The Forest and the Trees

On Monday, I was formally offered the job that I didn't want.

On Tuesday, I chatted with HR about the possibility of my NGO dreams - not good.  Afterward, I chatted with the supervisor of the job I didn't want.  I left his office wanting the job.

On Wednesday, I felt unmoored.  How could I flip so quickly, and so easily give up on my dream?

On Thursday, I chatted with a few folks and received some great advice.  I became excited about the position and the opportunity.

On Friday, I eagerly accepted the job that I hadn't wanted.  I grew excited about my work prospects and the financial impact on our family.

On Saturday, I woke up near tears at the realization that someone else will meet my kids at the bus stop every afternoon.  But this will have to be another blog post.

I faced a lot of mental and emotional gymnastics this week.  I went very quickly from a challenging dream to serve the broader NGO community in Mumbai to the harsh realization that this plan was impractical from many standpoints.  Within those same few hours, I went from disappointment at having even applied for a job I didn't want to honest excitement about that same position.  Such a shift made me feel fickle and unmoored.

But chats with Dave, with Mumbai friends both inside and outside the consulate, and with a childhood friend have made me realize that this is a great opportunity.  And that is how great opportunities sometimes occur - quickly, dramatically, and with the sudden confidence that this is absolutely right.

My old friend pointed out that any pressure I felt to live out my dreams had only come from myself.  As I thought about it, this seemed inevitable.  I've spent the past ten years focusing on my family, with the plan to focus on my career once all of my children were in school full time.  I've spent a decade looking forward to rejoining the work force.  I've been looking at my trajectory from afar and seeing the forest.


This week, I stepped into that forest and saw the trees.  That broad dream to serve NGOs became a number of trees with visa requirements and business plans and language skills and many, many qualified local workers.  Once I shifted from thinking about that forest and began looking closely at the trees, I realized that this job - this particular tree - looks very exciting.  I realized that this job sits snugly inside that same forest, moving me on toward my eventual and ever-changing goals.  With this job as my first few steps into the forest, I'm excited about the trek.