful teacher.  Unfortunately, she has not proven herself to be a good director.

I walked out of The Nest feeling wildly discouraged, as if nothing could possibly live up to The Wonder Center.  Then I went into Tiny Tots.  And although it is no Wonder Center, I think it will be fine.  I walked in the door, after having left The Nest, and my first thought was These people clearly know what they're doing.  The rooms were bright, clean and cheerful.  The entire space was quite inviting.  The staff were friendly and the children smiled at me.  The school does not have mixed-age classrooms, which disappoints me.  But when asked about their classroom structure, the tour guide had a sufficient answer.  She explained that their class sizes are quite small - with a 4:1 teacher:student ratio.  This way, children can progress together with children at their own stage but teachers can tailor projects and assignments specifically to the needs and gifts of each child.  They do offer a half-day program - and this program brings them home a full hour earlier than the Wonder Center, which would be lovely.  And although their day is quite structured, their learning is all based in play.  The children all seemed to be quite comfortable and having a truly lovely time.  I think that my children will do fine there.

As I became at peace with this option, I learned that the The Wonder Center may be able to keep their doors open after all.  Cancellation of her lease had caused the director to close the doors this summer.  But the complex which holds the lease had promised a preschool on their grounds to a number of new residents - each of whom now threatens to leave if the preschool disappears.  In a bit of a panic, the chastened landlords have asked the director to stay and she must decide whether or not to trust them.  In short, we still don't know whether or not The Wonder Center will remain in Hongqiao.

Add to that the uncertainty of most of our friends.  Many contracts have been shortened with the fallen economy, sending many people home permanently this summer.  Friends applying to the Foreign Service have months to wait before learning whether or not they will be accepted, and then asked to make multiple short-term moves over an undefined period of time.  And I am quickly learning that none of our friends plan to stay in Shanghai over the summer.

And in the midst of this uncertainty, I am learning to relax.  About a complaint, I received a text this afternoon saying Dont worry love!  It is out of our hands.  I may have the message framed and hung on my wall.    I have moved to where I am not worried about the school, I am not worried about any potential moves, and I am not worried about money.  I am a bit worried about our house - it went back on the market at the beginning of March, but has only seem a few showings.  Word around the neighborhood is that we are wildly overpriced.

Don't worry, love.  It is out of our hands.

A Few Apologies

Apologies for being such a tardy poster.  A few excuses, to get you into my head just a bit.

1: I acquired a new computer in January, but have yet to acquire all of my software.  We have a few posts written and waiting for publication.  But those posts have photos attached to them, which we can not shrink with our current software.  As soon as that package from Adobe arrives, those stories will come flying.

2: We've been rather focused on supporting our friend Doug in his application to the Foreign Service.  This is potentially a major change for him and his family, both his wife and his girls.  Her emotions vary wildly on the issue - it seems to have been a real rollercoaster ride for her so far, with the most challenging part being the simple unknowns.  Here are a few odds, for those interested.  Of the people who take the Foreign Service Officer Test, only 10% pass and are asked to sit for the Oral Examination (or Interview).  Of those who sit for the Oral Examination, only 20% pass and are asked to go through Security Clearance.  As its possible that his employers read this blog, I'll keep quiet on his identity and the further feelings of his spouse and kids.  Too bad - cause that's a pretty interesting story!

3: Quite simply, life falls more into a normal routine the longer we live here.  L-- spends 5 mornings a week in school, and a few afternoons in playdates with some of her very sweet classmates.  S-- spends 1 morning every week with Wendy while I spend some time as an adult.  Lately, I've been focusing on building my skills as a photographer.  As soon as my software arrives, I'll show off a bit.  As with most of the rest of the world, we're in money-saving mode and so there's less eating out or traveling and more baking cookies and playing at the park.  However, we do have travel planned for this weekend - and L-- has school off next week.  Maybe we can dig up some excitement to post by then!

Chinese Conversations

In my day to day life, I have very few meaningful interactions with Chinese people.  Certainly I pass them in the street and stand next to them in lines, but I rarely have a conversation.  The exception to this rule is our driver, Mr. Zhang, and our ayi, Wendy.  I spend time with each of these people on a daily basis.  And I had interesting conversations with both of them over the last few days.

Mr. Zhang speaks impressive English.  He makes no claims at fluency, but he understands many words that surprise me - words like "music" and "party."  Likewise, I speak very little Mandarin, but I often understand the words that he uses with me.  His car has a CD player and yesterday I had popped The Muppets in for the girls to listen to the music.  I noticed right away that the CD ought to play in stereo, and we could only hear half of each conversation.  In a quick effort to change the Balance of the stereo, I leaned into the front seat.  From this point on, Mr. Zhang and I carried on a conversation in two separate languages.  We each spoke our native languages, picking certain terms from the other's language to be clear at times, but primarily communicating through simple words and tone of voice.  He explained to me that the right speakers don't work, and I explained to him what the Balance and Fade functions on the stereo mean.

By contrast, Wendy speaks quite good English.  I would compare conversations with Wendy to a conversation with a 5 year old.  Wendy is fluent in English, but she speaks with a limited vocabulary.  Over lunch today, she told me many stories from her family and I shared some stories from our family.  Sharing such stories with simple vocabulary can be challenging, but learning her stories and seeing her reaction to mine is amazing.

Wendy lives with her husband's family, as is common in China.  I learned today that her husband's sister (Wendy's sister-in-law) lives in Xinjiang.  Xinjiang is the furthest place in China from Shanghai.  In fact, Urumqi (the capital in Xinjiang) is the city further from an ocean than any other city in the world.  It is a 6-7 hour flight from Shanghai to Urumqi in Xinjiang.  I asked why his sister lives so far away, and she explained that his family was forced to migrate to a village in Xinjiang under Mao Zetong.  Mao ran many destructive programs, one of which sent educated people and their as yet uneducated children to live in the countryside and learn the life of peasants.  While these educated people worked on farms, universities doors were closed and hospitals and government offices were run by peasants.  The country spiraled quickly into an amazing chaos, furthered dramatically by other such destructive programs.  Wendy's in-laws worked in a river, standing in rushing cold water most days - and now her mother-in-law can not wring dry a towel or go for a walk.  She lives in pain, having spent years doing tasks with no real purpose.

Wendy's sister-in-law married a man from Xinjiang, and so was unable to return to Shanghai with her family.  She had a baby in Xinjiang, and she noticed early that the baby was jaundiced with yellow skin.  She took her baby to the local doctor, who told her that yellow skin is quite normal in babies and sent her home.  Two months later, she took the baby to the hospital.  The yellow skin had not gone away and the baby was sick.  The hospital told her that her baby would die - it was too sick to be helped.  The baby remained in the hospital for 20 days and died at 3 months old.  I can not imagine that babies die from jaundice in Western hospitals, and the story shocked me.

I told Wendy that we are adopting a child from China.  She did not understand for quite some time, and then seemed surprised.  She knew orphanages as places that feed and clothe babies whose parents do not want them or can not care for them.  She had no idea that Western families adopt babies from China;  and further, she was quite surprised that we would want to.  She ask why, and explained that a Chinese family would not adopt a child.  After I told her that many American families would not adopt a child either, she seemed less surprised.  Then she looked around our apartment for a moment, and said "This child will be very lucky."  

I gave the standard line, "I know we will be very lucky to have her in our home."

She nodded, hearing only a line.  She asked why we would wait 2 years for the baby, and I explained the waiting list - that there are more families who want babies than babies.  She smiled and said, "All these babies in the orphanages will be very lucky."

Although in this country I am rich, in my own country I am middle-class.  Wendy is middle-class in her country, and in that sense I had always felt something in common with her.  But her comment surprised me - my life is really so different that a child would be lucky to be raised by me rather than her own parents?  Maybe so.

I explained that babies must live in these institutions for many months, and that even the best institution is no replacement for a parent's love.  I explained that many babies do not survive to be placed in their new home.  I would hate to have explained Western adoption as a wonderful option. 

Although for our family, it certainly will be wonderful.

Fifteen Minutes of Local Fame

I've been published!

Its a minor publication, I know, to an extremely niche market.  But Shanghai Family Magazine is widely read among the expat family population in Shanghai.  Stories on family travel, where to shop, and how to stay healthy interest most of the parents who have relocated to this city.  And with a story among its pages, I'm realizing just how popular the magazine really is.  And this attention loving woman is really enjoying having people approach me with praise on seeing my name in print.

Is this going to my head?  Absolutely!

Interestingly, although I feel much more confident in my writing ability, the magazine seems more interested in me as a photographer and actually has me shooting for other stories in the April and May issues.  If they'd pay me, I could use this to justify the purchase of a new camera!

Back on the Market

We put our house back on the market today.

We put it on the market in September, a few short days before the market collapsed and the worldwide economy began to fall.  We took it off at the end of December, after a scant 4 showings to an even more pitiful 2 different people.  It sat empty, lonely and bored for the past 2 months and now appears fresh (and cheaper) on St. Louis' listing service.

We put our house back on the market today, and I've got that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Such a wonderful house should not be so difficult to sell.

Watching for an Ark

It feels like rain has been falling forever.  A quick internet search reveals that, in fact, Shanghai has broken a 136-year-old record for continuous rainfall.  It rained 20 days in a row - broke on Tuesday and Wednesday - and has picked up again today.  And this is no spring shower disturbing an otherwise glorious day.  No, no.  This is continuous rain in 40 degree dampness with nothing but dark grey sky overhead.  Friends are planning their trips to the beach in desperate attempts to escape the grey, and local mental health centers have seen a 20% climb in reported rates of depression.

And what with the unknown of L--'s school, the pending renewal of Dave's contract, and the general uncertainty of expatriate life, I'm beginning to look for a bridge to jump off of.

Because I know my readership, I will explain that I say that with some exaggeration.  I'm actually rather enjoying my life right now, just becoming really bored with the quite limited options available.  Hang out inside L--'s school, hang out inside our home, go to the grocery store again, hang out at the mall.  That about does it for us.  We're scheduling lots of playdates - great because it gets us out of the house and raises our spirits - a surefire cure for those rainy day blues.

FSOT Update

For those of you interested in our friend Doug's trek toward the Foreign Service, he just learned that he passed the test.

Big news for their family, and a nice boost to his self-confidence.

He now writes three personal essays, submitted in just under 2 weeks.  And the bureaucratic process moves on from there.

Disaster, yes. Natural? maybe not.

Get a load of this!

After killing 80,000 people and leaving 5 million homeless, scientists now speculate that the Chengdu Earthquake of last year may well have been caused by a large dam built frighteningly close to a fault line and only a few miles from the epicenter.  

Check it out at Scientific American and The New York Times.

Upon first hearing the news, I assumed the dam they spoke of to be the Three Gorges Dam, ten times the hydroelectric size of the Hoover Dam and responsible for the displacement of over 1.4 million people.  It is not - but certainly raises fears in my mind of how much greater the natural fallout from this project could be.  Apparently, these damns are only two of many new, major hydroelectric dams in the earthquake prone southwest.

The Three Gorges Dam aside, the potential that the Chinese government could be partially responsible for such mass devastation is a weighty addition to the list of grievances Chinese people have toward the stewards of their society.

Constant Uncertainty

The worst part of expatriate life is the constant uncertainty - few of my friends have any idea how long they will be in Shanghai or where they will go next.  Many people go through the same uncertainty we faced last summer - will we be moving to Singapore in 3 weeks or staying in Shanghai for another year?  People frequently receive under 1 month's lead time before moving out of town entirely.

Unfortunately, the lifestyle in Shanghai only compounds that uncertainty.  Leases change on a whim, shops and restaurants close as quickly as they opened, and friends leave with no more than a week's notice.

We have just received word that L--'s school will close its doors this summer.  No longer sending L-- there next year.  No longer sending S-- there next year.  And I begin the preschool search again - that same torture of searching for the perfect school and then moving around our life to make that school possible.

And this time, I dread it.  Because last year, I only found one perfect school.  We moved our home across town to send L-- to that one perfect school.  And boy, is it perfect.  We love the teachers and the setting, we love the philosophy on learning, we love the other kids and the other parents.  L-- and I have both made some wonderful friends.  So now I begin the search knowing that the perfect school isn't out there, instead seeking its far second.

Of course, the situation is not so dire this year.  L-- has gained tremendous social confidence through her time at The Wonder Center.  S-- already has plenty of social confidence, and is only beginning school this fall because she so desires to be surrounded by other people.  The girls will be fine.

But dang it.

These years we have faced such change and turmoil.  Changing houses fewer than every 12 months - and I have no love for this home, and so a new school may just mean a new home at the end of this lease.  We left behind our good friends across town with our last move.  This time, our good friends surround The Wonder Center.  A new school means leaving all of those friends behind.

I'll admit it.  When I received the news, I cried.